's recent hit drama "'s heart rippling ", one is a pet doctor, the other is a company sales champion, a very well-matched couple, they lived together for seven years and did not get married, but they ended up breaking up.
This article will not talk about the specific reasons for their breakup. I just want to use this plot to re-emphasize my long-standing point of view, that is, must not live together before marriage, even if you are in love and bed, you should not live together, especially Living together for a long time without getting married.
I believe that there will be many people who have come here who have the same opinion as me, because they have seen or experienced that kind of thing that has lived together for many years but has not ended up in marriage. But the reality is that a large number of couples choose to live together before marriage, which seems to be a very normal thing.
Today we are going to talk about the issue of "cohabitation before marriage". I want to say three points:
First, cohabitation before marriage will make both parties lose their yearning for marriage and lose their motivation to marry.
love first ushered in passionate love. At this stage, driven by dopamine , people will have a strong desire for male and female activities, and testosterone acts as a combustion enhancer to strengthen this desire and promote passionate love.
This makes the two eager to live together and yearn for marriage. (This is a very important point, and it is also the original motivation for marriage)
will do two things at this time. One is to get married immediately, because marriage is the best promise to be together. Then, continue to fall in love, restrain the idea of "living together", and choose to get married after you want to understand more.
Both are fine.
However, some people choose another way to avoid the above two, that is to live together before marriage. I don't want to get married right away, and I want to live together at the same time.
This is the result of satisfying the passion and love of both parties without getting married, and living together without getting married.
When they enter the state of cohabitation before marriage, the two no longer have the motivation to enter into marriage. Because cohabitation satisfies the desire to be "together", and does not have to go to the trouble of arranging the wedding.
But once you miss the opportunity to get married, you may never want to get married again in the future. In other words, marriage is just a kind of destination for you, and there is no need to rush into it.
As a result, before getting married, they enjoy the common life that should be provided by marriage in advance. That marriage has changed from a wonderful yearning to a passive responsibility.
has become for the two parties, either unwilling to enter the marriage, or feel that the marriage is just a name.
Countless cases have shown that as long as they are in a long-distance relationship and do not get married, the result is often that they will not get married, and those who get married often do not love for that long.
You may have also heard a heart-wrenching story, a girlfriend who had been in love for 7 years broke up with him, and turned to marry a person who had been in love for three months.
Second, cohabitation before marriage is not conducive to the stability of married life, no matter who the ultimate marriage partner is.
In one case, if you end up in marriage after years of love, the experience of living together before marriage will have a negative effect on the stability and happiness after marriage.
You will face an unfavorable problem, that is, after marriage, it is no longer the same as when you are in love, you only need to face one person, but you have to face each other's family relationship, which will make both parties feel cumbersome.
If you don't live together before marriage, you will be faced with the cumbersome post-marriage, but you can still have the passion for marriage as an offset, and the attraction of each other will make you motivated to face the cumbersome reality and make you feel less pessimistic.
Through such a balanced period, you may safely pass the refractory period after marriage (an unstable stage after marriage, also called disillusionment).
However, if you have enjoyed the passion of living together in advance, you will naturally have no better expectations after marriage, but will face all kinds of tedious things. When faced with a refractory period at this time, it is difficult to live through it stably.
In short, living together for a long time before marriage is not good for the stability after marriage, because they can't appreciate the benefits of marriage, only a bunch of troubles.
Another situation is that after you live together for a long time, there is noEntering marriage, your cohabitation history will be a dark and unpleasant gully for your future relationship and marriage, and it will become a huge obstacle to your future marriage happiness.
Love history ≠ cohabitation history. Compared with your love history and sexual behavior, you have a long-term cohabitation history with others, which will make your future partner more intolerable. Even if accepts it on the surface, it will affect your future intimacy for a long time.
Third, "cohabitation before marriage" can't test whether they are happy and harmonious after marriage.
Many people who support cohabitation always have such a reason, that is, the mentality of " trial marriage ". They will say that if they do not live together, how do they know if they can live together after marriage? If the two can't live together, wouldn't it be troublesome to divorce again? The reason
sounds plausible, but it doesn't hold up. Cohabitation before marriage will never test whether your marriage is suitable, because cohabitation and marriage are two completely different things.
1. Cohabitation before marriage belongs to the category of love, which is just an emotional attachment relationship. Marriage is a stable relationship mixed with practical problems.
You are no longer facing the other person, but the family behind him. It is easy for two people to fall in love, but it is difficult to get along with each other and each other's family.
In this sense, even if you live together well before marriage, it doesn't mean you will be fine after marriage.
2. Cohabitation is not a real union, marriage is.
No matter how close the two are when they live together, there is a difference between "you and me" in consciousness, especially in terms of economy. Economic union in cohabitation is not protected by law.
And the essence of marriage is the union of life, including economic union, and is protected by law, both today and in ancient times.
This has resulted in that the cohesion of marriage is far greater than that of cohabitation.
3. The nature of cohabitation and marriage is different. Cohabitation (love) is that you constantly discover his advantages, and marriage is to gradually tolerate each other's shortcomings. What does
mean? Even cohabitation is still a process of love, and love is to find a reason to combine, for example, what advantages does he have that make me willing to combine with him. If you can't find persuasive merits, you're going to break up.
And marriage is a form of union. In order to maintain marriage at this time, it is necessary to tolerate each other's shortcomings. To put it more bluntly, that is, they have been circled together. At this time, the cost of considering breaking up is high, so I can only choose to tolerate shortcomings.
4. From the point of view of the meaning of marriage, marriage is a long-term practice, a melting pot of happiness, and a short-lived passion is only the effect of dopamine.
You can keep cohabiting with different people to try marriage before marriage, if this one is not suitable, try with the next one.
As long as you adopt the method of cohabitation before marriage, I can guarantee that it will be difficult for you to find a satisfactory marriage partner. why? Because there are no two people who are completely suitable in the world, and there is no marriage object that is tailor-made for you.
As long as you don't get married and only live together before marriage, you probably won't meet the "right" person.
Therefore, if you live together for the purpose of trial marriage, it is impossible to produce true happiness. Because 's happy marriage is a kind of partner love formed after a long period of operation, a stable relationship that is exclusive to the two of you, formed by a long period of life running-in.
That is to say, no matter who you marry, you will definitely experience the forging of life in order to obtain stable happiness, not temporary happiness.
5. The mentality of dealing with problems is different. The problems that
will encounter when living together will also be encountered after marriage. But the same problem, before marriage and after marriage, the mentality to solve is different.
In love, from conflict to breakup, there is no obstacle in the middle. This relationship, no matter how deep or shallow, is only related to two individuals. There are only two states in this relationship, either maintenance or breakdown;
in marriage, from conflict to divorce, there are huge obstacles in the middle, family relations, social relations, and even children. Therefore, the first thing that comes to mind when a problem occurs will not be divorce, but whether the system can be repaired.
can see from these points that cohabitation before marriage will never be able to try the real life after marriage, but will affect future life.Bad influence on life.
All in all, the advantages of cohabitation before marriage are not established, and the disadvantages are obvious.
For people in love, especially women, when you decide to live together, you must think carefully about what living together will bring you.
Although you have an urgent desire to be together, prepare for marriage together. If there are no conditions for marriage for the time being, you can maintain the relationship and work together to create conditions for marriage.
Of course, you have the right to choose to live together or not even get married, but please read this article carefully before deciding to live together. Even if you choose to live together, you will be aware of possible problems so that you can avoid them. (end)
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