recently hit the popular drama " their name ", which tells the story of the struggle of three women of different ages, backgrounds and classes. Ren Duomei, played by Bai Bing in
, is a complex and typical image in life, which has aroused heated discussions among everyone.
had a bad background, her father was in prison for gambling, and Ren Duomei lived a life of being chased by creditors since she was a child. Ever since she was a child, she was afraid of being poor and lacked love, so her mind was focused on "money" and "staying in Shanghai". Later, with her sweet appearance and personality, she found a local doctor husband, and for this reason, she cruelly abandoned her boyfriend who had not made a fortune at the time.
's ex-boyfriend has potential and is very caring. When it rains heavily, he will tell her to "pick up immediately", but Ren Duomei said, " I need a car to pick me up, not you to pick me up ".
Ren Duomei lived a housewife life after marrying a wealthy husband. " treats her family as a workplace and her husband as her boss ", however, life is not comfortable.
Her mother-in-law looked down on her, and from time to time she said connotations, such as taunting " do you use toilets in your countryside now?", and even made a deal with her with money " gave birth to one for 500,000 "; The younger sister engages in ambiguity; what is even more irritating is that the mistress comes to clamor, mocking her is useless and can't help her husband's career.
大家看得真是又急又气，剧情引发了大家对物质和爱情的探讨：物质是不是决定幸福的主要因素呢
01
“物质”or“感情”二选一
几年前，国产剧也He has opened a series of topics about "naked marriage", "flash marriage", "hidden marriage", and "completed marriage". This seemingly crazy and romantic behavior, on the basis of being divorced from material things, can be between the two sexes. Are you happy?
Love without substance is a mess.
is the most typical representative of the male and female protagonists in " Naked Marriage Era ". The male protagonist is a "three no man" who has no house, no car, and no diamond ring, and the female protagonist is a spoiled Xiaojiabiyu. The two have been in love for many years. Because the male protagonist has no money and is not accepted by the parents, the two finally got married after a series of efforts such as hunger strike and stealing the household registration book.
However, after the marriage, the two had to face many "material" problems: crowded housing, economic pressure, conflicts with their elders, etc., and finally divorced after the conflict broke out.
TV series " Ideal City " also has a story of a couple trapped in material bondage. Wu Hongmei and Zhang Xiaobei, both of them are lowly migrant workers in the city. They cherish each other and let each other go together. In order to take root in the city (buying a house), they save their money to the extreme, and never spend a penny. money.
For example, the shower gel , shampoo, etc. Zhang Xiaobei used at home were all brought back by him from the hotel where he stayed on a business trip. He wanted to drink yogurt, but instead of buying it, he went to the supermarket to try it.
After the two fell in love, Zhang Xiaobei restricted all his girlfriend's consumption: Wu Hongmei's clothes were always discounted, skin care products were always samples, going out to dinner was always a string, and even inviting friends to dinner, they had to use restaurant coupons.. .... After a long time, Wu Hongmei felt only suffocation.
So, can a relationship with only material things and no emotions be happy? not necessarily!
The female protagonist's cousin in "The Age of Naked Marriage", like Ren Duomei, regards the proportion of "material" in the relationship as particularly important. The ex-boyfriend is knowledgeable, loyal and honest, but the cousin thinks it is useless: "Can you buy me a LV if you are good? Can you buy me a Mercedes-Benz ?"
In her opinion, there are only two things in the world that can make women happy, One is Audi, the other is Dior . When she met a nouveau riche businessman and became one of the countless "flowers" and "grass" that the other party picked up, she realized the importance of "emotion" in marriage and love.
So, whether it is "material without emotion" or "material without emotion", it is difficult to reach the end in a relationship.
02
The relationship between material and happiness
Psychologists define subjective well-being as the cognitive evaluation of quality of life and the possession of positive feelings (McGregor & Little, 1998), which has both a rational and an emotional aspect.
There are many factors that affect people's happiness, but the first thing that comes to our mind is money or economic stability.
A study of psychologists in 132 countries confirms that life satisfaction varies with income level, with individuals who earn more reporting higher life satisfaction (Diener, Ng, Harter, & Arora, 2010). The survey also shows that people who lack money to provide the necessities of life are unhappy, but the money that is significantly more than the actual need has no significant impact on happiness. Even winning the jackpot results in only a temporary increase in happiness (DeNeve & Cooper, 1998; Diener, Suh, Lucas, & Smith, 1999; King & Napa, 1998; Pappas, 2010).
A large number of research data show that wealth and happiness are not absolutely positive correlation. Sociologists have also drawn a graph of the happiness index through in-depth investigation and research on the relationship between the two.
Therefore, we can conclude that certain material will improve people's happiness index, but too much material desire and wealth will reduce happiness.
03
Why high material desire reduces happiness The more, the happier you will be ".
For example, in the early society, there was Manuo's " would rather cry in a BMW car than laugh on a bicycle"; then, according to the survey, "60% of female college students with higher education expressed their desire to marry a "rich second generation". ” (“Guangzhou Female College Student Values Survey Red Book”, 2010); nowadays, various “Internet celebrities” and “yuan” are emerging in an endless stream, and the values of “materialism” and “consumerism” are coming to us.
So the more money you have, the happier you will be?
The Chinese Academy of Social Sciences conducted a household survey of Shenzhen residents in 2013, and received a total of 918 valid questionnaires. The respondents were between 18 and 70 years old, with an average age of 34 years old. The researchers found that the materialistic values of were negatively correlated with social comparison, social satisfaction, positive emotions, and interpersonal trust. The conclusion of
also verifies the result of the happiness index curve: the higher a person has materialistic values, the lower his happiness, and the more unhappy he feels.
Therefore, excessive material desire will not increase people's happiness. Why is this?
Reason 1: High material desire will reduce relationship trust
Researchers explored the impact of "high material desire on people's happiness" through a survey of "high materialists". The
study found that high materialists are more concerned with the values of wealth, status, and public image, which conflict with the values of benevolence (eg, loyalty, responsibility, honesty) and fairness (eg, concern for social justice, fairness). In addition, high materialists tend to be more Machiavelli , less cooperative, tend to take up more resources and show higher levels of greed in dilemma games.
Second, high materialists tend to view others as tools to accomplish personal goals, pay more attention to "exchanging relationships", and "people as objects". More utilitarian consideration of what the TA can do for me, even for intimacy. Schwartz put forward the concept of "instrumental friendship" to describe the friendship of high materialists, and this is the truth.
High materialists not only do not trust TA people, but also do not believe that others have no utilitarian purpose in their interactions. This inherently hurts the quality of interpersonal trust.
Reason 2: High material desire, will pay too much attention to external goals
the process of.
High materialists' self-worth is not based on a deeper "inner pursuit and trust", and the definition of success is based on "comparison with others".
American psychologists Deci and Ryan in the 1980s put forward the idea of self-determination motivation theory (self-determination theory), people's goals are divided into "internal" and "external" two types.
Intrinsic goals value an individual's self-growth and self-realization, and these have a positive effect on personality integration, self-realization and inner happiness, such as self-acceptance, rapport with others, and enthusiasm for public welfare.
extrinsic goals) is concerned with obtaining external rewards or social approval, and impressing others by obtaining external values, such as material wealth, social power, status, etc. The pursuit of these contents is based on “social comparison”.
and high materialists are highly focused on external goals. Internal goals and external goals have obvious opposites. When an individual pays too much attention to goals such as wealth and status, it will reduce the internal emphasis on interpersonal relationships and public interests, and thus drift away from the pursuit of inner happiness and happiness.
In addition, people with high material desires have two characteristics in society. One is that their attention is more idealistic, and the other is that the baseline of social comparison will continue to improve, that is, the pursuit of material things will never be satisfied, which makes them feel difficult. feel satisfied.
The impact of high material desire on happiness, in addition to the above-mentioned "hurt interpersonal trust" and "excessive focus on external goals", high materialism also "reduce happiness", "social isolation" characteristics (Arndt , Solomon, Kasser, & Sheldon, 2004), and these will reduce people's happiness index.
is like the popular Korean TV series "Anna" not long ago. The heroine Anna, who struggled and suffered from discrimination in the bottom society, successfully entered the upper class by stealing her identity as a real lady. However, the rich world that I imagined since I was a child is not as perfect as I imagined. It is full of selfishness, indifference, and interests... The husband who married only regards her as a social face, and love is not worth it in front of her husband. One mention.
wrote at the end
Love without material is a mess, and real life can easily fall apart; but if there is only material left in the relationship and lack of emotional collision, the two are walking dead.
Materials are important, but in a relationship, affection is the cornerstone of love.
is like the story of Zhang Xiaobei and Wu Hongmei. The two people reduce their material desires for the common goal of life, which is actually nothing, but what makes Wu Hongmei chill is that she can't see "emotion" in a relationship that lacks "material" basis. . Zhang Xiaobei's desire for "material" is far greater than "emotion". In the end, although they saved enough money to buy a house, they lost their love.
And Ren Duomei in "Their Name", after experiencing the misfortune in material marriage, finally woke up, regained the courage to step into the workplace, and rethought her marriage with her husband.
Finally, may all lovers in the world have a good harvest of material and love!
References：
————
[1]Li Yuan Research on the relationship between materialistic values, happiness and interpersonal trust [J] Journal of Central China Normal University (Humanities and Social Sciences Edition), 2014,53 (6) : 175-180
[2]Hu Pengyuan Material or emotional—— Comments on Tong Jiaqian and Chen Jiaojiao&39;s view on marriage in the TV drama "The Age of Naked Marriage" [J] Film Review, 2012 (6): 66-68. DOI: 10.3969/j.issn.1002-6916.2012.06.026
作者：KK
排版：KK
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