movie "One Sentence Is Worth Ten Thousand Sentences" says: When
is in love, they have endless words; after marriage, they have endless quarrels.
Just as Mr. Lin Yutang wrote in "Life Is Nothing But This":
There is no couple in the world who has never quarreled.
Assuming that you don’t even have this common sense, please don’t get married first. I have read a joke on
on Weibo:
was recorded at an emotional program. In order to warm up the scene, the host of
asked the audience below: "If you have been married for more than 20 years and have not quarreled with your significant other, please raise your hand." The host of
looked around, but the audience was silent and no one raised their hands.
So the host asked again: "If you have been married for more than 10 years, please raise your hand." An elder sister in the back row of
raised her hand. The host of
ran to the eldest sister excitedly, wanting to interview her the secret of how to keep quarreling, but the eldest sister kept silent all the time. There is a heart-wrenching reality behind the joke of
: life is unsatisfactory, and so is marriage.
is like what Mr. Tu Lei said:
Even those beautiful marriages will quarrel. There are at least 10 thoughts of divorce in a lifetime, and 50 impulses to choke each other.
But quarreling may not be the beginning of emotional breakdown. The key lies in how we treat it.
Quarrels can be calm, but don’t cold war
Last week, the uncle and aunt who had been married for 30 years divorced. The reason for the divorce turned out to be emotional discord.
Once in my eyes, the relationship between uncle and aunt has always been very good. The two of
rarely quarrel, and they are very respectful in life.
I used to envy such a harmonious family.
So they divorced, which makes me very confused.
It wasn't until my uncle came to my house to relax last night that I learned from his mouth: "Doesn't husband and wife quarrel mean love? It's not that my aunt and I don't quarrel, but there is no fight to quarrel, nothing to say." Uncle
finally told me that the two of them had almost zero communication in the past three years.
is busy with his own business every day, even if he goes home at night, he is still busy with phone calls and work, and once sleeps in separate rooms.
This reminds me of a psychologist in the United States once said: If a couple quarrels, it proves that the relationship is still saved. If they are silent, they will be completely hopeless.
because the two quarrel shows that they care about each other, and care is equivalent to love. There is also a couple who never quarrel in the movie "No Questions".
Liu Shufen has been working as a female worker in a textile factory for her husband to study in college since she got married. She wants to use her dedication and affection in exchange for her husband's love and a happy marriage.
, but her husband became a middle school teacher after graduation. Since then, the two have become strangers and drift away.
On weekdays, the two have no verbal communication, nor love, nor the slightest emotional connection. A marriage like
made Liu Shufen extremely painful.
In order to arouse her husband's love, she even scolded him, beat him, and abused him, but he remained indifferent.
In the end, she was desperate and chose to commit suicide to end the marriage. There are many such people in
life, who would rather choose the almost violent means of the Cold War than quarrel.
because they feel that those scolding wars that pierce each other will drain their love.
, as French psychoanalyst Yrigoyen pointed out in "Cold Violence": "Cold violence is a hidden but real violence."
In marriage, the cold war is sometimes more hurt than violence. People, the solution of any problem requires two people to communicate frankly and promptly.
quarrels, you need to understand the needs behind each other's emotions
has a "90 and 10" principle in psychology:
means that when a partner quarrels, 90% is emotion and 10% is a problem. What we can do is fight with our brain, control our emotions, and solve problems.
and the purpose of fighting is just to solveQuestions, not venting emotions.
Wu Jing and Xie Nan are a model couple in the entertainment industry, but they also quarreled in the variety show "Let's Go to Love".
Wu Jing was sweating cooking at that time.
Xie Nan, who was by the side, constantly questioned his cooking steps and gave Wu Jing a lot of "careful teaching".
eventually led to a big quarrel between the two, and Wu Jing also said that he would never participate in variety shows again.
Xie Nan saw Wu Jing's emotions out of control, thinking that the more noisy he would only get more stiff.
might as well calm down and leave the kitchen silently.
After waiting for Wu Jing's mood to stabilize, Xie Nan pulled him to apologize, and the storm was over.
has a similar view in "Nonviolent Communication".
When the two sides quarreled, it was just because one of the needs was not met and the emotions were not understood.
Therefore, when arguing with each other, think about each other's needs not being met.
At this point, I particularly appreciate the way that Big S handles quarrels, which is rational and gentle.
"The quarrel between two people is inevitable, but what happens, we will face it together, I will tell him not to be too emotional, and find a way to solve it; if he is emotional, I will try to resolve it, and if the problem arises, I will be rational Solve it.”
quarreling is a matter of two people after all. As long as one person is stable, it will be difficult for the other person to quarrel.
You must admit your mistake first when you quarrel, because I love you and you are not ashamed. At the beginning, I lost.
After a lot of couples quarreled, they would think that they were right. They would not accept each other and admit their mistakes. They felt that the one who bowed their heads and admitted their mistakes had already lost.
Actually, if you really love the other person, how can you be willing to let the other person bow their heads and apologize first.
Qian Zhongshu and Yang Jiang's couple have always been examples of happy marriages that everyone advertised.
But they also quarrel like other ordinary people.
The casual Qian Lao in life is a "clumsy" life idiot by Yang Jiang.
during the birth of Yang Jiang.
Qian Zhongshu overturned the ink bottle, dyed the landlord’s tablecloth, smashed the desk lamp, and broke the door shaft. If it was most people, he would definitely blame him.
but Yang Jiang did not. After she heard about it, she did not complain or blame at all, and only said: "It doesn't matter, I will fix it."
Old Qian once said, "The benign quarrel between husband and wife is the cutest war in the world. Cut the two blades of the scissors to each other, but they will never hurt each other. After 300 rounds of the war, they were all right."
Yang Jiang once asked Qian Zhongshu: "Why do you always quarrel? For me, sometimes my reflection is not just your fault."
Qian Zhongshu replied: "Because you are mine, even if you win the quarrel, what can you do? If you win the truth, lose your feelings, lose you, I will lose all of my life, the world of two people. There must be one making a noise, one smiling, one arguing, and one coaxing."
Qian Zhongshu and Yang Jiang's couple also told us by action that in quarreling, admitting mistakes is never ashamed.
Liu Tong once said: love is not without quarreling, but after quarreling, love is still there.
A good marriage is more than sweet talk, but you remember to go home after you slam the door.
A good marriage means that no matter how you quarrel, your hearts are always concerned about each other.
A good marriage means that when you have had enough quarrels and tired of quarreling, and smile at each other knowingly, you can get back together immediately.
The so-called good marriage is a good fight.
