Recently in "My Girlfriend", Kan Qingzi and talk about marriage again on the hot search.
"Although I can live happily by myself, in my heart, I still hope that someone can accompany you, because everyone has a loneliness in their hearts."
poked a lot of "unmarried older single young women" His heart has sparked a lot of discussion.
Last time, in "Dear Inn", Kan Qingzi also said that she really wanted to get married before the age of 30, but her previous boyfriend Ji Lingchen pretended not to hear it, which made her feel hurt and sad.
30 years old is like a hurdle in the heart of an unmarried woman.
30 years old is like a "red line". People keep chanting the number 30 by your side. In the dead of night, you will silently count the distance between yourself and this "red line".
Many women around me have been urged to marry.
When I saw the book "Don't Get Married Before 30" for the first time, I was attracted by the title, and I was attracted by the confident and beautiful woman wearing a red dress on the cover, and I didn't want to look away. The strong curiosity of
made me buy this book right away, and after opening it, I couldn't stop it, and read it all in one go.
is the best place for women to grow up.
opens "Don’t Get Married Before 30", and the sentence that comes into view is:
"Whether we are single, married or divorced, as women, we can all rely on our own strength Let life bloom like flowers."
"Growth is the best destination for women." words like
gave me a blow to my heart, and then it was warm.
When you encounter the text you like, you will really have a bright feeling in front of you, like the touch of an electric flint.
Maybe that's how it feels when you meet the right person.
Our goal is not marriage, but love
The author of "Don't Get Married Before 30" is JoyChen Chen Yu (hereinafter referred to as Chen Yu). At the age of 31, she was the deputy mayor of Los Angeles, and became the world's top Head of Heidrick & Struggles Human Resources Company. The book
is an efficient plan written by an elite headhunter for women. It is also a woman who has lived out her heartfelt words to female compatriots. As the cover of the book, "Our goal is not marriage, but love." , "From loneliness to independence, women are complete because of freedom."
Chen Yu believes, "What we want is not a marriage out of responsibility, what we want is love." In her book, she encourages today's women, "We are not satisfied with just living in this society, but leading it.
poet Mary Oliver asked us, "Tell me, how do you plan to treat your free and precious life only once? "
This is the question Chen Yu asked the readers who read this book at the beginning of this book, and it is also the question I hope you are thinking about while reading this article.
1 Leftover women are a shame? Being a grand girl, no Be a leftover girl! The opening chapter of the book
is an explanation about leftover women.
leftover women: refers to modern urban women, most of whom have high education, high income, high IQ, and impeccable looks, because they have relatively high requirements for choosing a spouse. Can’t get an ideal home in marriage.
-China Education News 2007
Recently, the movie "Leftover Women" has aroused heated discussion. "Leftover Women" tells about three hopeful single women. They are under tremendous pressure, but still decide to use themselves The way to find love.
is the film that reveals the dilemmas faced by many women.
Han Han’s words are particularly vivid.
"The situation in China is that many parents do not allow students to fall in love, even in college. There are still many parents who are opposed to love, but when they graduate from university, all parents hope to fall from the sky immediately. A person who is excellent in all aspects and best has a house is in love with his children, andWant to get married. It's beautiful. "
is hard to imagine, such an excellent Chen Yu has also had the experience of being urged to marry.
Chen Yu JoyChen,
Duke University (Duke University) bachelor degree.
holds the University of California, Los Angeles (UCLA) MBA degree and urban planning. Two master degrees.
A successful real estate developer in Los Angeles;
became the deputy mayor of Los Angeles at the age of 31.
became a famous executive search CEO at the age of 35.
is a Chinese woman active in American politics, and one is issued in mainstream American society. Voice, a beautiful woman who has implemented many projects to help millions of people improve their lives, is full of enthusiasm and changes the world. In the eyes of her parents, these are not comparable to the title of "Mrs". Her parents are because of her This "leftover girl" is worried.
But there is a time in life.
She has the career she dreams of, found the husband she dreams of, and has two healthy and lovely children.
At 37 years old she met the Mr. Right in life.
married at 38;
gave birth to her first baby at 39;
Now, she is the author of the best-selling book "Don't Get Married Before 30" and a pop culture creative. She has published her second book "Take advantage of the situation at 30".
keeps enthusiasm and changes the world is what she has been doing.
she has truly lived out herself and is determined to pursue the life she wants.
this has touched me a lot, I think, many Chinese girls, It’s really hard to hold the title of “leftover woman” under tremendous pressure to get the Mr. Right who met me at the age of 37.
There are many Chinese girls, but at the age when they should shine freely, they are labelled as "leftover women". I couldn’t hold my head up, and was repeatedly "friendly" and "careful" by the seven aunts and eight aunts. Maybe some girls at
were forced to enter a seemingly premature under the tremendous pressure of their parents and society. Marriage with matching or improvised conditions has begun a life of mutual husband and child.
"For single women, the pressure of marriage is always present, and the pressure does not only come from the media, nor only from the mother. "
"Society has turned the relationship that we really should cherish—marriage, into the only important relationship in a woman's life."
Chen Yu encouraged women in the book to replace "leftover women" with "prosperous women" and bravely pursue themselves The life you want.
Marriage is not a panacea for solving life problems, but an independent choice after a person is truly independent. There is no age for marriage, only the feelings that should be married.
Marriage cannot make a person complete and make you complete It's yourself.
2 As a girl, you are strong! The real sense of security comes from your own
. One of the important factors that restrain women is insecurity.
For many women, marriage has become a huge source of insecurity. . is true not only for unmarried women, but also for married women.
"She is still single and not good enough", "A good job is better than a good marriage", "Women who have children must spend more time When I am in the family and caring for my children, I am less concerned about work. "Comments such as this lead to collective insecurity among women.
So what does our sense of security come from? The answer can only be ourselves!
Our true sense of security does not come from the outside world, does not come from marriage, but from ourselves .
Chen Yu encourages women not to be bound by public opinion in the book, they should have their own achievements to gain more freedom.
At the same time, femaleIn life and work, sex lacks the positive feedback of autonomy, control, and accomplishment.
"Women like to attribute success to luck and failure to incompetence, while men attribute success to ability and failure to bad luck."
"It is not difficult to understand that a person's autonomy in life and its There is a direct link between the sense of accomplishment. For each of us, men and women, our ability and sense of control of life can be transformed into vitality, optimism and self-confidence: lack of control can lead to frustration and helplessness. "
We can start by discovering the clues of our own tiny "highlight moments" in life, and slowly build our own confidence, so as to gradually find our own "life path" and build our own life around our advantages.
Chen Yu grew up from an inferiority and shy Chinese girl who grew up in the United States, and gradually grew into a confident mature woman, and became the deputy mayor of Los Angeles at the age of 31, building self-confidence from small things. , Find and use the advantages to achieve.
3 Be the master of your own life and make your own decisions
01 Get rid of the shackles of the "good woman" label, truly love yourself and live out yourself
Chen Yu believes that for a long time, we Chinese women have long been accustomed to dedicating ourselves to those around us .
Filial piety to daughters, good employees in the workplace, perfect wives, beautiful women, angel mothers... Going to the hall, going to the kitchen, society has more and more requirements for women, and women increasingly take these requirements for granted To be satisfied, you must make money to support your family, and you must be beautiful.
In order to live up to these expectations, many of us have lost ourselves in the grip of expectations.
Chen Yu said, “When we build our lives on the basis of over-consuming ourselves and sacrificing our self-needs for others, our lives will inevitably be full of exhaustion, frustration and a sense of failure.”
“This is really very frustrating. One thing, so many women’s lives are broken, because they have devoted their lives to becoming what this society has always been training us to be: good women."
Chen Yu encourages women to learn to say no, overpay and sacrifice themselves, will Cause serious self-consumption, women have the right to say no, and should firmly hold the right to say no in their own hands.
She encourages women to have a positive self-recognition of themselves, and they deserve to have self-care. "We need to draw some boundaries with the people in our lives, and don’t let our life be just a pure demand for others Respond".
02 It's better not to abuse! Late marriage is actually the beginning of a better life!
At the same time, she pointed out in the book that "For most of us, in fact, the only serious mistake that you might make in your 20s and change your life from now on is the marriage decision."
"Choosing a person who can spend a lifetime with you is the most important decision for each of us. There is no one. Because when you make a wrong decision, your life will change from color to black and white. And sometimes, even, you don’t even notice it until you wake up one morning and find out, but many years have passed." ──Movie "Love You, Rosie"
Don’t worry about getting married late, Late marriage has many benefits, such as your financial and career are more stable; you have plenty of time to think about what you need, reducing a lot of confusion at work.
You and your partner have spent a long time searching for themselves, the relationship between each other will be more stable and there will be more mature ways of communication.
Get married late, please don’t panic, this is actually the beginning of a better life!
03 Choose the other half carefully and pay attention to the other half's "second bucket of water"
Chen Yu suggested that when female compatriots are looking for the other half, they can apply the "three buckets of water model" used by elite headhunters when looking for suitable candidates. Looking for the other half.
A bucket of water: boys’ own abilities, educational experience, and work experience;
second bucket of water and third bucket of water: boys’ personality, character, values and goals, etc.
When looking for the other half, we'd better reduce the "first bucket of water" that people usually pay attention to, and reduce the number of house tickets in the secular sense to as few as possible. Pay more attention to the "second bucket of water" and "third pass". Items in "Water".
For example:
do you have the same values; do you have the same expectations for life; what is his personality, whether he is mature and emotional; whether he makes you trust and appreciate; with him, whether your heart can sing, etc.
Compared with the “first bucket of water”, the “second bucket of water” is a more important factor that affects the happiness and durability of your married life.
and finally
let the world define you by your marital status, it is long gone. In "Don't Get Married Before 30", Chen Yu encouraged female compatriots to "make yourself a world-renowned woman, create something valuable, and shock the world with your unique and brilliant contributions. That's you The true manifestation of self".
Don't let down the opportunities given to women in this era! I wish everyone can live out their unique selves, find their own passions and unique advantages, meet a life partner who loves each other, and move towards a happy and free life on the road of continuous growth.
I am @心荷, welcome your attention, and discuss spiritual freedom and the road to a happy life, so that growth is no longer alone.
