Interpretation: Former Fatty
Original author: Alex McLeeds
Editor: Loving Mother (ID: cihuai_mama)
Regarding marriage, the most common phrase we have heard is the "seven-year itch".
Some people say that marriage is the grave of love. I don’t know how many years after they got married, the two people who were once deeply in love were no longer close, and their lives were left with only the tedium of daily necessities and long periods of silence; what they initially believed to be soul mates turned into mere soul mates in the blink of an eye. Roommates living together under the same roof.
Data shows that the divorce rate in China has remained high in recent years, and war between husband and wife is about to break out.
American writer Wenger said that even in the best marriage, there will be 200 thoughts of divorce and 50 impulses to strangle each other in a lifetime.
In the novel "The Silent Patient" by the well-known British writer Alex MacLeeds, Alicia, who was only 33 years old, really killed her husband.
She even shot her husband Gabriel five times in the face.
This was originally just an ordinary family tragedy. But because of Alicia's long silence and refusal to defend herself, she became a shocking mystery.
But after the psychotherapist Theo helped her get out of the dead end of silence and began to tell the truth, all the despicable and unbearable things under the appearance of a perfect marriage were exposed layer by layer.
How many seemingly perfect couples are waiting for the opportunity to kill each other; how many seemingly happy marriages hide long-term tolerance and silence.
However, the tragedy caused by this unfortunate marriage has never been a problem of one person.
After reading this best-selling suspense novel with Zi Xin, I think you will have a deeper understanding of marriage.
Tolerance and silence will not make conflicts disappear
What would you do if you found out that your partner had cheated? Choose to confront or swallow your anger.
Unfortunately, the male protagonist Theo in the book accidentally opened the mailbox of his wife Casey on a seemingly ordinary night, and what he saw was all kinds of unhappiness between his wife and another boy. Incoming email.
The fact before him is that his wife has cheated on him.
Theo thought about confronting her and telling her everything he saw. But he was also afraid that Cathy would leave, that he would never meet someone like her again, and that he would never establish such a relationship again.
In the end, Theo chose to compromise. He said nothing, pretended he had never seen the emails, and tried his best to forget about them.
He wants to bury this secret forever.
However, silence and tolerance will not make conflicts disappear, but will bring even more irreparable consequences.
Theo became a suspicious person from then on. When I saw Kathy typing on the keyboard, I doubted who she was writing to. When I heard that Kathy was going to pick up a friend on Thursday, I felt that she was lying.
He followed Cathy again and again, and even finally broke into Cathy's lover's house, causing an irreparable tragedy.
Unexpressed emotions never die. Although they were buried alive, they will surely appear in an even uglier form in the future.
I sincerely believe that excessive tolerance and silence are not the correct way for couples to get along.
In the once popular TV series "An Jia", Mr. Kan and Mrs. Kan started from scratch and lived a prosperous life. In order for Mr. Kan to concentrate on his career, Mrs. Kan even chose to return to the family.
Unexpectedly, Mr. Kan would betray his family and seek his soul mate outside. Although Mrs. Kan chose to forgive at first, it led to Mr. Kan's exaggeration and repeated mistakes, which ended in an embarrassing divorce.
Cai Kangyong in "Qi Pa Shuo": "Don't be over-tolerant. Tolerance is not the highest state."
I sincerely believe that love is not silence and tolerance. If love makes you lose yourself, this relationship will have no meaning. .
In marriage, when encountering small things, husband and wife can be more tolerant and need love and acceptance.
But when it comes to bottom line issues, you must not choose silence.
If you lose your bottom line, you can only love more and become humbler, and you will not be cherished.
Excessive tolerance is irresponsible to oneself and others.
Excessive dependence will only cause you to lose yourself.
In relationships, most women are always emotional. Once they fall in love, they are used to putting the focus of their lives on the other person. Alicia in the
book is exactly such a person.
She was so traumatized in childhood that after marrying Gabriel, she regarded her husband as her whole world. In her diary, she recorded everywhere how great her husband was and how happy she was with him.
From the moment she met Gabriel, she no longer communicated with her friends. She was always immersed in her so-called love and regarded Gabriel as everything to her.
Alicia wrote in her diary: "Gabriel saved me - just like Jesus, he was my whole world. No matter what he did, no matter what happened, I would love him, no matter what No matter how he makes me angry, no matter how rash or selfish he is, I will love him as always."
But it was the man she loved most who betrayed her ruthlessly. Not only did he cheat on others, but when someone pointed a gun at him, he chose to sacrifice Alicia to protect himself.
The person who once staked his life betrayed himself. At this moment, Alicia had been killed by the person she loved most, causing her to ruthlessly shoot her husband Gabriel five times in the face.
I sincerely believe that the most terrifying thing in relationships is losing yourself due to over-dependence.
Just like in "The First Half of My Life", when Luo Zijun and Chen Junsheng just divorced, Luo Zijun suddenly panicked.
She was once so dependent on Chen Junsheng that she completely lost herself. She didn't know what she knew or what kind of job she could do.
In the beginning, it was really difficult for her to start a new life.
Just imagine, your happiness, anger, sorrow, and joy are all based on one person. Isn’t it a terrible thing?
Good love is affectionate but not dependent. Always maintain your own sobriety and independence, so that you will not lose yourself when you lose love.
Relying on each other, but being independent of each other, this is the most beautiful way to get along in the emotional life of marriage.
Don’t let the tragedy of your original family destroy your marriage
There is a saying: Lucky people use their childhood to heal their lives, and unfortunate people use their lives to heal their childhood. Theo and Alicia in the
book are exactly two people who were deeply hurt by their original families.
Theo grew up in a violent family. His father has been moody for a long time, which gave Theo a submissive, sensitive and suspicious character from an early age.
Alicia suffered the death of her mother at an early age. Her father did not love her and even said murderous words about how it was not Alicia who died. Later, she was fostered in her aunt's house and was rejected in every possible way.
This makes them place their hopes in life on their partners when they grow up, hoping that the harm they suffered in childhood can be comforted and compensated by the other person.
But their wish failed, their partners both chose to cheat and betray first. They were once again lost in the shadow of childhood, choosing to fall and wrap themselves up.
I sincerely believe that you cannot choose your parents, but your life is your own. Don't let childhood tragedies happen again in your marriage.
As we all know, Zhang Ruoyun and Tang Yixin are famous "golden girls" in the entertainment industry, and they are especially envied by everyone.
But what few people know is that such a "perfect husband" has suffered harm from his original family.
Before he was three years old, his parents had a huge quarrel due to divorce. I have seen my mother no more than 20 times so far, and my father, who is busy with his career, has no time to care about him.
Such a chaotic native family also made his early personality sensitive and melancholy.
But fortunately, Zhang Ruoyun relied on herself to slowly get rid of the influence of her original family, and even achieved her own happy marriage.
Keigo Higashino once wrote in "Time and Life": "Everyone wants to be born into a good family, but you can't choose your parents. What kind of cards are dealt to you, you can only try to play it well!"
Although we can't change Our own childhood experiences, but we must not let it affect our lifelong happiness.
We must always believe that we are the masters of our destiny.
So, reconcile with the past that you cannot choose, and bravely create your own life. In this way, when love comes, you will become a person qualified to embrace happiness.
Everyone has imagined the scene of "holding hands and growing old together" with another person.
After experiencing the romance and sweetness of young love and sharing the trivialities of life together, they are still able to never leave.
But happiness cannot be created by one person. Maintaining a relationship is not an easy task.
A good marriage is based on mutual respect and mutual integration between both parties. If you just endure it or are too attached to the other person, it is a deformed view of relationships, and such a relationship is destined to not last long.
Only in the end will you realize that the success or failure of your marriage is mostly in your own hands.
This is what "The Silent Patient" wants to write to everyone.
, this suspenseful masterpiece that has sold 3 million copies worldwide and is sold in 45 countries, has taught countless people how to face up to the relationship between husband and wife and avoid entering the "minefield" in marriage.
Don’t be a “silent patient” in an intimate relationship, and don’t lose yourself in a marriage.
The rest of my life is very long, please give me your advice.
*Note: The accompanying pictures are from the photo network
*Interpretation: Before the release of Fatty, Ci Huai signed a book a day with the author.
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