"Goodbye Lover 4" is currently on the air, and the marriage crisis of Huang Shengyi and Yang Zi has also been exposed to the public. Huang Shengyi cried several times during the show, saying that this was the third year since she wanted to divorce. The relationship betw

"Goodbye Lover 4" is currently on the air, and the marriage crisis of Huang Shengyi and Yang Zi has also been exposed to the public.

Huang Shengyi cried several times during the show, saying that this was the third year that she wanted to divorce.

The relationship between the two people in the show also dropped to a freezing point for a time. They either seemed to be in the same frame, or they had constant quarrels and conflicts.

The way the two get along reminds me of the writer Bi Shumin's words: Most family disputes are problems of misorder. The logic of

is wrong, and the result must be wrong.

After watching the entanglement between Yang Zi and Huang Shengyi on the show, I realized that the cause of their marital crisis was that they had lived their lives in the wrong way.

01

• Put work first and children’s education second.

Sun Yunxiao, vice president of the China Family Education Society, once met a talkative driver.

When the driver heard that Sun Yunxiao was engaged in children's education, he looked very surprised: "What are you doing in children's education?"

When Sun Yunxiao learned that he had a 9-year-old daughter, he asked him: "Don't you care about children's education? "

The driver disagreed: "Educating children is his damn business, I only care about making money."

This father's thoughts are the epitome of countless absent fathers. The same is true for

Huang Shengyi .

She revealed in the show: From the birth of the child to now, Yang Zi, the father, rarely shows up, let alone accompany and educate.

In the growth of children, Huang Shengyi is basically the only one involved in the whole process.

Eat with your children.

urges children to practice piano.

In Yang Zi’s eyes, he has fulfilled his greatest responsibility by earning money and taking it home.

He never cared about his children's affairs, nor did he pay attention to daily chores. He had never even taken his children to the amusement park or accompanied them on vacation.

Psychology professor Gilbert said:

Ten years later, you will not regret doing one less project, but you will regret not spending an extra hour with your child.

Making money is important, but if you focus on your work and neglect your children's education, you may have to pay for your choices in the future.

Jia Rongtao, who was once named one of the “Top Ten Public Welfare Figures in Chinese Family Education”, was originally an entrepreneur.

When his career was flourishing, his son, who had just entered high school, developed serious problems:

He was addicted to the Internet, got into fights and injured others, was last in grades, and the school asked him to be dismissed twice...

He learned from the painful experience, closed down the business he had worked so hard for, rented a house near his son's school, and began accompanying his son full-time.

Many people don’t understand, but Jia Rongtao knows it very well: money can be made at any time, but children’s education is only once.

With his patient companionship and education, his son not only "returned his evil ways", but was finally admitted to a national key university.

No matter how successful a person is in his career, it cannot make up for the failure of family education.

There is no money that must be earned, only children who suddenly grow up.

Educating children well is the most far-sighted investment a family can make.

02

• Treat outsiders as family members and treat family members as outsiders.

Someone once asked on Zhihu: What is the most stupid mistake we make most often?

had a high like reply: Treat outsiders as family members and treat family members as outsiders. Huang Shengyi understands this sentence

particularly deeply.

Huang Shengyi revealed on the show that Yang Zi has 5 social media accounts and responds to friends’ messages instantly, which can be said to be “responsive to everything”.

But what about my wife?

"To see her circle of friends, you have to rely on fate."

In Yang Zi's value ranking, his work, friends, and collections are all more important than Huang Shengyi.

He even publicly claimed that Huang Shengyi can be undone if he offends him, but once some friends are offended, they can no longer be repaired.

In life, there are many people like Yang Zi: warm and kind in front of outsiders, but cold to his wife at home.

Day after day, the wife accumulated more and more disappointment, and later, it turned into despair.

Writer Yang Benfen has told his own marriage story.

In the eyes of the neighbors, her husband Lu Song is a good gentleman, polite and hospitable, careful and capable.

In the eyes of his friends, Lu Song is also a loyal friend. Whenever his friends need him, he will always be there for them.

But when he got along with Yang Benfen, his face changed.

The husband will not even touch those tasks that are invisible to outsiders.

When Yang Benfen was pregnant, her belly was so big that she couldn't bend down. She asked him to help pour water for washing feet, but he refused because he didn't want his wife to spoil her.

He always has a kind face outside, but he has a very bad temper at home. He often accuses his wife of not being able to live a good life and uses verbal violence against her.

As time goes by, the gap between the couple becomes deeper and deeper.

Yang Benfen also fell into depression for a time, repeatedly wondering whether he had done something wrong.

The greatest tragedy in a family is that there is a "two-faced person".

When they interact with outsiders, they will deliberately show their good side in order to win the recognition of others.

When he returned home, he took off his "mask" and gave his indifference and pickiness to his lover.

The stranger, the more enthusiastic, the closer, the more indifferent.

reversed the positions of outsiders and family members. While hurting feelings, it also plunged the whole family into endless internal friction.

03

• Suppress more than praise, criticize more than appreciate.

In an interview, Huang Shengyi summarized the relationship between himself and Yang Zi:

"He feels that he is very authoritative and always hopes that I can act according to his instructions."

In front of Huang Shengyi, Yang Ziyi bossed him around and thought that he Everything is right.

He suppressed Huang Shengyi at every turn and openly mocked her as "uneducated" on the show.

When Huang Shengyi feeds his children, he will record a video complaining: "How can you play a good wife and mother without a son?"

He is not grateful at all for his wife's efforts.

The host asked in the program: "Don't you think she has made a great contribution to the family?"

Yang Zi said bluntly: "I don't think so."

Hearing this, Huang Shengyi on the side almost shed tears.

In psychology, people are emotional animals and need to be recognized, supported and understood.

But Yang Zi didn't give Huang Shengyi anything.

On the contrary, not only did he not know his wife's hobbies, but he took Huang Shengyi's efforts as a matter of course, and he often found fault with her in various ways.

If things go on like this, the love will naturally become weaker and weaker, and the family will become more and more ruined.

In a happy family, it’s not that the partner has no shortcomings, but that there is someone who can appreciate and be grateful throughout every day of life.

Chen Zhifo, a modern art educator, was elegant and well-educated. He was associated with either academic leaders or literary figures.

But such a talented man married an illiterate and ordinary-looking wife named Hu Zhuxiang.

Chen Zhifo did not dislike his wife, but often encouraged her.

My wife is not good-looking, but Chen Zhifo said: You are very virtuous, and the family is grateful to you.

His wife had no education, so Chen Zhifo helped his wife read and write, and praised her for being "talented" and "loving to learn."

In order to help his wife integrate into his social circle, he also changed his wife's name to a more poetic name - Hu Yunhua, and taught her step by step social etiquette.

Gradually, my wife became confident and began to shine with her own light.

The two of them are deeply in love as husband and wife, and they share the same case and become a good talker.

Balzac once said: The happiness of a family is not entirely based on body and property, but on mutual respect.

The bond of marriage, in the final analysis, is a two-way flow of emotions.

Look at your partner with appreciation and maintain your friendship with gratitude, so that the two of you can go a long way together.

▽

Polish writer Lemont said: Everything has an order. If there is no order, something will go wrong.

Those families in life with constant internal strife, in the final analysis, have got the order wrong and lived the wrong way.

If you want your family to prosper, always remember:

Your child's "future" is more important than your "money path", and relatives deserve more tender treatment than outsiders.

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