He Xiaoran had a crush on Xiao Shangqi for many years. After the two of them met again, they finally came together after many twists and turns.
However, not long after the love affair, Xiao Shangqi returned to Shanghai Pu because of Chen Feier's wedding. Chen Feier is the girl Xiao Shangqi once liked, and his Bai Yueguang. The three of them used to be very good friends, and because of this, He Xiaoran has always been insecure in this relationship.
After Xiao Shangqi returned to Shanghai, He Xiaoran also rushed over and offered to stay in Shanghai for Xiao Shangqi.
It's just that Fei'er Chen's wedding didn't happen due to the interference of her parents. Having lost everything, she took Xiao Shangqi as her life-saving straw. He Xiaoran realized that as long as they stayed in Hupu, their relationship would always suffer. Influenced by Chen Feier, she decided to return to Wu Su and promised to wait for Xiao Shangqi for seven days.
However, after seven days, Xiao Shangqi did not come back.
Xiao Shangqi's thoughtfulness.
Although He Xiaoran had a crush first in this relationship, it seems that she is more in love than Xiao Shangqi, but after the two of them established their relationship, Xiao Shangqi was really very considerate.
Xiao Shangqi saw that He Xiaoran was insecure, so he deliberately postponed the originally scheduled time to return to Shanghai Pu, and stayed to explain to He Xiaoran. After returning to Shanghai Pu, he also immediately disclosed his relationship with He Xiaoran in front of Chen Feier. In the process of helping Chen Feier prepare for the wedding, Xiao Shangqi never shy away from "showing affection" in front of Chen Feier.
Xiao Shangqi did all this to create a sense of security for He Xiaoran.
Not only that, he has always had a bad relationship with his father, because he was worried that his father would embarrass He Xiaoran. As soon as he heard that He Xiaoran had gone to his house, he immediately put down his work and rushed back. In front of his family, he has repeatedly made clear his attitude and determination to be with He Xiaoran.
It can be seen that he really thinks about He Xiaoran very much, and can put himself in his shoes and take care of He Xiaoran's feelings.
Later, Chen Feier said that she regretted it, did not want to marry Zhao Mingxuan, and wanted to return to Xiao Shangqi, including after her wedding was yellow, she approached Xiao Shangqi intentionally or unintentionally, and Xiao Shangqi also refused decisively and never dragged its feet.
is such a considerate man, but he still hurt He Xiaoran in the end. Why is this? The crux of
's problem also lies in his "consideration".
Why didn't Xiao Shangqi return to Wu Su?
After He Xiaoran returned to Wu Su, he had been looking forward to Xiao Shangqi's return, but Xiao Shangqi not only did not come back, but there was no news yet. He didn't answer He Xiaoran's phone calls or text her back.
He Xiaoran didn't know that Xiao Shangqi's life had undergone earth-shaking changes in the past few days. Due to the failure of Chen Feier's wedding, he lost the initiative in business, and his father also passed away under the stimulation of Zhao Mingxuan.
Xiao Shangqi knew very well that after his father left, he had to stay with his brother to keep his family's property, what's more, he also had doubts about the cause of his father's death, and he needed to stay here to find out the truth. In any case, there is no way for him to return to Wu Su again. He Xiaoran's seven-day appointment is doomed to disappointment.
He didn't answer He Xiaoran's call and didn't tell her all this because he didn't know how to speak, and he knew very well that he would make her sad if he spoke. He was so scared that she was sad!
There is such a logic in it: he can consider why he smiles and takes care of her emotions and feelings, so in front of her, he will only say those things that make her happy, not those that make her happy. Her sad words. When
was in Wu Su, he was afraid of her misunderstanding, so he stayed and explained to her before leaving. After arriving in Hupu, he confessed in front of Chen Feier that she was his girlfriend. He expressed his attitude in front of his parents and family. He said that he would give her back all the love he owed her over the years...
All of this, no matter what Whether it is a natural expression or a deliberate expression, Xiao Shangqi is actually adhering to a principle, that is, these words are what He Xiaoran likes to hear and can make her happy.
And when it came time for him to decide not to go back to Wu Su, he dared not say this. Because he knew very well that this would make He Xiaoran sad and even angry, so he would rather not contact her in order to avoid saying the words that made her sad.
It's just that he didn't think about it. Sometimes, the process of waiting and guessing is more hurtful.
Xiao Shangqi's fatal flaw.
In fact, in the process of watching the drama " Everyone knows I love you ", I noticed that many people are arguing in the barrage. Some people say that Xiao Shangqi is too much and doesn't tell his girlfriend anything Clear; some people say that Xiao Shangqi is too good, he is very focused and firm in his feelings, and his rejection of Chen Feier is also very neat.
And these two viewpoints, from Xiao Shangqi's standpoint, are also motivated by the same motive: is to take care of He Xiaoran's feelings.
The things he didn't say were because he was afraid that he would make He Xiaoran unhappy; the words and things he did were also because he knew that would make He Xiaoran happy.
You see, his every move is actually centered on He Xiaoran's feelings. Can you say that such a man is not considerate? He is just too considerate, so considerate that he must take into account his girlfriend's reaction in everything he does.
After the seven-day appointment, he refused to give He Xiaoran an explanation. When his brother Xiao Xian asked him why, he honestly said that he didn't know how to speak. But he didn't know that for He Xiaoran, it was both a long torment and a cold injury.
Therefore, this kind of "consideration", for Xiao Shangqi, is not only a plus point for his love, but a fatal flaw of him.
Any girl will feel mad when faced with such a lover, she will repeatedly guess, whether you want to abandon her, whether she is annoying you in some way, and this kind of Guessing will not get a definite answer, and in the end, only your feelings and trust will be consumed.
Do you think, what kind of feelings and trust can withstand this consumption?
talks about a love with a "sense of boundaries".
There is a saying in psychology that if a person does not achieve a good growth process from the inside out during childhood, he will lack a clear sense of individuality when he grows up, that is, he The boundaries of "self" are not clear.
In a relationship, a person who lacks a sense of boundaries can easily become self-defeating and cause unnecessary harm.
is like Xiao Shangqi. He has no problem with He Xiaoran's feelings, and his original intention and motivation are for each other. But it was because of his "excessive consideration" that he did not dare to communicate with each other in time when encountering difficulties, which made He Xiaoran, who was already insecure, even more hurt.
"Everyone Knows I Love You" has such an obvious background setting, that is: Xiao Shangqi has been living in a hotel since he was a child. This means that his childhood was missing, which reasonably explains his shortcoming in love.
The overly considerate nature of Xiao Shangqi is because he completely regards He Xiaoran's feelings as his own responsibility, thus ignoring that the two of them are complete and independent individuals, and He Xiaoran should also be responsible for his emotional problems in love.
A good romantic relationship should establish a sense of boundaries, that is: you are you, I am me, we must be honest with each other, and do not make decisions for each other without authorization. Taking care of each other's feelings and emotions should be based on respecting the facts, rather than lying or escaping to make the other person happy.
If you don't have this kind of awareness and sense of boundaries in love, it's easy to become like Xiao Shangqi, who obviously cares about each other very much, and is very considerate of each other, but makes each other scarred and overwhelmed.
So, you must learn to talk about a love with a sense of boundaries.
About the author: meets Acacia, a woman who likes to read and writeMy words can accompany you warmly.
