told me that one of the things she had most broken down in the past six months was not that she was called back dozens of times in the plan, nor was she being laid off by the company, but that she had a fever at 2 in the morning and took a taxi to the emergency room and finished the drip Come back home. "It's been three years, I thought I was used to a person's life a long time ago, but still feel isolated and helpless at certain moments." Similar experiences of
also happened to several friends. In today's society, more and more people choose to live alone. According to the latest data released by the Ministry of Civil Affairs, there are currently more than 77 million people living alone in China, and living alone has gradually become a social reality that has attracted attention.
living alone seems to always be marked with some solidified labels. Some people describe them as empty-nest youths, from the perspective of "problems" and "rescue", describing them around loneliness and isolation. There are also people who regard living alone as something to be proud of, advocating that one should love oneself well, and occasionally show a sense of self-movement.
In fact, living alone only provides a choice of life, a choice that allows us to spend more time with ourselves. Therefore, it adds more emotional experience and life exploration. So, what is the real life alone like? Everyone who chooses to live alone, how do they feel and understand? We talked about this topic with a few people living alone.
01.
"All beautiful imaginations,
are built on self-discipline."
In June last year, I officially packed my things from school and got out. Although I am very reluctant to live in the university, I have already rented my new house (even if it is only a one-bedroom house with less than 40 square meters) with my favorite offer in one hand. I am still full of the transition from students to social people. Yearning.
At first, I planned a person's life very beautifully. Wake up every morning to make a healthy breakfast and start a day of vitality. You must read and charge regularly so that you will not be disturbed by others. I bought a lot of fitness equipment at home. The eight-pack abs must be just around the corner. You can go to the supermarket downstairs after get off work. Buy fresh ingredients and make a big meal to reward yourself. Finally, I can stay away from the crowded eight-person dormitory, and I no longer have to endure the "strange" smell of the boys’ dormitory, I can laugh out loud when I think about it.
But when I really started to work and started living alone, I found that these things were drowned in busyness, exhaustion and laziness. The self-discipline and healthy living alone in my imagination has become a happy fat house and free indulgence in reality.
always hurried out in the morning in order to sleep for an extra minute, and ran to the subway station at 1.5 times the speed. Cooking breakfast by myself has never been achieved. It was all solved in the convenience store downstairs of the company. When I go home from get off work, I don’t have the strength to cook. I just take out to feed myself. Not to mention sports, the only thing that supports me sitting up is probably playing games. Because nobody cares, it is normal for clothes to be piled up for weeks without washing, and no one will dislike it anyway.
The house is cool for a while, has been house, has been cool, until more than a year this year, I have not seen the shadow of the eight-pack abs, but I have a small belly (sigh), really gradually moving towards middle-age greasy path of.
My flag is completely down. In fact, all the illusions of a good life are based on self-discipline, and living alone intensifies this challenge. In a person's life, you can enjoy the convenience of a person, but also need to fight against a person's laziness. If you only have plans and imagination, then life is likely to rush to the other extreme.
02.
"There is a kind of growth,
understands the essence of life from trivial things"
I have always lived at home after work, and I don’t have to worry about food, clothing, shelter, and transportation. If it’s not because I moved to another city to live alone, I might I will never know that the real life of is far more trivial than I thought.
In this small space, all big and small things are responsible for themselves. Finding a house is the first problem I encountered. I need to consider the transportation hub, calculate the commuting time, the situation of supporting facilities such as farmer's supermarket and shopping malls, and then the year of the house, orientation, payment method, price comparison and so on.
Do you think it is over here? Not,After renting the house, I started the official road of killing monsters. I set up an Internet, regularly stock up daily necessities, change sheets and sun quilts, buy medicines, run the sewers, mop the floor and wipe the windows, pay water, electricity, and gas... These things are completely for me. It's like a new world, a problem that I never noticed when I live with my parents.
On the one hand, I lament that life is not easy, and on the other hand, it is really hard for my parents to see them. In those places where we can’t see, they seem to “justly” pay for us and this family. These things are too trivial to be ignored, but once they are superimposed on top of each other, it is a time-consuming thing.
Although life alone is very hard, I am also fortunate that I have been "forced to acquire" various skills, allowing me to slowly get in touch with the full picture of real life. Maybe everyone needs to experience a life of living alone. It may not be too long, but it is just enough to make you understand the tedious and hard work of life, learn to be grateful to your family, and live with another person in the years to come. Tolerant and confident.
03.
"While enjoying freedom,
is bound to endure loneliness"
I have changed houses three times in five years. At first I shared a room with roommates (two beds in a room), and then shared a room with my own independent room. Now, I am finally able to move to a one-room household alone. Realizing the feeling of freedom of space is really cool.
There are a lot of practical conveniences in life. You don’t have to fight for the bathroom anymore when you go to work in the morning, and you don’t have to worry about quarreling others when you return late. Friends can call home as guests at any time. You can cook, drink, and chat together. Sleep in the living room without rushing home.
In addition, I feel a lot more comfortable psychologically. Sometimes I may not do anything at home, but I always feel that I can completely take off my defenses and relax in a space where I am alone. Cool).
is just, but I never thought that in such a life, I would feel more and more lonely. Without the noise of roommates in , the house will feel deserted after a long time, and even a little lonely and terrible. There is nowhere to tell the usual sorrows and joys in life. The cooked food is always overwhelmed and dumped, but the depressing thing is that even a cup of milk tea has to be given away.
I am alone in Beijing, with no family or friends. Living alone magnifies the loneliness of wandering by several times. used to long for me to have an independent space, and sometimes I hope that there is one more person in my family, and I can feel a little relief.
Maybe there is no one kind of life that is absolute. Freedom and loneliness are like twins. There are always mottled shadows under the dazzling sun. However, since we enjoy the joy of the former, we must also have the courage to bear the latter. Matter, that's all.
04.
"Living alone is a perfect physical and mental consolation"
I once felt that living alone is particularly miserable, especially if you are a person, a female sex, and a foreign country. But when I went back and looked at those days, I discovered that the life of living alone was actually a treasure I hadn't noticed for a long time.
It is very troublesome to get sick abroad. It is difficult to buy medicine, and I don’t understand when I go to the hospital. In order to avoid this situation, a corpse-loving me would force myself to start fitness exercise.
Eating out is very expensive. I spend most of my time at home thinking about the recipes by myself, but I raise my own fat in vain. Probably because of exercise and healthy eating, I feel that my body is much better than before I went abroad. Even my severe nervous breakdown has gradually improved.
is not only the improvement of the body, but also the stronger and stronger heart because of the long-term solitude. I live in a large rural area (laughs), there is almost no entertainment, and I basically spend time with myself outside of study. I vacated a corner of the house where I can get the sun. I just stayed there to read a book or go for a walk in the meadow. There is very little pollution in the outer suburbs, and I can see bright stars at night.
is separated from the previous complicated interpersonal relationship, but can have deeper and more focused thinking, and get closer to your own feelings and emotions. Although the life is light, there are also less distractions. It is a kind ofUnprecedented peace.
may be the environment of living alone, let me truly learn to love myself, from the body to the mind, become healthy, practical and stable. People's lives and emotions, if they rely on external stimuli, may feel flustered and helpless at any time, and what you have to do is to spend more time facing yourself, and there is surging power between simple breaths and breaths. And when a person can live healthy and satisfied, and therefore feel the joy of abundance in his heart, everything in the world is fearless.
05.
"Between the closest people,
also needs distance to build illusions"
During the six months we lived at home with our parents, we quarreled constantly, and even got bored with each other. Sometimes it is because of differences in lifestyle, such as diet, and differences in work and rest, which will cause disputes, and sometimes because of disagreement in concepts, babbling urges to marry, persuading my ears to cocoon when listening to these words. In short, as long as I go home, I feel depressed. After
endured for half a year, I finally made up my mind to move out. There is no less quarrel about this, because the place I rented is actually very close to my home, and the adults think that I am spending wrong money. For me, moving out is not to stay away from them completely, but to maintain a suitable distance and have my own space.
The days are really clean, no quarrels and talk, and my mood is not as irritable as before. The biological clock and habits are based on your own. You can play when you are tired, sleep when you are sleepy, and eat when you are hungry. Maybe it is not healthy sometimes (I admit), but don't mention how comfortable it is.
And after not living together, they will worry about each other instead, the distance produces beauty. So I usually go back home once on weekends. People spend less time together and become more cherished. My relationship with my parents has eased a lot.
Many people have been educated to communicate and understand the contradictions between different generations, but I think it is difficult to bridge the gap in this era. It is better to keep a proper distance instead of forcing each other to live with each other. Not only will the conflict avoid aggravation, but also the mutual connection will become more precious. Family affection needs to be guarded, but it needs to be guarded in the right way.
06.
"Before making any decision, please give priority to safety
"
I am a person who values the quality of life. For me, the house is not only a place to sleep, but also carries most of my leisure time. When looking for a house, I did not hesitate to choose a one-bedroom apartment. Although the rent will be much more expensive, I can get a good rest and satisfy most of my imagination about life.
But then I realized that this idea is still too young. Only considering the level of comfort, but ignoring the danger of living alone itself, especially for girls, is a big hidden danger. I have also experienced some terrible things myself. The most serious one was when I came home late after working overtime and was followed by someone and was followed into the community. I was so scared that I ran all the way upstairs to enter the house and the door was locked. The other party even tried to open the door. In the end, I knocked hard and didn't respond. I called my friend the next day and confirmed that no one at the door dared to go out.
If girls live alone, they must raise their awareness of self-protection. On the one hand, they must pay attention to prevention, and on the other hand, they must accumulate more self-defense skills. For example, when the takeout comes, you can shout "My husband is here" and pretend that there are other men at home. It is best to have a friend with you when you return at night. If you don’t have one, you can pretend to make a phone call. If you have time, you can learn something simple Grappling moves may become your amulet in times of danger.
However, the best way is to reduce the presence of danger, try not to let strangers know that you live alone and where you live, and do not go home too late.
It is true that living in a small nest that you have created can provide you with a good rest and regain energy, but before that, avoiding insecurity and learning to protect yourself are the guarantee of enjoying the benefits of living alone for a long time. Disaster may be destiny, and we cannot avoid it. We can only do our best to reduce the risk of encountering it. The author of
said:
Mr. Fei Xiaotong once described Chinese society as a differential order.Similar to the western society, it is like a group structure of wood-binding. In China, the relationship between people is like "a wave of waves caused by a stone thrown on the water." Every network is based on "self "As the center, it diverges and becomes thinner. The ripples of different cores touch each other to form a new relationship.
But living alone broke this pattern to a certain extent. means that individuals are separated from the connection between blood and geography, reshape their own value, and pursue an ideal life. This way of life has gradually weakened the mutual dependence of individuals and family structures and kinship in traditional society. In other words, we are more "willful", but also more courageous and full of possibilities.
In fact, whether you choose to live in groups or alone, being alone is an important ability that a person needs for his own development, which is one of the most important signs of an individual's emotional maturity. Whether a person can enjoy being alone depends on the relationship between him and his internal objects, as well as his confidence in his internal relationship. The inner relationship can bring the satisfaction of survival to him, so he can rest temporarily and contentedly in the absence of external objects/stimuli.
The core of a happy life is to find your true self, stick to it, and embrace it. I can be silent in the hustle and bustle, or I can flourish in my life alone.
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