After successfully losing weight, Jia Ling seems to have lost her original sense of comedy, replaced by a sense of coldness and distance.
During the Spring Festival this year, a group of dark horses emerged. I believe everyone’s mobile phones have been completely blown away by Jia Ling who “lost 100 kilograms” and “deadlifted 120 kilograms”.
Just as Jia Ling promised before, she would make the filming process into a documentary and watch it for free. She did it. The
documentary "I Only Live Once" has 4 themes, namely " adventure ", " transformation ", "sprint" and " boxing ". The last episode of
was released on the same day as the movie " hot ".
It can be said that the style of barrage is completely opposite to the positive promotion of previous movies.
Such as, "I have lost weight, but the flesh on my face is still a bit loose", "After losing weight, my face looks 'mean'" and so on.
In the past, for the fat Jia Ling, everyone only paid attention to her joy and high emotional intelligence; now, the thin Jia Ling has also begun to enter the female star track and has to accept the public's judgment on her appearance.
However, these are "superficial" surfaces. What the movie really wants to reveal is not the power of weight loss, but the expectation of the unknown of "who can I become in this year?"
If you only focus on Jia Ling's weight loss, it means that you haven't seen the real core of "Hot and Spicy" yet. Let us talk about
today.
"Hot and Spicy" tells the story of an obese and autistic person who was rejected by his family, abandoned by his lover, and slandered by the Internet. In the process of being hurt again and again, he gradually learned to resist and reconcile himself, and finally The process of learning how to love yourself.
What everyone is paying attention to, what the movie has been marketing, is weight loss.
However, behind the slimmed-down version of Jia Ling in "Hot and Spicy" is actually the rise of a flattering personality.
Just like in the movie, although Le Ying failed to win the boxing match, she lost weight in the process of hard work, letting everyone see her perseverance; at the end, she refused the overtures of her ex-boyfriend, which made us Applause;
Compared with winning the competition, Leying is more important than winning herself. The protagonist Du Leying of
is a person who has low self-esteem but is sincere and kind. It is precisely because of her low self-esteem that she dare not face up to her own needs and always habitually caters to others. However, such people are more likely to feel the malice of the world.
This kind of cycle of showing enthusiasm and goodwill to the world, only to be betrayed, let down, and deceived in return has made Leying form a protective shell of "self-destruction". As long as she stays in the protective shell, she maintains the lowest survival needs. , there is no need to communicate with the outside world, and there will be no harm.
However, Le Ying's shell is very fragile. It is just a thin mask and cannot block malice and harm.
Because Le Ying does not have a core of "self-affirmation" to support her, all the accusations and outpouring of anger projected against Le Ying from the outside world will be internalized by her. It is useless to repeatedly strengthen "I". This deep-rooted inferiority complex psychology.
The only way to break this cycle is to recognize what you want, reject the voices of "accusation" and "denial" one by one, stop giving priority to the needs of others, affirm your own value, and live a more "selfish" life "Some, not wrong.
Today, let us peel back the cocoon and take a look at the process of people-pleasing personality from disillusionment to rise.
(1) Giving in step by step for the sake of others, in exchange for others' "advancing"
On the contrary to Leying, her best friend, sister Ledan, cousin Doudou, and ex-boyfriend Haokun are more "self-consistent" "People, in order to make profits for themselves, will not feel guilty even if others are harmed.
's best friend was secretly with Le Ying's boyfriend, and she was pregnant and planning to get married, so she decided to tell her. Afterwards, she hoped that Le Ying could put an end to the past and clear her name as a bridesmaid, so as not to suffer the infamy of being the "third child".
Le Ying actually agreed to such an unreasonable request.
's younger sister Ledan was in front of the camera one second, venting to her mother, complaining about her sister's faults; the next second she was going to school for her children, hoping that Leying would willingly transfer the house to her without any violation. Hedi played the emotional card, "She is my biological sister."
Doudou is Leying’s distant cousin and hopes that Leying can participate in the recording of her variety show. Before Le Ying agreed to participate in the show, she called Le Ying "sister" one after another, saying that she "needs to record a show before she can become a regular employee", indirectly kidnapping her morally.
But when Le Ying mustered up the courage to stand on the stage for her, Doudou did not hesitate to regard her as a "laughing point". For the sake of "program effect", he maliciously edited and created jokes at will, and made fun of her. Dignity is trampled on with impunity.
is a kind-hearted people-pleaser who always thinks that his tolerance and tolerance can win the "love" of his relatives and friends, but he doesn't know that the people who hurt him the most are the people who are closer to him.
Because the "friendship", "family affection" and "love" obtained by pleasing and not rejecting are not equal from the beginning, the other party cannot see the boundaries of the relationship and will only blindly ask for it. The more they ask for, the more reasonable they feel. As it should be, and when you stop giving, this "love" will immediately turn into "hate".
At this time, the other party's logic will become that if you give, you should, and if you don't, it is wrong and should be criticized.
(2) Don’t know how to refuse, until you have no choice but to retreat, break the first layer of protective shell: run away from home
At the beginning, when faced with the situation where others trampled on her sincerity, Leying adopted a blindly giving in attitude.
Because the background of a pleaser personality is a strong sense of inferiority and "unworthiness".
When Ledan and his mother asked Leying for a house in the name of their children, her reply was, "For the sake of my children, what else can I say?"
In this case, "not giving" is actually a matter of course. Should, or "give" but must be conditional and a fair and reasonable reply.
But for Le Ying, it seemed that she had no other choice but to agree. Why is
like this?
Because Le Ying believes that she does not have the right to control all her property.
Therefore, when others propose a reason for "collective interests", you have no right to refuse. You can only follow the collective decision-making and transfer ownership unconditionally.
was not grateful for his "unconditional contribution" when he was a younger sister, but took it for granted;
faced his younger sister and thought, "Le Ying has not made the same contribution to the family as she has. This house should not be Le Ying's in the first place." "When she made the remarks, she didn't even defend herself verbally. She just ran away from home to vent her dissatisfaction.
's running away from home at this time was not "self-building". It was just that the safety shell was shattered and he was forced to find other shells.
But her mother mistakenly thought that Leying was finally taking the first step to independence, and even encouraged her and praised her.
(3) The second protective shell is broken: imaginary love
After running away from home, Le Ying’s second protective shell is her “imaginary love”.
Her mother stood with her sister. She lost the support of her family and could no longer stay in that home. However, she was still fragile and helpless in her heart, so she began to yearn for love, thinking that love would be her other one. rely on.
From Le Ying's perspective, Hao Kun, a fitness instructor who cannot sell classes, seems to be a mirror, reflecting the embarrassing and humble self that cannot adapt to the society of fake human relationships.
In her eyes, Haokun had dreams at the beginning. When he stood on the stage and boxed, his concentration and dedication fascinated her.
And because of Leying's own sense of "unworthiness", she never fought for what she wanted, and even in the long period of wastage, she had long forgotten what she wanted.
The brief time spent with the boxing coach was like a beam of light shining into Le Ying's black and white life, and learning boxing was like a stimulant injected into Le Ying's lifeless body and mind.
When Hao Kun lost the opportunity to participate in a boxing match because of the favoritism of the shop owner Lao Liang, Le Ying, who was not well-off, advanced her salary and used 5,000 yuan to buy Hao Kun's ticket to realize his dream.
Unexpectedly, when she turned around, she was crushed to pieces by reality. Hao Kun gave up on his dream and accepted a fake boxing fee of 30,000 yuan. Regarding the dream he once talked about, He Leying - in this transitional period, "cannot be on the stage" Girlfriends are abandoned like worn-out shoes.
Haokun has struggled. Given his age and strength, whether to have nothing after the sprint or to give up when things get better and retain dignity, among the two, he chose the latter.
Le Ying is different from the restaurant waiter Ruoxi.
Ruoxi is well aware of the male coach's routine of selling lessons (asking you = selling lessons) and the restaurant owner's verbal "irregularity", but she has her own bottom line and knows how to protect her differences in a roundabout way;
But Le Ying is like a moth, she doesn't know how to express but has a stubborn heart. She doesn't want to look back even if the hot flame burns her body to pieces.
This flame made Haokun see his weak self, burned the greasy self-esteem of the restaurant owner who was trying to take advantage of him, and burned through the indifference and self-righteousness of the "experts" and "audiences" on the job search variety show.
So love left, her job was lost, Le Ying was overwhelmed by the overwhelming abuse on the Internet, and she finally lost all her shell and escape route.
After all, facing the Internet, people have nowhere to escape.
Le Ying's tolerance and non-rejection finally brought satisfaction to all those who tried to take advantage of her. She became the story that the spectators wanted to see, leaving only herself bruised and bruised.
(4) The process of emerging from a cocoon and becoming a butterfly is painful, but in the end it is beautiful.
Reality is not a movie, and many stories end here.
The desire to survive and vitality have been destroyed by reality. They are the only walking zombies who hide from the world. They will always live in their own fantasy world.
However, Le Ying is lucky. The hard work of life finally turned into a heavy punch for her to hit the world.
During the most dynamic period of her life, it was boxing that saved her.
Now she wants to use boxing to bring herself, who once lost everything, back to the light.
During Leying's almost crazy training, the eyes and opinions of people around her gradually changed.
Coach Lao Liang believed that it was impossible for a fat girl like Le Ying to insist on practicing boxing;
but he saw confidence in her persistence. He was originally penniless, so he not only delayed Le Ying's payment of class fees, but also delayed Le Ying's payment of class fees. Finally, she was given a chance to come on stage as a substitute.
However, that's all.
He is realistic and rational. Because of the disparity in strength between the two sides, he does not want to see Le Ying blindly persist in playing the entire game and get seriously injured, so he advises her to stop.
’s younger sister Le Dan, when she was asked what she thought of her sister after the change, she affirmed, saying that the weight loss effect was quite obvious, although she still said stubbornly, “If you want to win, you have to find a man to marry.” .
This is the gratifying part of the movie. The movie does not fall into the cliche plot of "Le Ying immediately wins back everyone's love and respect through hard work". After all, that is unrealistic.
Because from beginning to end, what Leying needs to win back is to reconcile with herself, who was once inferior and insignificant.
Leying's obsession with change is "wanting to win once", not to become different from the past through "slimming down" so as to gain recognition from her surroundings.
And it can be seen that not everyone understands and supports Leying's change.
Even her parents who have always cared about and loved Leying, even if they saw her injured in the boxing ring and burst into tears sitting in the audience, they still supported her idea, but they would still express tactfully that they hoped Leying could come back to help. Home store.
But this time, Leying learned to refuse. There is a scene in the
film. Dad looked at Le Ying's big change and asked her with a smile, if you have two apples, one big and one small, which one should you give to a friend if he needs it?
In the past, Leying would give both of them, but her friends thought she didn’t like apples.When her father thought that Le Ying would not give it to her now, Le Ying said, "It depends on my mood."
Learning to refuse is not just to simply refuse the malicious intent of "moral kidnapping" or other people's unbounded attempts to test you, but also to reject those who stand in the perspective of "for your own good" and even have good intentions towards your life. intervention.
Conclusion
If you want to win once, you really need to live your life according to your own ideas.
Standing in the boxing ring and playing the entire game was a resounding slap in the face to my past powerlessness and to all those who mocked and looked down on me.
There is no need to be overly considerate of others. After living for yourself, what you will get is not the pleasure after "revenge", but a transcendent sense of fulfillment.
During Leying's running, this change in mentality was particularly obvious.
Although the variety show that was maliciously edited and slanderous to herself was still being played on TV, she could no longer pay attention to it and pretended that she had not seen it;
while running, she passed by her best friend and ex-boyfriend who had betrayed her while walking, and she could also ignore it. She didn't know him, so she treated him indifferently and passed him by; after the
competition, the "scumbag" who once abandoned her wanted to get her back, so she could refuse him gracefully, depending on her mood.
To be sure, learning to reject and value your own needs is not the end. After
refuses malicious harm and well-intentioned intervention, he does not look at the world with hostility, and his indifference when facing people who do not understand him or trying to explain himself is the way he truly "wins"!
