Note: This Wei Wei is not the other Wei Wei, so don't enter if you don't like it.
Lei Yanlei under Wei Wei's paranoia
I never cook, nor do I know how to cook. But I know that cooking is very easy. For example, to make large plate chicken , I can search all the ingredients on the Internet in one minute.
The expression is bright
I want to criticize what she did badly, how difficult can it be to cook?
I don't do anything at home, I just do it for my wife, just to make her feel the sense of accomplishment, and make her feel that I can't live without her.
This is the actor Wei Wei's remarks in a variety show, it is suffocating. He himself left the meeting angrily because of the ridicule of his remarks. Ni Ping also said that he had heard such a point of view for the first time when he lived to be 60 years old.
This is a domestic divorce variety show "Goodbye Lover". The invitation group invites divorced or divorced celebrity couples to form a tour group, and then invites several celebrities to form an observation group to observe the lives of couples in the tour group. The three people discuss the ups and downs of marriage from the perspective of the three.
Wei Wei and his wife Tong Chenjie are on the way to divorce and were invited by the program team.
does not communicate with the wives of the dying man
Everyone is ridiculing Wei Wei, but some people think that any problem is a problem between the husband and wife. When the problem arises, no one can be alone. Although Wei Wei has problems (paranoia and cognitive bias), his wife obviously hasn't communicated well. When a female guest on the
show asks his wife, do you need this feeling? The wife did not give a clear answer, but laughed awkwardly. (I was so anxious to death by her)
She really wanted to express her grievances on the one hand, but she didn’t want the scene to be too ugly, but the more she covered up this ugliness, the scene became more and more ugly, so She might as well say directly to Wei Wei: I don't like this feeling, I don't need this feeling, what I want. The expression of
must be clear, and the attitude must not be vague, otherwise the straight guy really doesn't know what you want to do. You have never expressed your attitude and opinion about Wei Wei not cooking. In other words, even if you express it, it is very euphemistic, so that the other party does not feel your clear attitude. In terms of behavior, you still eat three meals a day and don't let the other person interfere. These behaviors will make the other person feel that you are right. If things go on like this, the problem will not be solved, and it will become a growing gap between the two people.
As the saying goes, a grain of sand doesn't look big at all, but if it stays in your shoes for a long time, it will wear out your feet.
Why is such a common thing in life that only when two people are about to divorce, and they are on such a variety show, get it to the public and be pointed out by others, do you realize the existence of the problem? But the husband and wife themselves don't see such a problem in normal times?
may as well assume the scene of correct communication
wife wants Wei Wei to cook, and clearly said: dear, will you come to cook a meal? I want to eat what you make.
Then Wei Wei will say according to his way of thinking: I don't want to do it, I can't do it.
wife asked: Why don’t you do it? I can't do what I can learn.
Wei Wei: Because I want to rely on you to make you feel dependent and make you feel fulfilled.
wife: But I also want to feel dependent. I don't like the feeling of being dependent. I like to face some things together in life for two people. There are some things that are more fun when two people do it together. Instead of leaving everything to me, in this case, I will feel that your heart is immature, naive, and the heavy work will also cause me to become irritable and bad for our relationship. I know that you can’t cook well. Whether it’s delicious or not, what I care more about is the feeling of two people doing something together. It’s more meaningful to experience it together. With your company, I feel happier. It's not youNot without me, but I cannot do without you. Dear.
So will you cook with me? This way I feel particularly happy.
I think Wei Wei will probably not have too many rejections next.
If Wei Wei still refuses, he must always give a reason. The communication should be based on the reasons given by the other party until the two people's understanding is consistent, and then the two people's behaviors are consistent.
communication template, learn to communicate
communication = describe the problem + ask + express + good attitude
describe the problem is a good way to determine the problem. Many times we are more emotional than rational, but we just feel that this thing makes us uncomfortable, but we can't say what makes us uncomfortable. Therefore, it needs to be described. Through objective description, rational thinking can be activated. When communicating with
, describe the problem and your own feelings, let the other party know the impact of this problem on you, and at the same time arouse the other party's awareness of wanting to solve the problem.
Asking is to listen to the other person's thoughts. What questions do you ask? Why are you doing this? Why does this problem occur? What do you think you should do... Ask around related questions to explore the other person's thoughts and attitudes.
expressing is to express your views on things, the consequences of the problem, your own suggestions and reasons.
attitude is an atmosphere of communication, but also a strategy. Determines the direction of communication. A good attitude can have a good communication effect, while a bad attitude will most likely result in quarrels rather than problem solving.
sometimes cannot be effective in communication, and some problems are that it needs to be continuously run-in for a long time. When a problem cannot be solved normally, the above formula must be repeated several times: describe the problem, ask, express. The problem is not solved, describe the problem again, ask, express.
As long as the problem cannot be solved, it is necessary to keep asking why, and it is necessary to explore the true inner thoughts of the other party, until both parties work together to explore an answer to this problem.
In this process, there can be sadness and anger, but you must not blame and abuse, let alone rise to the other’s parents, family, and friends. Sad and angry emotions can let the other person know that I am angry, I am angry, I really don’t like doing this. If you must persist, this matter will cause the relationship between the two of us to deteriorate. We must let the other person know The matter is serious.
but accuses and insults, and even rises to the other's family, that is not to solve the problem, it can only make the problem worse.
