Empathy may not necessarily solve all problems between parents and children, but all problems between parents and children must be insufficient empathy.
of: bringing a youthful
after the recent hit mango Taiwan "Mom is Superman 3" where there is such a plot:
mom Alyssa and her two daughters Bubu Ponyo participation. Those who are in the rebellious period often show up, crying and irritating. The show progressed to the stage of preparing a self-introduction song, and he was reluctant and uncooperative. When her mother Jia Jingwen sang: "A lovely sister", she suddenly pushed her sister Ponyo to the ground, and Ponyo began to cry.
Seeing this, presumably the patience of the mothers outside the TV has reached the limit, and the thunder will be raging.
However, Jia Jingwen did not go crazy, but calmed down, hugged a panic and babbled, and said: "Are you tired?"
Let us interpret this hug, this gentle sentence contains Meaning:
1, I know you are upset or tired;
2, you think your mother pays more attention to your sister and ignores you;
3, you just want to make some noise and show that you are older;
4, mother understands you , I love you, and I won’t reduce my love for you because of this...
represents a sympathetic act of sympathy and comfort, which suddenly relaxes the emotion of confrontation, and the precarious connection between mother and daughter resumes, one The flames of war disappeared invisible.
This is the power of empathy.
Empathy is a psychological concept, which refers to stand in the position and perspective of the other person, experience the emotions and thoughts of others, think and solve problems.
American childcare doctor Cohen said in the book "Playing Force": "Connection is the core of parenting." The main content and way of connection between parents and children is empathy. Empathy is the psychological foundation of the intimate relationship between parents and children, the key to solving parent-child problems, and the perfect match for parents and children to communicate with each other, and children are willing to cooperate.
Empathy may not be able to solve all problems between parents and children,
But for all problems between parents and children, empathy must be insufficient .
Some people say, empathy who doesn't, isn't it just following the child?
So many parents invented "pseudo-empathy":
perfunctory : "Are you unhappy?" The mouth said, "Are you not happy?" But the eyes looked away, and things didn't stop. The child is the most sensitive, is he really concerned, he understands;
rude negative type: "Okay, don’t cry, is such a small thing worth it?" Although the child’s feelings are affirmed, he uses rude words and deeds to drink Stop the child, the lumps in the child's heart have not been solved;
starts from the adult's point of view : "When you get up so late, everyone is late. You are still crying, crying, crying! You are endless." Where does the child know what is going on late? Yeah, I just want my mother who comes home in the middle of the night to play with me;
is wrong. Question type : "You don't want to go to the English class, do you? Grandma buys you chocolate beans that you like. Grandpa will be the first to pick you up." "In fact, the child didn't want to go to interest classes because he couldn't keep up with the progress, and he was afraid of difficulties.
seems to have a half-hearted empathy for the road or the irrelevant "pseudo empathy", except that it makes the child more angry and uncooperative, nothing can be solved. On the contrary, the gap between parent and child is greater, and children are even more distrustful and disobey you.
Empathy with children is a kind of knowledge. In addition to good knowledge, it also requires patience, love and diligence.
Here are some suggestions for parents on how to empathize with children.
Suggestion one, understand the child. children’s development has its own rules, and almost every time they grow up, they have different physical and mental development characteristics from other periods. Such as dependence, separation anxiety, sensitive period, rebellious period and so on. Knowing the law of children's development, when a child has certain problems, don't blindly complain that the child is not well-behaved and others are not taking good care of him, but learn to find deficiencies in parenting methods. This is the correct way to open parent-child education.
suggest two, put down . Many parents, especially fathers, often stand from the perspective of the superior, condescending and arrogant. When the child doesn't cooperate, he thinks that his authority is being provoked and his will is violated, so he preaches and shouts. But the child is like a gu, no matter what you say, it will be thunderous and still unmoved. Without the education of empathy, the parents will be frustrated as hard as they are.
Suggestion three, first rebuild the connection, and then solve the problem . Once a child has a problem, the parents cannot speak well, and the connection is broken. Just like TV transmission, once the connection is disconnected, no matter how advanced the equipment is, no matter how exciting the program is, it will be a black screen if the other party's signal cannot be received.
Psychological principles indicate that children act more in accordance with feelings and emotions before their brains are fully developed. Parents should try to avoid conflicts with their emotional children. Because, the result is definitely a complete defeat.
Only through empathy can rebuild the bond between parent and child. The child feels that my parents and I are in the same group, and the parents are totally thinking about me. The emotions will calm down and the heart will open.
suggest four, allowing venting. Children have negative emotions. Do not rush to stop them, but let them vent them. Otherwise, negative feelings will be pressed into the depths of the soul like germ seeds and become a buried time bomb. When the child is crying, just hug him, caress his back, let him vent and calm down, then the following discussion is possible.
suggest five, review things . Discuss the behavior just now and determine where the child is not being satisfied. For example, I feel that my mother pays too much attention to Ponyo. The previous exclusive mother's love and care was taken away by Ponyo, and my heart was full of jealousy and dissatisfaction. After finding the root cause, we can take care of the boss's psychological needs when dealing with the relationship between the two children. Instead of just seeing the wrong behavior of pushing his sister fiercely, yelling and yelling, both parents and children are full of resentment.
Empathy is not only the best way of high-quality interaction between parents and children, but also the golden key to teach children how to deal with emotional problems. It is also a great opportunity for children to experience spiritual communication and to find soul mates and loved ones in the future, and to practice in advance .
Do you love children? Want to raise a great baby with closeness and harmony among family members?
Please start with empathy with your child.
Author: Daren education, headlines on the signing of
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