this year's " in the world of " made countless people cry. In the
drama, Jin Yueji, with just one look or one action, played a mother's inner emotional turmoil.
Jin Yueji plays the role of the old drama bone Song Chunli , is a famous "mother professional", these roles pushed her to the Golden Rooster Award , Hundred Flowers Award Best Actress position, but also ruthlessly "taken" away Her happiness:
In her life, Song Chunli was overstretched by her work, and regrettably couldn't be a mother.
And she and her husband Sun Weixi, in the huge test of this marriage, became a model of a happy couple. In 1951, Song Chunli was born in an ordinary working family in Hebei Province.
The conditions at home are not good. Since she was 5 years old, she has been helping her mother to sweep the floor, choose vegetables, wash dishes, and try to share the worries for her family. When
was 13 years old, the Guangzhou Military Region Song and Dance Troupe came to the school to select art soldiers . Song Chunli was attracted by the song and dance troupe because of her good body shape.
After a year of hard work, she transformed herself into a dancer from high school. During a performance, she was spotted by the head of the Guangzhou Repertory Theatre, and she was transferred to the Repertory Theatre, which started her career as an actor.
In order to further improve her acting skills, Song Chunli was admitted to the Advanced Class of the Performance Department of Beijing Film Academy.
As a result, Song Chunli's career was on the fast track, and good characters came one after another. With works such as " Plainclothes Police ", "Wind and Rain Beauty", " Jiuxiang " and other works, she won the award softly.
Just as Song Chunli was working hard, Cupid's arrow also quietly shot her.
When she was 26 years old, Song Chunli met Sun Weixi, who taught in the middle school attached to the Central Conservatory of Music.
Sun Weixi is 6 years older than Song Chunli. The two have similar interests and got married in 1978 after a year of love. Due to work reasons, they have been together less and more apart.
In 1980, Song Chunli received the script of "Spy", which was the first time she got a heroine. Heilongjiang was freezing in the minus 30 degrees, but no matter how difficult the conditions were, she could persevere with a smile.
Seeing that the filming was in full swing, Song Chunli unexpectedly found out that she was pregnant, which put her in a dilemma.
Let's live, the show is just halfway through, what should the crew do? The career is on the rise, I really can't let it go;
will not have children, but their husband and wife are very eager to have a child.
Just when Song Chunli was hesitating, Sun Weixi comforted her on the other end of the phone:
"Actresses have a short golden period, and it's hard to win a good role, so don't give up easily. Besides, they are both still young, and they will continue to do so in the future. There is a chance to have children."
The husband's words were like reassurance, which made Song Chunli no longer tangled. The next day, she had surgery and rushed back to the crew to shoot non-stop.
Later, Song Chunli was transferred back to Beijing, and the couple ended their life like a cowherd and a weaver girl. Many times because of work, they delayed having children, and Song Chunli felt very guilty about her husband.
Although Sun Weixi was helpless, he comforted her and said: You can't have both. There will always be pros and cons in life. Don't think too much. Since you have taken over the show, just play it happily. After
's career stabilized, Song Chunli turned down a lot of film appointments to concentrate on getting pregnant, but after a few years, there was still no sign.
It turned out that the high-intensity work had already overdrawn her body, and until she was 50 years old, Song Chunli never got pregnant. She knew very well that she might not be able to be a mother in her life.
There is an old saying in China: There are three kinds of unfilial piety, and no one is the greatest.
Affected by this concept, Song Chunli always felt that she was sorry for her husband. Sun Weixi didn't feel well, but he always felt that in a family, the relationship between husband and wife was the first.
So he always comforted his wife and said: The world of two people is also very good, even if you don't have children, you have to live a good life.
Sun Weixi's idea coincides with that of psychologists. That is: husband and wife relationship is the core relationship of a family.
If the family is like a car, then the relationship between husband and wife is the engine. Whether the car can start and how far it can go depends on the state of the engine.
Because of Sun Weixi's understanding and tolerance, Song Chunli unloaded her psychological burden and calmly accepted the arrangement of fate.
A few years later, my brother adopted his son to Song Chunli. Song Chunli regarded her nephew as her own, and cultivated him into a virtuous actor. At the age of 61, the couple adopted a baby girl who was only a few months old.
Now, Song Chunli and his wife are over old, and their daughter is also in middle school. Song Chunli often posts photos of her daughter and her husband on Weibo, and her happiness is beyond words.
The stronger the desire for control, the more broken the intimacy is
Someone asked Song Chunli: What is the secret of your happy marriage?
Song Chunli said: "Behind successful women, there are mostly good men. My military merits are half of my lover's credit. He has a bad temper, but he is very good to me."
Song Chunli's words are the same as her role. , unpretentious, but truly touching.
couples are partners who share the same bed and are separate individuals. If you want to manage a good relationship, don't have a "possession" mentality.
At the beginning, when Song Chunli was struggling with whether or not to have a child, Sun Weixi not only did not put pressure on her, but also fully supported her career. She "owned but not possessed" and completely let go of her desire for control in her intimate relationship.
There is an "ego" within each of us, which is our innate behavioral response pattern. Its nature is scarcity, greed, and comparison.
In an intimate relationship, if one ego is too controlling and always wants to possess the other, it may lead to tragedy.
The childhood shadow of most people - the male protagonists An Jia and in " Don't Talk to Strangers " are the most typical examples.
An Jiahe looks suave, but she is sensitive and suspicious at heart. He always suspected that his wife Mei Xiangnan was unfaithful to him. To this end, he tried his best to prevent his wife from contacting the outside world, and he also monitored his wife's whereabouts at any time.
Mei Xiangnan lives under An Jiahe's watch all day long, like a bird in captivity. Even if it's just to say hello to a male friend, An Jiahe will be furious, brutally subjected her to domestic violence .
An Jiahe treats his wife like this because he has an imaginary partner in his heart. That imaginary partner should not have friends, should not have contact with outsiders, and should be absolutely obedient to himself.
In this intimate relationship, An Jiahe replaces his real-life wife with an imaginary partner.
Therefore, he never saw his wife as an independent person. He took it for granted that his wife was his appendage. Since it is an accessory, she should be under her own control.
delved into the essence of this desire for control, not a deep love, but a person's inner lack.
Some people live in the fear of being "fear of losing" and "afraid of being abandoned" in their original family when they were young.
After adulthood, when such a person cannot control himself, he will try to control everything outside, and desperately seek outward in this way to accumulate his sense of security.
And the first to start is often the people closest to him.
In an intimate relationship, people with a strong desire to control will often depreciate them, limit the freedom of the other party for fear of losing their partner, make the partner fall into self-doubt, force the partner to act according to their own ideas, and constantly occupy the other party's Living space, thus forming a deformed love.
An Jiahe is such a person. In the end, he not only destroyed his wife, destroyed his family, but also destroyed himself in the end.
In the final analysis, marriage is the union of two souls, rather than turning two people into conjoined twins .
Harmonious intimacy, like two intersecting circles. They blend with each other and are independent of each other. No matter how loving couples are, they should also leave space for each other to be independent.
When one of the parties tries to control the other half in the name of love, the relationship has actually deteriorated.
The secret to a happy marriage lies in learning to let go
A harmonious intimacy requires both parties to be "evenly matched".
Well-known psychology writer Lu Yiling once said: When you think a relationship belongs to you, there is a high probability that there will be problems in this relationship.
When one party is too controlling, the other party will feel suffocation and pain, and the intimacy will become tense.
On the contrary, if you can take the initiative to let go of the ego’s desire for control, and don’t make excessive demands and demands, and don’t regard the other party as your accessory, the other party will also eliminate the subordination, and the two parties will achieve equal communication. At this point, both people will have a wonderful emotional experience.
So how do you have possessions without possessing them?
First, let go of the "must win" idea.
The individual is more competitive and likes to tell the winner in everything. However, in an intimate relationship, there is no absolute right or wrong, and there is no such thing as a winner or a loser.
If you stop looking at things from the perspective of winning and losing, the ego's desire for control will quietly collapse.
Second, systematically sort out life and find a sense of control.
Take a look, what do you already have in your life?
to make a list of things he owns, to find that feeling of abundance. Being aware that our lives are in control can help us truly relax, no longer desperately ask for it;
Third, trust yourself and your partner.
When you can trust your partner, your partner will be more willing to take on family responsibilities. Believing in yourself empowers you to be mentally strong, and you don't have to rely on controlling your partner to ease your anxiety.
Christopher Meng said: "Your intimate relationship partner is to help you know yourself better, heal your wounds, and finally find your true self."
In fact, all problems in intimate relationships, It's a disguised gift. As long as we face it honestly and dismantle it patiently, all problems will be solved very well.
Some people say that marriage is honey, but some people say that marriage is poison. Whether it is honey or poison, their formular is you.
Dear, I hope you can use true love to boil intimacy into mellow honey in the long years, adding a touch of fragrance to life.
Planning | Qiuqiu
Editing | Qiuqiu
