Parenting is full of choices, and if parents make the wrong choice, the child will have problems.
As a child's leader, parents must discover their deficiencies in time and correct themselves, so as not to leave any regrets and raise an excellent, motivated and rich child. Author of
| Fengzi
CCTV hit drama "Big Exam" ushered in the finale. The drama
mainly tells the story of how high school students in Jinhe County learn to grow and protect under severe tests under the background of the new crown epidemic in 2020.
These children who were born in SARS and were admitted to 's new crown have overcome obstacles and overcome all difficulties, and finally completed the answer sheet for the college entrance examination.
And some major decisions on the road to parenting are not a big test for parents? The 4 groups of families in the
play also contain 4 multiple-choice questions, which are problems that parents often encounter when educating their children.
The first question
is busy making money VS accompanying children
There is a particularly poignant clip in the play.
Tian Wenwen's mother accidentally found out that her husband was infected with the new crown and told her daughter, but the daughter kept hiding it from herself.
She couldn't help complaining: "You are used to being independent since you were a child, you are not close to anyone, and this family has no trust at all."
Tian Wenwen finally couldn't help but burst out, venting her grievances and depression for many years:
"He came back to see me two or three times a year, and now my grandma is gone, can I be alone?"
Her parents were so busy making money that they left her to her grandmother and couldn't come back several times a year.
As a left-behind child, "sensible" is her pronoun.
encountered a thief at home. Even though she was scared to death, she would rather choose to seek help from the neighborhood committee than tell her parents.
learned that his parents might not be able to come back to accompany him for the Chinese New Year. He was obviously disappointed and sad, but he still expressed understanding.
found that he had a high fever. Although he was afraid of contracting the new crown, he reported to his parents that he was safe and took care of everything alone.
She obviously has a home, but she has no support.
But behind all the sensible children, there is the lack of love.
Psychologically, there is a term called "ripening children" :
refers to those prematurely sensible and mature children, like ripe fruits, although they have a good-looking appearance, they are full of astringency. It is very difficult for a child like
to find true happiness in his life.
For a child's growth, the company of parents is not only an expression of love, but also the main source of a sense of security and belonging. The company that
lacks, no amount of money can make up for.
is like the reflection of a father on the Internet: "I have used the long 22 years to turn my former heart into a stranger today."
At the most appropriate age to accompany his children, he chose a career.
Because he missed many important moments in his child's life, he has never been able to chat with his child.
is like a girl on Zhihu, because she has been separated from her parents for a long time, it is difficult for her to establish intimacy with othersI have no relationship with my parents, and I am very unfamiliar.
Therefore, parents should stop focusing on working and earning money, and stop ignoring the growth needs of children. The company that
misses now will become the deepest regret in the future.
The second question
Let the child choose
Someone once said that the biggest mistake of parents is to make the decision for the child's life under the banner of "for your own good". Wu Jiajun's mother Dong Bihua in
is a typical representative.
In her opinion, going to a prestigious school and taking the civil service exam is the best way out.
But Wu Jiajun has a different idea. He likes animation and the second dimension, and his biggest dream is to apply for the animation school.
Where there is conflict, there is struggle.
In order to prevent his son from "walking the wrong way", Dong Bihua first ruined his son's entries that he spent months preparing, and forced his son to run away from home.
, in the name of being good for you again and again, supervises his son's studies, even smashes his son's door lock, and keeps an eye on his son's every move.
Her successive operations were like an invisible mountain pressing down on Wu Jiajun, making him breathless.
once read a sentence: to love someone is to help him become the king of his own country, not to make him a puppet in the name of love.
The "self-centered" love of parents is actually imposing their own will on the child, which is tantamount to a kind of spiritual violence for the child. Children who grow up like
will either "lose themselves", obey their parents, and eventually become hollow people who only know how to bow their heads and hurry on the road.
such as Sun Yat-sen University Ah Xuan.
Because she didn't read the drama she liked, she was always uninterested in the professional courses arranged by her parents, and often failed the exams. At the age when she should be working hard, she was standing at the crossroads of life and could not go on.
and others rose up to resist, turned against their parents, and finally hit their heads with blood.
is like the classmate below. Because his father did not agree with him to study biology, several times of communication failed, and he finally chose to commit suicide.
Wu Jiajun's father in the play has a very good saying:
"Even if we do everything for our children, can you predict what it will be like in 20 years? No matter what changes happen in the future, in the end Do you still have to face Jiajun himself?"
A child's life is ultimately his responsibility, and no matter how much parents love him, they can't grow up for the child.
Only by letting go and letting children choose, decide and undertake for themselves can they keep walking, move forward bravely, and live out their wonderful life.
The third question
Material enrichment VS spiritual enrichment
Do you still remember the poor girl Wang Xinyi who moved the whole network with the article " thanks for the poor "?
She was admitted to Peking University with a high score of 707. After entering the university, she still worked very hard in her studies and continued to enrich her practical experience.
She actively participates in volunteer teaching activities, passing on the knowledge she has learned to more brothers and sisters who need it.
Because of her admiration for soldiers since childhood, she chose to enlist in the army in 2020 and join the People's Navy with honor, From the highest school to the aircraft carrier force, she bravely moved forward on the road of chasing her dream.
Now, she bids farewell to Liaoning aircraft carrier again, returns to Peking University campus, continues to accept the baptism of knowledge, and arm herself with more solid and advanced knowledge.
, a girl who grew up in an environment of material scarcity, has never felt inferior or pitied herself, and she has never been hindered by poverty.
This is all thanks to the teaching her mother has taught her since she was a child.
When she was young, Wang Xinyi was mocked by her classmates for wearing shabby clothes, and she cried to her mother.
The mother did not complain, let alone scold her, but told her daughter: "Don't pay attention to him, just do things steadfastly."
Therefore, Xinyi's mother never misses any of her children's activities. She always picks her children up and down to and from school regardless of the weather.
In the rain and snow, her mood will not become gloomy. Instead, she will seize the opportunity to be with her children, or listen to the sound of leaves beating through the forest, or watch the snow blowing in the sky, have a snowball fight, and have a lot of fun almost.
Parents' psychological well-being can make up for material lack, but material well-being cannot make up for psychological deficiency.
is like Pan Xiaoxuan in "The Big Test". He is quite rich in material life. He should be a carefree sunny boy, but he is tortured by depression .
Pan Xiaoxuan's parents divorced, and his father started a new family and was busy earning money all day.
When the epidemic came, my father quickly hid abroad. He just told his son that he didn't have to worry about his studies and that he could easily go to college abroad in the future.
The mother has a new boyfriend and basically ignores her son. Occasionally, she makes a phone call to ask her son to attend her wedding. Little did he know that his son's college entrance examination had been delayed and he still needed to review.
When the epidemic struck, Pan Xiaoxuan's heart also filled with worries. He was full of pain and no one told him. When he was particularly sad, he would scratch his arm and use self-mutilation to relieve his psychological pain.
In a psychological test and diagnosis, Pan Xiaoxuan was judged to be mildly depressed, but his father didn't believe it when he heard the news, he just thought he was idle.
Raising children materially rich, mentally poor, and psychologically neglecting children are the most wrong choices parents make when educating their children.
Children need nutrition for healthy growth, and nutrition is also needed for mental health.
If parents only give money, only ask about learning, but never give care and love to their children, the child will only become a problem child.
Dr. Lin Wencai once put forward the term "psychological nutrition", mainly including:
1. Unconditional acceptance;
2. At this moment, in your life, I am the most important;
3. sense of security; Agree;
5. Learning, cognition, and role model;
Parents work hard from these 5 aspects to provide children with sufficient psychological nutrition, so as to provide fertile soil, abundant sunshine and rain for their growth, so that they can grow into a mentally healthy, spiritual rich children.
The fourth question
forces children to VS cultivate themselves
Zhou Bowen has been known as "other people's children" since he was a child.
he specialDon't discipline yourself. When there are 200 days before the college entrance examination, you will get up at 5:00 every morning and go to school after finishing a set of questions.
took online classes. Many children had a relaxed attitude, lethargic attitude, and their academic performance plummeted. Zhou Bowen was not arrogant or impetuous, but he studied and lived in an orderly manner. The
four-mode test scored a high score of 703 points, which made the parents exclaimed. There is no trace of parental coercion in such an excellent child as
, everything is due to his conscious self-discipline.
This is inseparable from the subtle influence of Zhou's mother on Zhou Bowen.
Although Zhou's mother's education level is not high, she does not have much ability to give her son academic guidance.
But she never forces her son to do things he doesn't like, and gives his son full autonomy. For herself, she does her best to do what a mother should do, without slack and without breaking the rules.
Every day at 4 am, Zhou Mulei drives a tricycle and goes to the vegetable market to buy the ingredients for the day.
The epidemic struck, and the business of the small restaurant was bleak. Instead of sitting still, she tried to do other small business.
For example, she fried melon seeds with an exclusive recipe and asked her husband to go out to sell.
also uses good meat and seasonings to make delicious handmade sausages, encouraging her husband to sell sausages.
She is using practical actions to tell her son that life will inevitably encounter difficulties, don't be discouraged in the face of difficulties, be good at thinking and telling methods, and there will always be solutions.
She didn't teach her son painstakingly, but under her silent influence, her son grew into a beautiful, diligent, sunny, and upward appearance.
As the educator Makarenko said:
"Don't think that education is only when you talk to your child, teach him, order him.
When you are there, you are also educating your children."
However, many parents ignore the influence of example.
Some parents like to lie on the sofa and play with their mobile phones the most, but ask their children not to indulge in the Internet;
Some parents cannot finish reading a book a year, but ask their children to fall in love with reading;
Some parents are passive at work, but try their best to Ask your child to be proactive.
Parents who don't work hard can never force good children.
If parents work hard in the face of life and do not give up easily, their children will naturally follow closely behind, strive to be higher in academics, and will not easily fall into depression.
Obsessively nurturing oneself is far more useful than blindly forcing children.
Bai Yansong once said: "Family education determines a child's life."
When it is time to be with you, if you only focus on making money, you will raise a child who lacks love;
When it is time to let go, if you If you just control, you will raise a rebellious child;
When the child needs love and care, if you only give him money and material, you will raise a problem child.
Children grow up once and only once, and every choice of parents has a profound impact on the fate of children.
Educating children is our biggest test.
As parents, we can only deliver a perfect answer sheet if we study more and reflect more.
Like , , I hope all parents can remember: family is the cradle of children's growth.
What children will grow into in the future depends on how we educate them today. z3 in
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