family therapy master Satya believes:
"Everyone is inextricably linked to his family of origin, and this connection will affect his life."
The family is the first stop in life , the parents are the guides of the children.
It can be said that what kind of children grow up depends on how parents raise them.
is like the recent hit drama "Disappearing Child", which once again confirms one point:
Most of the tragedies in a child's life originate from the parents who gave birth to him.
This drama is dressed as "suspense", but the core of the story is still exposing the influence of parent-child relationship on a person.
Since its launch on August 29, "Gone Child" has caused widespread heated discussions.
Some people realize that holding their children too close will only force them to alienate them; some people see the danger of "coddling" and understand that too much concern is also a kind of harm; some people start to reflect on their relationship with their children.
In fact, parenting is also a cause and effect. Parents are the cause and children are the effect.
The biggest misfortune of the family,
tried their best to raise a problem child
The story begins with a 9-year-old boy named Yang Mo who disappeared out of thin air.
On an ordinary morning, a family of three in 401, Qinglanyuan Community, started their day of "disruption".
's son Yang Mo washed his face, brushed his teeth and had breakfast under the urging of his mother Tao Fangmi, while his father Yang Yuan drove downstairs ahead of time to take his son to school.
But just after the son went out, a strange scene happened. He actually disappeared in the unit building.
Yang Yuan and his wife hurriedly called the police. As the investigation unfolded, the "secret" hidden in this ordinary family gradually surfaced.
It turns out that Tao Fang is a typical " chicken " mother, impatient, strong and capable.
She spent a lot of money to sign up various cram schools for her children, making Yang Mo like a small spinning top, tossing around in schools and hobby classes.
All hobbies that have nothing to do with learning are banned, everything that affects grades is killed, and there is only one goal: let my son outperform everyone.
In contrast, his father Yang Yuan lived a suffocated, useless and helpless life.
At home, his wife thinks that he has little money and no ability;
What about his son Yang Mo?
He did not become a good student with excellent academic performance. Instead, he was rebellious, naughty and naughty. He was also diagnosed with ADHD.".
Under the concept of "learning is the only important thing", there are no entertainment activities for the whole family, even if Yang Yuan wants to take the child back to his grandparents' house, he is not allowed. The airy discipline is enough to make him collapse.
In fact, he did not disappear out of thin air.
This farce is just an escape he planned for himself, escaping from study, escaping from parents, escaping from a desperate life.
reality Among them, there are many parents like Tao Fang and Yang Yuan. They always say "I'm here for your own good", but they don't care about their children's feelings at all.
Especially anxious mothers, they are even more difficult for their children to grow up.
There is a joke that "mother is happy, the whole family is happy", in fact, it is the mother's mood and the father's attitude that determine the temperature of a family.
A mother who is too hard can't raise a relaxed and happy child; If you are a father, you can’t give your child the right help.
You think your child is innocent and simple-minded, but your nervousness, helplessness, and anger will unconsciously be passed on to your child.
Educator Joe Kebre pointed out:
"What a child needs is the tenderness and tolerance of the mother and the rules and boundaries of the father. The combination of the two loves is complete love. "
Children are not another version of their parents' life, nor should they become marionettes in the hands of their parents.
Children are only small, but they are not without their own emotions and behavioral awareness. It is the first lesson that parents should take.
In the cold home,
will never get out of the happy children
The mystery of Yang Mo's disappearance, there is a key figure Xu Enhuai, a little girl from Xia 302.
Xu Enhuai can be described as a proper "other's child", smart and sensible, with excellent grades.
Once home from school, she forgot her keys and was sitting on the stairs waiting for her father, when she happened to meet her in a hurry. The father and son of Yang Yuan in the building.
can wait until it gets dark and her father has not come back, so Yang Mo enthusiastically drags Enhuai home for dinner.
1z As soon as she enters Yang Mo's house, Enhuai's mood suddenly becomes lost. She couldn't help but think of her miserable life experience. Her parents divorced when she was born, and her father, who lived with her, ignored her.
She is not an orphan, but she has no home; she is well-fed, but it is difficult to be happy .
grew up in this environment, no wonder Enhuai appeared, it gives a sensitive melancholy and unpredictable feeling.
In order to capture a touch of warmth in life, Enhuai became a frequent visitor to Yang's family, and came to guide Yang Mo's homework every day after school.
She and Yang Mo are like siblings, so when Yang Mo proposed an "escape plan", she made precise arrangements behind the scenes.
According to her plan, after Yang Mo went out that day, he would go to her house to hide, and then escape in the chaos. Then go to the homestay in the mountains to play together.
But when the Yang family called the police, Enhuai found out that he was in trouble, but he didn't tell the truth right away, he just said "I don't know" aggrieved.
But soon, things went beyond Enhuai's control. She thought Yang Mo was hiding in her house, but she didn't want Yang Mo to disappear.
She clearly had a premonition that the matter had something to do with her father, Xu Anzheng, who was engaged in renovations, but did not dare to give any clues.
Not that she wasn't upset, she was also anxious, but in the end she made herself an outright "outsider".
Enhuai is a good boy in the standard sense, and it is enough to make people sympathize, but in the whole thing, it is difficult for people to like it.
But we can't blame her, because in a cold home, how can you raise a child with a bright heart?
She reminds me of an American radio survey.
When the host asked everyone: What is the happiest memory as a child? As a result, most people remember the most trivial things in daily life.
It can be seen how important the company of parents is to a child.
Child psychiatrist Donald Winnicott once said:
"Raising a child into an emotionally healthy adult requires a certain amount of emotional interaction, empathy, and constant attention from parents as fuel." In the loneliness and emptiness, children will gradually become as indifferent as their parents.
It's not the child's fault, or the child is a victim.
How can you expect your child to have a relationship with others if the parents are alienated from them.
It's easy to destroy a child,
is "overprotecting" him
In the play, Xu Wynn's neighbor Yuan Wu is also a highlight. Yuan Wu, played by
Wei Chen , can be said to have performed the "mourning" of a middle-aged man to the extreme.
He rents a house in 301, suffers from neurosis, is a senior "social fear", and has almost zero self-care ability.
He graduated from a prestigious university but could not find a job;Physical condition is not bad, but was abandoned by his wife.
Later, he became addicted to gambling and owed huge gambling debts, forcing his parents to sell their ancestral home.
Especially after the death of his mother, Yuan Wu has not lived like a person.
He lied to his father that he was going to work, but turned around and entered the chess and card room;
The most terrifying scene is that Yuan Wu hid his father's body in a fish tank in order to continue to receive his father's pension after his father's sudden death. In the shadow of
's death, Yuan Wu was often in a trance and had hallucinations.
And his growth process is also restored in flashbacks.
Yuan Wu is lucky to have a pair of parents who love him very much and grew up with meticulous care.
Whether it's dressing, eating or taking exams, everything he does is arranged by his parents.
Even to find a daughter-in-law on a blind date has to be taught by the mother.
When he was a child, his mother told him to just study; when he grows up, no matter what mistakes he makes, he can be forgiven.
If you are addicted to gambling, just gamble, don't put too much pressure on yourself; sell the house and pay off the debt, as long as the people are there.
Even if his wife couldn't stand his decadence and chose to divorce, his father still comforted Yuan Wu and said: As long as your father is here, you will not be alone.
Yes, parents are the biggest protective umbrella for children, but this umbrella will always grow old one day.
Look at Yuan Wu, when his parents were there, he was barely a normal person; once his parents died, he became an abandoned child of society.
His "unsatisfactory" is infuriating, but I still can't say "he deserves it".
Because, his tragedy was all planned by his parents.
There is a famous "butterfly revelation" in the education world:
The growth of a butterfly must rely on its own strength to break free from the "cocoon".
In the process of it struggling to break through the cocoon, those kind and redundant help will make it lose hope of flying.
The butterfly breaks its cocoon, and so does the child's growth.
Parental doting is the help that comes from love but is absolutely superfluous.
As the old saying goes, in one's life, no one can replace the hardships that one should endure; one must take the road without one step.
The ultimate goal of education is to cultivate people who can adapt to the society and can survive independently, not to raise an obedient and well-behaved giant baby.
Let the child go to practice and let the child suffer a little, so that he can survive in the fierce arena.
Everything has its limits, and the love of parents is no exception.
On September 27th, "Gone Child" ushered in the finale, and all the mysteries were solved.
It turns out that after Yang Mo hid at Enhuai's house, he accidentally discovered a secret passage in the big closet.
He crawled along the passage, but ended up crawling to Yuan Wu's house and was detained.
This passage was opened when Xu An was renovating the house, in order to go to the neighbor's house for mischief.
Xu Anzheng was afraid that the matter would be exposed, so he also went to Yuan Wu's house, trying to join forces with Yuan Wu to kill the child.
Fortunately, at the critical moment, the police arrived in time, rescued Yang Mo, and captured Xu Anzheng.
In fact, the story itself is not complicated. It is an old-fashioned drama about a boy who runs away from home, but accidentally falls into the wrong hands and is successfully rescued.
When the fog of disappearance cases is blown away, what we see is the growth process of different people.
"Gone Child" is not so much a suspense drama as it is a parent-child drama.
Parents are not only their children's guardians, but also their children's "first responsible person".
can neither leave children to schools and hobby classes, nor be too caring, lose the measure of parenting, and can't be born without raising, raised without education.
Everyone is born with a pure white and flawless piece of paper, and what kind of life picture they will have after that depends on how their parents write.
I hope this show will allow us to re-examine the parent-child relationship and find the best balance for "education".
Share with parents and friends.
Author | Jin Shanyue, should have no place to live, and his heart should be born.
Picture | Internet (if there is any infringement, please contact to delete)
