originated from a friend of mine. Six months after the divorce, when she chatted with me, she said something:
"I have been a Virgin for a long time, three full years, thinking that I can change a man, Then I finally saw it clearly and left cruelly. Looking back on all the things before, I can’t wait to get rid of it earlier. It turns out that what he did has already touched my bottom line, just missing a fuse.
The deadly sin : Spending too much money. Playing games and recharging, eating, drinking, and shopping are a lot of things. Credit cards are long-term debts, up to 200,000 yuan. In fact, this alone is beyond my bottom line, but I think He can change it.
Two sins of ex-husband : lazy. Lazy to play games day and night, and basically no company for children. Later I learned that he was keen on games before marriage, and he slightly converged before and after marriage. He didn’t like to do anything but games. He went home and locked the door and started playing. The two-year-old son knocked on the door and he couldn’t open it. The child was like me alone.
ex-husband The three sins of : online dating derailed, this is the fuse of my decision to divorce, in fact, even without this, divorce will be sooner or later, just because of this speed up. Because of the game he knows a girl who is a daughter of online dating The child was forced to get married. At that time, the ex-husband was very upset and gave me everything as long as he was free. Now I am so grateful that I agreed to him after considering it for three days. Not only did he leave the scourge, but also maximize his own interests. Maybe he will regret it a week later, but he still has to thank the third party.
Now countless nights, I think divorce is a very right thing when I think about it. Why didn’t you step forward? Why didn’t you stick to yourself when you didn’t have children The principle? Fortunately, now I have fully understood what I want. I just hope that other sisters will not repeat my mistakes. Once this man does something that violates your bottom line, you must not tolerate the Mother."
friends Telling me this, the original intention is that when I face so many girls' problems, I can remind and help them as soon as possible.
So I simply did a small survey in the group this weekend. What are the things you absolutely can't tolerate in your marriage and touch your bottom line?
I know that everyone is different about the "bottom line". Some people think that if you don't take a bath all day, it's off my bottom line, and some people think that open marriage is acceptable. But looking at other people's thoughts may enable you to face some of the problems in your marriage and find your heart that once stuck to principles.
1. Regarding derailment
derailment is undoubtedly one of the bottom lines of many people, even the last line of defense, right? Just like the friend at the beginning, it was because her husband's derailment was the last straw that overwhelmed the camel.
After research, there are indeed many women who regard derailment as the bottom line.
Kaining: In terms of loyalty, I used to think that men all over the world can cheat, and my husband will never cheat, but reality tells me that there is no absolute in this world!
lily: Loyalty is my bottom line. I have always believed that a military husband will never cheat, but the reality hurts my face. Now I am keeping a marriage for my third-year child! Maybe it’s time to let go. He was my first boyfriend and later became my husband. This blow made me feel extremely insecure and I don’t know when to start.
Ocean : Loyalty is my bottom line, but I don't want to get divorced. It's very bitter and bitter.
Ziyao : Be loyal, all others can be discussed and communicated.
Jessica C: It is estimated that most people will choose loyalty. This is the basis for maintaining the relationship between husband and wife, and I rank first.
咩咩: What I care most about is the issue of loyalty. I can’t accept that he is squeezing flowers and weeds outside. When I come back, I still want to talk to me and me. I think I’ll remember it for a lifetime. If the other half really has this problem, I won’t hesitate. I will not stay by his side for the sake of the child and the family.
2. Regarding respect
Everyone needs respect, and marriage is not just a matter of two people, but a combination of two families. Sometimes it is not only the husband and wife that needs to be respected, but the families of both parties can cannot respect their own daughter-in-law/son-in-law , Is also a very principled issue.
Su Le Coffee : For me, the thing that touches the bottom line should be derailment, but respect. Originally, my relationship with my husband was pretty good, but my mother-in-law took the lead and disrespect me. She was the kind that looked weak on the surface but was actually very strong.
In her eyes, I was like her rival in love. She couldn't see me being too nice to her son. We must find ways to make my husband find a reason to quarrel with me, and she is happy when she shakes my face. My family is always stirred up by her. In the worst case, we almost divorced. Once
gets into trouble, she will say innocently, it’s up to me if you quarrel. She also often talked about me in front of relatives and friends, and slapped me upside down. I respected her as an elder, gave me tolerance and tried my best to treat her better. I thought that my grievances could be exchanged for family harmony, but on the contrary, she got worse and even scolded my parents. Husband is also unconditional towards his mother. Now the relationship between my husband and I have gradually changed. My heart is too tired. I feel that I am not far from divorce.
佩佩: I found out that I actually have a bottom line. My bottom line is to respect people and not to be violent, let alone Ma Bao.
3. Regarding money
, it is said that poor couples are sad. Putting the question of money in third does not mean that it ranks third in importance. In many cases, the family’s economic status and whether the other half is motivated and ambitious. May be ranked first in the mental sequence of some girls.
Renee: I can’t spend money on other women, this is my bottom line!
ginseng baby : I think about it, the most important thing to me in the end is the most tangible things. If you can guarantee everything, the house and car tickets are not lacking, and the children’s education and parenting resources are guaranteed, then even if you cheat, I I can tolerate it (in private, of course I can’t say it in person), I’m afraid that you have nothing, and there are many people renting houses with wives and children, so I can’t bear it.
was blooming at that time : I used to think I cared about loyalty, but now I think it is property. The older the person is, the more pragmatic it may be.
4. About Mabao
: My bottom line is that I listen to my mother unconditionally, without my own subjective judgment, and will not be able to think about it by himself. Even if things are obvious under all scientific proofs, he feels like himself What my mother said is right. It’s fine for me, especially for children’s education. I could communicate and fight for it, but the filial and filial husband, who took his mother’s words as an imperial decree, kept loving his mother. I have a little request. And thoughts, in his eyes, are demands and requests, and unreasonable harassment. Marrying him happily, thinking that he can spend the rest of his life together, but the city is full of ups and downs, so he can only live with him.
Siren: My husband never dared to defend me face-to-face in front of my parents. It's kind of mommy. If this continues, I might not be able to bear it.
Kangna : In the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, some things are my bottom line, for example, mother-in-law teaches her husband, and I don't need to be too good to me. This is really unbearable.
May and July : The mother-in-law who has no bottom line always stretches out her hand, and the husband who has no spine always bows her head.
[Conclusion]
Here is just a list of the four biggest problems that everyone reflects. In fact, there are many things that can never be tolerated and tolerated, such as the tendency of violence, the difference between 0 and countless domestic violence, not once. Forbearance;
such as long-term cold violence, the kind of injury of cold violence is sometimes no less than domestic violence, one is physical short-term torture, the other is psychological long-term torture, and it is likely to cause depression in the wife Wait for psychological problems, or depression into illness;
, such as gambling, people who are addicted to gambling, basically do not expect him to live a normal life, and it is very likely to implicate you, make you debt-ridden, and even if you have multiple assets, it is not enough to fail.
In addition, it is very sad to find that many women have clearly seen the problem, Kept saying "These are my own bottom lines, I can't bear it", but still endure it and endure it.
Then I want to say that your bottom line may not be reached. You think your bottom line is this, but you don’t have the courage to communicate and solve it, and you don’t have the courage to break up and leave. Then in the eyes of others, these things have not yet reached yours. Bottom line.
In fact, men are constantly testing your bottom line, and it is your tolerance again and again that makes him feel that your bottom line can be lower. You are a person with no principles, every time you thunder and rain a little.
Among the many answers, I really like what one of the women said:
The bottom line depends on your ability. You have a high bottom line as much as possible.
If you still cling to men everywhere, if you are a woman who is unable to survive in society on your own, if you encounter something, you should rush to seek the opinions of men instead of thinking and solving by yourself Woman.
Then, of course, you will be tightly restrained by this man, thinking to yourself: "Huh! You are too damn, you have violated my bottom line", as long as he coaxes and says a few words Good thing, you just live your life again, right? What is the real bottom line of
? It is clear and clear to let the other party know that you just can't touch this line. If you touch it, you will really lose me.
If he cares about you, he won't touch it, if he still does it unscrupulously, then what use do you keep for someone who doesn't care about you? Even if you don't have the courage to leave directly, you must make a move and let him do things in the future at least three points.
What is your bottom line in marriage? Welcome to leave a message and discuss, I am Ariel, a psychological counselor, focusing on emotional understanding of confusion and personal growth, paying attention to me, and accompany you to know yourself and understand the world.
