revisited the hit drama " if time could turn back " starring Jin Dong , Li Naiwen , Li Zonghan , and found that the years tell us some truth about marriage.
The picture comes from the network
1, a good marriage needs empathy
Many people say: "A good marriage is that both men and women need to be evenly matched. If one party is too weak and the other is too strong, the balance will be lost and it will not be successful."
In reality At first glance, many broken marriages seem to be caused by the gap between the two parties. For example, one party has a high income, the other has a low income; one has a high education, and the other has a low education; one has outstanding appearance, and the other has ordinary appearance.
When we think about it, is this really the reason? The divorce of
Dangdang founder Li Guoqing and his wife Yu Yu was once on the hot search.
Li Guoqing graduated from Peking University Department of Sociology, Yu Yu graduated from Beijing Foreign Studies University, and New York University School of Business Administration.
The two met in the United States in 1996, and after they got married, they co-founded Dangdang.com.
Yu Yu once said: When he proposed to get married first, I thought it was very natural, and it was very practical, comfortable and good to be with him. I also wanted to get married at that time, and I wanted a family. In the early days of
, the funds were limited, there was no good office space, and there were not many employees. The two of them did everything by themselves, and neither of them would forget the pain of starting a business. They finally survived the cold winter and ushered in their spring. But when their careers were successful, the two of them had to split up, and the divorce lawsuits went on for several years. All kinds of accusations and even exposing privacy to each other.
Why do two highly educated people who have gone through the storm together eventually become enemies. Are their degrees not equal? Is there a disparity in wealth? In
"If The Years Can Turn Back", Jing Ya played by Zuo Xiaoqing and played Bai Zhiyong played by Jin Dong. The two met from a young age, fell in love, and were married for more than ten years and they were each other's first love. Bai Zhiyong is handsome, and Jing Ya is beautiful. Bai Zhiyong has a good job. He is the manager of the marketing department of a company and belongs to the middle class. Jing Ya is a translator and is also a professional elite. But such two people have come to a broken marriage.
The picture comes from the network
At the beginning of the first episode, Jing Ya filed for divorce from Bai Zhiyong. Bai Zhiyong felt at a loss and couldn't understand the sudden divorce request.
Bai Zhiyong said self-righteously: "Just because I love to play, play poker and drink, I can't accompany you to the drama or a concert. Why are you pretending to be tender! What are you going to see, Stephanie, what are you going to see in June?"
's self-analysis, which he thought was nothing wrong, was plausible. Thinking it was unreasonable for his wife, Sheng Tear tried his best to ask her why she divorced?
Jingya, after going through the divorce formalities, faced Bai Zhiyong's pressing question again and said, "What troubles do I have during the day, and I can't sleep at night, have you asked me once? My heart hurts, my body hurts, do you understand? I’m depressed, it’s your indifference, domestic violence, and I don’t want this home anymore.”
Picture from the Internet
In this marriage, Bai Zhiyong’s dog temper has never changed from love to marriage. I thought that my wife would always accept his unrestrained, free and lazy attitude towards life.
American empathy expert Arthur Joramicali, in his book The Power of Empathy, defines empathy as the ability to understand the unique experiences of others and to respond accordingly.
The power of empathy is the best sword to maintain a marriage. In a marriage, if both husband and wife think they were what they were when they were in love, and after marriage, they still go their own way, without empathy, pity for each other, and warmth for each other, even if they are in love, they will eventually Can't go to the old age. Only with the understanding and understanding of empathy, respond positively to each other, and give each other care and love, learn to empathize, and walk hand in hand with him into the future of life.
A long-term marriage does not necessarily have to be evenly matched, it does not have to be romantic and passionate, but it must not lack empathic understanding and empathy.
2, a good marriage needs company.
Many people always attribute failed marriages to a dull life with no passion and only a glimpse of it. In
"If Time Could Turn Back", due to the spiritual derailment of his wife Shangguan Hui's physical education teacher Qin Feng, Li Naiwen played Lantian Yu after repeated thinking and struggle, and finally the two chose to divorce. However, after the divorce, Lan Tianyu was not relieved because of it; Shangguan Hui was not happy because of it, and when facing Qin Feng, he did not have the joy and excitement he imagined.
The picture comes from the network
When Yu Liping, a college classmate of Lantian Yu, chased after his house, Shangguan Hui saw it and was jealous. When I saw Lan Tianyu's foot twisted, I also felt distressed. Only a person who loves someone will be jealous and distressed.
Since Shangguan Hui still loves Lantianyu in her heart, why did she cheat on others?
What she needs is a life with passion, not a life that is dull and sometimes lonely.
After the divorce, when Qin Feng proposed to her to start over, she hesitated, and then decided to break up.
In a chat, Lan Lanyu asked Shangguanhui why you refused when Qin Feng offered to start over.
Shangguanhui said: "I thought that meeting a bright and energetic person would definitely bring me a new life, igniting the passion I had buried in my heart for a long time. However, it wasn't everything I imagined. To this day, at least it is doubtful."
She once thought that living a life without passion every day was a debt to her life. When she feels that she has met someone who can bring her a new life, she may be able to find the life she was looking for. However, when she lost her family and the husband she once loved deeply, she realized that this kind of life was even more torture and pain for her.
In fact, her needs are very simple, that is, she needs company, the company of her lover. Hope that your life has the other person's participation, not absence. In
, when Lan Lanyu asked Shangguanhui why he cheated on him, Shangguanhui said: "When you come home every day, you are either in your study or in the bathroom, obviously two people's home, but I feel that I will always be alone. Afraid to spend the rest of my life like this."
said in "Desperate Housewives": No matter how tired the body and mind are, we must maintain a romantic feeling. Formalism isn't that great, but it's better than being too lazy to go through the motions.
When they are in love, neither of them has ever been involved in the trivialities of daily life, and they both show the good side of each other, making people feel how beautiful and happy it is to be in love. When walking into the marriage castle, the original beauty became fragmented and unrecognizable. After the passion, it returned to plainness. We, at this time, are always disappointed and unwilling in our longing for marriage.
In fact, a happy life is very simple, that is, when I need you, you happen to be there.
3, a good marriage must stick to the original intention.
For everyone who decides to join hands with the person they love to go to the sacred marriage hall, it is because they love each other deeply, they are willing to go through the family life of fireworks with each other, and they are willing to spend the rest of their life with the person they love. .
However, many times, when two people are walking, maybe because the scenery along the road is too beautiful, maybe the journey is too long, and a little tired; maybe the other party is walking too slowly or too fast, and gradually the two of them walk away , gone away. No matter how fragrant the flowers on the roadside or how gorgeous the scenery is; no matter how fast or slow or how tired the other person is, they will only hold his hand and not let him leave their side and go to the other side of happiness together.
Li Zonghan plays Huang Jiuheng in "If Time Could Turn Back". In an accident with his daughter, he learned that the daughter he had raised for eleven years was not his own. This kind of blow can be said to be the pain of extinction for a man.
The picture comes from the network
When his wife Lin Xiangdang knew about this, she was also confused. After recalling, it turned out that the two broke up peacefully because the ex-boyfriend insisted on going abroad. That isIt was on that day that the two of them were drunk and did this muddle. She herself didn't expect to be pregnant this time.
After listening to his wife's explanation, he chose to believe his wife's explanation. This is something that not many people can do. Of course, although Huang Jiuheng chose to believe her, he still couldn't face his wife and daughter calmly because of this. For a time, he could only choose to escape, and their marriage was red light because of this, and the beautiful family was on the verge of collapse.
Huang Jiuheng wanted to escape, to heal. Together with Bai Zhiyong and Lan Lanyu, they set up a "subversive trio", traveling abroad, transforming their image, subverting their way of life, and even going abroad to work. None of this made him forget his wife, Lin Xiang, and his daughter who could not be separated. In the end, he also chose to return to the family and spend the rest of his life with the person he loves. Because he has never forgotten how he fell in love with Lin Xiang at the beginning, and his original intention of loving Lin Xiang has never been forgotten. In the
TV series " Upstream You ", grandma said to Liu Ai when she was in conflict with Yang Guang: To see if a person loves you, you can't see what he says, but what he does. If a person finds money, he may be happy for a while. Lost money, not sad for a long time. The good of others may be easily ignored. If someone does the slightest bad thing, it will be remembered for a long time, even a lifetime. Why can't you remember more of the happy things and forget the unhappy things?
When we steer the cruise ship of marriage with both hands and move forward on the sea of time, sometimes the turbulent waves will come and catch us by surprise, sometimes, it will be quiet and silent, and the silence will be scary, but as long as we keep our original intention , moving forward in the same direction, we will surely reap happiness and reach the other side of happiness.
pictures from the network
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-