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This is a mother's cry, and it is also the most heartbroken and weakest of the cases we have handled. I want to write her story so that more people can be alert.
This is a letter from A Fang (pseudonym) to his son who has run away from home:
If time can really go back, if I return to my mother’s past gentleness, if I am deeply willing to use my later life to make up for my son’s maternal love, please The son returned to his mother.
If time can bring back your smile, I would rather use the mother's love that my mother used to make up for in the second half of my life, hold my son's hand, and walk the way my son was when he was a child, mother's heart, waiting for you only for this home.
Mom sits alone in front of the window, shooting stars across the night sky, stretches out her hands to catch her son's fallen heart, but the frozen son in her heart is disturbed by the wind in childhood memories, miss you where are you son?
...
After reading, I was silent for a long time, accompanied by the powerlessness of heartbreak, I listened to her carefully.
"Teacher Jingshui, you said, our family is so good, how did my son become like this? My father and I can't bear it anymore, save our family." On the phone, she couldn't make a sound.
After listening to her story, I felt deeply moved, if time can go back, everyone can have the opportunity to correct mistakes, but unfortunately, it will pass, the golden growth period of children waits for no one.
now writes A Fang’s experience in the first person, and hopes that more parents will see this story, which will make the world less regretful.
02
My name is Afang. I am a post-70s mother who runs her own furniture business. His only son is 26 years old and unemployed. Now, the whole family is worried about his son's marriage.
We have been engaged, the bride price has been given, and the wedding photos have been taken. The prospective daughter-in-law is a girl that our old couple admires. She is well-behaved, sensible and knowledgeable. We are very pleased to be parents. After so many years of hard work, our son wants Married.
When my love and I ran to prepare for my son’s wedding, someone told me that my son ran away with a woman. The other party was a divorced girl who was working in a dance hall and dragging two babies, and was 10 years older than my son. year old.
I learned about the situation from his friends: my son automatically resigned a month ago and left a stable unit within the system. The news of
shocked one after another. It was a thunderbolt and knocked me out. I endured the anger and pain in my heart and sent my son to WeChat. He didn't reply, nor did he answer the call.
We had to mobilize all our relatives and friends to find him, and finally found him in another county. He was with that woman and was willing to be the stepdad of two children. He secretly took the account book, and the two of them did it. Marriage certificate.
Under my anger, I forced him to go home. After he got home, he was as if he had lost his soul. He went to bed every day until noon, got up, got up to eat something, and lay on the sofa, chatting with that woman, endless . The bad news of
spread like wildfire. My prospective daughter-in-law didn’t say anything when she knew it. The endless disappointment made me even more worried.
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I tried to get close to my son and talked to him. He didn't respond. After more than 20 days of silence, he finally agreed to talk to me.
He said that he needs 30,000 yuan in venture capital and plans to do business with friends in other counties. I think it is better for my son to do something. After discussing with her husband, he did not hesitate to prepare 50,000 yuan to transfer to him.
Because I was afraid of his messing up, I secretly bound his account with my mobile phone at home. Soon, we found out that he was looking for the woman again through positioning. The daily consumption amount was about 3,000, more than a week, 5 There is not much left.
I consulted more than one institution, as well as a psychiatrist, and I still feel so powerless. I don’t know how to get rid of the panic and anxiety in my heart.
Nowadays, I can’t eat well and sleep well, my business has been ruined a lot, and his work is boring. His father is also frowning at home. I am now worried that this scheming woman will force the palace. I will never allow her to come in, but I am also worried about my son. Stubborn, insisted on marrying her in.
If my huge family business is destroyed in the hands of a woman in the dust, his father and I will be exhausted in this life.
After listening to Afang’s narration, I tried to guide her to tell her child’s growth experience. She was silent for a long time. She said it was mine.Feeling sick, I hate myself, and then I talked about it off and on. The vitality of this son
04
is very tenacious. When we were pregnant with him, we had no conditions. I did not get rid of the abortion. He stayed tenaciously. Maybe God sent him to torture me.
After the child was born, because both of them had to work, the grandmother of the child couldn’t treat her son equally. She didn’t show her the child to me. At that time, she was young and vigorous and sensible. My upright character would fight with her husband every day. , Children often cry in fright. Before
my son was 3 years old, he changed 6 babysitters until he was in kindergarten. I quit my job and started business, and my husband went to work.
As the business grew bigger and bigger, I became busier and I didn’t care about home. He was often the last one to be picked up. I remember when he asked me with a grieving voice: "Why do you always The last one to pick him up?" Listen, my nose is sore.
Because our family is a military family, the upbringing and education of our children are very strict. Since our son is in the third grade of elementary school, we insist on letting him take the school bus alone and go home after school.
Once it rained heavily, the classmate’s parents went to pick up the station, but my husband and I did not go. The classmate’s mother gave him an umbrella and he didn’t want it. He said my mother would be here soon. Later, he told me that It was his saddest time, because he knew his mother would not come, but in order to satisfy his vanity, he lied.
This is all because of my persecution, and he only said it. He said he hates his mother and never accompanies him. When he needs his mother the most, his mother is always doing business to earn money. I want so much money to do it. Well. When
applied for the high school exam, he took the special course of life. He was introverted and a quiet child. The teacher suggested to study art. He was very smart. After more than a year to prepare for the exam, he was admitted to a second college. Although
is not very good, his grades are already very good. When he graduated and looked for a job, he said that he wanted to be an art teacher.
We rejected his request once again, and through the family relationship, let him take the exam and enter the system to work. This is a profession that countless people envy.
didn't expect that after working for less than two years, the friends he had contacted were all taught and naughty. In the end, he often went to such unhealthy places. I found that I could no longer control him.
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I feel that I have never owned this son. Teacher Jingshui, can you understand? How sad and desperate a mother is. I want to separate this woman from him as soon as possible. Please help me.
At this point, I don't know if you are like me, two words popped out in my mind: reincarnation.
I helped her analyze her son's present moment, why the son fell into the arms of a woman who was 10 years old like a moth to a fire.
This woman, like a mother, cooks for him, warms him up, allows him to lose his temper, and does everything for him silently. Isn't this just the maternal love that his son lacked in his childhood? He wants to make up for it from intimacy.
Before the age of 3 is a critical period for the child to construct a safety period, you have changed 6 babysitters, do you know how helpless and panic the child is?
son grew up, you don't seem to ask for his opinion, he has not been the master for his life, including going to school, choosing a profession after graduation, and even finding a target according to the standards of his parents.
Can you understand your son's anger and grievance? You kidnapped his life in the name of his good. The money you earned is indeed enough for him to eat and drink for a few lifetimes, but in the critical period of his growth, what he needs most is love and company.
Material guarantees are important, but more of your efforts should be devoted to your son. Unfortunately, he is growing up lonely, you don’t know that his downcast eyes are filled with countless desires for you: "Mom, stay with me Right, I need you." At that time, you resolutely left him.
look back and see if it is just a reincarnation.
06
The growth of a person is irreversible. Those negative emotions such as patience, pain, and despair engraved in the blood have already diluted his hope, enthusiasm, and self-confidence very thinly, so this is the ruthlessness in your mouth.
you now, fightI can understand the heart that fate him back, but what you care more about is that your wealth is wasted. Your son's life is like a see-saw, swaying. On this day, he finally left. He wanted to get rid of this His choking home.
What do you ask me to do? If there is a way for , there is only one, and that is that he is willing to make efforts to reconcile with his native family.
I know that my reply disappointed you. I still want to say one more thing. There is a word in psychology called invalid pay, that is, you have done something touching and moving, but you have caused harm and pain to others. Corresponding to
, effective dedication will benefit the other person psychologically and internally. They will feel warm, comfortable, happy and relaxed. Once you earn money, he will enjoy the blessing, and the house will be clean. This is called external benefit. It must be effective, because he doesn't necessarily care. What he cares about may be your understanding and tolerance.
Effective payments are like deposits in an account, and invalid payments are like deposits in an overdraft account. Take a look at how many deposits you have in your parent-child relationship account?
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There are two rogue logics in invalid pay:
1. I did this for you and you have to do something else for me. I have paid the rest of your life for you, and you have to take care of me for the rest of your life.
For example, some mothers say, I work hard and serve you deliciously and deliciously. That's why you don't study hard, if I pay for you a, you must pay for me b. It is normal that I will let the delicious and delicious food serve you now, and you will serve me delicious and delicious food in the future.
2. This is how I did it, and you should do the same.
For example, I respect you, why don't you respect me? I'm good to you Why are you not good to me? People are different from person to person. Being able to wrong yourself does not mean that he can also wrong yourself. Your abilities may be different and your willingness may be different.
After reading this story, Jingshui hopes to be inspired, no matter what kind of relationship he manages, he must remember to pay effectively.
Starting from today, first, please break your beliefs and don’t give blindly; secondly, realize what is effective and what is invalid, and identify the things that the other party benefits; finally, just do these things.
The so-called mother and child are also a gradual practice. We can only make up for the missed scenery for the rest of our lives, and leave the rest to God.
END
Author: hydrostatic, counselors, emotional writer, childcare worker, 38-year-old naked speech, a pen and write all human well-being, to accompany you alone too brave, published emotion inspirational bestseller "experienced dependent pain , And then towards independent beauty.
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