I love you, but I don't know how to express it correctly. @奈奈姐姐
The overwhelming publicity of "囧 Mom" before its release, plus the favorable comments of the previous "囧" series directed by Xu Zheng and the good impression of "I am not the God of Medicine", I am full of expectations for this film, and I also plan to go to the theater to watch it after the show. The latter "囧Mom" was actually watched for free on the first day of the Chinese New Year, which surprised me, but as a melon audience, it is quite happy to be able to watch such a New Year film for free.
"囧 Ma" is generally a road-style movie that reflects the barrier and impact of the Chinese mother-child relationship in modern society. Compared with the previous "囧" series, this time Xu Zheng treats the relationship between the two on the road. It is defined between mother and child, using the expressive form of highway movies to show the conflict between mother and child in a concentrated manner, so that there are laughs and tears.
The plot of "囧Mom" is not complicated in general. The main line is the separation and impact of mother-child estrangement and shock in the car with his son Xu Yiwan accompanying his mother on the train to Russia. The line goes hand in hand, telling the story of a middle-aged man who encountered problems in family relationship and love concentration, and finally got the mother and son reconciliation, and the friendly ending of goodbye to his wife. The main line of the plot is clear. Although the turning point of the mother-son reconciliation in the later period is a bit blunt and abrupt, it is considered qualified for a family-view movie that is free to watch during the Spring Festival.
After watching this film, although I also feel that Xu Yiwan’s mother is a lot like her own, I am also depressed at how a good wife like Zhang Lu, played by Yuan Quan in the play, does not understand why Xu Yiwan does not understand. Cherish, and in the name of love and reluctant wife to do everything possible to hinder the development of his wife and daughter's career, there is always a feeling of petty behavior, but he does have feelings for Zhang Lu. Whether it is Xu Yiwan and his mother or his wife, the reason why such conflicts arise, and even the end of a peaceful breakup with his wife, is simply that he does not understand empathy. I gave you what I think is the best, but you think it is a burden, so you don't understand me, and I don't understand you. This is the root cause of the problem between Xu Yiwan and his mother and wife. In this article, I will analyze this Spring Festival family carnival movie from four aspects: Xu Yiwan's problems with his mother and wife, empathy between mother and child, the importance of husband and wife, how to learn empathy, and the characteristics of the highway movie.
01 I want to give the best to the other party, but it is not what the other party wants.
1. The problem with Xu Yiwan’s mother and son line: In the name of love, control is real
Xu Yiwan was originally looking for a mother I took my passport and rushed to the United States. However, I got on the train that accompanied my mother to Moscow by mistake. In fact, it is not accurate to say that I was wrong. After all, Xu Yiwan had a chance to leave in the play, but was just worried. My mother was deceived. Out of a son's concern for his mother, he still got on this train that took six days and six nights.
In the car, the mother's concern came to her face, while the son was on the phone, the mother kept stuffing small tomatoes in his mouth, and finally even stuffed eggs; to eat the last piece of braised pork, but resolutely for the so-called son’s health Don’t feed his son; keep supervising and reminding his son to go to the bathroom because the bladder needs to be drained; there are many mothers who worry about when to have children, etc. This series made the son who cannot bear this kind of control shout: "I am not Your ideal son, don’t always think about changing me!”
Seeing this scene, I believe that many viewers feel sad, because the desire to control Xu Yiwan’s mother is very much like her parents, I I have also had the experience of being angry with her because of her mother's excessive love. Nowadays, many parents don’t really understand their children’s inner thoughts and needs, but just follow their own understanding to take care of their children and love their children in the way they feel good. They don’t know that this kind of "good" is actually just showing their desire to control their children ". "Lu Xiaohua in the
movie" "I know you dislike me, but my mother is nothing more than for your good." "I'm your mother, I don't care about you, who cares about you." "Such words are often blurted out, showing the strong desire to control the son. The resistance of the son who is almost middle-aged can be imagined.
2. The problem with Xu Yiwan and his wife: I love you, but I don’t know what you want.
Xu Yiwan has feelings for his wife. After all, the two have fallen in love and started a business. There is no doubt, and it is precisely because of his love and dissatisfaction for his wife that he will find ways to go to the United States to prevent his wife from opening up the market. Want to use such a "stupid" method to keep his wife.
but he didn’t realize that his problem was not in this, but in that he didn’t understand what his wife was thinking or what his wife liked. For example, the lamp he kept at the beginning, thought it was his wife’s favorite, so he installed it. Zuo Man kept it for his wife carelessly, but in my opinion, he reserved it carefully. The result was not what the wife liked or even hated. It was just such a small detail. I already knew that their marriage could not be restored. Life is in the little things, from the small to the big, Xu Yiwan doesn't understand his wife.
Xu Yiwan said to her mother, "I am not the son of your ideal, don't always want to change me!", and his wife said to him: "I am not the wife of your ideal, why do you have to change me? What?" Only this sentence can tell that Xu Yiwan and his mother are actually quite alike. They both love others in their own way, but show selfish behavior in the name of love. These are Xu Yiwan’s mother and son. , The reason for the problems between husband and wife.
02 The lack of empathy between mother-child affection and couple love is the root of relationship problems
I remember once said that people often give the warm and inclusive side to strangers, and leave the bad side to the person who loves them most. . "囧Mom" also made me feel this way. When many people talk about empathy, they refer to interpersonal relationships in the workplace or between friends, but they often overlook the need for empathy between family and relatives.
empathy is a process of human-to-human psychological experience. Comparing one's heart and putting oneself in place is an indispensable psychological mechanism for understanding. It objectively requires us to connect our own inner world, such as emotional experience and way of thinking, to the other side, experience and think about problems from the other side's standpoint, so as to communicate with the other side emotionally and lay the foundation for enhancing understanding.
Lu Xiaohua thought that eating small tomatoes for her son, arranging toilet time, controlling the amount of braised pork, and urging her son to have children are all good for her son, because in her opinion these are all good. After all, it is really good for an elderly person to pay attention to body maintenance and hug his grandson earlier. However, he has neglected that his son has grown up and has his own ideas and life. He no longer needs his mother to arrange every bit of his life as he did when he was a child. What he needs is independent space.
For Xu Yiwan, he thought it would be good for his mother to install a fingerprint lock on his mother and ask a nanny to take care of his mother. He even feared that his mother would be fooled to accompany him on the train. I am very kind to my mother. I have never thought of hugging my mother, or understanding her mother's heart, and experiencing her loneliness. What my mother needs is not a nanny or a fingerprint lock, but a son who can talk to her seriously, not a son who holds a mobile phone at any time, and even drinks with a Russian girl who meets with her and is unwilling to chat with her mother.
For his wife Zhang Lu, the reason why the two of them are still going farther and farther because they are obviously emotional is not the result of lack of empathy? Without empathy, you don't know what the other party wants. The other party likes apples but hates pears. And you like pears and hate apples. So you push your favorite pear desperately to the opponent, and you may get disgust. It’s not that we don’t want to treat each other well, but that we will never learn to think in another position, and we can never really understand what the other party wants. We only know to act in our own way. The end result will only force the other party more and more. Far away, like Xu Yiwan and his mother, like Xu Yiwan and his wife. Just like us and our parents, lovers, and children.
03 Only by learning empathy can we better understand how to express our love and care.For important people, cherishing the feelings with them is the best wealth in life. Don't really become people who leave tolerance to outsiders and indifference to their relatives. Learn to empathize in life and truly understand the people who care about yourself the most, what they are thinking, and what they really need.
1. Only by listening can you understand what the other party wants.
In "囧Mom", Xu Yiwan, Lu Xiaohua, and Zhang Lu can feel from the beginning that they are doing what they want, and they have not been between each other for a long time. I have listened carefully to each other's voice. Without listening, there will be no communication and exchanges. Many things seem to be based on your own guesses, and guesses are subjective and easy to be self-righteous. That's why my mother kept feeding her son little tomatoes because she thought his son would like it; Xu Yiwan left a table lamp for his wife, and he also thought that his wife would like it. As a result, this kind of "good" would never be stepped on.
The final reconciliation of the movie was based on listening. The dialogue between Xu Yiwan and his mother in the forest allowed the mother and child to truly communicate and understand each other with open hearts. The exchange of the last letters and long messages between him and his wife Zhang Lu is also a kind of listening. It is this kind of listening that really allows each other to understand each other’s feelings. Although Xu Yiwan is reluctant, he also chooses to let go. After all, emotionally The damage and gradual distance of ”are not caused in a day, and it is impossible to recover with a letter. This ending is also one of my favorite points in "囧Mom". It is not conventional and very grounded.
2, people who know how to cherish and care about you will not always be by your side
For Xu Yiwan, his mother and wife should always be with him in his heart, although the movie has not always Shows the way he gets along with his mother and wife, but he can also be felt from the details of the movie. Xu Yiwan always feels that his mother and wife will be by his side, and people are often the easiest to ignore what they have already got and feel that they don’t. Will leave his own things, so he can be said to be very ignorant of their feelings.
Otherwise, he would not be unwilling to accompany his mother to realize a dream he once had, because he has no idea what his mother’s dream was, and what his mother and father used to be. He wouldn't be ignorant of his wife's feelings and changes over the years. Rome was not made in a day, nor was it a day for his wife to leave him.
In the end, Xu Yiwan found out that his mother's hair was gray. His mother would be old and would leave him one day, and his wife would leave him because of his negligence. Those who have always cherished themselves may leave themselves. Only then did I understand that some were too late to cherish, and some were never too late. Therefore, we must know how to cherish the people around us from now on, especially our loved ones and loved ones, and don’t wait until we have lost to know how to regret.
After we know how to cherish, we are more willing to empathize, to feel the thoughts and wishes of the people we care about, to support the realization of their wishes, to think about what they want, instead of imposing our own thoughts on others, this is also I saw Xu Yiwan's feelings when she finally watched her mother sing the song "Red Berry Blossoms" on the stage, and how touching it was to help her loved ones realize their wishes.
3. Recognize the value of the other party and be grateful, so that you can truly empathize.
Parents, children, and lovers may be too close to us, and it is easy to take the other party’s efforts for granted. Xu Yiwan to mother, mother to son, Xu Yiwan to wife, wife to husband, in fact, all have contributed to each other. Mom wants to control everything about her son, she wants to make her son better from her perspective; the son asks his mother for a nanny and installs a fingerprint lock to make his mother’s life easier and more comfortable; Xu Yiwan and Zhang Lu also fell in love After struggling together, it can be said that without mutual support, they cannot get married, nor can they achieve success in their careers.
But they can't see that each other treats them well. Xu Yiwan feels more about complaining, controlling himself, and depressing his mother; what the mother sees is that the son has not grown up and has not had any children. Seeing Zhang Lu think she wants to divide herThe market wants to control her and does not want to divorce, but she has not seen the hardship of her mother, the growth of her son, and the contribution of his wife. The final reconciliation of the movie is moving, but at that moment, everyone understands each other, and starts to think of each other’s goodness, and recognizes the other’s contribution and value, although this value does not show in the face of family love and love. So obvious, but it is also the wealth in our lives.
"A Hundred Years of Inspirational Movies" selected by the American Film Institute, which topped the list, is inspiring, but because the male protagonist has family, love, and friendship support him to become "the richest town people". We often have family affection, friendship, and love in our lives, but we sometimes don’t realize their value, and don’t know how to treat these “wealths” with gratitude. This will cause us to have all kinds of contradictions and even lose our homes. Love, like Xu Yiwan in "囧爱", finally understood her mother, thanked her for her dedication, and saw her splendid side on the stage, but she also lost the one she loved. By knowing empathy, we can better understand the contributions of relatives and lovers, understand their thoughts, be willing to communicate with them, see the value of each other, and be able to cherish these precious wealth more. The estrangement and conflict will naturally be resolved.
04 Road movies, use journey to achieve the purification of the characters' hearts.
"囧Mom" is a typical road movie. Although Xu Yiwan and his mother are on a train, they are actually classified as road movies.
road movie (English: Road Movie), or road movie, is mainly a type of movie that reflects life on the road. It usually refers to the narrative development of a movie as a background. The protagonist of the movie completes life experience, thought changes, and character shaping in the road trip plot that accounts for the absolute length of the movie, resulting in a series of dramatic conflicts. Or to communicate with others, with self-soul.
This film also adopts the filming format of a road movie. Through Xu Yiwan accompanied his mother to take the train to Moscow to participate in the performance, he experienced a series of events along the way to express the changes in the characters’ inner emotions to connect and construct the whole The main line structure of the play. Road movies are relatively simple in plot, with humorous conductors, Russian girl Natasha and other characters and events added as embellishments to highlight the funny and entertaining nature of the story, and it has little effect on the development of the main line.
The dramatic conflicts and emotional changes that Xu Yiwan and his mother had during the whole journey, and the final spiritual communication, the final reconciliation and the deepening of feelings are all in line with the characteristics of road movies. Director Xu Zheng uses a road movie to show the contradiction between mother and child in a narrow train compartment, making the conflict more concentrated. From this point of view, the structure of the highway movie is also quite suitable for the theme of "囧Mom".
z21 The biggest feeling is that if in life, we can really empathize with our loved ones and understand their thoughts and needs, instead of judging by our own subjective wishes or even arbitrarily determining the preferences of the other party. Take more time to listen, understand them, be grateful for their contributions, or even give them a big hug, maybe life will be warmer. Movies come from life and are higher than life. It is a pleasure to learn from it.
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