"In the Name of Family", a lot of pen and ink was spent on Chen Ting. Many viewers were saying that Chen Ting couldn't be washed away.
But thinking about the ending is not a whitewash for Chen Ting, because the emotional entanglement between Chen Ting and Ling Xiao runs through and has a great influence on Ling Xiao's direction.
Chen Ting's love for Ling Xiao is not simply a maternal love, it is more like a manipulation, not easy to detect, but it has a great impact on people.
Faced with parents with manipulation behavior, what should we do? I think this is what the screenwriter wants to take us to think deeply.
01 Ling Xiao has been controlled by Chen Ting
Ling Xiao’s character set is actually not very pleasing, especially since he hates Chen Ting so much that he wants to escape, but he has been listening to Chen Ting’s mercy, and he can't help himself in many things.
In the end, Ling Xiao leaned on Ling's shoulder and asked: I have stopped having nightmares recently. Have all the things I owed my mother been paid off? Seeing this sentence
can’t help but feel sad. Over the years, Ling Xiao has taken too much due to this guilt and has been controlled by Chen Ting.
Ling Xiao's sister Yunyun passed away unexpectedly, Chen Ting blamed Ling Xiao's head, which also made young Ling Xiao very self-blame, even dreaming often is such a nightmare.
Chen Ting left Ling Xiao and came back. Ling Xiao resisted her in her heart, but a word from Chen Ting put Ling Xiao in a predicament. Chen Ting said that orange and Yunyun have the same birthmark. I feel that the oranges were sent from heaven, and I have never had nightmares since I had oranges.
The young Ling Xiao didn't want this kind of relief, so he accepted Chen Ting's second-married little daughter Orange. Because of this, Chen Ting began to manipulate.
takes care of the hospitalized Orange, goes to school in Singapore, and takes care of Chen Ting who is sick. From beginning to end, Ling Xiao wanted to do something to repay his guilt. With Chen Ting, the more Ling Xiao did, the less satisfied Chen Ting was.
Ling Xiao wanted to return to China after graduation. Chen Ting naturally didn't want to let go, so she threw away the shoes Li Jianjian bought for Ling Xiao, cut out the photos of Ling Xiao, and told Ling Xiao that I could die if you returned home.
Chen Ting believes that it works to kidnap Ling Xiao with emotion, so she uses the same method every time, again and again. Ling Xiao compromised because of this every time.
so that every time Ling Xiao makes a wish, he always makes four simple words: family peace.
Look at how much influence this incident has in Ling Xiao's heart. And Chen Ting caught Ling Xiao's weakness and repeatedly influenced Ling Xiao's practice.
Therefore, Ling Xiao will have insomnia and even daydream. These are all caused by long-term manipulation.
When you see this, you will find that Ling Xiao’s personality is actually not twisted. He has always wanted to make up for the guilt in his heart, and this point was caught by Chen Ting, who has been controlling his behavior. .
Parents’ love and manipulation have different impacts on our lives. If it were love, we would definitely not be so troubled, nor depressed, or almost insomnia.
But when the parents' practice has seriously affected our lives, we need to understand whether this is love or manipulation. If it is the latter, we must try our best to get rid of it.
02 What Chen Ting gave is not maternal love, but manipulating
Chen Ting's love for children is too suffocating. It is a fighter among the controlled mothers, and even the suicide note is somewhat forced.
In the part about Li Jianjian, Chen Ting said that she didn't like Li Jianjian, as if she saw Li Jianjian's unbearable past.
Although Li Jianjian is the daughter of a neighbor, he has also seen the chicken feathers in the marriage between Chen Ting and Ling Heping, and he has seen Chen Ting's ruthlessness towards Ling Xiao in those years.
Yes, Chen Ting’s past, Li Jianjian knows everything about her faults, losing her daughter, divorcing her husband, and abandoning her son, all of which are unbearable.
It is precisely because of this past that Chen Ting feels low self-esteem, and it is difficult for her to get rid of the shadow of the past.
Therefore, she does not accept Li Jianjian and Ling Xiao together.
she used all kinds of excessive practicesTo control Ling Xiao and prevent Ling Xiao from approaching Li Jianjian, even if Ling Xiao and Li Jianjian were together, they tried every means to stop them.
Among them, she never considered Ling Xiao's thoughts and situation, but blindly considered her own wishes.
Good maternal love is to expect children to be good, and the manipulator is based on his own interests. Don't let others influence my happy life. As for whether you are happy or not, I don't consider this.
, you see it is such a routine.
Chen Ting almost always wanted to show her ownership and show that Ling Xiao is her son, and she never asked Ling Xiao's attitude. When
warmed the pot, Ling Xiao’s colleague was invited to have dinner at home. Ling Xiao was the last one to know about it; when visiting Ling Xiao’s unit, he did not tell Ling Xiao in advance. Even helping Ling Xiao to celebrate his birthday was his own proposition and the attitude of the owner.
because she did all this to tell all the people around Ling Xiao that I am Ling Xiao’s mother, and Ling Xiao belongs to me, so don’t move.
If you think about Chen Ting's behavior from this perspective, it's no wonder she is like this. Her approach is completely beyond what a normal mother should do, but a manipulator.
Once a person is accustomed to the vested interests brought about by manipulation, it is difficult to give up, and then it will strengthen the manipulation of the manipulated.
Looking at Chen Ting's influence on Ling Xiao, we can see that facing this situation, especially after we are already an independent adult, we must resist.
03 How to resist parental manipulation
In the play, Chen Ting invites Xixi sister to warm the pot at home, and Ling Xiao said she resisted and ran out. It seems to imply a resistance to Chen Ting's manipulation.
And Chen Ting's running away from home and later settling in Singapore seems to represent the two people redefining the boundaries and living in harmony.
But in real life, resisting manipulation is far from easy, and it is not something you can solve by opposing it. It even requires a lot of effort from us to get a little bit of success.
actually has to fight back when it discovers the manipulator's manipulation, such as delaying the request of the other party. No matter what the other party asks us to do, we must delay and don't do what he says.
If Chen Ting said that the oranges were sent by the heavens to Ling Xiao and did not move, and did not make a good relationship with the oranges, perhaps Chen Ting would not have tortured Ling Xiao in the next nine years.
Of course, if Ling Xiao hadn't followed Chen Ting's requirements at the time, Chen Ting would have asked again and again. But if you don't be the other party, you won't succeed. Manipulators of
often try to cause our feelings of guilt and other uncomfortable emotions, so we should also reduce our sensitivity and do not rush to solve them.
Chen Ting uses almost the same method every time, using emotions to kidnap Ling Xiao, Ling Xiao cries if she doesn't follow her wishes, and then Ling Xiao compromises.
The reason for Ling Xiao's compromise is nothing more than because you can't bear it. In fact, if you can't bear it, the other party's goal will be achieved. At this time, letting yourself hold on, and not rushing to get rid of bad emotions will actually be more beneficial to get rid of manipulation.
, of course, is a very important point is to tell the other party I know what you want, but I will not do it.
is like what Ling Xiao said to Chen Ting when he warmed the pot, I know what you want to do, but it doesn't work.
In fact, if Ling Xiao did this early and repeated it many times, Chen Ting would understand that it was meaningless to do so, and they could redefine the boundaries to get along.
04 Conclusion
When we are growing up, there are too many times when others will use the "all for your good" attitude to influence how we do.
But if this influence crosses the line, we need to resist it. There is a saying in
: There are no two people who are exactly the same in the world. No matter how ordinary they are, they are also limited editions.
You can only control your life without being controlled by others. Even if
is in the name of a family member, we can say rejection, the best way to "fear mother" is to "disobey".
