On the recent show site of "Talk Show Conference 2", Wu Xin was very touched when commenting on Zhang Boyang's lack of confidence in his performance, because he is a typical inferiority complex.
Wu Xin said: People with low self-esteem are easy to make a mistake, that is, easy to please others. This topic has triggered comments from the majority of netizens. Many netizens at
share the same feelings. They care too much about other people's comments and calling out inferiority is a seal of deep bones.
Wu Xin's low self-esteem is distressing, but she is actually very good, not as bad as she thought. Look at what Wu Xin looks like in the eyes of netizens:
Why inferiority can make a person completely blind to his own good, voluntary humble into the dust?
psychologist Adler believes that:
“inferiority complex refers to a complex psychology composed of subconscious desires and emotions centered on a person’s belief that oneself or one’s own environment is not as good as others’ inferiority concepts.”
Generally speaking, like Wu People with inferiority complex like Xin often find it hard to see their good side.
always deny themselves habitually, thinking that they are inferior to others, such people will live very tired. How does
form such an inferiority complex?
Psychological research shows that in addition to congenital factors, the formation of a person’s personality also has the influence of the acquired environment, especially the influence of the original family is more profound. Most of
children who grow up with low self-esteem come from these kinds of families.
children who grow up with low self-esteem come from these kinds of families.
01 The harsh family
Dong Qing said that she was most afraid of eating when she was a child, because every time she was at the table, her father began to criticize her. No matter what she did, whether she did well or not, her father was always dissatisfied. At that time, she was often counted by his father. Ended up crying while eating.
At the "Life Sea Sea" symposium, when Dong Qing talked about his native family, he said that his father was harsh on him beyond imagination:
"Don’t let me look in the mirror, don’t let my mother buy me new clothes, and there can be no cultural and sports activities. During the winter and summer vacations, you have to work and go to the playground to run 1,000 meters before dawn."
But in fact, Dong Qing has been very good since she was a child. Because of her excellent grades, she only went to elementary school for four years and even skipped two levels to enter junior high school.
Freud's "childhood shadow" theory believes that human traumatic experiences, especially childhood traumatic experiences, have an important impact on a person's life.
this kind of harsh percussion education makes Dong Qing still feel inferior. She said:
"There is no sense of security, no self-confidence, so I can only do a lot of things with my life and do things well. I have to do better than others. It’s a lot better to feel pragmatic.”
is demanding and habitually hitting the parents of their children. It’s not that they don’t love their children, but they bury their love deep in their hearts and bury them too deeply, so that the children can no longer feel love and can only accept When the parents are constantly beating, it is clear that they want their children to be better, but what they blurt out is not encouragement and care, but severe harm.
Montessori said:
"Everything we do to children will bear fruit, not only affects his life, but also determines his life."
has been severely attacked by relatives for a long time, which will consume the enthusiasm of the child and thus lose it. Confidence produces a sense of inferiority. Even if you grow up to be a good person, your childhood inferiority will follow you throughout your life and become an untouchable scar in your heart.
02 The grumpy and bossy family
There is a pair of father and son in the movie "Children Are Not Stupid 2". The father was born humble and a rough man with no knowledge.
has high hopes for his son's success and hopes that he will study hard and be successful, but Chengcai's grades are not satisfactory, which makes him extremely annoyed.
Chengcai likes martial arts, likes Bruce Lee, and bought a lot of Bruce Lee's discs. This is very similar to his father when he was young. It is said that father and son share this hobby, so they should talk about everything.of.
So, what caused the father to be so disgusted with Chengcai like martial arts?
It turned out that his father was sentenced to jail for injuring someone in a fight, and his leg was broken and he became disabled. After he was released from prison, he couldn't find a serious job, and finally realized that: fighting and killing is of no use, and it hurts himself to live. This wimpy look.
didn't want to follow in his footsteps because he had gone astray. This is why he is strongly dissatisfied with Chengcai's obsession with martial arts.
He used the lessons of his own blood to teach talents not to fight, and to study hard, but there was no effect.
When Chengcai thinks of his father beating and killing when he was young, but now he comes to block his hobby, he finds it ridiculous. He feels that his father doesn’t love him at all. He just knows how to beat and scold him simply and rudely, so he doesn’t listen to him, he thinks : It’s okay to like martial arts anyway.
, who later became a talent, missed class and fought, and was finally expelled from school for beating his teacher.
's father said to the principal: "As long as he is not expelled from being a talent, he can be flogged anyway." However, because Chengcai usually violated too many disciplines, this time he beat the teacher openly, which had a bad influence and must be expelled.
The underage child, but has no school to go to, thinks of this, the father is angry, grabbing the adult is a beating.
Chengcai hated his father to death. From childhood to adulthood, as long as he made a mistake, he was punching and kicking. He cried and yelled to his father: "When will you hit me? I am 15 years old!"
The father was stunned, watching his crying son curl up in the corner. He didn't know what to do, except to use it violently. Force teaches his son, he seems to not know how to get along with his son in other ways.
Morris said:
"The bossy in the parent-child relationship is the most negligent and most common type of bossy. It sows the seeds of hatred and frustration in the name of love."
Parents are the mirrors of children, children It is the shadow of parents.
Parents are violent and domineering, and their children are likely to develop a cowardly and cowardly character. They will be extremely lack of self-confidence in adulthood and will be trembling when dealing with others.
03 The family who advocates "poor raising" children
saw this scene when they visited the supermarket.
"Mom, I want to eat strawberries!" A five- or six-year-old girl is holding her mother's hand, and is standing in front of the strawberry stall. The little girl stares at the strawberries obsessively. The fresh and tender strawberries are mouth watering and stretch out. The little hand couldn't help taking it, and mother quickly glanced at the price tag: 40 yuan/jin.
frowned and slapped the little girl's outstretched hand back.
The little girl resisted crying, but her tears kept rolling in her eyes, her face flushed red, "Mom, I really want to eat strawberries." She said weakly.
"Eat, eat, you know how to eat, and don't see if you are worthy of such expensive strawberries?" Mom said, poking the little girl's head with her finger.
The little girl was poked and leaned back, staggering several steps before she could barely stand firm. The action of
annoyed her mother again, "What are you hiding? Do you dare to hide?" While asking loudly, he grabbed the little girl's hair and pulled it over. The pain made the little girl cry, but she didn't dare to cry. Speak out.
"Mom, I won't eat strawberries anymore." The little girl held her mother's hand tightly for fear that her mother would leave her there alone.
Many people were attracted by the mother's yelling. She felt shameless for a moment, lowered her head and cold face, grabbed the child's hand and walked away.
, this timid little girl, looks really sad.
Locke wrote in "Educational Talks":
"Impressions from an early age, even if they are very small, so small that they are almost imperceptible, have a very significant and very long-lasting impact." The mother of the little girl
may be Reluctant to spend money, but such poor support will seriously hurt the child's young mind. She will feel that she is not worthy of these beautiful or expensive things. This perception will affect her life. Someone asked on
Zhihu:
parents always cry poor, will it cause their children to feel low self-esteem?
One of the high praise answers:
The most painful thing is not poverty, but your parents cry poor to you and instill in you the idea of poverty, and then you will always have low self-esteem and low self-esteem to your bones. Dare to go out to play, dare not talk to good people, dare not go to high-end restaurants, dare not imagine having someone I like. Once a person's inferiority complex is formed, they may not be able to get rid of them for a lifetime, and they tend to go to two extremes:
either desperately cry poor or desperately show off their wealth. People with low self-esteem are often good at disguising. They seem to hold their heads high, but they are actually low in the dust.
educator Mr. Chen Heqin once said: “Family is the starting point of education. Parents are the children’s first teacher and the most important teacher in life.”
Being a parent is not an easy task. There is no training, no experience, only With a heart that loves children, the journey of being a parent is started. Some people say that parenting is a practice, and the wisdom of parents hides the future of the child. The best gift
gives a child is to see the child and allow him to be himself; respect, accompany, encourage him, give him enough love and sense of security, so that he has enough energy to get rid of inferiority and embrace self-confidence.
tell the child: Parents will always love you, you can see when you turn your head, we are always behind you.
Let go of the hands of the escort, trust the child, he will find the sky that belongs to him, soar to the full and realize his unique dream.
Brown Mom: Junior high school English teacher, 10-year-old boy mother; a book expert, reads 200+ books per year; movie madman, contributes 2000+ box office per year; interested in psychology, small hairs can hold; a little tailor of human soul, good at self Black not hot mom
