Many people are very aggrieved in their relationship: "I love him so much, everything is for him, but he still betrays me?" "There is only him in my world, he knows, but he still left me, he really It's so cruel!" "Didn't he love me? Why couldn't he do this for me? He probably still doesn't love me enough!" And so on, we often hear such words, even from our own mouths Speaking out, I think we cherish this relationship so much, why are the people we meet so scumbags. The more we love, the more lonely we become, and the more we love, the more lonely we become.
In life, we crave to be loved, and we are constantly expressing love. But strangely, when we talk about love, we give examples of betrayal, betrayal, heartbreak. In many stories and songs, when it comes to love, it is full of regrets, and when you read it and sing it, it is all sad. So it's not that the more you love, the more love you will get. Because we are in a relationship. Whether loving or being loved, we are all in a specific relationship. You and him in a relationship will have a fixed pattern to love or receive love. A good relationship will nourish us and heal our childhood wounds, but the relationships that most people are in have their own problems one by one, plus the original family has shaped their different "self", it is easy to be in a relationship. The people there are increasingly unable to adapt and will try to escape. It's not that he/she doesn't love, it may be that your controlling love is suffocating.
1. Dependent. The inner logic of this type of person is, I'm so helpless, you have to help me, or you just don't love me, you're a badass. The little light in
's life is this kind of dependence. I found my girlfriend, Tingting, who was three years older than me. She played games all day and didn't work hard. Every time Tingting broke up because he used the savings of the two to buy game equipment, he always looked wronged and said in front of Tingting, "Tingting, don't you love me? Could it be that our love is overwhelmed by this? Did some money beat it?" Tingting forgave a few times, and later he told me that Xiaoguang would not change, he would always say that, she really couldn't live with her anymore. When I was reading this book at the time, I realized that Xiaoguang has always dominated Tingting. Isn't this kind of love suffocating.
2. Dominator. This type of person always feels that I am good to you, but you must listen to me, or you just don't love me.
This kind of dominance is not uncommon in life. Parents control their children in the name of love. The macho man controls the big things and small things in the relationship and cannot be refuted. These people who dominate others in the name of love enjoy a "high narcissism" sense of superiority in their relationships and impose themselves on others. When the other party in the relationship can't stand this kind of love, they stand on the moral high ground and accuse me. I will always take your affairs as my own, and you still don't know what to do.
3. The caterer. "I can do anything for you, but you have to accept me, or you just don't love me, you big bastard. "Look, I did it for you, you still don't do what I say, you Excuse me? ! This sentence immediately popped out of my head when I read this, there are so many scenes in my life that express similar meanings. Teachers want their students to get good grades and control a lot of them in this way. However, in this relationship, teachers are always in control, what about the autonomy of students? What about the student's dominant position? Maybe not in the teacher's consideration, the teacher is always the one who dominates others, and always stands on the top.
4. Sexy. Their inner logic is, I'm so sexy (so sexually capable), you have to satisfy me and be nice to me, or you just don't love me, you're impotent (frigid). This kind of dominance is active and lethal in the relationship between the sexes. This kind of suffocating love will often cause the other half to escape, but they themselves will never understand why, because they are always in themselves.
Why do we get lonely the more we love? In a relationship, we can't just impose ourselves on others, dominate others, control others, such love is breathless and can only run away. In life, we need to be our true self, enter into a relationship with positive energy that suits us, nourish ourselves in it, and don’t let love deteriorate.
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