◎Ma Tuo (Beijing subway policeman, writer, representative work "Go Love This Steaming World")
I have dealt with such a thing, and it is quite interesting now that I think about it.
At that time, a couple was riding on the bus. The girl and a passenger had a quarrel over trivial matters. The two parties were so quarrelsome that the girl's boyfriend could not persuade her to stop. No one has done anything illegal. It is a typical dispute that can be resolved through mediation or litigated in court. We just wanted to let them sit down and talk, and that would be enough to resolve the issue.
But the girl was very aggressive and in a very bad mood. We and her boyfriend took turns trying to persuade her, but we couldn’t do anything to persuade her. The police chief called her boyfriend out to talk alone, and I sat with her in the room.
I had just started working at that time, and I was quite eager to try to mediate disputes. I pride myself on being expressive and logical since I was a child. In Beijing dialect, I am called "Hua Mi". I like to chat when I have nothing to do. I am also very sweet, especially to strangers, and I can always coax the other person into thinking.
And I found that this can also add points to the grassroots work. No matter how trivial and complicated the police situation is, many veteran police officers can calmly talk to the victims as if they were talking to each other. Some victims were very upset just a second ago and were beaten. They made a few humorous remarks, and the next second they had smiling faces, and the atmosphere was immediately different.
I always think, I can do this too, it’s just chatting, I’m good at it, and I’m no worse than anyone else when it comes to communication. Of course, there is also some desire for expression among newborn calves. In short, I felt that I had a chance and I must make good use of it.
I started chatting with the girl, asking about this and that, such as where are you going today, where do you live, oh, I know that community, it is very congested every day, and there is a gym nearby that always comes to our subway. Small advertisement... Although the topic is erratic, the attitude is very sincere. Slowly, the girl's mood seemed to have eased a lot, and her words were no longer so contradictory.
As soon as I saw that the heat was coming, I told her, "Look, this is not a big deal. It's all impulsive. Let's see if we can sit down and have a good chat with the other party. It's time to talk about it. It's already at this point. It's such a delay." It's not worth it for a long time...
Unexpectedly, as soon as we got back to the topic, the girl's face changed: No, I'm right, I won't talk.
I have to persuade you, no matter what, you two have scolded each other. It is always wrong to scold others, and they are not enemies, so why bother?
The girl had a sullen face and stopped talking. Then I searched for many topics to cater to her, but with little success. Especially when it came to today's matter, no matter how much I tried to persuade her, she was unwilling to cooperate.
I didn't expect this situation at all. I obviously used all my good communication skills, but why couldn't I sway her? This lack of fuel and salt left me in a state of extreme confusion and exhaustion.
After a while, I took the girl to the bathroom, and happened to see the police chief coming out of it. The girl washed her hands expressionlessly in front of the mirror. The police sergeant turned on the faucet beside her. While washing her hands, she said casually: "I just chatted with your boyfriend for a while, and I understand one thing. He is really cool." I love you."
I still remember that scene deeply. The girl suddenly froze and cried.
The police chief chuckled upon seeing this and said, "Okay, don't be angry with him. If he was really impulsive at that time, you might not be able to leave tonight. Is that the result you want to see?" ”
Then the matter took a completely different direction. After crying, the girl apologized to each other, and her boyfriend expressed her gratitude to us, and they both left.
The police chief told me later that the reason why she was so stubborn was not because of the incident itself, but because she always resented that her boyfriend did not help her when the incident happened, thus questioning his feelings for her. So she, who was already irritable, couldn't let go and was unwilling to solve the problem.
She is not unreasonable, but in love, reason is often disturbed by various emergencies.
And I kept foolishly trying to calm her emotions, but little did I know that no matter how much I talked, I was still standing still. I could neither help her get out of her emotional predicament nor bring her the validation she wanted. The police chief was very smart and guessed this from the beginning. He deliberately called the boy out for a cutscene, and then gave her the answer she wanted as a bystander.
This is really a way of dealing with the situation in a small way. The communication advantage I boasted about before was just an illusion that I had developed in my comfort zone all year round.
So when someone asks me later if I can use my interests and strengths in my job, I will tell them that when turning something that I think I am good at into a mission or task, the important thing is not to focus on my own strengths. , but you should find an outlet at work that is compatible with your interests and hobbies. Once you find it, power it on, and run it, your hobby can be transformed into the ability to eat.
