In the parenting variety show "Daddy's Home 2", the little girl Kuang Sanxi has won the love of the whole network, and I have watched her videos twice in a row so happy that I shed tears:
Sanxi is afraid of the dark. Her father and mother planned a treasure hunt to find treasure in the dark. The final victory was the Elsa princess dress that her father Kuang Sheng personally made for his daughter. One comment said, "Tonight's adventure will overcome Sanxi's future darkness."
Sanxi got angry and threw a tantrum and kicked the bed sheet. Instead of reprimanding her, her parents said, "Does it hurt when you kick it (bed sheet)?" Later Xiao Sanxi sneaked back and apologized to the bed sheet. On
, there is a topic on the Internet, "How rich is Kuang Sanxi's spiritual world?" Under the topic, everyone is saying that Sanxi is very kind, expressive, empathetic and sensible.
But a comment from a netizen touched me deeply:
"I finally met qualified parents. I finally saw that there are parents in the world who don't lose their temper, don't quarrel, and are hardworking and patient.
It turns out that children don't have to be scolded for making mistakes. It turns out that children can solve some difficulties with their parents instead of complaining and shirking."
In fact, Sanxi's father Kuang Sheng The family is not good, but he resisted the vicious circle of snowballs. He built Sanxi’s childhood and redeemed himself in childhood, as he said:
“There is no power that can make my parents go back to the past and restore my childhood, but what Sanxi can bring to me is healing, which is my own reconciliation of childhood. I saw from her that the repressed nature of that little childhood was released.”
Second sister Zhang Xinyi once appeared in the comprehensive In the show, she recalled her childhood: "I don't want to go back, because I was too miserable when I was a child."
I still wore my father's old rubber shoes when I was in middle school, and I didn't even have my own jeans.
She said that she never worked so hard, and finally got the rank expected by her mother, but her mother still broke her promise.
What she didn't get when she was a child, she studied all her life.
After having a child, she slowly realized that she needed to be healed.
The son wanted a tent, so they picked out a tent with star lights on the Internet together.
put up the tent in the room, and lit up the star lights in the dark. My son was so happy that he wanted to sleep in the tent.
Although the tent was too small, it was extremely uncomfortable to fall asleep, but Zhang Xinyi still felt very happy seeing the happy children.
Sometimes helping a child realize a dream is not helping oneself realize a dream.
In the process of raising children, we often switch ourselves to the role of children, recalling what our inner needs were and what we longed for when we were children.
We realized that in meeting the needs of the child, we also healed ourselves.
1. Create a stable and harmonious family environment
Humanistic psychoanalyst Fromm believes that the family environment has a very important influence on the formation of children's personality.
Therefore, providing a stable and harmonious family environment for children is the top priority of parents.
It includes:
① Stable caregiver
Try to have a fixed caregiver take care of the children, especially 0-3 years old, it is best to take care of the parents themselves, do not change the caregiver frequently. The same is true for the growth environment of
, don't send it to grandma and grandma's house for two years, and then send it to relatives for two years.
② Harmonious relationship between parents
In a family, a good relationship between husband and wife is the foundation. Parents are loving and have a harmonious relationship. For children, home has a stronger sense of belonging, and children will feel full of security in their hearts.
Parents often quarrel or even fight in front of their children. Children will be in the fear of family breakdown and abandonment, which will damage their physical and mental health.
③ Avoid verbal violence
If parents often use harsh words to criticize and deny their children, the children will feel uneasy, doubt their own sense of existence and value, and seem to be rejected by the family.
Therefore, parents should always pay attention to their language, control their emotions, and communicate with their children calmly, so as not to hurt their young and sensitive hearts.
Compared to how rich things are and how wonderful activities are, an ordinary home full of laughter and warmth makes children feel happier.
2. Give children sufficient love and companionship
A friend who is a primary school teacher shared with me that she once collected children's wishes on Children's Day.
She expected to see a variety of wishes, such as going to the amusement park, buying toys, eating a big meal, etc. Surprisingly, the children's wishes were very unified: Spend the day with Mom and Dad.
As a parent, you may not be able to imagine how deeply your children are attached to their parents and how strong their desire for companionship is.
Therefore, in order to give their children a happy childhood, parents also need to learn to love their children correctly.
Regarding how to "love", Mr. Lu Xun once gave three key words, which are also applicable today:
" First, understand.
The world of children is completely different from that of adults. If you don't understand first, just do it blindly, it will seriously hinder the development of children.
Second, guide. That is, I am not mine. Because I am me, I should fulfill the obligation of education and give them the ability to be self-reliant; because I am not me, I should also be liberated at the same time, all for themselves, and become an independent person."
To sum up, parents should balance these three aspects through learning and reflection:
learn to understand children from the perspective of children, respect their feelings and ideas;
teach children principles and life skills, help children have the ability to adapt to society; Appropriate free space. Love like
is what children need.
3. Give children space to express freely
In real life, when a child throws a tantrum or cries, some parents brutally stop the child and deny the child's emotions;
cannot express themselves freely, and children often feel depressed, unable to feel joy and hope.
Children with limited self-expression usually have two manifestations:
one is ignoring their own needs and feelings, blindly accommodating others, pleasing others, being well-behaved and sensible, and forming a pleasing personality;
These negative emotions have been fermenting in the bottom of my heart for a long time, and will explode in a more intense way at some point in the future.
Parents should give their children more space to express freely, allow them to express their emotions and ideas, and try to see the needs or motives behind their emotions, so that they can truly understand their children and give them just the right help.
Write at the end:
"What is a good family education?" This question has troubled many parents. Sanxi Dad is very good to answer this question:
, the first reaction is: "After finishing the egg, Dad must have been going to me." Instead: "I need to find the help of my dad."
hopes that my child is after the test, and the first reaction is not: "Deadly, what do I do if parents will do." 0 hopes that my child's first reaction is not: "Hiding in the bed and crying." Instead: "Dad! Can you accompany me to drink and drink?" Each generation of
is a great parent.
But we expect our children to be different because of our differences.
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-