Text: Lv Qiuyuan
(illustrator: Yan Ningyi)
The author of this article is a lawyer, Lv Qiuyuan, who is good at telling stories and presenting the precious humanity and interesting experience behind legal cases beyond right and wrong.
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About that house, it really needs to be dealt with However, not only the house needs to be dealt with, but the relationship between you and your mother-in-law should also be sorted out, otherwise the final outcome may need to be cleaned up.
doubles the house price, should I pay more?
At the beginning of the marriage, you insisted that your husband move out of the original family because you hoped that you could have a home with two people, but because the two people were just married and they were still young, your husband’s proposal moved you: “It’s better to borrow from my parents. The money will be returned to them later.”
You lower your head and figure out how long it will take to deposit the first pot of gold. Living in Taipei is not so easy. Unless it is a suite, the first floor of an apartment often requires rent. Starting at 20,000 yuan (Taiwan dollars), the loan will almost be offset. So your heart is moved. Since there is no way to pay the down payment and the parents-in-law have the ability, then borrow money from them. Anyway, it is the husband who borrowed it, not the daughter-in-law, and it will be fine to repay it in the future.
But, is that really the case? If you want this home to be a two-person world, how can you expect someone to "unconditionally" provide housing funds? Even if you are as close as your parents, don't forget that the money is seven digits anyway, and perhaps the pension they originally prepared to give themselves, but now it has become an asset of your husband and wife.
Do you think there is a free lunch in the world?
You don't think it is for nothing, because after all, they are for their own children, for the children's good, because the children are not able to pay the down payment, even if they are adults, parents should help. However, if the parents really help, then when they intervene in their children’s lives for their own children, complaining that their daughter-in-law is not obedient, their son is not filial enough, and they hope their children can pay more for their filial piety, then please don’t complain about the parents. Because children can't do without parents, not parents can't do without children. Moreover, children are not qualified to refuse their parents' care, because parents have taken a lifetime savings to help their children just out of society. How could they not intervene?
A mother came to me two days ago. She said that her son and daughter-in-law were not filial because she lent all the pension to them to buy a house. After a few years, she was going to live, but her son wanted not to live together. Angrily, she asked her son to sell the house, and the son agreed, but only willing to return the principal. The old lady was very angry, and she said that the house has doubled. Shouldn't the money be returned twice?
Parents’ minds should not be taken carelessly
There are three questions here. The first question is, why should I borrow? The second question is, why live? The third question is, why should it be doubled? Why should
borrow? I'm afraid it's the mentality that this mother has to face, and of course it's also the direction the children have to review. Although it is not easy to buy a house now, is it easy for parents to make money? Do we treat our retired parents as a gift Santa Claus or a bank borrowing money? If it is the latter, then it is natural to borrow money to repay the money. Not only do you have to sign a promissory note when you borrow money, but you also have to repay the loan on time. It is best to add interest. This way, there is nothing worth talking about. However, if we regard our parents as Santa Claus, then we have to think: Why? why?
Why should parents use the money they have worked so hard for a lifetime to buy a house for a child? It's not easy to buy a house because you love him? What about other children? In other words, what should the parents do by themselves? If the money is added to insurance plans and annuities for the elderly, it may be able to maintain the quality of life in the elderly. Now it is all invested in the arms of the son. If the parents do not find the child who takes the money, who else can they find? The mentality of the children is probably even more interesting. They are all grown-ups. Why should they use their parents' money to pay the down payment? If the money is received based on the mentality of being a gift, wouldn't it be necessary to give back to parents in the future?
This is the answer to the next question. When accepting the parent's down payment with the mentality of the recipient, when the parents want to live or ask to participate in the children's life, it is not difficult to imagine the parents' motives. As far as the parents are concerned, the ancestors of this life are here. It should be natural to come here to visit and even live here. And whenWhen the son refuses his parents to live in, his parents’ ideas will naturally change from the original gift to the loan. If the house price rises, it will even become an investment. Therefore, when the son actually regards the parents’ kindness as random, it will become malicious. Conflict is inevitable, and it will even spread to the daughter-in-law, thinking that her son was the cause of damage.
Therefore, before accepting the monetary gift from your parents, please consider whether you can afford it, instead of finding that your parents are inconsistent after accepting it. After all, this money was originally not simply money, but a deep and full heart in it. If we cannot afford it, we should refuse it in advance. Repaying money is hard to pay, and any gratuitous gift often implies a lot of spiritual demands, even for parents. It's time to deal with the house
. However, please think about it together. What was your initial mentality, and how much are you willing to pay when taking over the wishes of your parents or in-laws? If you are not sure and want to have your own independent life, then please reject their kindness.
(The author is a Bachelor of Finance and Taxation of National Chengchi University, a Master of Laws of Soochow, National Taiwan University, Ph.D., and a post-doctoral research at the London School of Economics and Economics. The current head of Mio Economic and Trade Law Firm, a member of the Taipei City Integrity Committee, News 98 Radio "Nine Eight Laws The host of "The Firm". He is good at telling stories that are full of human experience behind legal cases.)
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