"The Marriage of the Two of Us": Li Yapeng and Nursery are not the only couple in the marriage

text/Youxin

I don't watch TV dramas very much. First of all, I have always been a little face blind, and the current film has extremely challenged my shortcoming.

I can't tell who is who.

accidentally swiped such an old film from 2008, and was surprised by the lines again and again.

After so many years in my marriage, I was touched by the plot time and time again.

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must be sure that every actor in this film has basic acting skills. Whether it is the male protagonist Li Yapeng , or the female protagonist Nursery , and the female supporting Conan.

and even passers-by in the play can instantly kill some of the current protagonists' acting skills.

One of the most impressive is the brother and sister by the beach.

Qin Yan (played by Li Yapeng) and his sister finally got into a quarrel.

Although their relationship is better than 90% of siblings. In order to save his sister's child, he did not hesitate to change his kidney without any scruples.

Although he had no children of his own at that time.

So as his wife, of course there will be a lot of emotions, but he can't care about that much, and he can't think so much.

because he believes that his sister's child is also the child of this family.

is responsible for this little life and is everyone's obligation.

of course including his uncle.

brother is good to herself, and sister Menqing, so she is grateful to her brother many times, and she is also willing to pay for her brother.

including her brother reminded her that this time you came back to ease the relationship (mother-in-law relationship) , not to provoke trouble.

Although she had a hundred heartaches for her mother, she finally shut up and held back her anger.

is just a pampered younger sister with a personality that she doesn't even know about.

also, too individual.

She speaks quickly and her language is as sharp as a knife.

is bloody.

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just because her sister-in-law called "your mother" instead of "our mother", she blamed the already devastated brother Xingshi:

She has no mother in her heart, you can tolerate it all the time. Are you afraid of her from the bottom of your heart?

He was in a hurry, to tell the truth: I am not only afraid of her alone, I am even afraid of you and our mother.

She continued to counterattack: 's mother is sick because you are angry!

and in the self-excited cry, added the last piece of firewood:

Our mother's patience has reached the limit!

You have always been the man with the backbone in my heart, but you have changed. In front of another woman, you have become a downright weak coward.

you make me sick.

She cares about her mother and knows that her brother is not unfilial, so the result must be: let thisThe main culprit of family troubles is "she".

She just didn't think about it herself:

The widowed mother now lives under the same roof with her daughter-in-law after taking care of her eldest son. Is there any desire for favor, unspeakable loss, and insecurities?

In short, jealousy of a daughter-in-law.

The reason why she can think the same as her mother, in addition to the instinctive exclusivity in blood, after all, it is because of the same jealousy.

Someone once explained that jealousy is excessive competition .

Jealousy is the only emotion that is harmful and unhelpful to the person involved.

manifests as two types of aggression, outward and inward, slandering people who are jealous of them outwardly, and turning inward to attack themselves when they are invalid.

harm others .

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This is not the first time their siblings have quarreled, although every quarrel is for "her", but this is the first time he is angry with his sister.

He really had enough. The younger sister

simply and rudely attributed her mother's senile depression to being bullied by her sister-in-law.

When the younger sister bluntly said that the reason why 's sister-in-law dared to bully "your mother" was because "she didn't take you seriously", he directly exploded.

He was wronged and angry, and he was also sad and sad.

She is so selfish that she doesn't know how to reflect:

She left the country for love, is her mother still angry? Now where did you get the confidence to blame the brother and sister-in-law who was standing by her mother's side?

What's more, as far as I've seen the show, I know:

Is there anything wrong with the "she" his brother loves and married, it's not her outside of their marriage, and her mother, who is qualified to judge good and bad of.

This mother and daughter just relied on their blood relatives, so they used selfish and stingy suspicion to convict her of the original sin.

Both mother and daughter are accusing him of being unmanly and not taking responsibility, but only did not expect that they are the "no responsibility".

The mother keeps her own happiness on her son; the younger sister pushes her mother's pension to her elder brother.

There are too many people in this world who don't have the awareness and courage to take on their own choices. Once the result is not what she wants, she is not going to review and reflect, but to throw the blame right away.

After all, it's hard to admit your own problems, but it's too easy to put the blame on others.

Because once someone takes the blame for him, he will be "at ease".

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remember that in family therapy, there is a core idea: both parties are interacting, all problems are created by two people (or several people) , and no one is innocent.

There are always people who feel they are the only innocents.

can only say that this person is the most innocent.

Although the mother's senile depression is not her mother's subjective desire, she really can't let the young couple who opened the door to marriage take full responsibility.

This is so wrong.

Mom is too sensitive and cares too much about what others like about her.

Someone once asked Chen Guo a question: Others like you or you like yourself, which is more important?

Her answer: are all important. But when you can't balance the two, it's more important to like yourself.

First you like yourself, then others like you. The order of

cannot be reversed.

Otherwise, it is difficult to be consistent.

It's easy to get angry when you can't be consistent.

In today's society, more and more people are suffering from stagnation of liver qi, which leads to various diseases.

Look at the overcrowded hospital lobby.

Health is something that doesn't make sense when you have it, and you only realize how precious it is when you lose it.

Jobs once said:

At this time, I was lying on the sick bed, looking back on my life, I realized that all the fame and wealth that I was proud of all my life seemed meaningless in the face of my impending death.

what a painful realization.

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When her son was honest with his mother that there was a problem with our marriage, the mother subconsciously asked:

Is the problem with you, or is it because of me?

This is a subconscious that wants to take himself out and clean it up.

is too understandable, but too disapproving.

As the son said to his mother, You are a smart person, can these two questions be separated?

mother is so eager to clear herself, but it is because of her "weak thinking".

The weak thinking is not really weak, but the dissatisfaction in the bottom of my heart.

Those unsatisfied desires devour the happiness already possessed.

She's a widow, a widow who's too smart.

She forgot what it meant to be confused.

's desire even made her knowledgeable, forgetting that she should "pretend to be confused" as a human being.

That's why she shed tears countless times and reprimanded the "wool" son with a tone of hatred for iron and steel:

You have changed! I am now looking at a man who is seven feet tall, taller than your father, I pulled you up with one hand, why are you less and less like my son?

Although the sensible aunt said fair things on the side, she was turned back by the strong mother, and continued to cry while listing examples, and then asked:

Are you going to spend the rest of your life with her like this ah?

she's even hystericalDao:

I don't know if you let her or can't do without her, no matter what the reason is, remember that even if you forget your mother one day, you can't forget that you are a man...

No relationship", that is, a quarrel between husband and wife, including internal family affairs, a third party must not intervene in expressing opinions, otherwise it is a foolish move.

can be a sick mother with depression, can't remember the wisdom of her ancestors at that moment.

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, a man who has never been a coward in front of his mother, has never been a coward in front of his wife. In the face of his mother's tearful "I'm doing it for you", it's a matter of course that he is tough.

In front of his wife who had no experience with mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, he was as hard as a steel plate without flesh and blood.

His thoughts are the same as most men's thoughts:

I love you, but in front of family, such as my mother, I can only choose family - I can blame the world, including children, but only I can't bear mom.

because my mother gave my life and my child has his own mother.

May all men in the world never have the chance to face such a cruel choice.

is so torturous.

At least, I would never have given my son this choice.

just because I can't bear it - I love him more than my own wins and losses - he is happy and I win life.

's angry sister's grief and anger towards her brother on the beach is equivalent to what her mother said in tears:

I don't care what I am, but you can't be this useless all your life.

The words of the mother and daughter are so similar and the ideas are the same.

can be a younger sister, but she didn't think about it. She is so arrogant in front of her brother with her sister-in-law behind her back, why isn't it "my sister doesn't take her brother seriously"?

When mothers accuse their sons of being useless in pain, how could they ever think, "When the son I raised by myself is too useless, is it because I am too strong in the face of him"?

no one looks inside.

People are always so convenient to point their index fingers at others, but they never thought that the three retracted fingers were pointing at themselves.

morality, you can only discipline yourself, you shouldn't and can't discipline him.

Otherwise, those who talk about morality are insulting morality.

People will always use the big stick of morality to beat countless mandarin ducks from heart to body and scarred.

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He mistook marriage for a dream factory, thinking that it is a collection of love, care, preference, thoughtfulness, care, humility, and perseverance.

She simply loves him and trusts him innocently.

They don't know that chicken feathers are the norm at the beginning of a marriage.

Because everyone's running-in process is a process of creating problems.

to clean up the chicken feathers all over the place, what is needed is to solve the problemability. All the problems that

can't solve will make chicken feathers superimposed in multiples.

"The camel was overwhelmed by a straw" at the end.

In fact, when there are more marriages, the test is not whether two people love or not, but whether they can be the promoters of joint sorting and maintenance of marriage relationship in troublesome problems.

it's just that they are both too young to just screw up the relationship and pass the buck.

Life is painful for them, and marriage is painful.

But the famous Russian writer Bondarev once summed up:

All human suffering originates from the lack of a sense of boundaries.

What is the sense of boundary?

In a way, it can be equated with a sense of security.

is just like our daily fear of being offended by others.

And most people who lack a sense of boundaries have some habits of "self-centeredness" - imposing their will on others and defining themselves "for your own good". Whether

is "for your own good" depends not on the original intention, but on the results.

isn't it?

is just like the final plot, the mother has understanding and acceptance, compromise and concession in order to love her son.

Love is fulfillment, not demand.

This is the real good for you.