"Whether people can change their destiny, I don't know. I only know that it is Nezha's fate for not recognizing one's fate."
-"The Devil Boy of Nezha"
"Although I choose family now, but if you Really gave me that chance, I went without saying anything." This sentence is worth remembering.
The person who said these words was 50-year-old Yi Nengjing. She said this to Lu Yu during a talk show this year.
Yi Nengjing Luyu interviewed the same scene of
again. 14 years ago, in "A Date with Luyu", Yi Nengjing recalled that when she was 20, she gave up the opportunity to star in a movie in order to fall in love. What she said to Luyu was, "I never No regrets."
From staunchly saying no regrets, to regret now for Ai Xiying, what kind of fireworks have been given over the years, what happened to Yi Nengjing?
Destiny does not give a good game, and she has to work hard to hit a hole-in-one beautiful
Yi Nengjing was born in a patriarchal family. Her parents divorced when she was very young. She lived with her mother. Later, her mother remarried to Japan, but , Their lives are not rich, 14-year-old Yi Nengjing will go to restaurants to wash dishes to make money. Until
was discovered by the famous musician Liu Wenzheng, facing the imminent change of fate, Yi Nengjing felt unreal.
Although she was young and still could not fully understand the concept of being a singer, she finally saw a chance to change her destiny, and Yi Nengjing refused to give up easily.
Despite her mother’s fierce opposition, she bought a plane ticket with all her money, took her luggage early one morning, and flew back to Taiwan from Japan. For this reason, my mother and her have not spoken for three years.
This time, she was lucky to seize the opportunity and became a hit in Taiwan. Yi Nengjing is different from other singers. From her first record, she wrote the lyrics herself.
Yi Nengjing has become the focus of the public, and is known as a "talented woman", loved and sought after by others. In this kind of public attention, there will be a feeling of standing at the top.
01 I can’t help my fate, the same days have never been
Yi Nengjing’s debut has been smooth, and when she was 20 years old, she ushered in the opportunity to star in a movie.
However, just three days before the actor set her makeup, she made a decision to leave again with luggage for an online dating.
is like what she wrote in her lyrics, "For us, love is more delicious than soda. We have never been the same day."
, with the hope of love, she fell into it.
As a result, the person agreed to meet did not show up. Yi Nengjing waited in the hotel alone for a few days, only to wait for the result of the substitution of the heroine of the movie.
Love careers are all in vain, but Yi Nengjing is not hysterical as expected.
Some people have never been afraid of reality, they are only afraid of being forgotten in a corner by life and living a life unchanged.
Yi Nengjing walked all the way, it can be said that she fell continuously and then got up quietly.
25-year-old Yi Nengjing was nominated for the Taiwan Golden Horse Award for Best Actress with the film "Good Man, Good Woman" directed by Hou Xiaoxian.
02 I am not afraid of ridicule by thousands of people, I am afraid that I will surrender to
and return to the career of Yi Nengjing. The talent is known to more people. The relationship and marriage between her and Yu Chengqing has been the focus of attention.
was supposed to be a smooth straight, but because of a hand in hand, fate suddenly turned a corner.
went from being sought after by 10,000 to ridiculed by 10,000, and Yi Nengjing fell to the bottom this time.
In a few years, she had no drama to film, and she was called a liar "actress".
and Yi Nengjing just accepted such a situation frankly. She was not afraid of being ridiculed, only that she surrendered and conceded.
45-year-old Yi Nengjing started a new experiment, directing and starring in the movie "I am the Queen" for the first time.
just, fate did not open her wonderful game. The movie box office ended dismal, and word of mouth was even more unanimous.
looked back on so many years and hits again and again, she said: "I accept it, face it, and let it go."
03 Out of the shadow of the original family, you can find the most beautiful yourself
"During the wandering years, I found myself." Yi Nengjing said this sentence not only to express his views on the fiasco of the movie, but also to express his views on the struggle against fate.
Accept the facts, face the truth, and let go of the shackles.
You think she is at the end, but she feels like she has just been born again.
"Before the age of 45, I lived in the past and made up for it all the time." At this moment, Yi Nengjing, who was middle-aged, began to understand that the person who should make up the most is himself. Because
was unwilling to do so, she kept fighting. This kind of struggle allowed her to find another true self and made her climb out of the bottom again.
At the Tucao conference, she was exaggerated and "stalked", she spoke for injustice on Weibo, cared about charity, and parenting became a model for many mothers. Most people of
and her age have retired, but she still has a lively life.
She is no longer keen on attracting the attention of others, but has begun to take the initiative to pay attention to the world, which makes her more eye-catching.
Yi Nengjing talked about helping the patriarch of
's original family in "A Date with Luyu", so she has been looking forward to someone to understand her, redeem her, and fill her own shortcomings.
has been no one coming. For such a long time, she can only use her own way to make up and redeem, so that the incomplete self in the past can get the illusion of completion.
The reality is cruel and the most real. In life, things are often eager to grasp desperately, and it is easy to slip away, but the process of hard work will open a window when fate closes the door.
Yi Nengjing finally reconciled with herself and began to show the charm and wonderfulness of mature women.
Lucky people have been healed by childhood all their lives, and unfortunate people have been healing their childhood
's lack of love and security in childhood. Many people paint the ground in prison, trap themselves, and then spend their entire lives learning to reconcile with themselves.
Some people say that Yi Nengjing is not a princess, but only has princess disease. This is because the childhood experience is like the shadow of the night, which has been shrouded in her growth.
lacks a sense of security, requires outside attention, and is often accompanied by excessive emotionality. Such a state is called a performance personality.
People with a performance personality are always self-centered, with "I" thinking as their main focus.
is just overwhelming, but things will be reversed.
If a person emphasizes himself too much, he will often lose himself.
Then, losing oneself in ideals and reality is like entering a kind of void space, which is difficult to save oneself.
can only hope for the salvation of others, and gain the sympathy and attention of others through exaggerated words and deeds and emotional release. The formation of
performance personality disorder is related to genes and family environment. The less love the environment, the easier it is to breed such a state. And this state often has some specific manifestations.
1, a high degree of self-centeredness
is always self-centered and only cares about the feelings of the self. The
world is more like a story background for them. Whether they have experienced setbacks or good times, they all think it is a story given to them by the outside world. I am the center of the world and the protagonist of the story. As long as you choose what you want, you won’t regret it. Sometimes I am immersed in my own fantasy, rich in inner drama, and easily moved by myself.
2, attracting attention
Besides self-concern, they also need attention from the outside world. A true protagonist needs someone to support him. They like other people's pursuit and praise, are afraid of a person's inner world, and are very dependent on external emotions.
3, unwilling to reconcile with oneself
Everyone has their own desire to become a person, the more you desire, the greater the distance. The
acting personality often plays the role of their ideal type, but they also know that this is just the masked self, that the realistic self has been there and never changed. How enthusiastic and warm
is toward others on the surface, and how numb and indifferent to myself in the heart. It is precisely because
is standing between ideal and reality and seeing the gap between the two, it is increasingly reluctant to reconcile with oneself.
Therefore, the performance personality is like a prison.In an endless cycle of life mode.
So, how do you get out of this cycle, or avoid this life model?
Actually, performance personality also has its positive side. It just needs a degree to pay attention to the self. Once the "degree" is lost, the self is over-focused and the feedback from the outside world will be ignored.
wants to find a breakthrough and get out of the cycle of life and death:
First, recognize your relationship with the outside world
Yi Nengjing desperately strives for the attention of others before the age of 45; after the age of 45, he began to pay attention to the feelings of the world and devote himself to it. Philanthropy. The seemingly simple behavior of
is actually an inner change.
Everyone is his own protagonist and a supporting role of others. Neither can excessively solicit other people's attention, nor can we give up on ourselves. The value and significance of
's own existence depends on self-objective judgment, rather than external affirmation.
Some people say that everyone grows three times. The first time
discovered that he was not the center of the world; the second time
discovered that no matter how hard he tried, some things would feel powerless; the third time
knew that some things would be powerless, but he still tried his best . The inner strength of
is gradually strengthened by constantly understanding the relationship between oneself and the world. This is the voice of growth.
Secondly, accepting the imperfect self
Consummation always exists in the ideal state, and the shortcoming is another kind of Consummation. Life is not perfect, there will only be the most unique you, not the most perfect you.
writes a list of his strengths and weaknesses on the paper, marking out which ones he likes and which ones he dislikes. Then, at every point, ask yourself, is this really the case? For each point that you don’t like, tell yourself whether you don’t like this behavior or you don’t like this kind of yourself.
These thoughts are like a mirror, which will make you see yourself more authentically.
Once again, giving up is also a choice. Although
performance personality is self-centered, it also likes self-sacrifice. They will find all kinds of reasons and excuses for suffering, and use self-movement to resist suffering.
However, this kind of self-compassion hurts others and hurts yourself, not that the more you sacrifice, you can get the results you expect.
learn to give up, no longer use past pain as an excuse, is to give yourself a timely stop loss choice.
Finally, seeking real security
Yi Nengjing's first half of life can be said to be lucky or unfortunate. Fortunately, one of her choices made her a star and filled some of the vacancies in her heart through the attention of others. Unfortunately, the sense of security from the outside world is often false and short-lived.
In childhood, if you don’t get enough love and care, you will feel insecure. In the process of growing up, it is easy to go astray, through some "false sense of security" to meet their own needs. However, this is only a short period of time satisfaction, and after the excitement is over, they often leave a place for themselves.
Therefore, it is important to find the inner feelings and know what you need. The true sense of security can only be given by oneself, and only when oneself is not afraid of the disturbances of the outside world can one's heart truly settle down.
Yi Nengjing's first half of her life was very lively. Over the years, people have gradually forgotten the songs she sang, the movies she made, and the absurd things she did. But Yi Nengjing, the name is always active in people's sight, and it is getting more and more eye-catching.
has been confused and can't find her "degree". In middle age, her life becomes more and more transparent.
She did not live into her ideal type, nor did she become the protagonist of the story. She relied on her tenacious vitality to get out of her prison and become the ferryman of her life.
