Recently, the TV series " Fleeting Years " is on the air. Actor Jingchao was pointed out by fans that his cheeks were "hairy", and he joked: Sister-in-law's cooking is so delicious?
Jingchao responded quickly: I eat too much, I reduce my reduction!
Jing Chao's wife Xiao Lilin , once popular in the entire entertainment industry, now wash her hands and make soup, at home with her husband and children.
Now they have a harmonious relationship and are enviable. When and posted the marriage certificate in 2014, doubts filled the entire Weibo comment area.
Someone said: "You two are 6 years apart, the relationship between siblings is too unrealistic, and it is not suitable for marriage at all."
However, love comes so mysteriously. , found an unprecedented sense of authenticity and a sense of belonging.
and 8 years later, still in harmony.
went from being hot to embracing true happiness, what kind of process did she go through?
She chased after her fiercely, but she was helpless after marriage
Speaking of Xiao Li Lin, I really wanted to call her "white moonlight".
Du Bingyan in "The Wrong Sedan Chair", Kong Niuniu in " Falls from the Sky " Kong Niuniu, "Living Buddha Jigong" Xu Yulian ...
has a lot of dramas since her debut, but she has one buried in The wish from the bottom of my heart: is always restless and wants to find someone to rely on.
Originally, she was a "big lady", but as soon as she was admitted to Shanghai Theatre Academy , her father failed in business.
Tens of millions of assets evaporated overnight. In desperation, his father chose to divorce to escape reality.
All the pressure fell on Xiao Lilin, she started to take on the show early, whether it was diving in the cold winter or the extremely low salary, she took more and felt more at ease.
She regards her career as a source of support, but even if she desperately grabs it, it is still difficult to regain her peace. In the most embarrassing days, I can only eat a few yuan lunch and wear pants that cost more than 40 yuan.
Moreover, seeing that his daughter is promising, the father also came to her for money.
This made Li Lin, who was less than 20 years old, a little overwhelmed: had no one around to support her, and her heart was like a broken window, and everyone was pouring cold air.
can only help teacher brother Li Xuetao, adding a warm fire. When
Xiao Lilin was shooting an advertisement, he was haggling and negotiating contracts, helping this girl who didn't know anything to avoid many pitfalls, and also introduced her to big stars such as , Ren Quan, and .
Although the other party's care may not be out of love, Xiao Lilin was moved.
So, she "actively attacked" and chased back vigorously like a life-saving straw.
This made Li Xuetao a little overwhelmed. Not only was he passive throughout his relationship, he was secretive and unwilling to disclose it, but he also shied away from "I have no plans to marry for the time being, and I will wait a few years."
What's more, Li Xuetao's parents didn't like Xiao Li Lin either, thinking they were not worthy of their son.
If she were an ordinary woman, I'm afraid she would give up, but Xiao Lilin needed him so much that she couldn't see whether he really had herself in his heart, so she walked into marriage relentlessly.
This marriage that started with a "hot head" quickly turned into trouble.
After getting married, Xiao Lilin supported the whole family by herself, and she was still filming during pregnancy, while Li Xuetao was "invisible" throughout the whole process.
Xiao Li Lin's mother was seriously ill, and Li Xuetao did not help her share the burden. She could only take her mother to the studio and live in a room with herself, so that she could take care of her easily. In the
interview, talking about this period, the host asked Li Xuetao if he did anything for her? Xiao Lilin smiled awkwardly: Let's change the subject.
"I thought you could shield me from the wind and rain, but I didn't expect that after marriage, all the wind and rain would be borne by me."
When her business failed and was in need of her partner's support, the man she desperately grabbed chose to get away and leave retreat.
Holding hands with new happiness, "suitability" is more important than "calling" a feeling of. A man like
is not suitable for her, why is she so hot?
Psychologists have found that: 's "hot" relationship will make people regain self-confidence and feel more positive and beautiful about themselves.
When we are in the single arrow of love, what we love is our emotional self.
However, this also brings a side effect:
can't see whether the other party is suitable for him, just like an addicted gambler, blindly betting on happiness, the result is naturally "a basket of water is empty".
ended her first marriage, and Xiao Lilin put her mind back on her career without realizing it: 's focused back attracted the attention of a man. When
collaborated on filming, Jingchao fell in love with her at first sight, but he didn't know how to pursue her, so he could only buy a pot, cook for the whole crew, and take care of her silently in this way.
Jingchao's contribution, Xiao Lilin sees it. But after the last relationship, she was worried: Are we really suitable?
The age difference is 6 years, the man is single and unmarried, but he is a single mother...
Many factors make Xiao Lilin hesitant about this relationship.
When the two fell in love, there was also a stone hanging in her heart. Until her mother was seriously ill and was hospitalized, Jingchao deliberately took leave for a whole month to take care of her. The whole hospital thought that Jingchao was her son.
Xiao Lilin was relieved.
told her with practical actions: The people you value, I also value them. The silent understanding of
deeply moved Xiao Lilin.
This time, she didn't grab it, but the other party took the initiative to give her a sense of security, and it was just at the right time.
As if everything just happened naturally, with such a congenial heart, Xiao Lilin no longer resists the red string of fate.
They got married. Since they couldn't afford a diamond ring, the 8-carat diamond ring at the wedding was fake, but they both treated it as a joke and didn't care.
Because of true love, there is no need to measure with material.
When they went through the most impoverished hand in hand, even if Jingchao couldn't get a play contract and was so poor that they needed to change the things in the seller, they would have no complaints.
talked about those days, Xiao Lilin said moved: I think their home is very warm, it is the feeling of home that I have longed for for a long time. After
got married, Jingchao lived up to his expectations: not only took Xiao Lilin's mother to take care of him at home, but also willingly became a "home cook".
Jingchao's parents also praised Xiao Lilin. The mother-in-law, who has never visited her son, bought a plane ticket to visit her daughter-in-law, and even took Xiao Lilin's mother to the hospital for a review.
Now, Jing Chao's fame has grown, and their lives are getting better and better, and Jing Chao said that everything that they could not afford at the beginning was bought for his wife.
In an interview with Li Jing , Xiao Li Lin was so embarrassed about her feelings in marriage, which made Li Jing sigh: "There is no perfect man in the world, only the man who suits you." After many years of marriage with her partner
, Xiao Lilin has changed visibly: is no longer aggressive, but more gentle and relaxed.
She and Jingchao joined hands on the show, and the host joked: "Look at the movements of you holding hands, you know that it has become a habit."
The two looked at each other and smiled.
Love may change a person, but what brings good changes requires not only love, but also adaptation.
Psychologist Roland Miller proposed: High-quality intimate relationships require couples to see each other clearly and meet each other's real needs.
Xiao Li Lin wanted a sense of security and a sense of belonging, but Li Xuetao didn't give it to her. Similarly, Xiao Li Lin's aggressiveness made him shy away.
They are not suitable for each other. After the "hot" passion fades, they naturally move towards separation.
and Jingchao can not only satisfy them all, but also gain something. After 8 years of marriage, they have achieved the best state of each other.
This is enough to see: it is not that the more passionate, the happier, but the more stable happiness.
So how do we have a well-fit marriage?
First, break the "hot head" spell.
"I love TA so much, I must be with TA." When this kind of thinking occurs, it means that "a fever" is affecting rational judgment.
It is unwise to make a decision at this time. You need to wake up and think: What did the other party pay for me? Is being with TA really good for my future? Is TA really right for me?
Then, let go of high expectations.
The essence of "one-headed hot" is narcissism. We will put our own expectations of happiness on each other, and imagine that the other party can give me happiness.
But this fantasy is unrealistic, everyone has flaws and needs to be accommodated by the other half. If you can't tolerate each other and always feel hurt by disillusionment, it means that the two parties are not suitable;
knows that the other party is not perfect, but can meet their main needs, such as security. This relationship can be based on reality, stable and harmonious continuation.
In the end, both sides paid.
Feelings are like flowing water, they cannot flow from one end to the other, but flow through each other, so that they can never be exhausted and live forever.
Therefore, husbands and wives have to give something. Although there is no need to care about who gives more and who gives less, in general, they should be able to communicate and get what they need.
Constantly injecting living water into the relationship is the premise of a high-quality marriage, avoiding exhaustion caused by one party's ignorance, and accumulating a deeper emotional foundation.
Rational thinking, real seeing, and mutual giving are the three elements of "high degree of adaptation". If you want to manage a "suitable" marriage, you must work hard on these three elements.
As Bi Shumin said: reasonable expectations are a correct assessment, finding the best balance between desire and reality.
A good marriage does not need too much happiness, just the right one is enough.
manage love with the right person, and the parts of life are perfectly matched to polish the sweet taste of life.
Planning | Yu Tian
Editing | Yu Tian
