01
After reading the original book of "Gone Child", I repeatedly thought about a sentence:
"The child is a devil given to mother by God, and mother's task is to turn him into an angel." Become an angel?
no, grace, since she was born, it is a tragedy, no one loves and no one loves, naturally there will be a very dark side of psychological personality.
The tragedy of Enhuai and her mother was also caused by Xu Anzheng.
Think about it, what kind of good person can a man who can get a secret passage out of his closet to sexually assault Lin Chuping?
Xu An has his own quirks, and he doesn't have a good relationship with his parents. In the words of Enhuai's mother, "He is a person with a strong independent concept, not only children, he ignores anyone. It's just himself in his world, it's better not to be associated with everyone, he thinks it's a burden" .
Xu Anzheng, afraid of any intimacy, this is not independence, but isolation. The original book of
didn't describe how Enhuai's mother met Xu Anzheng, but it was obviously forced to have a relationship with a person like Xu Anzheng. I have no choice but to get married. After getting married, I find that my husband has such a quirk. The husband doesn't care about the children. The children and you and your family have nothing to do with him. It will make you feel that such a marriage is a shackle, only Thinking of running away. How can you like your child in a situation like
?
Enhuai is a devil to Ms. Xia (Enhuai's mother), she can't turn her into an angel, and she doesn't even have the ability to love her well. When Enhuai was a child, she often had accidents. She would fall off the bed, and she had been scalded by boiling water. Once, Enhuai almost died. When Enhuai was three years old, a jujube nucleus got stuck in her windpipe. .
Xiao Enhuai was able to save his life, thanks to the neighbors who saw it and beat the window desperately. After Ms. Xia heard the movement, she ran out of the bedroom with the door closed, and they took the child to the hospital together. Neighbor said: but you know wow, her mother came out of the bedroom with tears all over her face. She hid when she saw that the child was dying.
Enhuai's mother, Ms. Xia, almost killed her own daughter.
She should have had this thought many times, the kindness born in the unfortunate marriage relationship is a burden to her.
is kind, pitiful, she is such a good child, but who would really love her?
Her family of origin is very deformed, her father is a quirky man, and her mother doesn't love her that much.
The reason why Enhuai wants to replace Yang Mo is because she is so envious of the family that Yang Mo has.
In her opinion, Yang Yuan and Tao Fang, plus a child like her, are perfect, and Yang Mo's existence is only a pain. Part of the reason for Yang Mo's disappearance was Enhuai. Enhuai wanted Yang Mo to disappear and she wanted to replace him.
's mother's task is to turn a demon into an angel, but of course Enhuai's mother didn't do it.
She just taught Enhuai to live independently, and then she couldn't wait to leave. It's pretty good for her that she can do this, because she has never liked Enhuai, how could she like a child born to a pervert like Xu Anzheng? In the original book of
"Gone Child", in addition to the terrible mother Enhuai, there are two other mothers who are also terrible. I don't want you to be any of them.
02
Yuan Wu's mother
Yuan Wu's mother, the fault is that she loves her children too much.
Yuan Wu's mother's mantra is: thisHome, it's all up to me.
It all depends on her for their family to have a good life. She is very important, she is very capable and strong, but she overdoes her husband and son. After her husband married her, he lost his circle of friends. Even her husband's job was her way of looking, and her husband was accustomed to relying on her.
Yuan Wu, let alone, everything was arranged by his mother since he was born.
Yuan Wu, he just needs to be obedient, he will do whatever the fuck he says, he has no ideas of his own.
's mother's task is to turn a demon into an angel. Perhaps in the eyes of many people, Yuan Wu's mother is quite successful. After all, she has educated her son so well, but the so-called excellence is just an illusion. Live as lifeless as a marionette.
Before going to college, Yuan Wu's world was only learning.
After he went to college, his mother lived near the school for a while. The purpose was to help Yuan Wu analyze the psychological characteristics of the other three classmates in his dormitory. After the analysis, he told Yuan Wu who to get close to and whom to keep away from. By analogy, it also helped Yuan Wu to analyze the personality characteristics of other students in the class in the same way.
Yuan Wu's mother is very thoughtful. She loves Yuan Wu so much that she has no self, and she loves Yuan Wu as another self. She did her best to harm Yuan Wu and herself.
What is she sad about? I have never lived a day for myself, worked hard, and died in a car accident.
What if you are important to this family, can you live forever? Can they depend on you for the rest of their lives?
So after Yuan Wu's mother died, everything in their family was messed up.
Yuan Wu couldn't find the direction of his life, and he also suffered from a disease, neurosis , he was afraid of making choices, and when he went to work, he was dizzy and couldn't even speak clearly, so he had to be fired. After being fired, he became addicted to gambling, owed a lot of gambling debts, and finally ended up being abandoned by his wife.
Yuan Wu's father was also devastated. He could only drink alcohol all day long. He drank heavily for two months before thinking about getting up from the wine table and taking Yuan Wu to live again. He had high hopes for Yuan Wu, but Yuan Wu still went to gamble behind his back. He later died suddenly in his sleep because of drinking, and Yuan Wu fell into the abyss step by step.
Who doesn't want to have a son like Yuan Wu?
The proud son of heaven, especially listening to his mother's words, the college entrance examination score is 695, so excellent.
But, do you want your son to live like Yuan Wu?
You sacrificed everything for your son, what did you get in the end? What has your son become?
how pathetic!
03
Yang Mo's mother
In reality, there should be many mothers like Tao Fang. They are very concerned about their children's studies, worry about their children's mischief, and worry about their children's poor grades. They signed up many training classes for their children, filling up their spare time. If the children wanted to play or keep pets, they would only yell: delaying study, do you know that? Can't you study hard?
Tao Fang is very strong. In the original book, she runs a cosmetics store and is very busy, so she can rarely take care of children. She doesn't know her own children, she has never brought them up in person, she gives more children to Yang Yuan, but she and Yang Yuan have differences in raising children.
She is used to pointing fingers at her husband and children.
Yang Mo's mother is very similar to Yuan Wu's mother, but she is not as comprehensive as Yuan Wu's mother. She has her own career. In addition, she has no control over the children, but can only leave it to Yang Yuan.
She is more like a "hands-off shopkeeper". When she has something to do, she asks her children and blames Yang Yuan.
Tao Fang, didn't really ask Yang Mo's thoughts, Yang Mo is good except for his studies, but in the environment of "achievement theory", if he doesn't study well, heIt's like being denied everything. Yang Yuan often wonders, will a child like Yang Mo really be bad when he grows up?
Now everyone is very convoluted about their children's learning. There are many mothers who are like Tao Fang, but seriously, I don't want you to be Tao Fang. A mother like Tao Fang is too suffocating. She doesn't respect her child. Excessive coercive control will only make the child farther and farther away from her, and it will also make the relationship between husband and wife worse and worse.
04
The above three mothers are horrible and I don't want you to be any of them.
So what kind of mothers should we be?
Philosopher Fromm said: "The real essence of mother's love is to care about the growth of the child, that is, to hope that the child will be separated from himself."
Enhuai's mother is separated from Enhuai, but she is too separated It's early, she doesn't love Enhuai, she trains Enhuai just to ask Enhuai early; Yuan Wu's mother separated too late, as long as she lives, she and Yuan Wu are like conjoined baby , she controls All aspects of Yuan Wu's life; Tao Fang, still in the anxiety of separation, she has not found a good way to get along with her children, she loves Yang Mo, but she hates Yang Mo, because Yang Mo gives her a headache .
The essence of maternal love is to care about the growth of the child. Of course we must love the child, but we must guide him to grow up, not spoil him and do everything in his life. Also, don't be "achievable", the child may not be gifted in learning, but is desirable in other areas. A child's good grades do not necessarily mean that the child is excellent in other aspects. Don't treat children as machines, don't be too chicken , don't be too curly.
What other people do is their business, how you educate your children is the most important.
I've been very worried about my child's studies recently, because my son has already started a big class and will go to primary school next year. Yesterday I taught him mathematics and asked him to write with a pen, but his hand seemed to have little strength, and the numbers he wrote were crooked. I was a little angry. Whenever I watched a video of a certain audio, I saw that a child as old as him was writing neatly, and I was so anxious.
But his dad comforted me: "How simple is writing, pinyin and math, those are very basic, but any child with a normal mind can learn it. He is not good at controlling the pen now. It’s still too small, and the hand has no strength, so naturally it’s not good to write. Don’t worry, give him time, if you can’t learn this well, let alone in the future, what’s the use of your anxiety.”
He felt my worries is futile.
He asked me to respect the law of my child's growth, not to compare with other children, but to follow my own child's growth rhythm.
I realized that I should respect my children and myself.
I can love him very much, but I have to respect him as an independent living entity and give him love. As for what kind of person he will become in the future, he also has his good fortune, and I will guide him so that he does not go the wrong way. , that's it.
Topic of the day: What kind of mother are you, are you anxious about your child's learning? Welcome to leave a message for discussion.
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★ Author: YIBAO; the original author of emotion, writing the warm feelings of this world.
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