Some time ago, Huang Duoduo Fitness was on the hot search. This 7-year-old child who can comfort his siblings, walks through the vanity and prosperity that has eroded many people, and is now a self-disciplined and smart 14-year-old girl. The
discussion area is all admired by the parents’ education, and some people even say: "Daughter Xiaomu, more and more like mother Sun Li". The comments like
reminded me of the two days ago I pushed "The same champion, Guo Jingjing's happiness, why can't He Wenna replicate it?" ", received a message. Probably I was touched by the article. This reader told me about the difficulties she encountered in her growing up, and the suffering she suffered in her marriage and family after getting married. Finally, she criticized: Why always persuade others to put herself first in life, But we don’t understand how we feel ashamed of our daughters, lovers, and parents when we put ourselves first. This is not the first time I have seen a similar message from
. It's not that I don't understand the struggle to rank myself first because of deep love. But Huang Duoduo may be enough for us to see that persisting in living out of our own world is also an expression of love- is not narrow-minded egoism, but the first stop to seek happiness with the person you love.
Observing Huang Duoduo and Sun Li carefully, we will find that the "daughter Xiaomu" in the mouth of netizens is not only the appearance, but the quality of the daughter that we admire is traceable to the mother. Sun Li played in the
drama "Secret Love in Peach Blossom Spring" for 14 years. Whether she was married or had children, she never let her give up the stage of the drama. Acting Yun Zhifan for 14 years is not a simple repetition. She injects the feelings of everyday life into the interpretation of the characters, which makes Yun Zhifan more vivid in her.
Huang Duoduo, who has been watching the stage since he was a child, decided to "be an actor" like his mother when he was 6 years old. Her seriousness is exactly the same as Sun Li's. Two years later, Xiao Duoduo has begun to fight for her role.
After 4 years of study, the little girl got her first heroine as she wished when she was 12 years old-partnering with He Jiong, playing the 10-year-old Xiao Shui in Lai Shengchuan's new book "Book of Water". There was no waste of the chance to beg so hard. The first time I participated in the rehearsal, I could recite all the lines. Even He Jiong praised " forgot she was a child ".
In the past few years in the theater with her mother, Huang Duoduo has not only exercised her acting skills, but she is more courageous, serious, responsible, and learning ability than her peers, and she has a generous temperament when dealing with others. related.
When my mother watches art exhibitions and pays attention to fashion, her daughter goes to Paris fashion shows, and she knows how to appreciate beauty since childhood; her mother insists on learning dance daily, and her daughter exercises self-discipline... Huang Duoduo, these "other people's children", are all in the same line as Sun Li .
Compared with most mothers, Sun Li has a lot of time to teach her children. However, she did not choose to be with him all the time, nor did she compress her interests and careers to complete the bondage with Huang Duoduo-if did this, it would be worse. To give wholeheartedly, it is inevitable to impose a lot of expectations and requirements on the other party. In the end, the pressure of the person who bears the expectation is so great that he collapses.
Frankly speaking, what ordinary parents can do for their children is very limited. We can teach him the pronunciation of "world", but we cannot describe the world for Iraq.
The child changes quickly and is caught off guard. Sometimes, overnight, maybe before you have finished the warnings (or even finished drafts), she has never understood, turned into inaudible "woman" The principle of independence. At that moment, your life experience is out of date, and she will not be able to identify scumbags without a teacher to avoid being bullied.
But don’t worry, don’t panic. Children always grow up looking at their parents. If they see their mother since childhood, they are self-loving, hardworking, and know how to live a wonderful life. They will subtly think that living with dignity and self is the most important thing. A natural thing. It should be noted that in the lives of parents, there are hidden the appearance of the future world of their children.
So you don’t have to feel guilty and force yourself to put "I"Ranked first. If the reason "owning your own world is the confidence to deal with difficulties" is not enough to impress you; if you still cannot get away from the idea that "I am not as worthy as a child". You who love your children so deeply, for the sake of your children, please take yourself seriously and make "I" the first on your life list.
People who rank themselves in the back are often better at loving others, but the response they get is not satisfactory: there are always parents wondering, and I concentrate on my child and do so many things for him, why does he always think Get rid of me; there are always girls who are bothered, I almost obey him, take care of him meticulously, how can I be broken up; there are always people wronged, I give so much, can he die if he responds? Is
not enough? Obviously not. In fact, no matter what kind of relationship between family, friendship and love, can live out its own color, for others, it means more worthy of being loved.
When Xiao Yaxuan first dated Ke Zhendong, perhaps someone mocked her for eating tender grass. But she always knew that whether it was trying to be beautiful, conquering illness, keeping work, and enjoying life, all the changes were for "Xiao Yaxuan" himself. Today, Ke Zhendong, who has been involved in the controversy between her siblings, has disappeared from the screen, but she has replaced her with a few high-quality small meats. She still enjoys love and care at the age of 40, and is named the "love godmother" by thousands of netizens.
On the other hand, Deng Cuiwen, who also had a relationship with sisters and brothers, was finally able to withdraw from the "Little Three" scandal, and she could become popular in the Mainland three times with major IP dramas such as "Four Famous Names" and "Made by Beauty". , But because the little boyfriend stopped working, he stayed with him all day long. Such a dedicated effort is still being dumped because the body is too clingy. Even after the love affair was over, she suffered from depression and became fat, and she stopped working for 2 years, and missed the great opportunity.
puts ourselves in the first place, or as we continue to meet husbands and children in life to change the ranking, no one can force others to choose. But the results of these two kinds of life, how to choose, which is better or worse, has long been clear.
If you love someone and don’t expect them to respond with love, it’s okay if you don’t understand the content of this article. But if you, like me, also hope to get the care and dependence from your loved ones, then having an independent life and spiritual world is the first choice.
Self-first is not the same as selfishness and self-talking, let alone treating oneself as the sun and asking the world to revolve around you. In fact, those who can put themselves in the first place calmly, often need to work harder to live, so that they can become the sun that can bring warmth, strength and hope.
In an event, I met someone who worked hard to become the sun. She is the coordinator of the entire event. When I first saw her, she was no different from other staff members: work clothes with logo printed on it, work permit hanging around her neck, a process book in one hand and an intercom in the other. But when she speaks, you know she is different. The unclear words on the
walkie-talkie were passed to her, and she always got a quick and accurate answer: "Dressing room No. 3 transferred 2 makeup artists to draw male guests", "Finally, confirm whether the large screen material is backed up, give me Respond accurately"... the instructions are clear and the tone is firm. She stood there like a needle in the sea, stabilizing everyone.
I couldn't help but look at her a few more times, she seemed to feel something, she raised her head and smiled at me, and naturally started talking. Seeing her at the dinner, she changed her clothes early. She was wearing a correct black-and-white evening gown, with high updos, and silver stiletto high heels that were popular in the season. She greeted and talked with the people around her. She was comfortable and generous.
We became friends later and learned some of her stories: My father fell ill and broke the family in high school. She was taken to the matchmaker’s house by her mother after serving in the ward for half a month. She accepted someone and got a gift , His father's medicine money was only available later. Just when she was about to respond with tears in her tears, she suddenly suffocated: Selling herself to save lives, can she really please her father who has a straight spine for a lifetime?
That night she managed to borrow money from her classmates and ran to Shanghai, starting from a star assistant who was suffering and suffering. The 1,000 yuan she kept in the most difficult time was spent before the end of the month, and she could only rely on the lunch that she accompanied at noon. So, when the male group played two boxes, she was able to get three boxes cheeky, and was teased by a group of big masters.
Speaking of this paragraph, perhaps the alcohol was on her head, tears flashed in her eyes: "Then I willWhat if you don’t, marry the old man? Be someone else's junior? I can't live that way, I have to be well, at least...at least, I can't let myself down. "
how she got to where she is now, without going into details, she can think of how much sadness, pain, and grievance she has in it, but she has survived all those hardships and the struggle of losing herself.
is right. For you and me, living out of ourselves will not be more difficult than her, perhaps, not as difficult as we thought. Children, husbands, and parents are never fetters. What keeps us from living for ourselves is what we face when we face bad situations. I chose to compromise and I chose to be timid when faced with the difficulties caused by independence.
ranked myself first, not a success study, not a spiritual chicken soup, not a cure for all diseases. It is more like a command gun in track and field competitions , Once you decide to do this, after the gunshots, you must work hard for every step you take and take every meter on the runway seriously.
does not necessarily exchange wealth and reputation for success, but it can not be paranoid or not. The cowardly, wantonly enjoy all the beautiful scenery of life.
