This year's Spring Festival Gala sketch "Can't Open My Mouth" 100% restored the father's love with strong Chinese characteristics, that is: even if the child is particularly outstanding, even if the heart is full of love for him, being a father is to open up. Praise your children without words. In the
sketch, the father praised his child to outsiders and was extremely satisfied. But once the child appears, it immediately turns into accusations, either accusing the child of being idle or accusing him of spending money randomly.
Observe the fathers around us, they have the same attitude towards their children: they usually stay silent to the end, but when they speak, they either accuse or criticize.
Under such words and deeds, there seems to be a barrier between the child and his father. Even if the child wants to give his father a gift, he is awkward and unable to speak.
Why are Chinese fathers always unable to speak?
01. Now that we have seen through the truth behind their accusations, what can we do?
Are you like me, you used to feel weird about such a father?
You hope that you can have a good chat with him and hope that he will give you a thumbs up for your excellent performance, but you never seem to get the response you want.
Then you will get angry, try to persuade him, try hard to change him, and try to make him keep up with the times, but you will be in vain.
Our parents’ generation may not have the time or energy to pay attention to relationships because of the difficulties of survival; maybe they are always worried about our pride and hope that we learn to be low-key; maybe they adhere to the simple view of emotions that “hitting is affection, scolding is love”; They feel that this is what their father should be like, and they want to maintain their dignity. Yu Minhong, founder of
New Oriental, said: "Chinese parents tend to care about their children's failures and where they are not as good as others, but they don't care about where they have done better than before."
said very reasonably.
When I became an adult, I once asked my father: "Why can't I get a word of kindness from you even though I have done so well?"
He said to me seriously: "Humility makes people progress, pride makes progress." People are lagging behind. Where is the ultimate in good? Are you satisfied if you are a little good?"
I was speechless at that time. It's not that I couldn't explain him, but I understood that no matter how much I said, it would be useless.
Because his suppression of me stems from his cognition, and his cognition has already been formed. In his cognition, only suppressive education and disregard for my progress and efforts can make me not complacent. , keep moving forward, what else should I argue with him?
He can't listen.
The way my father treats us has roots in history, culture, tradition, and personality that are difficult for us to understand. These roots constitute his indestructible cognition, which is difficult to shake, so don’t try to redeem yours. Father, to change their perceptions, the only effort we can make is: work hard to change ourselves. In the
sketch, the father finally spoke out his words of praise for his son's excellence before his son went out. Why?
because of his son's actions.
We are not stupid, we have grown up a long time ago, and we have felt the love behind their accusations. Instead of reasoning, it is better to take action.
When we express love to them in our new, direct, and our own way, they soften.
They saw it and felt it: it turned out that expressing love directly made them feel so happy. It turned out that the interaction between parents and children without blaming could be so harmonious and beautiful, so they really changed!
The German philosopher Jaspers said: "Education is like one tree shaking another tree, one cloud pushing another cloud, one soul awakening another soul."
I think the same is true for love.
02. As fathers who want to be loved, what can we do?
When I watched the Spring Festival Gala, my father also watched it with me. When he saw "Can't Open My Mouth", he also burst into tears.
I think this skit must have touched his heart and made him reflect a lot.
During the Chinese New Year, we are closest to our parents. However, family reunion does not mean that each of us is happy.
For those of us who have reached middle age, we are already parents, but our parents still treat us as children.
Especially my father , he always makes me experience a kind of fatherly love with Chinese characteristics, that is: no praise, only blame. His love is always hidden in preaching and accusation.
Just like me now, I finally took a few days off during the Chinese New Year. A few days ago, I got up early, and he said I was fake. When I got up late, he said I was too lazy. I made a specialty dish. My eldest and second treasure did not like it. However, my father just kept eating. I asked him: "Dad, is this food delicious?" As a result, he said: "The salt is too much!"
I am neither left nor right, neither is front. , and neither is the latter.
How I hope that my father can treat me in a moderately positive manner, and it is best to be more realistic. If you praise me to make me proud, then at least don't belittle me!
But in life, how many fathers are always unable to talk about the excellence of their children? As long as we are with him, we are always on pins and needles?
In our generation, material life has been satisfied, and spiritual needs have increased sharply. We need affirmation and support from our parents, which is a very important emotional value.
When we understand the roots of this behavior of our parents’ generation, I call on more children to actively express love and hope to get a response from their fathers. However, good love is a two-way street, and I also want to express my love for you. Fathers said:
"When we grow old, our social circle narrows, and our lives become empty, continuing to be silent and blaming will only push our independent adult children further and further away, making us even more lonely."
Due to the situation, Because we really love our children, we can only try our best to break through our comfort zone and take that difficult but valuable first step.
People are very malleable. If you take the first step, the second and countless steps that follow will be much easier.
Psychologist Cong Feicong once said:
"How your parents treated you when you were a child, when you grow up, you will treat yourself the same way and treat the people close to you in the same way."
I dare to do it It is a guess that if a child becomes a father in the future, he will continue to get along with his father to get along with the next generation.
This is an intergenerational relationship. The same pattern of getting along is repeated from generation to generation, and it is difficult to change.
If we want to have a harmonious relationship of "father is kind and son is filial" for a long time, then it is our duty as fathers to make changes. In the
skit, the father finally praised his child after confirming that he was giving him a gift. Then the relationship between father and son will heat up, which is just around the corner.
hopes that the family members who saw this sketch will feel something and take action. After all, a harmonious and intimate family atmosphere is what each of us dreams of.
03. Mei Niang said
Philosopher James said:
"The most ardent requirement in human nature is the desire to be affirmed."
Yes, being affirmed will make children feel that they are loved, and a person who has been truly loved The children really have too much confidence and courage.
When we enter adulthood, we should also be able to understand: self-confidence and courage are really important for a person's growth!
Therefore, those children who have been correctly affirmed and praised since childhood often do not grow into children who are easily proud and complacent. On the contrary, they are confident, open-minded, extremely resistant to frustration, and have strong resilience. They can often become successful in life. The successful ones.
I thought of a message from a male reader:
My son has gone through countless exams from elementary school to postgraduate and Ph.D. exams. However, when he fails, I always only encourage him and never blame him; and when he has a smooth journey and is in high spirits, I will definitely knock the small wooden fish next to him and sprinkle him with a little "cold water".
There were laughter and tears along the way. I was always with the child, listening to his voice, listening to his grievances, and sharing his happiness.
During the 22 years since my son has been studying, my son and I have become best friends. We talk about everything and share the same joys. This feels so good!
This male reader is really a very wise father.
People do need to be beaten when they are proud, but if they are beaten again when they are frustrated, it may be the last straw that breaks the child's life. You must not do this. The father's change in
's sketch is very easy, but in reality it is actually very difficult.
It is really a disaster for children to encounter serious accusing parents.
So as children, what should we do?
In fact, in addition to using actions to inspire parents, I think it is more important to find a parent for your inner child who will affirm and praise your inner child.
Psychologist Huang Shiming said:
"Don't heal your family of origin, but heal your inner parents."
believes that although we are born from our parents, we have been independent since we were born. As individuals, we have our own bodies, hands and feet, and independent minds. After our ability to survive independently becomes stronger and stronger, we can leave our parents and make a living on our own.
Therefore, if you already have the ability to be financially independent, then you must be emotionally independent and find yourself an inner parent.
When you have done something great and are not recognized by your parents, you can let your inner parent say to yourself: "You are awesome, kid!"
When you are accused by your parents for no reason, You can let your inner parent say to yourself: "Child, you are right, relax!"
When you face your parents' deliberate attempts to make things difficult and malicious slander, you can calmly say to yourself: "I didn't do that at all." What you say is so unbearable, I have to insist on being myself!"
Dear, you have to live like a light, a light that can light up for yourself. Don't blame your parents, and don't be controlled by your parents. Only then can you truly live your life. A life of your own!
encourage each other!
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