Zhou Yao (Nong Jian/Photo) Zhou Yao (pseudonym) is 30 years old. Her life is evenly divided into two periods: in the first 15 years, her family of six lived in Beichuan Qiang Autonomous County, Mianyang City, Sichuan Province; He and his elder brother grew up under the care of th

Zhou Yao (Nong Jian/Photo)

Zhou Yao (pseudonym) is 30 years old. Her life is evenly divided into two periods: in the first 15 years, her family of six lived in Beichuan Qiang Autonomous County, Mianyang City, Sichuan Province; in the last 15 years , she and her brother grew up relying on the care of their second uncle. The lives of my parents and grandparents ended in the 2008 Wenchuan earthquake, which killed 69,227 people and left 17,923 missing.

was established in 2008 under the leadership of the China Children and Teenagers' Foundation to provide shelter for children from extremely poor families who lost their loved ones in the Wenchuan earthquake. In June 2022, after the two youngest children graduated from high school, Ankang Homeland completed its original mission. In an interview with a reporter from Southern Weekend at that time, Zhou Yao believed that she was still young and not ready to give birth to a new life.

Now, Zhou Yao, who is in her thirties, has age anxiety. She wants to experience a new identity and become a mother. Regarding the death of her parents, she has made peace with her fate and no longer wonders "why this happened to me."

The following is Zhou Yao's self-report:

"If there was no earthquake"

After the Wenchuan earthquake, I have never seen my parents, and I have no complete family, and the support and companionship they gave me are gone. In the first few years of

, I felt it was quite unfair, why would this happen to me. I have also thought about what my home would be like if there were no earthquakes, but I can’t think of it. It might be similar to the classmates around me whose parents are still alive. But when I grew up, I seldom thought about these things. Basically, every stage had its own affairs, such as taking public exams, working, getting married, buying a house, and preparing for the transfer exam in the past two or three years.

As the days pass by, things become lighter and lighter day by day. I don’t remember much about my childhood. If my parents were around, they would tell us what you were like when you were young, but I don’t have that opportunity now.

The earthquake is an unfortunate event with a small probability, it just happened to me. There are many orphans born in this world every day. Children whose parents died due to other reasons may not be noticed by the outside world. We are relatively lucky.

Don't pay too much attention to the status of "earthquake orphans". Just try to treat us as normal children. Not treating us differently is actually the best care for us.

After the earthquake, my relatives sent me to Ankang Home to study and live. I am very fortunate that I was studying when I should have been studying, and that I was under the supervision of others, so that I was not exposed to bad things from the outside world. There are many people who make a slight deviation while studying and lead to a very different life later. I remember a boy whose parents also passed away in the earthquake. He also went to Ankang Home, but he only left (dropped out of school) after only two or three months. He worked everywhere, wandered in society, became a bad student, and was later sentenced for theft. His life trajectory is completely different from mine, so I am always grateful.

Under the protection of Ankang Home, I completed junior high school and high school, and successfully entered the police academy. After graduation, I returned to my hometown and became a judicial police officer. In 2019, my husband and I got married. He works in Chengdu, and we live in both places.

I want to work in Chengdu, and I have been preparing for the transfer exam, but I failed to pass the exam twice. Everyone around me has given birth to children, and I really want a child. I feel that if you have a child, you will have someone in the world who is closest to you by blood, and you will have care. But now I don’t have the conditions to have a child, and there are financial and distance pressures. I don’t want to let his parents help take care of the child completely. I want to be more involved myself, but now I need to prepare for the exam. (These factors) are like earthquakes, out of my control.

I am 30 years old this year. In my thirties, I don’t know what my future direction will be. This is my current confusion. I thought that if my parents were here, they would give me some advice at this age as someone who has experienced it. As I grow up, I will be more confident and dare to express myself, and I will not have to worry about so many things by myself.

"No regrets"

In fact, many people helped me along the way. Although I have no parents, I got to know many elders. As long as I am willing to communicate or ask them for help, I will gain different life experiences. (Compared to just asking parents for help) the scope will be wider, and there will be more channels for obtaining knowledge and information.

The earthquake is certainly not good, but it forces me to grow. It makes me more determined. No matter what I do, as long as I try not to regret anything, I can accept whatever the future holds.

I work very hard on many things now, whether it is taking exams, working, or getting along with others. I try my best to think about how to do things well. Sometimes when things don't go my way, I blame myself. My colleague said to me: "You have too high demands on yourself. There are many things that you cannot change. Don't make yourself so tight."

's style of doing things without leaving any regrets is different from the experience of the earthquake. Regarding it, maybe if you meet (with a person) this time, you won't see him the next time. So I am willing to do things well every time, what if there is no next time? Therefore, I do my best in everything I do and leave no regrets. Regardless of whether I am good or not, if I can make myself feel like "I tried my best," then I will have no regrets in my heart.

The past two years of exam preparation experience have made me find that job promotion in the unit is not that important to me. I will pay more attention to personal growth and experience, that is, what I have learned and gained in this society, and what I can leave behind, instead of focusing so much on the position and power.

I feel that I grew up too fast and became sensible early, but these are all being pushed forward. I actually want myself to grow up slower, experience each age and everything in a more detailed way, and not be so hasty.

My life only lasts for a few decades. I will only look forward and move forward to achieve seemingly incredible goals and see different scenery. This is what I should do in this life. . What's the use of thinking about these things from where you are all the time? Not helpful in real life. They (parents) must also want me to live well, and they should be quite satisfied with my current living situation.

People who have come out of the earthquake are stronger than you think. We have many uncles and aunts in Beichuan whose children are probably not even teenagers (died in the earthquake). After they came out, their second children are now teenagers.

We go back to our hometown every year before the Spring Festival to visit the graves and burn some paper money. I will go back and take a look when I have time, but I can’t see much. There is a cemetery in the old county town of Beichuan, where many bodies are buried, and no one can find them. I am now considering erecting a monument to my parents and grandparents, but the purpose is just to tell my child "Grandma and grandpa are there" after my child comes out, because I always care about my parents in my heart.

Southern Weekend reporter Chen Jiahui

editor-in-chief Tan Chang