This is a divided era, and young people are the microscopic molecules standing at the cracks of the times.
Their parents cannot understand them. They are obviously living in a world of material prosperity, but they still cannot be happy.
The Internet is like a huge glass cover, covering young people from different classes in similar predicaments.
Some people choose to break the glass, some choose to lie flat on the spot, and some choose to question and ask questions.
We are concerned about the survival anxiety of the younger generation in terms of food, clothing, housing, and transportation, the mental trauma caused by their original families, and their hopes and disappointments in love.
This issue is the third special report. We have observed the anxiety among young people about urging marriage.
The parents stood behind them, counting down the time to marriage. Produced by
| Author of Huxiu Youth Culture Group
| Editor and title picture of Cucumber Soda
| Zhazha County
This article was first published on the Huxiu young content public account "Nang" (id: huxiu4youth). Here, we present the faces, stories and attitudes of young people today.
A post on Xiaohongshu suddenly went viral. Its title only has one sentence, but it is very dramatic and conflicting -
"The movie was shortlisted for the International Film Festival, and my mother urged me to go back and get married."
Among the 273 comments, Everyone advised her to "treasure her talents" and not to be held back by her backward native family. It was as if the onlookers were anxiously shouting "run away" to this outstanding girl.
So, I contacted this girl and wanted to hear her tell her story.
On the day when the movie "Habitat" was shortlisted for the Bangalore Film Festival, Xia Qianzi had no trouble.
After receiving the notification email, she submitted some additional information and forwarded the message to the film crew's group chat. Everything was business as usual, and she didn't tell her parents the good news.
"Perchance" is a somewhat alienating story, unfolded from the two perspectives of a boy and a girl.
In order to escape the troubles of the world, the boy hid in a quiet room to rest. A girl moved into his living room. He thought the girl was a spider spirit and did not drive her away. Later, the boy ran out of money and couldn't afford this peaceful life, so he found a new job and moved away.
A girl was raised by adoptive parents. After being abandoned by her boyfriend, she couldn't stand the judgment of people in the small town and bought a ticket to the "Galaxy". She came to this city and stayed in a youth hostel. In fact, this youth hostel was the boy's living room. When the boy moved away, the original landlord came back, and the girl found that this was not her place, so she had to run away.
Many people escape their own small towns throughout their lives, only to find in the end that the place they settle in is just another form of small town. Life is not free, but they are always on the road to finding self-salvation.
This hard-won small success is the result of many years of secret efforts by this 22-year-old girl.
When she was still in high school, Xia Qianzi knew one thing for sure: she was born to be a film director.
Although in the adult world, this sentence sounds like a wild dream, the girl seriously considered the feasibility of this dream and completed it with practical actions.
When she was a teenager, she wrote many scripts, including science fiction films, suspense films, and literary films. However, if you want to turn these words into pictures, there is only one way to achieve it - and that is money.
After the college entrance examination, she unusually did not choose any major related to film, but chose "finance", a direction that seemed out of reach.
The reason is very simple. She wants to learn the principles of making money and the ability to raise funds. "I need funds to present the script in the form of a movie." This idea seems a bit inexplicable, but it is extremely logical.
In this way, she, who was born in Guangzhou, embarked on the road to go to school in Beijing. She walked back and forth for four years.
Like most ordinary parents in China, Xia Qianzi’s parents never faced her movie dream seriously, and they only blamed and criticized her.In their view, making movies is just "child's play". In the end, when they have had enough trouble, they have to come back and find a class. Since
has no way to get support from her parents, she needs to handle all the financial pressure alone. This extravagant movie dream must be paid for by myself.
She carefully planned a college plan "all for the movie" and completed it on schedule with terrible execution.
Unlike ordinary literary and artistic young people, Xia Qianzi clearly knows that dreams are based on economics. She took her major seriously during college and studied, took exams, and practiced with all her might. During her four years of undergraduate study, she obtained the Securities Practitioner Qualification Certificate, the Fund Practitioner Qualification Certificate, the Junior Accountant Certificate, and the Junior Economist Certificate. She also participated in scientific research projects and business competitions, and won 2 national awards and 5 school-level awards.
Her resume is too beautiful to be true, and it is exactly the template of an excellent finance major. She has internship experience in the eight major accounting firms, and during the brutal graduation season, she directly got an offer from a central enterprise. When most fresh graduates were at a loss to find anything to do, she already had an iron rice bowl.
In a meritocratic society, this girl has tried her best to climb to the highest point within her abilities. These dazzling professional achievements are all gems she has accumulated for the ultimate goal of "making movies."
In early March of this year, Xia Qianzi used the money she saved from her internship in the financial industry to start filming her debut film "Perchance". The
script was born in a single room in a handshake building in an urban village in Shenzhen.
It was a room without sunlight. When Guangdong returned to the south, the walls of the house were covered with black mold. The window of Xia Qianzi's room faced the kitchen window of a house next door. She quietly watched the woman in the kitchen opposite being busy all day long.
She didn't want to be trapped in this dark house full of mold, so she went out early and came back late, trying to come home as late as possible. During that dark time, she wrote the script for "Perch."
This movie started shooting in April and was completed in early May. Xia Qianzi also served as director, screenwriter, and post-production. In the early stages of preparation, she rented a house in Shunyi District, Beijing, and recruited shooting partners. In the director's explanation, she recorded the daily life of filming: taking the subway and changing buses during the day, going to venues in Shunyi District to view scenes and scenes, and rushing back to the school dormitory in Chaoyang District to draw storyboards at night.
When a 22-year-old non-major student shoots his first film, he will certainly encounter difficulties, such as the shooting time is longer than expected, the lighting equipment is damaged, and the financial budget is tight. One night while filming at a noodle shop, I met some drunk men who were making trouble. Most of the team was girls, so I had to change the shop to continue filming, but the drunk men followed me.
The entire movie was shot at a cost of only eight to nine thousand yuan. The team members were recruited from Xiaohongshu, students from film schools, and friends who were roped in to do hard work.
But this very low-cost movie has received a lot of recognition abroad.
"Habitat" is currently shortlisted for the 4th Coliffe–Coliseum International Film Festival in Rome, Italy, the 13th Bangalore Short Film Festival, the Brazilian Cultural Places Film Festival, and the Pressplay Film Festival in the United States with a score of 8.9 and recommended as award worthy (worthy Award-winning).
Although these awards are not Cannes, Berlin or Venice, for a young independent filmmaker, this is an overall victory in her microcosm.
13th Bangalore Short Film Festival Shortlist
I am very curious as to why she created such a special work. It is not vulgar, full of social metaphors, and has a strong and distinctive authorship: it is obvious that this is the confession of a girl who has no place to live.
After she told her story, I discovered that the person who fled was not only the heroine of the story, but also the person who created the story.
She ran away all the way, but it was difficult to find her place to stay.
Xia Qianzi did not tell her mother that she was shortlisted for the film festival.
I originally thought that this girl would use this "pretty dazzling achievement" to declare to her parents that "her choice was right", but she flatly rejected my guess.
She repeated a similar sentence four or five times: "Only when I earn enough income from movies, I will tell them, so as not to be scolded by them."
Xia Qianzi is a person who avoids family conflicts and even gets along with her parents cautiously. She told me that there weren’t many quarrels within the family because she didn’t want to waste her time “arguing with her parents.” If you know from the beginning that there will be no quarrel, just say nothing.
"Arguing consumes my mind and affects my creation, so I found a job in a central enterprise that they couldn't find fault with." In fact, what she didn't say was that she blocked their parents with a job that they were satisfied with. mouth, and then secretly continue to dream.
Just a few days after she was shortlisted for the film festival, her mother called and asked her whether the school classes were over and if so, she should go home as soon as possible. But Xia Qianzi instinctively resisted the call from her family. She used the CET-6 exam as a excuse. In fact, she just didn't want to go home.
Because family is not a comfortable place for her.
"Many parents are like this. They hope that their children will be outstanding and make a lot of money in the future."
When Xia Qianzi talked about her parents, her tone was light, with no expectations and no disappointment. In her description, her parents are similar to most Chinese parents: strict, emphasizing giving, and hard to please.
Even though Xia Qianzi has found a job in a state-owned enterprise that is close to home and has a good income, her parents are still not satisfied. They hope that their daughter will work in Guangzhou, which is close to home. Shenzhen is still too far away.
Speaking of urging marriage, it is an even more painful thing.
Mother is always in a state of anxious preparation for Xia Qianzi's marriage, as if there are ten thousand mouths around her saying, "If you can't get married after 25, you will become a leftover girl." "If your daughter can't get married, she will become a leftover girl. It’s all over.”
Even if she is a blind date introduced by the grocery store owner, her mother actively encourages her to meet for dinner. However, the turning point of black humor appeared: the other party's mother didn't like girls with yellow hair and makeup. Without saying anything, the mother sent her a photo of her high school black hair and asked her to go home immediately and dye her hair black.
Xia Qianzi's parents' lagging views on marriage and love made Xia Qianzi feel helpless due to the failure of communication.
"I think I should find someone I love first, rather than thinking that I must get married, so I must find someone to marry immediately. But when I told my mother about this, she would only say: 'Then go and find her.'"
"It's impossible to argue. They won't listen to what I say, and they won't accept my point of view. They think it's natural to continue the family lineage, but it's because I'm crazy."
Mother. He was the one holding the stopwatch for her.
The warning line for parents is 25 years old. They firmly believe that girls will be picked over if they are over 25 years old. If you must get married before the age of 25, it means that you must find a potential marriage partner before the age of 22 and spend several years falling in love and getting to know each other. This is why the mother is so anxious, because the "death knell of the leftover women" has sounded.
"They have always used the name of loving me to tie me up and go in the direction they think is better."
obviously love each other with concern, but because of their different thoughts and opinions, they can never understand each other, and in the end they are helpless.
is like the age of 22. For parents, it is a fatal countdown to marriage, but for a girl who has just graduated from college, it is the first day of a vast and free life.
But Xia Qianzi, like most Chinese children, can never really blame her parents.
Under that Xiaohongshu post, the comment that impressed her most was this:
“Our parents cannot understand the vast world they have not been exposed to, but they gave us the eyes and legs to go out into the world.When I walk through thousands of mountains and rivers, I just want to hug them with my strong arms and let them stick their heads out as securely as a swaddled baby and take a sneak peek at the world at my feet. "
To her, her mother is like a heavy iron door pushing her, and she also knows that behind her mother, there are more perfectly invisible "door pushers". These invisible "door pushers", Kidnapping mothers with words such as "Your daughter is not good because you have not educated her well" and "You are the person closest to her, you have the obligation to persuade her"
Young people are always curious why their parents always say "I'll wait for you to xx." I have completed the task," the young man always roared, "Who gave the task to the parents? "
The answer is actually very simple. It is the dense "mouths" surrounding parents. People's words are scary, and people's words will also weave a huge net and trap parents in this net. They are too old and can no longer escape from this net.
Xia Qianzi knew that her mother's fatal weakness was that she cared too much about other people's opinions.
She recalled a little story like this. When she was in boarding high school, she liked to go home with her suitcase like this. This would save her the trouble of carrying her schoolbag. When her neighbor saw it, she joked that she looked like she had just returned from a business trip to Hong Kong. Since then, her mother has not allowed her to carry her suitcase to school because "it would be bad to be seen by others." ".
She did not obey, but she could understand her mother. "Sartre said in "Confinement" that 'Hell is other people'. Other people's comments are indeed torture to my mother. "
's naughty mother is actually the biggest victim. "She is trapped by too many things, whether it is family, company, or the limitations of her own thinking. "
Xia Qianzi told me the story about her mother -
"She was born in Guangxi. Her family conditions were not good when she was a child. Her grandmother's family valued boys over girls. She gave birth to many girls but no son. In the end, she adopted a boy. . When she was a child, she had no time to do her homework. She had to do housework as soon as she got home, and she had to finish her housework before going to school the next day. When she was a teenager, she and several girls from the village took a boat to Guangzhou to find a job. After working hard for more than ten years, she is now the director of a company. "
Although her mother's push for marriage is suffocating, and her thoughts have long been assimilated by the people and things around her, Xia Qianzi always repeats her heartache and gratitude as a daughter: "Without my mother, I would not be able to see the outside world. world. "
When she was in middle school and high school, Xia Qianzi would complain about her mother's limitations in her heart, and even wrote it down in her diary.
"As her daughter, everything about me, even the things I think are terrible, she Will tell others. I sometimes feel like I don't even have privacy in front of her colleagues. Her colleagues all know how many points I scored and what I did at home. But as I grew older, although I still disapproved of her behavior, I gradually understood her. Maybe she thinks I am her pride, or maybe she just has too much desire to share but nowhere to put it. "
The movie "Lady Bird"
As long as you are around your parents, the "sense of indebtedness" is like a surrounding ghost.
They keep repeating to their daughters that adults work hard for Xia Qianzi and her sister. Father once liked Smoking, every time someone advised him to quit smoking, he would say one thing: "When I finish educating my two daughters and they start earning money, I can quit smoking." "
The cars and houses purchased by her parents will also be counted on the two daughters. Now that Xia Qianzi has found a job, even if the family is not under loan pressure, she will be required to "pay for the family" every month in the future. This is how it came about.
Speaking of my sister, she is more like another shadow of Xia Qianzi, except that my sister has already entered into marriage according to her parents’ wishes.
“When my sister was 24 years old, my father and mother went to the battle to urge her. When I got married, my dad even said some very unpleasant things. Over the years, I feel that my mother prefers my sister and is more harsh on me. But my sister told me that all this was just because she was married. ”
Xia Qianzi once ran to a film company in Shenzhen for an internship, despite her family’s obstruction.In the father's view, this job is less profitable and far away from home, so his daughter should stay in Guangzhou and find a job with a higher salary. Others in the family feel that the parents of such an ignorant daughter like Tan are pitiful. But her sister stood firmly by her side: "She knows what I want to pursue, she knows my pain, she can empathize with me, and she even came to Shenzhen to stay with me for a week."
Xia Qianzi knew in her heart that the reason why her sister She feels the same because she has experienced it all. But when her sister experienced it, Xia Qianzi was still too young, and she couldn't see through the adult world at that time.
The two sisters are like misplaced twins.
"I remember when I was very young, one night, I was sleeping in the same bed with her. Her tears kept flowing, but she didn't cry out. I knew she was feeling very sad. At dinner that day, she She was slapped on the ground by her father at the dinner table. Just because her English dictation failed, the teacher called her parents because I didn’t understand anything at that time. "
Xia Qianzi felt that she was lucky. Yes, my sister's growth path has allowed her to unconsciously avoid many contradictions in getting along with her family. And when others didn't understand her, her sister became the only one who felt the same way.
Everyone in this family seems to be embracing each other with thorns.
"Schopenhauer proposed a porcupine theory, to the effect that in order to avoid freezing, a group of porcupines hugged each other to keep warm. But they were soon pricked by each other's hard thorns. In this way, they were forced to separate. But in order To keep warm, their bodies came closer again, and the hard thorns on their bodies pricked them again." This is how she summed up her original family.
Love is love, but it hurts when we are close to each other.
This burning feeling from the original family forces the young girl to look for her own room.
Only by finding a space of her own can she breathe and create. That is a place where no one forces her to complete the task of passing on the family lineage.
The most painful thing in this world is to watch a woman obliterate her talents in marriage.
When Zhang Ailing graduated from high school in 1937, she filled out a survey in the school magazine called "Love and Hate Table." "Most afraid of: death; most hated: talented women marrying too early; favorite: Edward VIII; favorite to eat: barbecued pork and fried rice."
The talented woman mentioned here may refer to such a person. pushed her into marriage prematurely, like throwing pearls into the sink.
On the day I was talking to Xia Qianzi, she received the notification that she was among the top 30 finalists of the "Bay Area Short Film Creation Season". The next step for
is the semi-finals. If she can enter the top 10, the organizer will provide her with a ticket to Beijing. The next step is the offline defense. The organizer will select 3 of the top 10 films and provide creative investment. and help. A few days later, she was admitted to the China Film Association Film Lecture Hall.
She has indeed been swimming in her own direction, just like Trudy Ederle who crossed the English Channel in 1926, determined and calm.
Movie "Swimmer's Heart"
This 22-year-old girl has not been questioned before.
A producer once rejected her and refused to invest in her. The reason was simple because she was not a film school major. The producer told her that only film school students would receive more resources in the future. There is also a film and television practitioner in
. Although he has left the film production industry, after seeing her script, he immediately invested money. The reason is very simple. The other party just wants to support young people to make good movies.
When I asked her about the scripts she wrote in adolescence, which one impressed her the most?
She told a good story with winding paths, immature but full of aura.
A girl suffered a lot of discrimination in a small town. She fell in love with a man, but was expelled because of her identity. She collapsed from hunger on the side of the road, and a brother drove by in a truck. The girl asked her eldest brother, is there a place where everyone is equal? The elder brother replied: Yes, I am going to this place.So they set out on the road together.
This place is called Sicheng. The girl asked around and heard different answers along the way. An old man said that Sicheng is a good place and every household can use electric lights. Some people say that Sicheng does not exist at all. A wise man told the girl that everyone has a different definition of Sicheng. Some people say that it is a place where everyone can use heating, while others say that Sicheng is "upstairs and downstairs, with lights and telephones."
The girl and her eldest brother went through all kinds of hardships and came to a snowy mountain. The eldest brother told the girl that after climbing over the snowy mountain, she would reach Sicheng. They abandoned all their luggage and started climbing the mountain empty-handed. The eldest brother gave his clothes to the girl, and the girl pressed the button to send a distress signal. They lay in the snow waiting for their fate to be pronounced. The eldest brother died.
Later, Sicheng's rescue team arrived and they rescued the girl. Finally, the girl finally came to the brightly lit Sicheng and found the woman that her eldest brother loved. The girl handed the bank card that her eldest brother had entrusted to her before her death, but the woman told her: "I don't want it, because Sicheng does not need currency. Everyone here is equal and we help each other."
We don't know whether this story will happen in the future. Appearing on the big screen in movie theaters. But Xia Qianzi hopes that the time will last longer. She wants to make more money and use the best resources to present her most precious story.
Before that, she may continue to face unknown struggles and setbacks. While working in a central enterprise and continuing her film creation,
faces pressure from her family to get married. More importantly, she will have to face the entire society's scrutiny of women in the future.
In her opinion, the 22-year-old, the most incomprehensible thing is the double operating standards of society.
"If a woman's work is not good enough, her professional works are not perfect enough, and her position or salary is not high enough, then someone can always use 'it is better to find someone to marry while you are young' to deny the value of her independent life."
"But when her Her work is perfect enough, and she has reached the standard of a leftover woman in the secular sense. At that time, society will use her age to deny her, as if a woman is useless once she is over 35 years old. This is terrible, and she is very likely to be useless. If she lives for another 50 years, will only the first 20 years of her life be worth living? "
These conflicts and struggles made her angry and hesitant, and made her understand how to write her own story as a female creator.
Movie "The Hours"
"Sometimes I feel that I have no place to go. My parents' residence can only be a short resting place for me. If it lasts for a long time, it will also cause conflicts and consume both of our minds. ."
It is often said that women do not have a real "home". They stay in their parents' home, husband's home, and children's home throughout their lives. Now, young women are aware of this dilemma and they need to find their own room.
When she was studying in Beijing, Xia Qianzi felt as free as the wind. Without her family around, no one can control her. The small dormitory is where she can create freely. After graduation, this restricted freedom came to an abrupt end.
"I really want to find a room where I can create freely alone. In this room, I don't need to be in the same room with others, I don't need to be stared at by anyone, there are no dormitory checks, and no one urges me to clean up. , and no one is watching whether I work hard, I can create as I like, be free to daze, and fall asleep when I am tired. "
Perhaps in the near future, in that room that belongs only to herself, a young woman will create. Those who do it will create a new world of their own.
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