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The Spring Festival in 2020 will be the deepest and most special festival in people’s minds. The whole country is working together to fight the epidemic. In this special period, the Bytedance Company, which belongs to Toutiao, bought the copyright of Xu Zheng's movie "囧Mo" for 630 million yuan, and launched Toutiao, Douyin, Watermelon Video, Douyin Volcano for free. Version He Huanxi premiered the app, and asked people across the country to watch this movie at home during the Spring Festival.
This is also the first time in history that a Spring Festival movie is broadcast live online for free. As the final piece of Xu Zheng's "Highway Movie", this movie shows us more realistic and profound content than the simple "comedy" in the past. The film explores the Chinese-style parent-child relationship and marriage relationship. In this relationship, there is tenderness, but also problems, compromises and persistence. The plot of the movie
is very simple. Simply put, it is a pair of mother and child on the train for 6 days and 6 nights. The relationship is tense and stiff, and finally accepted. Although "囧Mom" Lu Xiaohua is 70 years old, from the perspective of her words and deeds and the explanations in the film, Lu Xiaohua has been a law and order from middle age to old age, planning her life and the next generation according to the secular path. Traditional women in life. Young people get married, middle-aged have children, and they still want to control their children while pursuing themselves in old age.
Today’s article, we mainly analyze from the "囧 mother" Lu Xiaohua, as a traditional Chinese elderly, what kind of universal and traditional life responsibility missions she undertakes, and the middle-aged and elderly people Integration of the meaning of life in old age.
01 One of the missions of middle-aged and old age
face development obstacles, re-examine the relationship, and shape the next generation
Lu Xiaohua in the film is 70 years old, and according to the age group, he already belongs to the elderly group. But from the perspective of her devotion and ‘control’ to her son and family, Lu Xiaohua can be said to have fulfilled her “middle-age mission” with due diligence-shaping the next generation.
Midlife is also called adulthood, which usually refers to a long period from 35 to 60 years old. For many people, middle age is a rough time. The reason for saying this is that people will face several important development obstacles and challenges during this period. One of them is the fear of aging.
Psychology PhD Chen Haixian once talked about the developmental disorders in middle age in the course of self-development psychology. He said:
When we are afraid of aging, what are we afraid of? The decline of physical function is certainly one aspect. But the biggest challenge is the loss of possibility. The process of aging and death is actually a process of turning possible into reality and turning suspense into answers. When
is in middle age, it is easy for us to misunderstand the panic caused by this lack of possibility as caused by aging. Therefore, some people may become very resistant to getting old.
However, the fear of aging does not change anything. Therefore, the attention of middle-aged people is more on more important aspects, and they have become more mature and experienced.
Lu Xiaohua is a typical representative. On the one hand, , on the one hand, she is very afraid of aging in the middle and old age, so she has always been in beauty and skin care. On the other hand, she has not been trapped by this fear. Instead, shaping the next generation, his son Xu Yiwan, has become his most important life mission.
So why is there such a change? Dr.
Chen Haixian said: The important reason for
is that when people reach middle age, they will re-examine their relationship with the world and with others. In the end, we found that there were fewer and fewer important people, so we focused on our next generation. We begin to gain new possibilities from the growth of the next generation.
Lu Xiaohua is like this, from the electricityIn the movie, we know that her husband was drunk, bad-tempered, and died young, leaving behind their mother and son. He did not have the opportunity and time to fulfill his dreams, so all the sustenance was placed on the son.
Therefore, reproducing and shaping the next generation is the development task we must complete in the middle age.
But in this process of shaping the next generation, there are two more "forms of love." There is a passage in
in "Psychology of Self-Development": The essence of
's sense of reproduction is that we give ourselves out and make ourselves a part of our children. However, some parents do not dedicate themselves, on the contrary, they pull their children in to strengthen themselves and make their children a part of themselves.
These are two different forms of love.
The former kind of love is dedicated, while the latter kind of love is possessive.
The former kind of love starts from the needs of the child, admits that the child is an independent individual and truly cares for them. The latter kind of love starts from one's own needs. What they care about is still the self in the relationship.
Only the former type of dedication can develop a sense of reproduction. Otherwise, you will get stuck in a certain kind of entanglement with your children. Lu Xiaohua tried her best to give, but she couldn't handle the boundary between her children and herself well, and almost made the relationship between her children more rigid.
So the movie says: "Every individual should be complete, love is not control and demand, love is acceptance and respect."
02 40z02 The second responsibility of the mission of middle-aged and old age:
02 As we mentioned earlier, one of the missions of middle age is reproduction, and the second mission is to pass on life experience.
inheritance is actually a form of reproduction, and this inheritance does not completely refer to the inheritance between parents and children, but includes the inheritance between the entire middle age and the next generation. Psychologically,
believes that:
inherits this form of reproduction, including two meanings:
is technical and the other is relational. Both of these inheritances contain some form of self-transcendence, so both have the meaning of reproduction.
From the perspective of parents and children, they inherited not only life and work skills, but also valuable concepts and behaviors. But as the saying goes, "Blue is better than blue", so this inheritance is also in continuous progress.
When the family therapist Haley passed away, Mi Niuqing once wrote an obituary for him. There is a sentence in it:
we have used the knowledge accumulated throughout our life, and they have generally influenced the next generation of counselors. Remember our names, but it doesn’t matter at all. The sentence
is the best illustration of this inheritance.
From the film, we can see that Xu Yiwan’s character and behavior are influenced by his mother, Lu Xiaohua, but he may not have noticed it, because the inheritance of this kind of life experience is more often in the family. Presented in a subtle form.
Of course, what Lu Xiaohua passed to Xu Yiwan may not be perfect or correct, but the inheritance is real.
is of course more positive. Xu Yiwan himself is also a successful person under secular standards. His mother, Lu Xiaohua, was also trained under a good family education. Therefore, in the film, the sincere dialogue between the mother and the son in the snow and the help of the sonMy mother realized the dream she had when she was young, and was inseparable from this good inheritance.
Therefore, from Lu Xiaohua's body, what we see at is her sense of control and even unreasonable making fun, but from behind, what we see is a responsibility of inheritance. Inheritance is actually very hard, but it is also one of the life missions that every middle-aged person cannot escape.
03 The third mission of middle-aged and old age
Face fear, integrate life, and discover the meaning of life
Lu Xiaohua has actually reached the old age in life. At this stage, his son has grown up, and he has already retired and has his own old age. Life and the social responsibilities that should be taken off have also been taken off. At this time, the fear of aging is getting closer and closer-that's why Lu Xiaohua is still busy making facial masks and skin care when she can't take a bath on the train.
However, at this stage, in addition to facing the fear of aging, it is more important for to complete the last subject of life-the integration of life. What does
integration mean?
psychologist Eriksson said that
integration means that you can “accept your own unique life cycle and treat it as having to exist, and you are not allowed to have any substitutes.”
In other words, no matter you Whether your life is going well, what happiness and pain you have experienced, you have accepted it as a unique experience. You can accept that your life is complete and unique.
If the integration cannot be completed, the individual will feel that life is short, because you still have a lot of things to do. The initial setting of
was that Lu Xiaohua was going to the theater in Moscow to realize her dream, the dream she missed when she was young. Although there were many twists and turns in the middle, it was completed with the help of my son.
Is this dream-fulfilling action that made "囧Mom" Lu Xiaohua complete the integration of life? Maybe, but more importantly, in her later years, she “integrated” her past life in her 6 days and 6 pages with her son—from the acquaintance with Ivan’s father to her husband’s alcoholism and domestic violence. From the hurt to her, to the sensibility of her son’s childhood, as well as her dedication to the family and love for her son, Lu Xiaohua and Xu Yiwan in the snow recalled and'integrated' her own life.
So, when Lu Xiaohua almost missed the theater and couldn't sing, she could calmly say, forget it, don't go anymore. It's not that she really doesn't want to go, but that the integration she made in her later life allowed her to face this time calmly.
Therefore, the meaning of integration is to allow people to review their lives in old age and find the source of meaning in life. Whether we can integrate our lives smoothly means whether we can understand ourselves smoothly and complete our own life issues.
Conclusion
"囧Mom" as a comedy, he passed to us, in addition to some on the surface "baggage" and stalks, there are many very profound things. But no matter where you dig and understand, you cannot escape some of the problems faced by middle-aged and elderly people in this special period.
Stoic philosopher Seneca said: "Only when death comes, what you have done in the past will show their meaning."
Of course, we don’t need to face aging. And the age of death, but our middle-aged parents, they face these issues earlier than us. Of course, even if we are still young or middle-aged, we can regularly look back and think about this moment in life, and think about our mission and responsibilities.
