#Summer Creation Contest#
| Wind Stops at Night
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The relationship between siblings and the relationship with the person next to you, which one is the closest?
This is a question worth pondering for countless people!
When relationship conflicts occur frequently, has anyone thought about how to break this deadlock and use the word "close" in a correct way to deal with it in a continuous manner?
Lieberman's book "Reconciling With Yourself" has this sentence:
Some of the qualities most of us strive to display, such as being objective and patient, seem vulnerable to setbacks and disappointments.
Faced with relationship management, there are very few people who are really willing to do relationship cognition, do self-correction, reduce external expectations, and learn to look inward.
Seeking outside is the biggest commonality among people. However, it turns out that looking outside is the greatest source of a person's suffering. The
relationship is a subject that we have been working on throughout our lives. At each stage, different degrees of relationship quality testing are being carried out.
In these various stages of testing, the vast majority of people faced substandard relationship quality.
So most of us suffer from relationship troubles. In particular, the phenomenon of a clear sense of loneliness despite a healthy relationship seems to be the doomed "destiny" of too many people.
If someone has read Lieberman's "Reconcile With Yourself", they will have a deeper understanding of "relationship management":
When the relationship brings people an unsatisfactory experience, negative emotions will be easily ignited, and will soon turn into a raging flame, causing people to fall into pain and sorrow.
The more you care about a relationship, the more you will be full of negative emotions and multiply your loneliness because of the disappointment of expectations.
Everyone, facing the relationship that makes them care, feels lonely more or less.
Everyone is using his own way, in the relationship he thinks is right, trying to use companionship and dedication in exchange for an ideal response that meets his expectations and achieves the purpose of dispelling loneliness.
People think that in this way, people will really not feel lonely anymore.
However, when a person puts too much hope on a relationship, he will be burdened by the relationship—caring, wanting to give up at the same time, trying to explain the balance of the relationship...
In the process of life extension, we often have a relatively long continuation of which kind of relationship, and we must pay more attention to which kind of relationship and devote more energy to it. "Giving" like
is a kind of respect for relationships, and it is a rational choice not to embarrass yourself.
In the eyes of many people, on the road of life, after their parents get old, brothers and sisters are their most solid support and warmest safe haven. Self-care believes that maintaining a good relationship between brothers and sisters is far more reliable than any other relationship. Is
actually true?
In a sense, it's really hard to tell the "distance" between brothers and sisters and the person next to them. Brothers and sisters accompany each other for most of the first half of their lives before they become independent, while the person next to them is for the second half of their lives.
If a person cannot reconcile with himself, he will be embarrassed by himself because of the issue of "who should care more".
In fact, no matter what kind of relationship you get along with, you must have a reasonable sense of boundaries!
Lieberman also gave such an inspiration in the book "Reconciliation with Yourself":
can help us successfully control our anger. There are many tips, but these tips cannot help us form a rational understanding.
From this sentence in "Reconciliation with Yourself", we suddenly realized:
No matter how much we care about a relationship, no matter how much we hate a negative perception, we must fundamentally reconcile with ourselves in order to obtain a true sense of psychological balance.
This method is suitable for any kind of relationship management!
Brothers and sisters are a relationship formed passively, a person who breaks the bones and connects the tendons in the concept. However, the experience of too many people who have come here tells us:
human nature and reality, in fact, the relationship between brothers and sisters is also unbearable and helpless.
are independent, because they have their own small homes to maintain, and because they don't have their parents as the pinnacle of the sea.
Therefore, once the relationship is damaged due to gains and losses, interests, jealousy, sensitivity, etc., the relationship will become extremely fragile.
It is precisely because brothers and sisters essentially do not need to rely on each other for survival. Once the relationship breaks down, people will start the vicious form of "If you don't look for me, I won't look for you; if you don't admit your mistake, I won't take the initiative".
Pillow people, because after the combination, the fate is connected, and the relationship will not be broken easily when conflicts and differences occur.
Even, because the relationship between men and women is based on the emotional component of attracting men and women, fighting at the head of the bed and fighting at the end of the bed have become the norm in "days".
Whether it is between brothers and sisters or the relationship between the people next to each other, the so-called harmony and mutual love are often harmony in terms of real values and interests.
Many times, it is not that our relationship is too difficult to manage, but that we have forgotten how to leave blank space for ourselves and how to reconcile with ourselves in terms of distance control.
When you truly comprehend the book "Reconcile with Yourself" written by Lieberman, you will truly start from a realistic perspective, respect human nature and measure the value of relationships.
Yes, when it comes to value, many people may not understand:
Why do people have to do such a realistic measurement of coolness within the relationship they care about?
Let me tell you, because if you want to be truly cared about, you have to use your irreplaceable value to become indispensable in the other person's life.
Based on the time that the person next to you sleeps with you, it is far greater than any kind of relationship, and the relationship between each other's fate is almost 100%. Therefore, as people grow older, they will make a clear distinction between the relationship between brothers and sisters and the relationship between the person next to them:
Brothers and sisters are "relatives".
Pillow people, no matter how difficult it is to get along, we should decide whether to stay or stay in the relationship according to the actual situation.
From this distinction, with the growth of age, I really realized:
When I get old, I understand who should be close to the person next to me and my brothers and sisters!
Yes, you read that right, the older you are, the person you should be close to is your pillow!
In real life, many people treat their other half as an outsider for the sake of their brothers and sisters, but because they have lived with their other half longer, whether it is the ups and downs of fate or the company of health and illness, brothers and sisters are not as good as people next to each other.
As for the three words "sense of boundaries", the communication between brothers and sisters is very different from the relationship between people next to each other.
The sense of boundaries between brothers and sisters is based on the basis of discussing things together, not having things to do separately, and not expecting too much or asking for too much.
When getting along with the person next to you, the sense of boundaries needs to be lowered and expectations should be based on inward seeking, self-sufficiency, cooperation and mutual benefit.
Only when we get along like this can we be happy in life.
When a person really understands the importance of the sense of boundaries in relationships, he will avoid many detours on the road of life.
Brothers and sisters, no matter how close they used to be, once they start a family independently, the closest person is their pillow.
Pillowside people, in terms of distance contact and time spent together, are the neighbors who should be cherished most.
Knowing this answer, you must follow the guidance of the book "Reconcile with Yourself", and stop setting up unnecessary obstacles for your life.
Brothers and sisters have their own lives, and the loved ones in front of them need to spend more energy to love and protect them—three meals a day, accompanied by four seasons, this is the ultimate fulfillment on the way home.
When you morally kidnap the lover in front of you for the unhealthy relationship between siblings, please remember 5 words: reconcile with yourself!
people, after all, want to recognize and manage relationships in the most sober state.
What we can give to others can only be what we have.
If you want to achieve balance in your relationship, you must first learn to reconcile with yourself.
When you learn to reconcile with yourself, you will stand at a reasonable distance from the relationship, face the relationship object, and continue the healthy relationship.
Love is the purgatory for human beings in this world. Be it love or friendship, only by meeting the right person at the right time can we achieve a positive result!
—End—
Topic Discussion: Are you a person who knows how to reconcile with yourself? Welcome to leave a message and interact.
