recently, " their name " ushered in the finale. Among them, the housewife Ren Duomei plays the role of her mother-in-law as her immediate boss and her husband as her boss.
This made Xiao Tong think that there has always been a problem in marriage and family that cannot be solved or circumvented, that is, the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law .
A good relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law can certainly add to the icing on the cake of a marriage. Once the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is not handled properly, it will not only affect the normal life between husband and wife, but also easily destroy an originally happy marriage.
In marriage and family, how should we view the relationship between the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law ? Xiaotong summed up the following four points:
01-husband makes reasonable use of "dual identity"
, although Ren Duomei did not live with her mother-in-law after marriage, her mother-in-law would come to their small house from time to time to "inspect", We have to express opinions on every detail, from small food, purchasing home appliances, to giving birth to a child, and how to take care of your husband.
, but her husband did not show any protection to her, and even sometimes used her to "block the gun" in the face of her mother's birth...
The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is like a delicate triangle, and the key point is on the husband. Xiaotong found that in real life, some women's conflicts with their mother-in-law stem from their discovery that their husbands and mother-in-law are in the same camp.
Husbands are both spouses and sons in the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. should use his dual identity reasonably.
When the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is in conflict, as a son, you should try your best to take responsibility and ease the grievances of the mother-in-law against her daughter-in-law; as a husband, you must learn to observe words and expressions, and give her more explanations and comforts, so as to encourage the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law to live in harmony. If
, as the head of the family, only listens to one side of the story, takes sides and blames the other, it will only add fuel to the fire and intensify the conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.
Xiaotong always feels: In a marriage and family, every family member must have good intentions and try to find the responsibilities that the other party has done to maintain the marriage and family, instead of thinking and watching the other party's failure for the time being. place.
02-Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law accept each other
Ji Xianlin once said: "Everyone strives for a perfect life. However, since ancient times, at home and abroad, there is no one hundred percent perfect life, so imperfection is the norm in life. "
Picking, accusing, and denying, this is actually an inner idealized defense mechanism , which is very common in various interpersonal relationships, marriage and family relationships is even more commonplace, this is actually an inner ideal As a defensive mechanism, is also often the start of quarrels and conflicts among family members.
Xiaotong found that in marriage and family, most conflicts arise from non-acceptance. When negative emotions accumulate little by little, it is easy to fall into a negative trap when thinking about problems, and people will easily fall into a cognitive cycle, and then habitually transfer their emotions to the people around them, gradually deepening the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.
Xiaotong always felt that in marriage and family, we should not only accept our own imperfections, but also learn to accept the imperfections of the other party. When we can face up to family members, stop using rulers to measure each other, and stop shaping her into what we want, this family relationship is the most stable.
03-Find the family position and do not interfere with the boundaries of the
In life, many couples are forced to live alone without their parents due to employment pressure, economic pressure, parenting pressure and other life factors.
Xiaotong concluded that the contradictions in the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law mainly include the following factors: 's mother-in-law is offside, her husband is absent, and she is dislocated.
Mother-in-law's offside is mainly manifested as: mother-in-law lacks independenceEstablish yourself, regard your son as an extension of yourself, regard your son and grandson as your belongings, regard your daughter-in-law as an outsider, and regard yourself as the center of the family.
The absence of a husband is mainly manifested in the following: he does not regard himself as the head of the family, everything depends on the mother's feelings, and ignores the wife who is the mistress of the small family. The main manifestations of
's wife's dislocation are: unable to correct her identity as the hostess, putting all her energy and attention on the children, neglecting marriage management, and not getting the understanding and attention of her family at home.
Xiaotong always feels that a good marriage and family is a kind of invested emotional connection. It is the result of long-term and lasting mutual care, nourishment and mutual support between family members. Only by growing together can we make each other better.
04-Don't expect too much about the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law
In marriage and family, some men have a misunderstanding about the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law: "I love my mother, so I hope my wife loves my mother too; we are married, you have to use the standard of a daughter Treat my mother."
Xiaotong believes that in a marriage and family, both mother-in-law and daughter-in-law should not expect too much from each other.
A mother-in-law should not ask her daughter-in-law to meet the standards of her son and daughter, but she can fulfill her responsibilities. A daughter-in-law should not expect her mother-in-law to suddenly change her personality and lifestyle. The habit of many years cannot be changed overnight.
Once the two sides confuse the relationship between mother-in-law and mother-daughter, they will be dissatisfied because the other party cannot meet their expectations, which will intensify the conflict.
Xiaotong always feels that in the marriage and family, if we can cultivate a heart of active maintenance, then our marriage and family will be full of vitality in the long river of time.
"The Little Prince" once said: "Love is not just looking at each other, but looking in the same direction together." In a beautiful marriage and family, love and affection are needed as the glue of the family. It can make a family have strong vitality, cohesion and influence, and it can make the family warm and happy.
