wen| Xinzhizhu Xiaoyi
recently hit the show " daughters love " ended, 11-year-old sister and brother love, experience the initial suspicion, quit Zhang Xuanrui The heart-wrenching love affair has finally been repaired into .
After confirming their hearts, the picture of the two laughing at each other should not be too beautiful, happiness will overflow the screen.
Selina posted 12 thank you in a row on Weibo, accompanied by a super romantic photo of the two, and a sweet official announcement:
. Then, Zhang Xuanrui is also worthy of posting and saying Selina: as long as you are happy.
saw the hot-searched Xiaobian's aunt smile, leaving the old mother's tears.
at the beginning of the show, in the face of Zhang Xuanrui’s love, Selina is like this:
like this:
like this...
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After reading too many true and false scripts, it is difficult to believe in a love in a show.
Besides, the gap between the two is too big.
is the goddess of a generation from the national-level women's team. His career and economy are at the peak.
is a fledgling, just a little famous.
And this day, Zhang Xuanrui has just passed his 26th birthday. When I heard his age, Selina broke down.
This pair of CP was not favored by the audience at first, and Selina always took precautions. But with the broadcast of the show, the sweetness of the two people getting along made the audience feel that was "really fragrant."
travel to the North Coast and ride a bicycle together.
are sweet to each other.
Selina wrote Zhang Xuanrui into her wish.
take the initiative to pull the arm.
leaned forward naturally.
Selina announced loudly to passers-by:
Zhang Xuanrui 2019 The happiest thing is to meet you.
It’s really not easy for them to go to the present. It’s no wonder so many netizens say that , please get married right away.
Why are so many gaps still able to come together?
Many people say that it is true love, as if they have seen the best love. In fact, it is not. The real reason is that Zhang Xuanrui has answered the question that Selina has been troubled with.
Selina was publicly confessed at a concert, but at the end of that year, filming was caught in a fire. 54% of her body was burned, 41% of which wereThird degree burns.
took the scalp three times for skin grafting; countless times of shock and fainting.
During that time, even the sanitation workers on the road saw his father and said, "Be strong and be good."
companion accompany her through this painful time. She thought that she had shared adversities, and this girl found a beautiful love.
can enter marriage, but find that after the love period, the gap between the two can no longer be brought close to each other.
She knows the beauty of love, but she also understands the difficulty of getting along.
In a relationship, there are three stages to obtain long-term happiness: love period , quiet period , and then stable period.
After a marriage and then a divorce, Selina deeply understands that even if there is love, it is difficult to move from passion to stability together. The calm period in between, whether it is accidents or all aspects of life, may be defeated. A relationship.
So she was full of doubts about her future feelings and kept shrinking.
Until the end of the show, she hesitated to ask the most worrying question in her heart:
" If we live in a very expensive hotel, I will pay for the room, will you be happy? I don’t really want to hurt you. Self-esteem or personality, this is a very real problem."
Reality is a problem that two people have to face when they want to reach the end and love each other for a lifetime.
is not only Selina and Zhang Xuanrui, everyone is like this.
psychology has an effect called "moon halo effect" , that is, at the beginning of love, you see the other party is always satisfied, he fart, you also think it is fragrant.
As we get along further, love begins to disillusion and enter a period of calm.
faces great challenges during the calm period. After we go well, our relationship will become happier and the two people will become closer and closer. However, a bad walk will not only destroy the relationship, but also plant many hidden thunders in the future.
Lu Yue said: Every relationship enters a calm period, there will be three challenges.
First, you find that he is not the Prince Charming or Snow White. He will fart and shit, and will be weak and irritable.
is like Selina who met Zhang Chengzhong in 2007. After the accident, that is, after Selina burns, she retired to Zhang Chengzhong twice. Zhang Chengzhong said "I can't let go, I can't go away."
Because of love, he could not leave the injured Selina. In 2011, they finally entered the palace of marriage.
"Even if I am tortured by natural and man-made disasters, you are still waiting for me."
can enter marriage, and after being dazzled by love, after calming down, it is a reality that has to be faced.
Zhang Chengzhong said:
since she was injured, she has been sleeping in separate beds. Although she was mentally prepared, felt sick when she saw Selina's crumpled leg from the burn.
Second, you will find that there are too many differences between you.
Selina likes to keep dogs, but Zhang Chengzhong can't smell them.
Selina likes to talk about gossip, but Zhang Chengzhong likes to talk about football, it is difficult to get into each other's topics.
All these trivial things accumulate over time, wipe out the relationship, crush the marriage.
Third, you will also find that your expectations for relationships or marriage are completely different.
Selina always puts the love and family first, and wants to reward her husband. She puts all her heart into making good meals, but in exchange, "Too light." Outside of her career, she enjoys life and is a food tourism. talent. Such a person, of course, longs for an intimate relationship that can understand each other.
Zhang Chengzhong can focus on his career. He prefers that a marriage is his strong backing, so he doesn't need to put in too much effort to maintain his business.
One person is looking forward to the closeness of the soul, while the other is looking forward to more space.
This is the calm period of the relationship. The person next to you seems to have suddenly become a stranger; the person you love has suddenly become a person you hate. Your relationship has also fallen into a bottleneck.
In real life, many feelings come to a halt when they reach a calm period, either in endless indifference or in constant quarrels.
One of my friends is like that.
She got pregnant in her first year of marriage. Before the two had time to be sweet, they had to face the drastic changes in their lives.
The education of children, the care of in-laws, and economic pressure.
I am very busy and tired every day. I finally get down and don’t want to chat anymore. I just want to lie down and play on my mobile phone.
The two people under the same roof gradually became two parallel lines, and the days were so plain and busy.
It wasn't until more than ten years later that the child entered junior high school. She accidentally discovered that her husband was cheating, and then realized that behind what she thought was plain, there was already a huge storm hidden.
This is the first, endless coldness.
has another visitor.
She and her husband fell in love with each other when they were in college. After graduation, they jointly run a company and are a model couple in the eyes of others.
have been in love for 4 years and they decided to get married.
is also very good after marriage, the career development is getting better and better, it should be the happiest time, but fell into an argument.
husband always forgets where the key is. She thought it was cute before, but now she just wants to yell at him, "How many times have I told you to put the key on the shoe cabinet every day when you go home!" Her husband is always busy at work and does not reply to messages. In the past, she thought it was motivated, but now she silently notes the time. Her husband will return after an hour, and she will wait another two hours before replying.
In short, they are no longer like when they were in love, they paid for each other without care, and even changed their hobbies and living habits for him.
Now, they are carefully calculating what they have done for each other, using anger and quarreling to demand the same return from each other.
The mutual understanding and the fragility shared with each other became nuclear weapons that blamed each other when they quarreled.
This is the second, endless quarrel.
coldness and quarrels make us doubt the relationship, in fact, you are leading to true intimacy.
What is true intimacy like?
I like Gao Xiaosong's passage very much. He said:
A good relationship makes us all better ourselves, this is the most important thing. What is a better self? It is a pure self, a sincere self, and an above-mentioned self. He thinks this is the most important thing in life.
At the end of life, each of us has become a better version of ourselves. That is the best relationship. Whether it is a period or a lifetime, the love between two free souls is the best love.
is innocent, sincere, and upright . These three words are actually difficult to achieve. It means everyone’s fears, weaknesses and defects. And true intimacy is like this. By my side, you can be yourself or become a better version of yourself.
As for a relationship, only after passing a peaceful period and seeing the ordinary or unbearable side of each other can you get along with the real other person and lead to true intimacy.
Teacher Lu Yue listed three steps for the challenge of the calm period, hoping to help everyone increase the attractiveness in the relationship and love each other sweetly for a lifetime.
The first step is to find the point of view you insist on.
If you are always arguing about the same kind of things, you cannot solve it. Or always talk about certain kinds of things, just keep silent and stop communicating.
Then you can ask yourself if you insist that you are right about something, and find out what the thoughts or opinions you are insisting on.
For example, when you always go home late because of him, always quarreling, your respective views may be like this.
You think that when you get married, you should put your family first and go home early.
and he thinks that you need more independent space at this stage and want to go home later.
you all think "I am right, he is wrong, he should correct it."
The second step is to find your needs.
You can ask yourself: What do you really need in the "whether to go home early" debate?
is you want him to go home to help you share some housework?
Are you insecure?
The third step, put down your position and take responsibility for yourself.
If you want this relationship to be happier, you need to put aside the position of right and wrong and think of "you" as a whole.
This not only eliminates the conflict that you always oppose, but also makes you more dependent on each other.
Only then can you start a truly effective communication.
talk frankly about your strengths and weaknesses, differences in various aspects, your needs, expectations for each other, and set some rules.
takes these three steps and your intimacy really begins.
- is helpful and not lonely -
Although the love scene is not as bloody as the battlefield, it is definitely a technical job to fight with men. Xinnosuke’s professional emotional teacher has prepared a May Day super benefit for those who are still single, are in love or are already married! ! !
backstage private message us, can get five free e-books on intimacy and communication skills to help you become the winner in the battle of love.
Author: small translation, heart assist senior author, psychologist, I want to see you when I write psychological stories and love stories.
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