Reading Zhang Ailing's "The First Incense", on Ge Weilong's Fall

During the National Day, I read many books extensively. What is particularly impressive is Zhang Ailing’s "First Incense", also known as "Agarwood Crumbs·First Incense".

This is a short story, you can read it in the time of a burning incense. But it left people feeling like agarwood, lingering and lingering for a long time.

Le Xiaomi said in "Qingcheng": people want to degenerate, as long as one thought. With the lingering fragrance left by the novel,

couldn't help but want to talk about how the heroine Ge Weilong struggled soberly, and then slowly walked into the abyss of degeneration.

At the beginning of the novel, it rewrites Mrs. Liang’s white house, independent in the mountains, like a palace and a tomb, elegant and illusory, gorgeous and ethereal, beautiful and unreal.

Ge Weilong came to this house for the first time because of his studies. During the war, the parents moved their family to Hong Kong for refuge. Even a middle-class family could not afford the prices of Hong Kong during the colonial period. After the war subsided, her parents hurriedly decided to return to Shanghai to live. Ge Weilong couldn't bear the suspension of her studies in Hong Kong. She naturally thought of her aunt, Mrs. Liang, if she wanted to stay.

Although Ge Weilong has never seen her aunt, she still hears some bad comments from her parents. What she thought at the time was that although her father and aunt had severed their relationship, it was the grievance of the previous generation. No matter how bad the aunt was as the father said, she wouldn't be showing affection to my niece!

When she really faced it, she knew how chaotic the private lives of her aunt and her maid were. This time she wanted to back down, but after all she felt unwilling to think: just left, then I will suffer for a long time. Wronged!

Finally, her aunt agreed to Ge Weilong's request to support her in completing her studies, but asked her to move to the white house to live with.

Weilong looked back at the aunt's house that looked like an imperial tomb when he went down the mountain, thinking that he was a scholar in "Strange Tales from a Lonely Studio". After visiting relatives, the house turned into a big cemetery. Her psychological description at the time was like this:

As for me, I walked into this ghostly world with my eyes open. If I was caught in evil, who would I blame? But we are an aunt and nephew. She is held back by her face. As long as I behave and stand upright, I am not afraid that she will not be polite. Outsiders gossiping, do what they say, I read my book. In the future, when you meet someone who really likes me, you will understand it naturally and will never believe those boring rumors.

walked to the room arranged by her aunt for the first time and looked at the closet full of golden and brilliant clothes. Ge Weilong couldn't help but locked the door and tried on one by one secretly, but they all fitted. At this time, she suddenly realized that these were all specially prepared by her aunt.

Weilong quickly stripped off a dinner gown from her body and threw it on the bed. The knees softened and she sat down on the bed, her face was hot, and she whispered: "This is the same as Changsantangzi What's the difference between buying someone in here?"

On this night, Ge Weilong tried on clothes in a trance with the noise of Mrs. Liang's communication bureau outside the house. Finally, I said to myself: either look at or take a look...

If a person cannot afford to pay for her own vanity, then she had better not be vanity, otherwise, the price will be heavy.

Three months later, Ge Weilong became Mrs. Liang's pawn completely. She has become accustomed to this vain life and social circle.

If vanity is the first abyss she can't resist, then a bigger abyss is waiting for her to challenge.

The depravity of love

Weilong shuttles through the social field arranged by his aunt every day. Although he is obsessed with material things, he is quite sober and arrogant. She doesn't look down on the men in the aunt's bureau, so she still focuses on her studies. There is also a crush in school. Aunt

put it at homeThe ordinary people in the platoon did not marry, but insisted on marrying a wealthy man who was more than a year old as his wife, so the family broke off her relationship with her. It's just that the rich old man died a bit late, and when Mrs. Liang got a large fortune because of her favor, she was no longer young. But he is happy to take all kinds of men sincerely to her.

learned that Mrs. Liang used her classmates as an excuse to lure her crush on the bait. Weilong deliberately didn't give a warning, and wanted to see the male student's reaction. Because she is well aware of the financial charm of her aunt and has witnessed the process of countless men falling. Although the male student of

also liked Weilong, it only took a moment to turn his eyes from Weilong's face to Mrs. Liang. Weilong didn't lose too long before she found Qiao Qiqiao.

Qiao Qiqiao is the only one who doesn't follow Mrs. Liang's way, so Weilong falls in love with him unconsciously.

Faced with this feeling, Wei Long was quite clear at first. Although Qiao Qiqiao is in a wealthy house, she has no real rights and financial resources. This is not her beloved, so she has always restrained herself.

Until the aunt's old lover in Shantou, after wearing a bracelet exactly like her aunt in front of her aunt, Weilong wanted to return it. It was at this moment that she understood the intentions of her aunt and the old man, and it was definitely not for nothing that she enjoyed it for so long. But how would she escape? She thought of marrying someone, marrying a rich man.

At this time, she thought of Qiao Qi again. After today's ups and downs, she felt that she was struggling with Qiao Qi in her heart under this uneasy situation. She was exhausted and unable to extend it any longer. She conceded to love. Maybe Qiao Qi's pursuit of her was just a moment of joy; maybe he treats any girl like this. But if he expressed sincerity to her, she would definitely agree to him. ...Fortunately, he is still young. As long as his wife loves him and believes in him, what can he not do? Even if he has no money, there are acquaintances in Qiao's family in various institutions of the three schools and nine schools in Hong Kong.

had a certain idea, the next day she showed her inner enthusiasm to Qiao Qiqiao, Qiao Qiqiao kissed her and said: Weilong, I can't promise you to marry, nor can I promise you love, I can only promise you happy.

This is too far from Weilong's original expectation, but she still struggled and fell. Qiao Qiqiao took advantage of the moonlight to come to Weilong’s room. Weilong couldn’t resist and said: I was probably crazy, I was probably crazy...

After Qiao Qiqiao left, Weilong was still there. Reminiscing about his kiss, I thought that at least this moment Qiao Qiqiao loved him. From this moment on, she felt a new kind of security, new power, and new freedom.

In the next second, she saw Qiao Qiqiao in the garden outside the window with the maid hugging her.

She is determined to leave this absurd place, leave Hong Kong, and become a new person. However, she was sick for several months as soon as she became ill. She understands that this disease is a pretext for her unwillingness to go. To be a new person and live the previous life, can she really do it?

Finally, she stopped leaving. Qiao Qiqiao needs money, so she will earn it.

From then on, Weilong helped Mrs. Liang to make money while helping Qiao Qiqiao make money.

Zhang Xianliang said to the self-depravity:

Zhang Xianliang said: the terrible thing is not depravity, but very sober when depraved.

Ge Weilong has gradually transformed from an innocent female student with fantasy and inexperience to life, into a fan of vanity, a humble person of love, and a hopeless person in life.

She has always been a sober fallen person, watching her constantly struggling and sinking soberly, and finally falling to the end step by step. Although

is married with the man he loves, he still has a happy body. On the thirtieth year of the year, I can play alone with Qiao Qiqiao and feel like a little girl happily. Looking at the street girls on the street, and the greedy eyes of the drunk sailors.

Ge Weilong said: What is the difference between me and them? It's just that they have no alternative, I volunteered.

lowered her head as she said, Qiao Qiqiao knew she was crying, but couldn't even comfort her.

Zhang Ailing gave Ge Weilong a lot of psychological descriptions and before-and-after comparisons to show how Ge Weilong went to degeneration step by step. Many of these seemingly sad questions and ridicules seem to be Zhang Ailing's questions and ridicules to herself through novels- "Why do you fall in love?", "Women are so pitiful, men give a good face to be happy!"

Beauvoir said that the great fortune of a man is that he, whether he is an adult or a child, must embark on a very difficult road, but this is the most reliable road; the misfortune of a woman is that it is almost impossible to be Surrounded by the temptation to resist, she was not asked to work hard, only encouraged to slide down to bliss. When she realized that she had been fooled by a mirage, it was too late, and her power had been exhausted in the failed adventure.

It is true that a woman's life has to resist countless temptations and make countless choices. Very often, only a momentary choice can rewrite her life.

Zhang Ailing has written many unfortunate women's stories with a sad pen, but it is also a kind of alert to women.

• About vanity, everyone has it, but the way of being satisfied with vanity determines the level of a person. The nobility of human nature does not lie in the absence of desire, but in that we will satisfy it in a proper way. If the energy of vanity makes you more positive, it is enough to be proud of.
• Regarding love, Yi Shu said: No matter what, it is always unforgivable for a person to fall for an excuse. The more no one loves, the more you must love yourself.

read the stories in the book and observe your own life. I hope that we can always be ourselves, improve ourselves, and love ourselves so that we will not be ashamed of our hearts and not overly affectionate.