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are from the Internet. In "The Legend of Zhen Huan", An Lingrong and first entered the palace, the only person who gave her kindness was Zhen Huan , so she regarded Zhen Huan as a good sister.
During Zhen Huan's avoidance of pets, she specially made a furnace cover for Zhen Huan. Zhen Huan said: "It's a pity to make a furnace cover for such a good material."
She said, it's not a pity, this is the only thing I can get my hands on, as long as my sister likes it.
At this moment, because they are not favorite concubines, there is no distinction between superiors and inferiors, so An Lingrong's gift to Zhen Huan is really really good to her.
But Zhen Huan was just surprised, not particularly happy.
An Lingrong's second gift to Zhen Huan was clothes made by Fuguangjin. Although
was also her favor, it was still the same as the first stove cover, and it was not something Zhen Huan really cared about.
Zhen Huan cares that An Lingrong can support and cooperate with her like Shen Meizhuang , and consolidate her position in the palace.
Ke An Lingrong divided the gift into three parts and gave it to Hua Fei and the queen.
Giving gifts to the superiors is actually An Lingrong's subconscious act to please others. This is the experience she has acquired in her native family.
In fact, it doesn't matter whether or not to send Fuguangjin to Concubine Hua, because Concubine Hua has regarded the three of them as enemies from the very beginning.
Concubine Hua won't change her opinion just because she sells a little better.
And An Lingrong is looking forward to this matter, she hopes to sell it well to others, and others can treat her better.
Therefore, when An Lingrong was so excited when she was rewarded and humiliated by Concubine Hua, was because she felt that Concubine Hua had violated her contract to survive.
She couldn't bear it, so she stabbed villains in private and hated Concubine Hua.
From here, you can find that An Lingrong is wrong about the boundaries of gift giving.
She regards gift-giving as a tool to please others; moreover, she also needs others to reciprocate in return, especially an emotional response.
From An Lingrong's intention to divide Fuguangjin into 3 parts, she can see that she did not really understand Zhen Huan's intention to support her in the position.
She felt that it was still the same as the stove cover, was her most precious thing, and others should be grateful and cherished.
So, when Zhen Huan gave Fu Guangjin to Huanbi (a servant), there was a thorn in her heart.
Zhen Huan knew that Huan Bi had a flamboyant temperament, and An Lingrong would know about this matter, so Zhen Huan's actions actually meant that she was unhappy.
Furthermore, values such as values are subconsciously displayed in everyone's behavioral habits.
Zhen Huan doesn't care about what she owns, but she cares about real things, such as sincerity, which requires tacit understanding between people to have them, not through deliberate maintenance.
She and Shen Meizhuang can achieve that kind of sympathy, but An Lingrong's background and mentality make it impossible for her to get this.
An Lingrong gave Zhen Huan a gift for the third time. It was a reward to Zhen Huan's mother.
at that time, she was already favored Anguiren , and once gave Zhen Huan an abortion pill Shuken glue .
She rewarded Zhen's mother, which is purely a gesture of pride, which belongs to 's typical poor and rich performance.
So, she would say to Baojuan : Those are the Dong'e Ejiao specially paid by the Shandong governor, probably Mrs. Zhen also likes it. When I first entered Zhen Mansion, I thought everything was good, and now it's finally time for me to reward them.
Baojuan wanted to flatter and say she was grateful.
But she said: is not just a repayment of gratitude, but I am finally here today, and I will no longer be rewarded by others' favors.
This is An Lingrong's twisted psychology, she misinterprets the good things of others to her, and the thoughts in her heart are not good.
why is this happening?
I guess, because in her original family, the parents gave too little care, and she needed to fight for everything to get it.
One day when she becomes a parent, she is suddenly in a good mood, and if she gives her a little sweetness, she will feel very happy, and a philosophy will grow deep in her heart: She can imitate this model.
Therefore, when she became the favorite concubine and was in a high position, she also wanted to see how she felt about giving things to others.
Of course, An Lingrong's gift-giving philosophy doesn't stop there. When she was rejected, she was actually very sad.
For example, she once gave the emperor a sachet.
But the emperor just received the gift from Zhen Huan, so she thought not to have so much, so she began to belittle herself, hoping to gain sympathy from others.
got the emperor's affirmation, she would be a little happier if there was anything petty.
In short, she is still testing 's weight in each other's heart by giving gifts to others, she hopes to get feedback from each other, especially emotional feedback.
because that's what she's missing the most in her family of origin.
Therefore, she always has no sense of boundaries when giving gifts. She is clearly jealous of the intimacy between the emperor and Zhen Huan, but she still wants to please and say things that go against her heart.
Overall, An Lingrong's gift-giving philosophy actually reflects the trauma of her family of origin.
First of all, her parents did not give enough emotional care, and she had to care for her mother, and she would feel extremely insecure inside.
Her strength is just a disguise on the surface. Whether it is giving gifts or saying things that go against her heart, it is a way for her to please powerful people. She needs such people to give back their emotions to her.
Secondly, in terms of the rules of doing things, because her family hadn't taught her what normal friendship is like, she subconsciously figured out a set of her own rules of survival.
In this set of rules, she has benefited from it. For example, when Zhen Huan started giving earrings and helped her out, she received some emotional feedback.
Since then, she has been using this set of rules, so that often does things that lose the sense of boundaries in normal relationships, loses Zhen Huan's friendship, and drives herself to death.
So, how should An Lingrong's "gift-giving philosophy" be adjusted?
First, we must correct the mentality of giving and receiving gifts, and remember that the power of psychological suggestion is greater than all.
When you receive a gift from the superior, accept it happily, treat the gift as the love of the other party, and don't extend it to others.
When you give gifts to others as a superior, you should give them happily. Even if you use it as a means to make up for your emotions, you should express your emotions in time when giving gifts.
Don't always imply the idea of "I am giving to others, and others are giving to myself";
Instead, say to yourself, this is the source of my sense of security rebuilding myself, this is me gaining friendship, this is me Healthy emotional connection.
Learn to use your strengths when you are at the top.
You must know that top-to-bottom gifts are very valuable and can be multiplied with half the effort.
An Lingrong gives gifts to Mother Zhen, which is not a problem in itself, she only needs to express her gratitude to her for taking care of herself; don't overplay the inner drama, giving people a feeling of reward, it seems that the rank is too low and the posture is ugly.
Second, when giving gifts, try to give the other person what they care about most.
Sometimes, in a lower position, your most valuable gift may not necessarily be something the other person really cares about.
If the other party is already richer and more knowledgeable than you, you just need to express your sincerity. People have already seen good things.
Your thoughts, What you do with your own hands, what you satisfy the other party's regret, what you make the other party happy, these are the things the other party really cares about.
is like Zhen Huan sending Luo Zidai to Aunt Fangruo, and teaching Cao Guiren to inlay the spring flowers on their nails to compete for favor, all of which are things that the other party has not seen or lacks.
Third, the act of giving gifts is over, how others deal with it is her choice, don't worry too much.
If you care too much, it will appear that your rank is very low, and your gift is just to convey your emotions.
should do a good job in building psychological expectations in advance. This is not to let the other party give you back, but to make you feel comfortable.
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