Author introduction: In this case, the coordinates are Chengdu, and I like reading, food, and travel. If
reviews this summer's hottest dramas, " Xinghan Splendid " will definitely be on the list.
This drama is so popular, in addition to the sweet and abusive emotional scenes, the vivid and vivid characters with different personalities are also quite eye-catching.
, especially , Zhao Lusi, and 's heroine Cheng Shaoshang is completely different from the common characters in previous romance dramas. Her temperament is rebellious, she will repay her retribution, and her grievances are clear; her vitality is tenacious and vigorous, she is neither obedient nor self-pity, always trying her best to hold her destiny in her own hands.
She lived herself as a ruthless character who was "not easy to mess with", but was loved by many people and gained admirable love, friendship and kinship.
how did she do it? What kind of "not easy to mess with", can really help oneself guard the border and win respect, but not make enemies everywhere and become a loner? Let's take a look at how Cheng Shaoshang in the play does it.
01. Facing bullying: having the courage to fight back
Cheng Shaoshang is the daughter of a middle-level military general. . .
In the Ruyang Palace, other high-ranking girls laughed at her for her lack of knowledge, and she had never eaten such a delicate food as candied dates. Cousin Cha Cha was so ashamed that she felt ashamed. But Shaoshang didn't rush, and retorted: If there were no military generals who were born and died outside, how could you live so comfortably, and you disliked the vulgarity of the generals' family members, which only shows that you have no gratitude. With some remarks, the other party was speechless.
Then, when others designed it to try to push her and her cousin into the water, she ignored the image of a lady and started the fight directly. The traditional culture of
emphasizes "gentleness, kindness, respect, thrift, and concession", but this does not mean that there is no sharpness in being a person. is not all forbearance and retreat, can be exchanged for the sky. Blindly forgiving will make the other party even more arrogant. Yu Yanran in
" Do You Know " is a negative example. She was the eldest daughter of the family and loved by her grandparents, but she was timid and cowardly. Back off. As a result, it was not a quiet time, but was repeatedly oppressed and ravaged, and even the relics of his mother were taken out by others as polo jackpots, which was really embarrassing.
This is the "internal reinforcement effect" of psychology, which is that some people "get what they want by grabbing the interests of others. If the other person keeps loosening the boundaries, he will keep repeating this behavior."
at In the fable of the hedgehog warming each other, the two hedgehogs will find a distance that can keep warm without being punctured by repeated adjustments. But if one of them is a little white rabbit, the hedgehog will definitely get as close as possible without any scruples. In the face of bullying,
resolutely fights back. This kind of aggressiveness and fearlessness is the thorn in our body, telling the other side to pay attention to the boundaries.
" is not easy to mess with", it doesn't mean that you are full of anger and are always ready to pick things up; it's that when you are offended or hurt, you don't swallow your voice because of cowardice, nor do you calm down because you are soft-hearted. Boldly release your aggression and resolutely defend your principles and bottom lines.
02. Facing injustice: Wisdom to argue
When we fight back, it takes not only courage but also wisdom. The Gu Tingye in
"Do You Know" was also rebellious when he was young, but because he lacked a strategy, he was always plotted, resulting in a discredited, betrayal of relatives, and the sons of noble noble families, but they were living in the rivers and lakes, helpless.
However, Cheng Shaoshang is different, she is both courageous and intelligent. This is vividly displayed in the book case storm.
Once, her brother took pity on her and gave her his bookcase. In order to compete for the status of the family, the concubine's maid forcibly grabbed the past. The maids on both sides huddled together. The mother is preconceived, and without understanding, she believes that Shaoshang is narrow-minded and covets other people's property, and immediately sent people to escort him to reprimand. In the interrogation place, a maidservant with a sword hanging from her waist stood solemnly, while her mother's face was full of coldness, and she scolded fiercely.
's mother fights all the year round, manages the family in a way of governing the army, and even the younger brothers will be afraid if she gets angry. But Shao Shang was not intimidated in the slightest. She has a calm expression and a clear head, and she will find her in a moment.When you reach the key point of the matter, talk a few words, then find out the whole story and exonerate yourself of the crime.
The mother didn't want to punish her maid for the sake of her face; the elder brother was worried that Shaoshang would be punished, so he also tried to minimize the big issue. But the small businessmen are not willing to do so. In her opinion,
is so obviously unfair, if it can be easily let go, there will be a next time.
Her unwillingness to give up is not coerced by emotions, but a sober decision after weighing. She does not seek justice, nor does she expect her mother to show compassion, but uses this incident to achieve her own goals. During the whole process of
, she was calm and logical, and was able to quickly find the flaws in the other party's words; at the same time, she spoke carefully, which was both rational and emotional. In the end, Rao, a man who fought for years like his mother, who was both intelligent and brave, was also defeated. She made her mother's preference and her grievances public, won people's hearts, and exchanged herself for the opportunity to go out freely.
Yi Zhongtian wrote in " Pin Three Kingdoms ": "If someone provokes you, you rush to it, bite and hold on, what is this, crab!" , by no means rampage like a crab, act impulsive, and be brave. But like Cheng Shaoshang, when encountering injustice, he is not afraid of authority, "without being alarmed when suddenly confronted, and without being angry when added for no reason." Let the other party be intimidated, and dare not scorn and neglect at will.
03. In the face of feelings: has the arrogance of being unreliable
Cheng Shaoshang's fiancé Ling Budo is brave and good at fighting, good at strategy, and has a high position and authority. At the same time, he loves Shaoshang deeply, always thinks of her, and helps her get ahead everywhere. It must be the dream of many women for
to have such a husband as a backer. Just like the classic words in " Dahua Westward Journey ": "My Ruyi Langjun will wear golden armor and holy clothes and walk on colorful clouds to marry me under the circumstance of everyone's attention."
But Shaoshang is a very sober one. people. She understands that the price of relying on her husband's power is to lose herself, to spend her time trying to figure out the other party's preferences and make them happy. But that's not what she wants.
What she wants is to be like a free-flying bird, living as she pleases, instead of being like a canary, trapped in a cage woven with power and wealth. Therefore, for this marriage that many people admired, she first wanted to retire.
From beginning to end, she does not intend to rely on her husband to make a living, but relies on her own talents to brew wine, invent agricultural tools, improve equipment... . In short, even without Ling Budo, she can live a good life.
is precisely because of this, even though the status and power of the two are very different, she is always neither humble nor arrogant, and she will not be careful to look at people's colors; she will also dare to turn her face when the other party sends someone to monitor her without permission.
Her sobriety and independence enabled her not only to capture Ling Budo's affectionate feelings, but also to win his respect and to earn him an equal position of dialogue. In front of a powerful and powerful husband, she is still the girl who is not easy to mess with; in a marriage of absolute high marriage, she can still live freely according to her own wishes.
As the saying goes, if you have no desire, you will be strong. If you blindly obey your husband's words, rely on your husband's arrangements, and live a life of "palms facing up", you will lose the initiative in the relationship and even be despised by others. And Cheng Shaoshang's unreliable pride, such a "not easy to mess with" temperament, earns himself full respect and equality, and gives himself better confidence in this unequal relationship.
Concluding remarks
Wu Zhihong, a famous psychologist, advocates and encourages everyone to live out their own aggression in his book "Having a Life You Have the Final Word". The aggressiveness of is vitality. Only an aggressive person can feel the smooth flow of life energy and taste a fresh and full life.
Cheng Shaoshang is an aggressive person. She doesn't want to be a person who "falls with the wind, and flows with the rain". She has the courage to fight back against bullying and guard the border; she has the wisdom to fight for her rights and win respect; at the same time, she is not reliant; she shows pride. Her "not easy to mess with" is exactly the source of her vitality and motivation, which keeps her enthusiastic about life,And vigorous vitality; also makes people around her involuntarily attracted to her.
I hope that each of us, like Cheng Shaoshang, can live as a person who is "not easy to mess with", rejoicing in enmity, resolute, and at ease, having more real and full relationships, and winning a more colorful one. life.
