Bruce Jenner's journey from Olympic icon to trans woman has captured the public's attention so much that few recent stories can match it. Jenna and her family have given Buzz Bissinger the unbridled opportunity to document the fear and doubt, love and courage, tension and trauma of this transformation.
On March 15, 2015, the day the Los Angeles Marathon and countless streets were closed, Bruce Jenner left his bunker on Decker Canyon in Mali at 4:15 a.m. style residence to avoid any possibility of being late. Finding it so early seems unlikely; even the paparazzi would go back to their wormholes to sleep for a few hours before starting to count the bodies.
But anything can happen, like in January 2014, within about 5 feet (6 meters) of the car from the back door of the infirmary, Jenner had a trachea-scraping bandage around his neck. The photos were taken and circulated infinitely on the Internet at breakneck speed, filled with endless gossip. So the more ordinary the car, the better, which is why the black BMW sedan in 2014 was unremarkable in LA's ostentatious consumption.
Jenner is already on hormones. The hair on his body and face was plucked out. He repaired his nose twice and shaved his windpipe. His destination this Sunday was the office of a surgeon who specializes in facial feminization surgery. Pioneered by San Francisco plastic surgeon Douglas Usterhout in the 1980s and 1990s, the treatment includes correcting the hairline, forehead contour, chin contour, and more. He will also undergo breast augmentation surgery.
Ex
The car made it to the Beverly Hills Surgery Center without a hitch. Jenner is nervous. He knew there would be pain and he hated taking any medication to relieve the pain because of how it made him feel. But it's not just physical fear. A few days ago I was playing golf with him at Sherwood Country Club in Thousand Oaks. Kris Jenner has been a member there for 15 years, ever since Kris Jenner was generous to her husband, paying an entry fee of about $225,000. He plays alone, as he almost always plays alone, and a loner says he's not alone, although it's hard to tell the difference.
He doesn't take his game seriously: if he hit, he might already be a zero fee golfer. He often hits two balls at a time, calling out the golfers' familiar "Sit down!" and "Get down!" He likes the tranquility here, protected like a cupped hand by the Santa Monica Mountains cave. It was probably the only clearing he could go to that wasn't surrounded by paparazzi who not only hung cameras around their necks like evil eyes, but also asked, "Are you already a woman?" "Are you still Have a penis?"
"You don't know if you're making all the right decisions," he said. Wearing an unnamed uniform of a blue sweater, grey slacks, hat and sneakers, he shot 517 yards on the par-five second hole as he, as usual, drove the ball at least 280 yards and he was that An athlete who can instantly learn anything. "I wish I was a normal person. That would be much simpler.
'The discomfort of being myself doesn't leave me all day," he continued. "I don't do it for fun. I do this to live. Given his sense of humor, he couldn't help adding: "I didn't do it so I could hit the ball from the women's tee. "
Was it the right decision after almost 65 years of confusion, shame, self-conflict and dishonesty? Can he still live as he did?
He didn't have genital surgery. It is estimated that the There are 700,000 transgender people; only about a quarter of all transgender women have had genital surgery. There is a common misconception that such surgery "must" be transgender in some way, similar to how Certificate from the Transgender Licensing Board. For years, the trans community has tried to make the public understand that genitalia are not gender determinants: You can be born a woman with male genitaliaSex, as if you were born male with female genitalia. Regardless, according to the World Professional Association for Transgender Health's "standard of care," a consensus among leading psychologists and medical experts, it is recommended not to do so for at least one year after transitioning Genital surgery.
Jenner actually went through a different phase of transition in the mid to late 1980s. He took hormones that cause breast growth, and had his beard removed through two years of incredibly painful electrolysis, and he didn't take any medication because "for me, the pain is part of the pain of being myself... It's the result of being yourself." Endure the pain. "
His physical changes were so obvious that rumors began to circulate, including The New York Times calling to ask what happened to Bruce Jenner, especially at the 1976 Olympics. The all-around gold medalist Bruce Jenner, a symbol of masculinity, as integrated into American culture as the Marlboro Man.
Jenner joked about going to Denmark, back to him for four years Beside his young children and become Aunt Heather. This is obviously a bizarre thought that shows his horrific confusion. It can also be seen as a precursor to a broken relationship, where he has essentially lost four children from two previous marriages He got in touch and finally chose another new family whose values were once very foreign to him, the Kardashian family.
He has been living in a village in the mountains of Malibu since he started transgender in the 1980s. In a one-bedroom house, nearly cut off from the world. Plates piled up. In the first year after the Olympics, he made $500,000, but his career stalled. Back then, everything seemed to be Perfect, or the closest to perfect, when you pretend your way of life is in line with the vision of millions of people because that's what they expect and that's what you give them because you're good at it, scary OK. On the same night he won the title in Montreal, he was offered a broadcasting job by ABC (ABC) executive Irwin Weiner.
He auditioned for the film "Superman" The main character, while Jenner is actually one of the greatest actors of our time, it's too much of a challenge without acting experience. He adorns the front of the Wheaties box. He drinks orange juice for Tropicana , Taking pictures for Minolta . He speaks all over the country about the Olympic title he won in 48 hours, attracting crowds. He's red, white, blue. He's like mom and apple pie , topped with vanilla ice cream, extra delicious in a country desperate for that image. He has a tireless work ethic. He beats communist bastards. He's America.
" Jenner is spinning the country like a baton ; he and his wife, Chrystie, are so high on the altar of American heroism that it takes a crane to bring them down,” Tony Kornheiser wrote in The New York Times in 1977 .
He also sneaked pantyhose and a bra under his suit so he could at least feel his real gender identity.
He stopped transgendering in the late 80s. He was terrified of what would happen. He decided he couldn't This is how he treats his four children, Bert, Cassandra , Brandon and Brody. He needs to restart his business. He needed credibility to quell the rumors, and he told me that marrying Kris Kardashian in 1991 gave him credibility and gave him peace and love.
In March, he and Chris lived alone for about a year and a half after their divorce, which eventually led to the end of their 23-year marriage. This gave him the chance to live more freely as a woman. It's not enough. What worries him the most is his and Chris' two daughters, Kendall (Kendall) and Kylie (Kendall)) would react to his transformation. But Kendall is a 19-year-old supermodel, and 17-year-old Kylie has signed deals for various beauty products, except on the E! Network. They are both independent and have bought their own homes, with Kendall owning a $1.4 million condo in Westwood and Kelly owning a $2.7 million home in Calabasas. Now, he felt that the two girls could accept the change, and there was only one last step left.
Bruce Jenner came to the Beverly Hills office thinking the facial feminization procedure would take about 5 hours. Caitlyn Jenner left 's Beverly Hills office at about 10 hours after surgery.
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in isolation during her first day of recuperation, with Caitlyn Jenner lying in bed as much as she can, hoping to get some sleep. The pain was so severe that she had no choice but to take a lot of medication. She had ice packs on her eyes. She closed the ice pack for a while, then the pack suddenly swelled, causing the pack to slip off.
She experienced something that never happened in her 65 years of life: panic attacks attacks. She told the 24-hour nurse she had to get out of bed. Caitlin asked her to turn on the TV so the sound would distract her. This recently purchased $3.6 million home has concrete slabs like artillery turrets you can still see on the Pacific coast today, built to protect against Japanese attacks during WWII , above ground garage 's layer. There are three bedrooms off the long hallway, then the kitchen, dining area and sunken living room, the layout is open plan. The floor-to-ceiling windows in her bedroom have great views of Catalina Island and the Pacific Ocean, as well as glimpses of whales . Because it's on the top of the hill, you can see everything but hear nothing except the sound of the wind beating the flags. There are no neighbors nearby. No parking. It's condensed in silence, and maybe that's what it means to live there, to find comfort in solitude.
Caitlin walked into the long hallway, pacing up and down the dark wooden floor, unable to hear footsteps. Her panic lasted about 15 seconds, but one thought kept running in her mind: "What did I just do? What did I just do to myself?" Caitlin can talk to someone with expertise. The counselor helped her relax. The reaction is usually caused by pain medication, she said. She also said that such post-mortem criticism was human and temporary. Gone is this idea. No buyer's remorse. It doesn't matter anyway, because there's no turning back.
"If I was lying on my deathbed, keeping this a secret, and never doing anything, I'd just lie there and say, 'You just ruined your whole life,'" she told me. "'You never deal with your own problems,' and I don't want that to happen." Bruce Jenner "always lies," she said. Caitlyn Jenner "never lies," she said. Bruce Jenner hurt four children who loved and adored him before devoting his love and full attention to another family. Caitlyn Jenner has the potential to make up for it all, doing what she can to bridge the rift. "I really hope Caitlin is a better person than Bruce," said his oldest son, Burt, 36. "I'm looking forward to it."
"It's not Bruce"
This is the most compelling story I've written in my 38 years as a journalist, and I'm the only writer in the world with unlimited access to Jenner to write stories of global interest , which saw one of the most iconic male athletes take his place in the final months before disappearing. I spent hundreds of hours with this person over a three-month period. Then I spent countless hours with that woman. It felt weird at first, and almost everyone who said it wasn't weird at all believed too much in themselves. It was surreal at first to see Bruce Jenner set 7 personal bests in the 1976 decathlon with a perfectly toned figure, to see him now in an elegant black dress with beautiful boobs . I apologize to members of the trans community who are sensitive to the use of language, I often use "he" instead of "she", and once, out of habit, I called Caitlin a "buddy," and in closed conversations, I would say "Okay,Man, I'll talk to you later".
She told me: "I didn't get hung up. "One day, a guy came in and I was all dressed up -- it's just habit, and I said 'Hi, I'm Bruce,' and I said, oh fuck, it's not Bruce, I screwed it up. "
My blunder has nothing to do with intolerance - I've always been a cross-dresser with a huge obsession with women's leather clothing and openly criticize the often arbitrary division of men's and women's clothing - but because it's a strange story, with The important effort of all trans men and women to enter the cultural mainstream has nothing to do. This is a tragedy, a pain, a hurt, not only for himself, but for the person he should be closest to, a lonely person, a brave person over the years , a funny guy, maybe, just maybe, because it's too early to tell, a victorious guy.
The show has to go on
Or, given Jenner's past, it's all just "documentary" stuff (like, (reality show in fancy suits), Caitlin started in May for the E! network, which premiered this summer. Can you hear the roar of the Kardashian spinoff? He once lost touch with four children for years , none of them have the last name Kardashian. They also worry about Caitlin's striking performance in a special two-hour interview with Diane Sawyer on ABC 20/20 would jeopardize her efforts to maintain the momentum of the transgender movement. Caitlin had already completed her transition when the show aired on April 24. Instead, they feared that the entire narrative would devolve into spectacle and shenanigans interspersed with A little social reason and using paid consultants who are transgender specialists as a guise for social responsibility. She is also someone who used to be easily influenced by the opinions of others. Caitlin insists that will not be the case because as executive producer she Has complete creative control. Her insistence is real. The
kids, collectively known as the "Jenners," are all in their 30s, as down-to-earth as the Kardashians, but they don't feel the same way Through their TV show, the Kardashian kids' relationship with their dad has been public for 8 years. The Jenner kids' relationship with their dad has been under the hood: unless you're a 'with the Kardashians' "Sisters Align" fetish, or you might not even know he has four other kids. Considering their participation in the upcoming E! I'm well aware that their story is more relevant than ever.
They Disagreeing with dad's decision to hire not only the same production company that made Keeps Up with the Kardashians , but many of the same people, including several original executive producers. E! owns The Kardashians The US cable networks with shows like Shannon Sisters, Total Divas, the Royals, and Botched are not known for being subtle. In order to repair their relationship with their father, they—especially Brandon—have been supportive With Caitlin, this support inspires her.
Kim Kardashian & Bruce Jenner
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The last thing the Jenner kids want to do is destroy a rebuilt relationship. Although their father and the E! Jenner kids refused to be on the show, giving up financial interest and exposure in the process. At first, Caitlin didn't seem to care about their decision. She had been hoping they would be persuaded, because she knew from her eight years of Keeping Up With the Kardashians that family dynamics were necessary for ratings success. When she realized that this was the final decision, she became increasingly frustrated, at one point yelling. She told me she felt "very disappointed and very hurt".
Caitlin neither understands the tragic irony of these words nor recognizes her historical propensity for self-harm. Based on hours of interviews with Jenner's children and his two ex-wives, we see a father figure who, after marrying Kris Kardashian, had been absent for several years, indifferent, Hurt, weak, stop trying to stay connected. Caitlin has publicly admitted to me that Bruce Jenner was wrong. Regret is real. Coping with two ex-wives and a third wife at the same time can sometimes be very difficult. But Jenner hasn't seen them for a long time since their puberty,Not acknowledging their birthdays, not attending graduations, and deliberately not accompanying them when their daughters were born were Jenner's own decisions.
Considering that Bruce Jenner is a model father on the so-called Kardashian side, including Kendall and Kylie, the damage can only be deeper.
Along with their father's journey, Jenner's children have also gone through their own. "Love has nothing to do with gender," said his daughter Cassandra. She paused and added: "What he's been through, what he's been in for the past 60 years and the impact that's had on his choices about love and relationships, can't be separated. It's impossible. ." About two weeks after my surgery, I was sitting on the stool across from Caitlin at the kitchen counter. She had listened to Monica Lewinsky's TED talk about what it was like to be the subject of endless online mockery. The conversation struck a chord with Caitlin because it was similar to how she was treated online. There are five pages of notes in front of her. It dawned on me that she was going to give a TED talk with only me in the audience.
the whole process lasted nearly 40 minutes. My heart aches for Caitlin. She's so serious, so hardworking: You can feel the intrinsic goodness in Caitlin and Bruce Jenner before her. He has made mistakes, mistakes that have scarred horribly, but as many have said of him, those mistakes stem from his walking the path of least resistance and a hatred of confrontation.
Bruce is instantly endearing, his voice as light as singing, full of entertainment and confusion, with a sweet goofiness. It's his preferred way of interacting, bouncing along surfaces. But he seems to use this form of communication regularly to prevent emotional connection.
Jenner's second wife, Linda Thompson, remembers telling her son, Brandon, after his father didn't attend his high school graduation: "If he had feelings in his legs, He'll get up and come to you." "But he won't. He just doesn't have that ability." It was late afternoon by the end of the
mock TED talk. Light pours in from the bay window in the kitchen, slanting through the washbasin onto the porcelain sink, Wolf cooktop and sub-zero refrigerator. On the hills of Malibu, the remains of an archaeological expedition were found, a kitchen unremodeled. Then the light suddenly shifted. It slanted across her face, down from the centerline, dividing light and dark perfectly. Caitlin looks stunning in the light. Her facial features are prominent. It's like her facial features are obscured by shadows. I don't know how things will play out. Only where it has gone.
"Nature made a mistake"
When Jenner's sister Pam was a little girl, she found a puzzling thing on the bookshelf of her home in Cornwall, New York one day. It was the mid-1950s, and like millions of other American families in the 1950s, the Jenners had an encyclopedia. Strange to Pam was the way her brother Bruce, 16 months younger, arranged them: A to Z, right to left. She noticed that her brother spelled "saw" as "was" and "was" as "saw". Pam concluded that, like any older brother immersed in his own world, Bruce was just "a stupid younger brother." Their mother, Esther, was confused. As she practiced spelling with her son, she noticed that he spelled every word correctly one day and completely forgot it the next day. "Bruce, you're not concentrating. You're daydreaming," she told him. In second grade, he was pulled down because he was illiterate. The child's father, William, was a tree surgeon and teachers thought he was just lazy.
It wasn't until later that Jenner was diagnosed with dyslexia, a learning disability characterized by difficulty processing language. He is neither lazy nor stupid. He can spell every word right the first time because he has memorized them. He had understandably poor self-esteem as a child. For Bruce Jenner, dealing with his dyslexia has been challenging enough. That's enough for any little boy trying to navigate a rocky edge accepted by his peers. Jenner likes to pray to God when setting life's challenges. If so, then God has prepared for usDouble the amount of food every day.
When Bruce was around 10, he would sneak into his mom's closet, sometimes his sister's. He would put on a skirt and maybe a scarf around his head and walk around outside. Without knowing the clinical term for what he was feeling - gender dysphoria - he found himself "fascinated by it all", like he was "frightened to death that someone would find out". Because no one can talk to him about it. He didn't tell his first wife, Chrystie, until the early 1970s.
In the context of the late 1950s, the notion of a trans woman was foreign to America, and the only public experience was with Christine Jorgensen, a former WWII GI from the Bronx, when her name was It was George Jorgensen Jr.. She underwent sex reassignment surgery in Denmark as there is no such surgery in the US. On December 1, 1952, the New York Daily News obtained a letter from Jorgenson to his parents before the story became public. "Nature made a mistake, I've corrected it, and now I'm your daughter," Jorgensen said in the letter. The result was stunning publicity, but interest was largely erotic and focused on a man with a penis Go to a foreign country and come back with a vagina.
When he was in fifth grade, Jenner played in what was probably the most important sporting event he's ever played. He was the fastest kid in the school. His athleticism allowed him to study football, and basketball at Sleepy Hollow High School before moving to Newtown High School in Sandy Hook, Connecticut in mid-11th grade , he went there again. Outside of school, he also showed that ability when he won the Eastern wakeboard championship. "Sports saved my life," Jenner said. He is popular because athletes are always popular. His unwavering commitment to sports is not just because of his talent, but because it helps to demonstrate his masculinity because, as he told me, "it's what everyone wants to believe." Attended Graceland College in Lamoni, Iowa. He suffered a knee injury that ended his football career. But L. D. Weldon, the coach there, who happens to be a decathlon expert, saw something in Jenner, and Jenner responded. He popped out of nowhere in April 1971 and won the decathlon at the Kansas relay. In 1972, he was selected for the U.S. Olympic team and finished 10th in the Munich decathlon. After the race, Jenner competed in 10 different events over two days, followed by a long run through the streets of Munich. This was the start of his training regimen, and he practiced eight hours a day for the next four years until the 1976 Olympics. The
decathlon was perfect for him, it was not just a sporting event, it was the ultimate expression of masculinity and a shift in his awareness of himself as a woman over the years. He spent most of his life hoping that gender dysphoria would somehow go away, with enough recreation, or at least not to occupy his mind: decathlon training, other sports after the Olympics like professional racing and Tennis, become a pilot, get married and start a family. "You're always thinking in your mind, I can live with it. I can fix this.... As long as I do that, everything will be fine," he told me.
On July 30, 1976, in Montreal, 26-year-old Jenner won the Olympics' toughest decathlon with a world record of 8,618 points. He became a superhero in the aftermath of the Vietnam War, the oil embargo, and the Watergate scandal. In the 1976 Olympic Games, the United States won only one individual gold medal in the men's track event, and not a single gold medal in the women's track event, and was embarrassed by the Soviet Union and East Germany during the peak of the Cold War. This only increases the demand for the Olympics. thousandsTens of thousands watched Jenner on television, burly and lion-like in hair, walking through the Olympic Stadium with a small American flag handed to him by an ecstatic audience.
He's 6 years 2 years old, weighs 194 pounds, is mostly muscular and has a well-proportioned build. Bruce Jenner from San Jose, Calif., wants to be a movie or TV star. After his record-breaking Olympic decathlon win today, he could probably be whoever he wants to be," Frank Litsky wrote in The New York Times.
Although Litsky didn't know it at the time— - Nobody but Jenner's first wife knows, and she doesn't quite know - false words can never be written. It's impossible to be a woman because he won more than one A gold medal, but a gold medal in the decathlon, which means the title of "the greatest athlete in the world." Litsky went on to list some common descriptive suspects -- "a handsome, cheerful, outgoing man, She has long straight blonde hair. "
" People said, oh my gosh, what a great body - you look amazing. It's not what I want," Jenner told me. "I can't really cross-dress. I try to grow my hair long without being scolded. The night of the
award, Jenner and his wife, Chrystie, stayed in a Montreal penthouse hotel suite. This was arranged by his attorney at the time, Alan Rothenberg, as he realized that the Jenners usually Very naive, not extravagant, not planning to find a place to live.
When Jenner woke up the next morning, he walked past the grand piano to the bathroom. He was naked. The gold medal was hanging around his neck. He looked in the mirror The grand entertainment of winning the decathlon is over. Everything will change. Nothing has changed. He doesn't see a big guy. He doesn't see success. It, because he did, this stupid little boy with dyslexia. This little boy knew he was born a girl and now just wants to fool the world.
"What do I do now?" he said to himself Dao.
was too irresistible and perfect for this hungry nation. He signed with ABC almost immediately. In 1977, he was selected by the Kansas City Kings in the seventh round of the NBA Draft. He does endorsements, he gives speeches. He knows he's bullshitting. "Under my suit, I've got a bra and pantyhose and this and that, and I said to myself, they don't know anything about me.
"I walked off the stage and felt like a liar. I'd say, 'Fuck, I can't tell my story. I've got so much to do other than 48 hours in the stadium that I can't say it.'" People are depressed. You are mad at yourself....they have no idea that my heart is empty. Completely empty inside. "
Chrystie
Jenner married Christie Kronover in 1972. They met in college. She is the daughter of a pastor in Southeastern Washington State. Part of the reason she proposed marriage was that she was at United Airlines (United Airlines) works as flight attendants and gets free airfare for themselves and their spouses so they can fly around the world to watch decathlons. In stark contrast to the Kardashian days, they are at California Under the Sequoia , listening to Beethoven , grabbing the rope swing, and jumping into the Russian River. Christie is the breadwinner of the family and a loyal partner in his gold medal winning process.
In 1973, after their newly married Christie noticed a rubber band attached to one of her bra hooks. She asked Bruce about it. She remembered him saying to her, "Oops, I don't know. "Then, plucking up his courage, he brought up the secret of the bra again. "That's why the rubber bands are used. Because I've been wearing your clothes. "
Caitlin in her bedroom.
"He told me he always wanted to be a woman," Christie said. "He told me how it felt when I was a kid. He told me he had different fantasies related to loving women. '
Christie's love for the love he shares with herSomething to be grateful for. "If he wants to dress up or do something like that when he's with me, it's different. But he's still very manly. He's still my hero. He's still on the quest to be the world The goal of the greatest athlete ever. It's not a hard thing to deal with. It's like a message he shared with me and he turned back into a real man....he's strong, healthy look like a pure man.”
Bruce Jenner, played by Bruce Jenner, only has a sexual desire for women. Caitlin has no idea what the future will be like as Caitlyn Jenner. But, she added, it doesn't really matter to her right now. "If you had 10 reasons to be transgender, sex would be number 10." It should also be emphasized that there is no relationship between sexual preference and gender identity.
In September 1978, Christie and Bruce gave birth to Burton, or Burt for short. His name comes from Jenner's younger brother, who died in a car accident shortly after the Olympics, the day he was supposed to fly to California to live with Bruce and settle down in hopes of attending state college.
The marriage started to fall apart. They were separated for a while and then reunited. Chrystie was pregnant; in a 1980 interview with Playboy, Jenner said, "My first reaction was I don't want it," and he made her consider an abortion. They separated permanently when Christie was pregnant with their second child, Cassandra, now 34. She has two young children with her husband, Michael Marino.
Cassandra, a stay-at-home mom who graduated from Boston College in 2001, told me: "I didn't know he was born when I was around 13 when we were arguing over money on the phone. No." "He kept saying, 'You don't know the whole picture.
' I hung up and asked my mom what he was talking about until she came clean about my birth history.
Jenner told me he was divorcing Christy when he found out she was pregnant. He said he proposed an abortion but turned it down 30 seconds later. He was in a Kansas City hotel when Cassandra was born room. He cried, but "I couldn't even see myself there in that situation. "
Linda
Jenner started dating Linda Thompson-son, a country music and variety show "Hee Haw" actress who went on to become an accomplished songwriter Writer. (She co-wrote "I Have Nothing," a song made famous by Whitney Houston with her second husband, David Foster.) Bruce Met Linda at the Playboy Mansion during a tennis tournament. Jenner divorced Christie in 1980 and married Thompson a few months later, in January of the following year. She was pregnant with their first Son Brandon.
He was on the cover of Playboy magazine with Linda Thompson in May 1982. He was shirtless (but not hairless). Linda appeared to be wearing a low-cut corset , her lips and nose were sensually against his cheeks. In a question-and-answer interview, he talked about his "masculine qualities", their healthy sex life, and a wonderful marriage a year later. In hindsight, it's clear , he was desperately trying to keep his identity in a society that still largely condemns trans women and men.
They had been married for over four years and had two children when he told Linda about his gender dysphoria , Brandon and Brody. She said she was shocked and broke. Brandon was 3 1/2 years old and Brody was 18 months old.
They had counseling but Thompson told me the therapist said it was the case It's never going to go away." 'You can live with him when he's transgender, you can develop a relationship with him that you might think of as a lesbian because, you know, you can stay married to him. You are both women, but he is attracted to you. He wants to stay married to you. If you are not interested in the job, you can also change jobs. "
and I choose the latter because I'm married to a man....even though I think myLife and dreams are ruined, I'm going to have to get a divorce, and my kids, but one day I'll have to explain it to them - I don't think my pain can compare to the pain he was in. At least I am comfortable living in my own body.
Jenner described the mid-to-late 80s as the "dark years." He had no social life. Career opportunities were dwindling, in part because he wasn't motivated to work and didn't seem to care. He moved from ABC to NBC, approx. In 1983, his contract was not renewed. He was tired of speaking. His acting career was in a feature film in 1980: Alan Carr's Crazy Music Can't Stop, Steve Gutenberg Greg, Valerie Palin and a group of country folks try to use the disco era to make a totally weird movie. It's so badly hyped that it's sociologically appealing to watch today. But it won 1980 The Raspberry Awards for Worst Picture and Best Screenplay; Jenner was nominated for Worst Actor but lost to Neil Diamond of The Jazz Singer. The White Tiger of Glenblin is a film for TV-produced movie, Jenner plays a white quarterback on the Grambling State football team with Harry Belafonte as legendary coach Eddie Robinson. But that doesn't push him forward.
guides him Life's diversions were running out. But gender issues weren't going away; if anything, they were intensifying. Jenner told me: "Gender issues were big at the time. "I've been ignoring them for too long, but I'm getting older."
"I Don't Want This"
During his first attempt at sex change in the mid-to-late 1980s, he took hormones, shaved his beard, and Had nose plastic surgery. These changes are obvious. Brody Jenner, 31, is a regular on reality TV and his new show, titled "Sex with Brody," debuted on E! this summer at about age 4 At the same time, he said to his mother, "Mom, we saw Dad's boobs come out after taking a shower." Rumors began to circulate in the media and were suppressed. "I was terrified of being found out," Jenner said. "I'm not happy with myself in my life.
" 'I don't want this' is the bottom line. Who would want to deal with all this....I looked at the man and said, oh my gosh, wouldn't it be great if you could just be yourself, male or female? So when you wake up in the morning, When you get dressed and go to work, this question of identity doesn't even exist.
"You're happy to be yourself. You've got a beautiful wife and this and that.... I look at women and think the same thing: If you wake up in the morning and get dressed and go out and live your own life, this Wouldn't it be nice?"
But the circumstances at the time terrified Jenner. There are only a few well-known cases of transgender people. The social environment for transgender men and women remains extremely difficult. Johns Hopkins Hospital, which gained public attention in 1966 for its support of sex-change surgery, stopped it 13 years later because of a controversial study by a psychiatrist at the hospital Patients who underwent gender reassignment surgery were no better at psychosexual adjustment than those who did not, the report said. The medical school's chief psychiatrist, Paul McHugh, was instrumental in the decision, and his opposition to sex-sex surgery has been viewed by activists as bordering on religious fanaticism. McHugh concluded that the only radical and misleading procedure was a frontal lobectomy.
In the same year, 1979, Professor Janice G. Raymond published The Transgender Empire: The Making of Women and Men. "I think the best solution to transsexuality is to morally force it to go away," she writes in the book. Thanks to the Golden Globe-winning Amazon TV series "Transparent," as well as writer Janet Mock and "Orange Is the New Black" star Laverne Cox Laverne Cox) and other transgender female spokespersons. (Last year, Cox was on the cover of Time magazine with the headline "A Turning Point for Transgender People.") However,Only 19 states have laws protecting transgender workers.
Chris
Around 1990, Jenner stopped transitioning. He decided he needed to "get back into the game". He was completing a celebrity fishing show with former Los Angeles Dodgers first baseman Steve Garvey in Ketchikan, Alaska, when Garvey's wife Candace offered him and Chris Kardashian (Kris Kardashian) match. She divorced Robert Kardashian, who rose to fame and perhaps notoriety as O.J. Simpson's friend and attorney, and died of cancer in 2003 at the age of 59. Candace mentioned that Chris lives in Beverly Hills and has an extraordinary fashion sense and shopping skills. Jenner wasn't interested at first. "I was thinking, the last thing I need is a Beverly Hills shopper," Jenner said. "I don't need that. No offense to customers. That's a look at this woman who sits in Beverly Hills all day shopping at the mall," Candice said, thinking on second that it's not going to work because Chris and Jen Like Na, has four children. Then Jenner got interested: "She came with a lot of baggage like me."
They hit it off, and seven months later, in 1991, they got married.
How much Bruce Jenner told Chris about his gender identity is a moot point: Neither side wants to show hostility, but there's little to no consensus on both sides. Hormonal breast growth is irreversible. Jenner insists that when he met Chris, he was a "good solid B cup". It's about the same as "having a bit of male breasts," but "no B cups," she said.
At the heart of this question is how much Jenner, or anyone with gender dysphoria, has a moral obligation to tell a future spouse about his or her condition. "When I met Bruce," Chris said, "he told me he had been working on hormones back in the early '80s. It was a conversation that happened in the early '90s. So, what he told me happened in Ten years ago, but he never really explained it." In Kris Jenner's view, "There is no gender issue. No one mentions gender issues. Someone mentions that there was a time in his life that he liked to dress up."
He told Chris that he had been taking hormones in the late 1980s until the year they met. He also emphasized that, in addition to breast development, hormones have other side effects. He thought it was unbelievable that she said she didn't know about his gender struggle. But he also admits, "One of the mistakes I made was probably not getting her to understand - not the seriousness of the problem, but the fact that you couldn't get out of it. From that point of view, I'm probably a little bit shaken, kind of like' That's my job.'" He said he did dress up in front of her. But in the end, he said, she set the rules: He could wear cross-dressing when traveling alone, but not at home.
Chris said he never cross-dressed in front of her and the only evidence is "a couple of times I've seen the house full of suitcases or something." She also said she never made any rules.
At first, according to interviews, Jenner's children from her first two marriages and Chris' four children from her first marriage -- Courtney, Kimberly, Khloé, and Robert Jr. -- were a happy union. Eight of them performed together under the name "The Jenners" at the Jenners' wedding. The Jenner children continued to live with their mother, but they said they often visited their father's house and Chris hugged them. Then everything stopped.
The kids insist that Chris betrayed them. Chris said she and her husband stopped seeing the kids, "because you just get to a point where you're always besieged and exhausting. We keep asking to see the kids and get no consent, we don't have Any progress. I don't think the kids are really hearing that." Linda Thompson, who gave up child support in her divorce, took her ex-husband to court for support, further straining their relationship. Jenner told me that the lawsuit had a very negative impact on Chrissy's willingness to integrate the two.
Jenner admits that his focus is on Kendall, Kylie and his four stepsons, arguing, "I can hope for a relationship with Jenner's side once they're old enough and mature enough to step out of their mother's apron Down."
"His" daughter Ken Bean Jenner
Burt Jenner, owner of West LA Dogs, a doggy daycare center, says he can't recall seeing him every year for about 10 years to the father more than twice.
Brandon Jenner, 33, who formed a successful indie pop duo with wife Leah, still maintains a sporadic connection with his dad. But even he went through two or three years of silence. The other two children also went through a long period of not seeing their father at all. Jenner said he wasn't invited to a landmark event like his high school graduation, and he would have been if he had known; the kids and their mothers said he was invited and, in some cases, didn't even respond.
When the Northridge earthquake hit the Los Angeles area in 1994, Brandon, then 12, told his mother that his father called to ask if the family was okay. Bruce called, and the mother was delighted. "Mom, I'm just kidding," Brandon told her. "I think the nail in the coffin of this relationship was the start of the 2007 TV show,"
Burt said. "There's something you don't belong in -- Chris chose to make a great show that fits their image and brand. ." As she wrote in a book she wrote, "Kris Jenner and All Things Kardashian," "Walking With The Kardashians" and "Walking With The Jenners" are not the same titles.
family affairs
Bert is now wondering if it would have been better for him if his dad wasn't an Olympic champion. "It's very difficult to have a father to look up to," he told me. "It would have been a lot easier if he hadn't won the Olympics."
Burt, like his father, was a formidable race car driver. In 2013, he won NBC's Octane Academy competition, winning $50,000 and a car. "My father taught me on the sports field," Burt said. "Believe in yourself and go for the win."
But Burt, who is known for his outspokenness, also said: "I'm very lucky to have an amazing stepfather to fill the void.... At the end of the day, there's no way I can get around I've been through it. I'm so grateful and I feel so lucky to not have my dad in my life....I learned how to open doors, how to shake hands, how to look people in the eyes. These are things my dad would never teach me Yes."
Jenner does have regrets. "I made a lot of mistakes while raising the Jenners' four kids. I had to deal not only with my own problems, but with my ex's. (It was) very painful, there was a lot of chaos in my life, I'm not as close to my kids as I should be."
In fact, during one of the most difficult times in his life, the transition period in the late 1980s, they found a caring and loving father . As Cassandra puts it, he's a better parent when he's "walking toward his true self." Speaking of her father, she said: "I would love to trade an indifferent father for a loving and caring mother."
Keeping up with Bruce and Chris
After marrying, Kris Jenner takes over her husband's deteriorating cause. She got rid of Jenner's liaison and she resumed his speaking appointments. He has appeared in ads for Eagle Eyes sunglasses, a fitness equipment called SuperStep and other products. They did an infomercial series called "Bruce and Kris Jenner's Super Bodybuilding." These efforts were financially successful.
But Jenner told me that after Keeping Up With the Kardashians started and became a huge hit, the two's relationship changed. "For the first 15 years I felt like she needed me more because I was the breadwinner.... When the show was a hit, she was running the whole show, getting good reviews, she had her own money, and from that perspective Say, she doesn't need me that much. Their relationship is different.
"I think in a lot of ways she's getting more intolerant of me. then i'll be upsetIf you die, the relationship will fall apart. "
People just have to watch a show to see the interaction. "A lot of times she's not very good," Jenner said. "People will see how I was abused." She controls the money...that sort of thing.
Kris Jenner admits that she "hasn't had as much time as she used to" due to the growing Keeping Up with the Kardashians empire, which has quadrupled her workload. Bruce was often angry and frustrated in the last few years. "He was married to me, he wasn't who he wanted to be, so he was miserable. . . All I did was work hard for my family so that we could Both have a bright future, he was angry.
"Bruce did have a lot of social anxiety around the time I broke up with him," Chris said. "That's one of the reasons we're struggling at the end. We're fighting a lot because we're going out a lot together, and before we get to the end of the block, we're fighting because he starts asking, 'When can we go home?'"
is now impressed by how her husband, after fully embracing life for most of the marriage, "just decided I'm over now" and didn't explain his gender dysphoria until after their divorce. "This is the most passive-aggressive I think I've ever experienced."
She rhetorically asked her ex-husband: "If that's what you wanted since you were a kid, why are you getting married and having kids?" Why don't you explain it all to I listen?"
Jenner said, in his view, the breakdown of the marriage had less to do with gender and more with the way Chris treated him: "20% gender, 80% me the way they are treated. They broke up in June 2013. He rented a house in Malibu. They divorced peacefully last September. The agreement was reached without a lawyer, Jenner said, showing that "we are in this together." Had a wonderful 23 years". He said he kept the contract that belonged to him and she kept what was considered hers. The agreement, filed in Los Angeles County Superior Court, said their goal was to distribute assets equally, but Chris is almost certainly much richer than Bruce because she owns all the business interests and intellectual property to her name, including Keeping Up with the Kardashians and its spin-offs.
Jenner knows that at some point, he will not be able to Does not tell his children his gender identity. But in December 2013, he got a call from TMZ asking if he had just had a medical consultation for a tracheotomy, and any right to privacy he should have been irretrievably lost Jenner remembers pulling over to the side of the road. He pleaded not to publish anything because it would "destroy lives". None of these pleas were successful. The item appeared online. The night after it was published, he rented it in Malibu Came pacing the hallway of the house thinking about killing himself with the gun he had kept in the house. He decided not to do it.
But he also realized that as the story went on, he was going to have to tell his Kids. He also knew that he needed a strategy now to finally make his transition public. TMZ's disclosure took away any rights to his own timeline. He started with Brandon and told each of his separately Boy, Brandon's response was unequivocal: "I've never been more proud of you. "The rest of the Jenner family reacted similarly. They had become aware of their father's female identity. Bert and Cassandra were told by their mother about 20 years ago when they were 13 and 11 years old. Brandon Thought it was because of an apparent physical change. Brody's mother didn't tell him until he was 29. "I was almost relieved when I heard the news. Because it made sense when I was growing up," Brody told me. "The reason, like why he wasn't there. Do not. I finally realized that he had his own problems to deal with at the time. "
About a year ago, Brandon and Brody got a clear sense of their father's life when they went surfing at their Malibu rental. When they put on their wetsuits early in the morning, they saw the lights inside were on. Yes. Brandon walked over to say hi, then came back quickly to tell his brother that they needed to leave immediately because he had just seen their father in robe and earrings in front of the computer. Because they knew their father was a woman , so not shocked. But they also knew he didn't want them to see him dressed like that. Brody said: "He got up at 4:30 in the morning, probably because he wasn't tired, butAlso because it's the only time of day when he can really do what he wants to do. "It's so sad when you can't be like this all the time. "
Jenner's kids are both happy for their dad and inspired by his bravery. They also feel that there is now an opportunity for their relationship with their dad to grow.
Cassandra said: "I feel when he He is the closest person to us, and the best parent, in moving toward who he really is. "
As part of the transformation, Jenner started throwing on and off smaller parties known as "girls nights," casual occasions where Jenner can dress as she pleases and feel natural and comfortable in the presence of women. Cassandra first met Caitlin on a girls night. Cassandra said: "I was just worried that I wouldn't make her comfortable. "I was worried that I would say the wrong thing, behave badly, and look less relaxed. "But by the time she got there, almost all the ice had melted. "We talked more than ever. We can be girls together. "
is her world now
For the Jenner kids, the issue of transition has become an irrelevant issue. They still see their father as their father regardless of any gender label. Brandon said he was a little surprised when he saw Caitlin for the first time after the surgery and she pulled up her top to reveal her new breasts. "Wow, I'm still your son. He reminded her gently. But the moment passed easily. After so many years of disconnection and hurt, the most exciting part of this transition was the restoration of the relationship between Jenner's children and their father.
Except that the upcoming E! documentary poses another hurdle. The kids believe that with the right producers, the show can be great on multiple levels, including raising public awareness of transgender issues, just Like Sawyer's interview did.
The documentary will be produced by Bunim/Murray, which has produced The Real World, The Simple Life, The Bad Girls Club, and of course, with The Kardashians Walk Together. Bunim/Murray is credited with inventing reality TV: no one does it better. But it's not your typical reality show. Their dad firmly decided to use some of the production 10 The producers and most of the staff on the Kardashian series, which only fuels their fears that the show is going to be the most messy and the least socially conscious. Kids say they're interested not their own financial interests, but to secure the legacy of their father, who may be the most socially influential athlete since Muhammad Ali.
at Jenner's house with another unselected When potential producers met, Brandon succinctly expressed his concern: "You go to the E! Bunim/Murray website and you watch all the shows, every one of them is a circus. "
Bunim/Murray and E! It's the opposite of inspiration," he said at the conference. "Oh my gosh, we're going into the lion's den - they're going to do a Jenners and Kardashians show."
Brandon Jenner wants his dad to know it's just a show A disagreement that occurs in the family. He wants his father to know that he loves her and adores her like all the Jenner kids do, just like he wants his father's love to not become conditional as it used to be.
"It's a quarter of [her] life. But in our relationship, [her] relationship with the kids is the first season. No matter this show or whatever, this relationship will have a fourth season .I imagine the fourth quarter is having a 15 or 16 year old daughter who knows her grandparents are 'Mapa' or whatever a dad wants to be and loves that real grandparent."
E! The company's show Supervisor Jeff Olde hopes the kids will decide to attend after seeing the quality and style of the show. He respected their decision and knew it was "out of pure love." He also said that it will be a competition with other E! products. "This isn't a Kardashian spinoff at all.... We're not going to resort to spectacle. But that doesn't mean we can't have fun with it."
"We all love ratings," Alder said, "but We understand the power and responsibility of being able to share this story."Der, a married gay man, said he and his husband fought for equal rights for nearly 20 years. "On a personal level, it's way beyond TV. If there's one thing I've done right in my career, it's this."
Executive Vice President of Development and Program Production at Bunim/Murray Jeff Jenkins agreed with Alder, saying that "ratings are not the show's goal." "It's telling his story the way Bruce wanted." Bunim/Murray has produced several popular shows about members of the LGBT community, including Pedro Zamora, who His groundbreaking involvement in 1994's The Real World: San Francisco made him one of the first openly HIV-positive gay men to appear on prime-time television.
has many people who think that the E! series, while it may be slightly elegant, is just a money-making gimmick. Caitlyn Jenner is as ready for criticism as she is for answers.
"Oh, she's doing a stupid reality show. She's doing it for money. She's doing this, she's doing that." I'm not doing this for money. I do this to help my soul and to help others. If I can make a dollar, I'm certainly not stupid. (I have to pay) the house payment and that sort of thing. I would never make excuses for such a thing. Yes, this is business.
"You're not going to change your gender for a TV show. Well, it's not going to happen. I don't care who you are. It's not going to happen, okay? You don't."
Caitlin's mother, 89 Esther, while immensely proud of his son's courage, is like many people curious about his motives. "I woke up one night thinking: Why is it necessary for (Caitlin) to have so many surgeries?" Esther said. "Is it all about making money?" This has always bothered me. The last 25 years of his life - I don't know if it's both him and Chris, or mostly Chris - seems like their way of life is all about money; that's why I thought about it. "
This lifestyle is materialistic like morbidly obese, but Jenner was never involved in it. I can say unequivocally that he actually hates spending money. That house that I recently bought did cost $360 $10,000, but that's low by celebrity standards, and it's backed by a mortgage. These expensive things, a 2011 Porsche 911 GT3 RS worth about $180,000, and a country club membership, It was all a birthday present from Chris. I was fascinated to watch him take the golf ball out of the water hazard with a pole on the 6th hole of Sherwood Course so he wouldn't have to buy it himself, he was honored The ball with the "99" stamped on it was returned to club member Wayne Gretzky. The
legend became her
It was in early May and Caitlin had just received three letters from transgender women, Thank you to her for this interview, to ABC and Sawyer for handling this with dignity. One of them reads "Bruce Jenner, Malibu, CA" as if she has become her own country. It's hard Believe it or not, 16.9 million people watched the game on Friday night.
"To be honest, I've been so excited to check my mailbox every day since that Diane Sawyer piece came out, Because I hear from these people every day from all over the world,” she told me. “I get so much from trans women, telling their stories and how excited they were to read Diane’s piece. "
She sat with the Kardashians between Kendall and Kylie for the first time, watching ABC's East Coast interview with Sawyer. The two youngest were worried people would react negatively, but when They were only relieved to see news from celebrities on Twitter — lady Gaga, Miley Cyrus, Oprah Winfrey, Jimmy Fallon and a dozen others. Caitlin watched it for the second time at 9pm with the Jenners' four kids and their mother. Brandon called the experience "one of the best nights of my life".
"Was it hard to watch? Of course it was," Caitlin told me. "I never thought, in a million years, I would have to divulge such private, intimate feelings of my life... .I'm also excited to talk about it. Scared, but excited. "
The response from the celebrity community has been overwhelmingly positive, perhaps because Caitlin Jenner is also a member of the club. There are an estimated 700,000 transgender men and women in the country, almost all anonymous, and too many of them suffer from Occupational discrimination and violence. In 2013, a 2013 report co-authored by multiple equality and human rights groups, including the Human Rights Campaign, found that the unemployment rate for transgender workers was 14%, twice the rate for the general population;44 % are underemployed; 15% have household incomes under $10,000, compared to 4% of the general population. The 2010 National Transgender Discrimination Survey Report was based on a Some 6,500 responses to an extensive questionnaire concluded that the suicide attempt rate for trans women and men is a staggering 41%, compared to 1.6% for the general population.
I can say that Caitlin looks very happy , relaxed, with a strong sense of purpose and self-confidence. Now, when she goes out, she can't wait to tell the paparazzi "make sure it's a good photo" instead of begging customers to block her in the parking lot of the local Starbucks Paparazzi. She's looking forward to rebuilding the "girls night" vibe more regularly, "everyone treats you the same way. "You can say whatever you want. You can talk about clothing. You can talk about hairstyles, makeup, whatever you want. It becomes no big deal."
She is aware of the poor living conditions of many trans women and men, and says In her E! she will focus on issues such as how to reduce suicide and suicide attempts. Caitlyn also plans to do a session to see if she can still hit the golf ball 300 yards from the tee, even with her massive breasts. A road trip is planned where Caitlin and several trans women will travel from the Los Angeles area to San Francisco in an RV to visit a trans youth center and then to Napa Valley.
She says she now accepts kids about the E! series. "I think it's better for the show now. It allows me to focus and not be distracted by family issues."
Recently, Caitlin went to Brandon and Leah's house, probably to make peace, Not for one last enticement, but to help plant a garden. "I think there will be new developments in the relationship," Brandon said. "I hope our relationship will blossom, we will turn a new page, and I just want a sustainable relationship." I just want to show the best part as possible. Caitlyn will make her public debut on July 15 when she will be presented with the Arthur Ashe Award for Courage at the ESPN ESPYs in Los Angeles. Past winners of the award include Muhammad Ali, Nelson Mandela and Billie Jean King All 10 of her children and stepchildren will be on stage when she accepts the award.
Another kind of gold
I last saw Caitlin on May 6th. This is with Annie Leibovitz ( At the end of Annie Leibovitz's touching photoshoot for Vanity Fair, Leibovitz burst into tears at one point. "I feel like I saw Caitlin growing up," she says. She's right. She's portrait Lying on the sofa, looking like an elegant starlet, only missing a cigarette holder and dark oval glasses. Mixed with Gloria Swanson from "Sunset Boulevard" ), as if Caitlyn was making love to the camera, saying "Okay, Ms. Leibovitz, I'm ready for a close-up. "Her fear of being uncomfortable with herself is gone. It also means the comfort of others she's with is effortless.
For the shoot, the house is packed with production assistants, makeup artists and costumers, giving made it alive, which just a few weeks ago seemed impossible. She really should move. She no longer has to be alone on the top of the mountain.
lastAfter the photo was taken, Jenner thanked everyone present. She was well groomed, pampered, and looked good, and the response was just as satisfying. The gold medal for winning the decathlon was kept in the safe at the Hidden Hills home where she and Chrissy lived, and now she has finally found it. on the table in front of her. "What a beautiful day," she said, stroking the medallion. Then her eyes turned red and her voice softened. "But it's been a lot better the last few days."
Cassandra. When she heard Caitlin speak, she saw a vulnerability and authenticity that she had never experienced before. She walked over to the sofa and sat next to Caitlin. The past moment is still there, there is no way to know the future moment, but in the space of that moment is what you might hope for, a daughter and her father, a father and her daughter.
