Cai Kangyong: The so-called open life is to be the master of life
article / Guan Zimo
Observe the various social conditions, talk about joy in the world, pay attention to me, and interpret human nature together.
once watched a video:
flew the sheep baby into an online celebrity carrier, with annual sales of 4.5 million, and also helped herders get rid of poverty and become rich.
His name is Amu Guleng. He is an authentic "herding sheep baby" in the grasslands of Inner Mongolia. He was born in a poor family, and he has dealt with sheep since he was a child. It seems that relying on the sky for food has doomed his life.
But he took the initiative to explore, actively learn to contact new things, and rewrite his life with live broadcast. At the beginning of
, he couldn't recognize the words on the barrage, and he needed to look through the dictionary one by one. The neighbors also laughed at him for not doing his job properly, "staring at a cell phone and shouting."
"I worked hard to do nothing, I worked hard to touch myself." is the best footnote for this live broadcast by Amuguleng.
Everyone's life is in their own hands, the key is whether you are willing to be its master.
Cai Kangyong wrote in his new book "Because This is Your Life":
"When asked whether you want to eat bread or fried dough sticks, you can answer whether you are hungry or not want to eat it for the time being.
was asked if he likes his partner to be taller than himself. When we are still short, we can answer that it’s okay to be tall or short. It’s more important to talk about it.
These answers show that we have a choice, not only to choose one, but also to choose whether or not, our will is realized, and we can feel the choice brought by having The happiness that comes."
agrees.
There is never a template in life, and choosing one is not a must.
refuses the standard answer and actively chooses the life you want in order to become the master of life. Before
01
, the news that Li Yuchun's father persuaded her to quit the entertainment circle was on the hot search.
In 2013, Li Yuchun accidentally fell down in the elevator of Changsha Airport;
traveled to Chengdu Station in 2018, and Li Yuchun had a synovitis, but she chose to close and walk on crutches to complete the performance.
Because he loves his daughter, Li Yuchun's father has twice persuaded his daughter to quit the entertainment industry and not to be a star and live an ordinary life.
He even went directly to Li Yuchun’s agent and said to him: "Have you ever thought about not letting Chunchun be an artist anymore. He can’t hold his body anymore, and he can’t use it anymore."
watched in their old couple Now, returning to the family is the right reason.
faced her father's proposal, Li Yuchun did not absolutely obey, but still chose to stick to her own.
because she doesn't want to let down the stage, let down her past efforts and the expectations of her fans.
Compared to those good jobs that are easy in the worldly sense, she wants to do the work she loves more.
She said to her father: "Dad, I have reached the point where I am today. It was actually the result of countless falls, running-in, trial and error. How can I just give up like this? You said this too lightly." With the consideration of parents, being a child is not the private property of the parents, let alone living a lifetime according to the wishes of the parents.
Filial piety and obedience, love and reason, difficult to choose, is not the choice itself, but the initiative in our hearts for our own life.
Obedience is not a standard of good or bad. When you choose to obey your parents' arrangements blindly, you lose the opportunity to explore the many possibilities and trial and error in life.
When you "willfully" choose to stick to what you pursue, then your life can be considered free and easy. Ang Lee, director of
, once said: "The relationship between
and their parents is to be able to love each other. It is not necessary to create a class concept. The small must obey the big. Everyone is an (independent) individual, he You have to respect and accept everything about it. This is a benchmark for peaceful coexistence. I think "filial piety" is an outdated concept. Now I will not teach children to be "filial piety", I will only teach them to do so. ;Love&39;. "
agrees.
Life is our own, and our parents cannot replace us for the rest of our lives.
An independent person who knows how to think proactively, break through barriers, and reject the life arranged by his parents can be the master of his own life.
A person lives his entire life, just to get rid of the expectations of others and become what he wants to be.
02
once saw a question on Zhihu:
"What is growth?" One of
's high praise answers, which makes people feel deeply:
"Growing up is to live more and more coolly, friends lost all the way."
is indeed , The more you grow up, the more you discover that there are fewer and fewer people with you.
Some people say that it is because the years have screened out real friends for you.
is not actually screening for you, but we have chosen to take the initiative to get close to those friends who are worthy of our sincerity.
In Cai Kangyong's view, interpersonal relationships can be actively pursued.
Maybe we can’t choose our own birth, but we can actively choose what kind of friends to make and what kind of person to become.
Once you choose to actively meet good and worthy people, the whole world will make way for you. Yu Minhong, the founder of
New Oriental, is a person who actively manages interpersonal relationships. It took three years for
to finally come to Beijing as he wished, but after arriving at Peking University, he discovered that he couldn't talk about what other people were talking about, and his poor "Mountain English" once confused him. When
first came to campus, he was unfamiliar with the place where he was born. He often helped his roommates fetch water, cook, and clean, and mingle with his classmates.
is not good at English, so he tries his best to learn English, not only to practice pronunciation, but also to try to talk to foreign friends...
in order to be in line with his outstanding classmates, he spends days and nights in the library, almost all books in the Peking University Library He watched them all.
Yu Minhong relied on his own efforts and sub-initiatives to master the initiative in interpersonal relationships, thus gaining the help of the circle.
Some people say that he is stupid and is called upon by his roommate as a servant.
But the fact is that when he needs it, his classmates will do nothing for him.
People's hearts are mutual, when you take the initiative to give, you will also reap the corresponding value.
The ancients said: "
" is like entering the house of zhilan, if you don’t smell its fragrance for a long time, it will be transformed into it; if you enter the house of abalone, if you don’t smell the smell for a long time, it will also change. Transformation. "
people have a social nature, and when they associate with excellent people, their life is not much different.
Someone said: The three views are different, so there is no need to force them to merge.
But many times, we only have the initiative to stand on tiptoe and join a circle with three views, before we have the opportunity to filter out those who have different views.
Follow the flies, you must be in the mud; follow the bees, you must harvest the fragrance of flowers.
03
Cai Kangyong once said:
often heard some students say in chat: "I was suspended by the teacher." The tone of
revealed a deep dissatisfaction with the teacher, as if it was the teacher's responsibility to fail the course.
But in fact, the reason for failing should be oneself.
failed to pass the exam because he did not complete the subject assignments on time, did not listen to the class carefully, and did not prepare well for the exam.
In his opinion, such passive thinking is not desirable.
Everyone’s life is his own, and he has the obligation to be responsible for himself and take the initiative to take the corresponding responsibilities.
Accepting one's own responsibility, not acting as a victim, and not living in a world rewarded by others is a kind of wisdom and growth.
can't help but think of Qin Lang in "Worry-free Grocery Store".
After graduating from university, his parents wanted Qin Lang to go home and take over the fish shop. However, he chose to work hard outside to pursue his musical dreams.
did not improve after a year, he was a little depressed.
When he went home to visit his seriously ill father once, he was struggling between dream and reality. He suddenly wanted to obey his parents' original wishes and go home to take over the fish shop.
Unexpectedly, fatherHis words woke him up. The reason why
wants to give up is actually more because he doesn't have the courage to chase his dreams and take care of his parents' body. It is just an excuse for him to give up his dreams.
He woke up like a dream and began to devote himself to music career.
Actually, the dream has not been realized, just because I didn't work hard enough, it is a cowardice and incompetence to attribute everything to foreign objects without introspection. A person with independent thinking must have the ability to think independently and have a clear self-awareness. It is precisely because he does not give up, does not compromise, and has the courage to pay for his actions, that he can achieve a better self.
Cai Kangyong said:
"Everything depends on others, that is, we want to be others, not ourselves."
We can listen to the opinions of others, but we must retain our own judgment, because this is our own life, only ourselves You need to take full responsibility for yourself.
takes the initiative to construct one's own life order, do not use the victim's thinking to advertise yourself, and do not live in a world rewarded by others, but take up your own responsibilities, be yourself, and live your life well.
Life is meaningful only if you are loyal to your heart and your own ideas.
04
American psychologist Erickson believes that a person's mental growth has to go through eight stages. If a certain stage is not well developed, there will be some corresponding weakness and shrinkage.
Among them, the first five stages will be completed before the age of 21. These five stages involve trust, initiative, diligence, identity role confusion and so on.
Therefore, if you don't take the initiative, life will be too late.
Nietzsche once said:
"We must be loyal to our own growth and loyal to the path we have walked. Because they are pieced together, we are unique."
Life is short, and everyone must be busy with their own life.
If you blindly copy the lives of others, listen to other people's opinions and arrangements, and easily let others' opinions drown out your own inner voice, then life will lose its meaning.
Only if you insist on being yourself, listening to the voice of your heart, actively seeking an active and effective way to manage your life, and being the master of life, can you travel in this world in vain.
