Night Reading | For life to go smoothly, we have to learn to be angry

2020-10-01 09:42:27 news 2951℃

Picture | Song Anonymous

Anger is an emotion and a force.

In the eyes of many people, anger is a negative emotion, which is always associated with uncontrollable, contradictory, and violence.

Some people even hope that they are not angry, so that they will not do something out of control.

Everyone often envy those who are always calm and calm, they will not become hysterical because of anger.

But there are too few such people who live in the dunya.

Anger is a normal emotion. The real high EQ is not to restrain anger, but to embrace anger.

Last year, I went to a class on emotions and benefited a lot. The lecturer

said in the class that how parents deal with their emotions is very important to children. He gave an example, and I am still impressed.

Once, a child messed up the house, toys were thrown everywhere, and there were snack paper bags on the floor. His wife was dealing with work in the study, and when she came out to look, she was furious, and hit the child with her hand. After lecturer

went home at night, he learned of this incident and said that his wife should not beat the child. The wife immediately retorted: "Didn't you also hit a child?" Lecturer

said: "When I hit a child, I was not really angry. But when you hit him, you were really angry, and you were venting your emotions. "

At that time, the children went to play with water bottles. This was too dangerous. The lecturer must let the children feel and know the serious consequences of this matter. The child is too young, you tell him how dangerous it is, he doesn't know. He must have an experience before he can remember this danger.

But the wife beat her child because the child interrupted her work and made her feel irritated, so she just started using it without thinking about it. These two fights are not the same.

Picture | Song Anonymous

met with his wife, most of his parents have encountered.

Sometimes work doesn't go well, and the child can't control his hands anymore.

But at this time, we should learn to control our emotions, calm down and think about what is the cause of our anger, instead of just looking for emotional "catharsis" without brain thinking.

is that everyone should have anger, don't avoid this emotion. What we have to do is learn to face anger.

Many times, anger is just a way to escape, avoiding other deeper problems, more fragile emotions.

Therefore, when is angry, we should look at ourselves more. Ask yourself why you are angry, whether your sanity is still there, and whether your emotions hurt people.

When you are facing anger, you can keep your head clear, so that you are not controlled by emotions.

After you learn to live peacefully with anger, you will also know how to calm the other person when they are angry.

once saw an interesting story on Zhihu. The protagonist shares his father's experience of dealing with his mother's anger.

His parents have completely opposite personalities. His father is a refined, clear, bookish person, and his mother is a resolute person who can't hide his emotions.

When his mother fires, his father will generally be divided into four stages:

In the first stage, he will coax his mother cheerfully and try to explain and joke.

The second stage: If the mother is still reluctant, the father will start to be silent, and continue to do what he has in his silent state.

Third stage: In rare cases, the father will suddenly start singing. When my father was young, he was a host and voice actor, and his voice was very high-pitched and full of momentum. He can usually sing and laugh to his mother at this time.

Fourth stage: The mother is really angry. When she is unreasonable, the father will open the door and go out without slamming the door. Sometimes he will take away garbage. By the time it was almost time for dinner, the mother died of anger, and the father came back and bought some food.

I think his father must be a calm and intelligent person who is good at controlling emotions. Whenever facing his wife's anger, he would find a suitable way to calm his wife down.

He understands that sometimes, his wife's anger is just a way to vent his emotions, not really to fight.

just started explaining and joking, just to ease the atmosphere. After it fails, use silence to divert your attention, don't add fuel to the fire, and let the situation escalate.

Picture | Song Anonymous

If because of the other party's anger, you start to get angry, and you will probably escalate the other party's anger.

Therefore, we should observe and analyze the real pressure points of the other party, pull ourselves out of the emotional vortex, and remain rational.

When you can get insight into the source of the opponent's anger, you will naturally know the best solution.

It is not advisable to let anger control the mind, but it also cannot suppress anger blindly.

The famous American doctor Parker said: In this complex and changeable world, if you want life to go smoothly, you must learn to be angry.

We must learn to use different ways to properly express our anger. Sometimes you need to be tactful, sometimes you need to be direct, sometimes you need to be calm, sometimes you might as well be angry, and you must pay attention to the situation, timing, and people when you are angry.

Anger is an emotion, and at the same time, it is also a force.

Smart people do not have no emotions, but they use emotions to help them achieve their goals.

People have seven emotions and six desires. It is normal to get angry when encountering annoying things, but you must learn to embrace anger. People not only need to release their emotions, but also know how to recycle their emotions and not let them hurt others or themselves.