Zhang Ailing's "The First Incense": A warning of tragedy, four factors that affect the happiness of marriage and love

Wen丨Qing Xin Junyue

"The First Incense", formerly known as "Agarwood Chips•The First Incense", is one of Zhang Ailing's early works. It tells the sad journey of a simple girl Ge Weilong in pursuit of her own happiness, from asking her aunt for help to becoming a socialite because of her desire for materialism, from yearning for love to despair after being injured, from looking forward to marriage to finally being self-willed.

_Ge Weilong's tragedy comes out in the works by accident or inevitable.

The chaotic and intricate emotions, the choice between right and wrong, Zhang Ailing used the short burning of agarwood to exaggerate mistakes that could cause a life-long tragedy.

How to pursue happiness and how to last for love, perhaps in this tragedy, we can peek out one or two-intriguing and worthy of alert "taste".

"We are an aunt in the end, she is held back by face, as long as I behave and stand upright, not afraid that she will not treat each other politely. Outsiders gossiping, do what they say, I will read my book. I will meet in the future. People who really like me will naturally understand and will never believe those boring rumors.” This is in Zhang Ailing’s "The First Incense", when Ge Weilong borrowed her aunt and Mrs. Liang's home to finish junior high school. Thoughts.

Aunt Mrs. Liang is the sister of Ge Weilong’s father Ge Yukun. Before Ge Weilong was born, because her aunt insisted on marrying the wealthy businessman Liang Jiteng (wife of the fourth house) and the family fell out. At that time, the family agreed that her aunt was "self-willed and inferior." "Destroy the door style" lost her face at home, and so far the aunt has no contact with her home after she left home.

Two years ago due to the tense situation in Shanghai, Ge Weilong came to Hong Kong with her parents to seek refuge and studied in Nanying Middle School. In the past two years, the small savings of Ge Weilong's family can hardly adapt to Hong Kong's price level, and the situation in Shanghai has eased. Then I plan to go back. The decision of

brought troubles to Ge Weilong. On the one hand, staying in Hong Kong for the last half of the semester was very difficult to support at home. On the other hand, if he chose to return to Shanghai, he would have to study for another year. Time, of course, at this time, her heart might also prefer to stay in Hong Kong due to some other factors, so she had no choice but to ask her aunt for help.

At first, Mrs. Liang's aunt was disgusted with Ge Weilong's proposal, but after careful consideration, she agreed to support her. There may be many reasons. On the one hand, it is a kind of revenge against the original family opposition. On the other hand, Zhang Ailing wrote in "The First Incense":

"I don’t know if this little Nizi has any promise, is it worth it? Is it worth investing?" The so-called "investment" of

means that she wants to cultivate Ge Weilong into a new socialite, in order to enhance her reputation and broaden her "demand". Her need is to "get love, the love of many people", because she was materially satisfied at the beginning, but she lacked the experience of love in her heart. This is also Zhang Ailing's judgment on the evil consequences of her abnormal pursuit of marriage and love.

Matter or love, which can give people happiness?

Perhaps in the current society, some people are still willing to choose the former. Different people have different opinions on whether this idea is correct.

However, it is undeniable that it is difficult for to obtain material comfort through marriage as a medium to balance the inner need for love.

There is nothing wrong with pursuing proper material comfort in a legitimate way, but it may not be appropriate to obtain it at the expense of marital happiness. The tragedy of the aunt Mrs. Liang's works is the best proof of this.

In fact, material satisfaction can indeed bring a certain happiness experience, but it should be noted that: Appropriate material pursuit is life, too much "addiction" can easily turn into "material desire" . Once desires are produced and left uncontrolled, the damage is often huge, and most desires arise from uncontrollable temptations and are not controlled.

For Ge Weilong, the beginning of her tragedy originated from this. After she moved to her aunt's house, the first test she accepted was "all styles of clothes in the closet". The description of this in the work:

"She is still childish, she can't help but lock the door, secretly trying on one by one, but they all fit, she suddenly realized that it was allAunt specially prepared for her. "

She feels " is different from buying a person in the Changsantangzi (brothel)" , because she knows that this is not a good intention based on her aunt's conduct, so she should refuse it one by one. I tried on one by one.

Is this "vanity" and "curiosity" at work, or the breeding of "desire"? may not be dominated by a single factor, after all, there are thousands of these three. The inner connection of the silky threads. is just immersed in the behavior that is unwilling to refuse, like "walking along the river", and like "walking a tightrope". Some surviving "flukes" are not an "excus" for self-comfort. Many mistakes often stem from this, especially mistakes in marriage and love.

In the end, Ge Weilong chose to "look at it", which was a comfort to herself, and perhaps a reason to deceive herself. And she Lu Zhaolin's tragedy kicked off in this time of inner "lucky luck". Comparing

" with him (Qiao Qi), Lu Zhaolin looked a lot stupid. Weilong hated Mrs. Liang just because of Lu Zhaolin. Qiao Qiqiao is the only person she knows who can resist Mrs. Liang's magical powers. When she thinks this way, she can't help but feel a little like Qiao Qiqiao. " This is the description of Ge Weilong who met Qiao Qi after facing her aunt's temptation in "The First Incense".

After Ge Weilong stayed at her aunt's house, he quickly adapted to the "drunken golden fan" communication. In life, the two had a stable life of "getting what they need." Ge Weilong got the "needs" for reading and some material comfort from her aunt, and her aunt got "Sony Ericsson" resources from Ge Weilong's communication.

During this period, although Ge Weilong suffered from material desires, she did not lack a yearning for beauty in her heart. While dealing with the "communication" arranged by her aunt, she studied at night and took time to "choir". In Sui'er (Aunt's servant) When asked why Ge Weilong worked so hard, she replied:

"I studied, it took a lot of effort to get such a chance, I can't help reading some results. "

, in the eyes of Suier, who was deeply affected by her aunt’s life, disdainful of this approach, and then proposed that it is better to find a "suitable" person to marry. This can not help but also tells Ge Weilong's mind, but it is only in Ge Weilong. It seems that the people around Aunt did not have the right choice. The work pointed out the real reason for Ge Weilong's struggle:

"I understand, no wonder you can't wait for the time to go to the choir; I heard that There are many college students there. "

is not wrong to work hard for happiness, but Zhang Ailing borrowed Ge Weilong's tragedy to point out that it is a criticism of inappropriate ways of obtaining happiness.

promotes oneself to "value added" and make oneself more excellent, so that there is nothing wrong with obtaining happiness. But hard work. The purpose of hard work is placed on marriage, and the marriage is endowed with more factors other than love, and the delusion of obtaining other happiness through marriage is not an unrealistic "fantasy". This behavior, What is the essential difference between the original aunt’s purpose of choosing marriage? How can the struggle for “fantasy” be realized? Once “fantasy” touches reality, how can it survive?

In the next dialogue between Ge Weilong and Suier, Knowing that Lu Zhaolin, the person she liked in the "choir", turned out to be the target of her aunt, and at the same time, her aunt deliberately held a round meeting for her, also for the purpose of contacting Lu Zhaolin. This made Ge Weilong a little angry, but still Some hope that Lu Zhaolin can withstand the temptation of her aunt, but at the round meeting, Lu Zhaolin still disappointed Ge Weilong.

If this time the love that has not yet really begun was silently shattered, it is a tragedy, then because of Lu Zhaolin's contact What a man Qiao Qi will bring to Ge Weilong is a lifelong tragedy. Of course, the bigger reason lies in Ge Weilong’s own choice. On the day of the

round meeting, when the aunt and Lu Zhaolin were fighting, an "uninvited guest" appeared. This The person is Qiao Qi. In order to understand the embarrassing surroundings of her aunt (Qiao Qi deliberately appeared in front of her aunt and Lu Zhaolin to destroy the atmosphere between them), Ge Weilong took the initiative to talk with Qiao Qi under the aunt's gesture.

was in that conversation. , Ge Weilong had an inexplicable affection for Qiao Qi, because he was the only man who resisted the temptation of his aunt, and this kind of affection made her not muchCare about other people (Zhou Jijie and Suier)'s negative comments on him.

Later, when Ge Weilong guessed that her aunt was going to sacrifice her to win over the feelings of Situ Xie (aunt's old lover), she wanted to leave here, but already "addicted" to life here, she could only choose to "find a rich man and marry him." He was disappointed in love (Lu Zhaolin), and Ge Weilong, who was already disappointed in love (Lu Zhaolin), set her goal on Qiao Qi. She fantasized that she could change him and make him more motivated. She put her expectations of happiness on him, maybe It is even more bet on his own "fantasy." In "The First Incense", there is this description of Ge Weilong's thoughts:

"As long as his wife loves him and believes in him, what can he do? Even if he doesn't have money, Hong Kong’s three religions and nine liu institutions have Joe Family acquaintances are not afraid that there is no way to survive."

Whether the idea of ​​changing a person with love can be realized, let’s not comment on it, but it should be noted that even if you want to change a person with love, at least Two prerequisites:

• , the other party loves
• deeply enough, and the other party is willing to change

, otherwise he is unilaterally based on his beautiful imagination, and in the end, he will often only be a "fantasy" that cannot fall into reality. What's more, love is the product of two people, how can one realize all the expectations of love?

"She tried her best to find his eyes in his black glasses, but she only saw her own shadow reflected in the glasses, shrunken and pale." This is in "The First Incense", Ge Weilong is described by Qiao Qi's words (cannot give marriage and love) after breaking her illusion.

If at first Ge Weilong chose Qiao Qi partly because of his "fantasy" of happiness, another part of the reason was his "willingness" of marriage and love. The initial love of

for Lu Zhaolin was shattered because of her aunt, which broke her prudence and attention to love.

When she first fell in love with Lu Zhaolin and learned that her aunt might use means, Suier once reminded Ge Weilong to remind her of Lu Zhaolin. However, at that time Ge Weilong’s attitude towards love was disdainful and he took this It's a test of love:

"If this person can't hold her (aunt) this matchup will fall into her trap, he won't be a reliable person. I smashed him early. That's fine."

Later, Lu Zhaolin did not pass the "test" and became the "unreliable" person in Ge Weilong's heart, so why did Qiao Qi, who is even less reliable, become the person Ge Weilong felt "reliable"?

On the one hand, Qiao Qi once let her aunt’s "means" fail, she has a hint of goodwill in Ge Weilong's heart, and she also has a trace of revenge for her aunt. At the same time, Qiao Qi is not favored at home, but the background of Qiao's family can make Ge Weilong There is a trace of "fantasy" about the future life, but it should be noted that these are only part of the reasons why Ge Weilong chose Qiao Qi, and the main reason is that at this time, after Ge Weilong was disappointed with love (Lu Zhaolin), he was in the "Situ Association" Under the pressure of "event", she no longer attaches so much importance and demand to the quality and requirements of love, just like the description of her psychological state in the works:

"She is exhausted, unable to extend any longer, she is right Love confessed." The description of

does not simply refer to the love of Qiao Qi, "giving up", but also "giving up" in the attitude of love, and this attitude can also be understood as "willing ".

In this attitude, even if Ge Weilong learns Qiao Qi’s thoughts: "I can't promise you to marry, I can't promise you love, I can only promise you to be happy" , should stop the loss in time and list it as " People who are unreliable, but after being touched by the softness of their hearts by the word "happiness", they still choose to be a general.

She knows that the consequence of this kind of future is: "You give me happiness! You tortured me, more powerful than anyone else" , still willing to find excuses for her future, happy to "find a sense of security from memories", As long as Qiao Qi loved her for a while, she could also regard the joy of "for a while" as the eternal of "one life". But is this really happy?

M Krucklin once said: “In the arithmetic of love, one plus one equals everything, and two minus one equals zero.” , a brief love may get all the happiness in a moment of love, but when one partyWhen it can’t be maintained continuously, the happiness you have ever had will be empty. How can it be so easy to maintain the "one plus one" state for a long time with the choice below?

One of the important factors that affect the happiness of marriage and love: the attitude of the future

Cummings said: "You should be more cautious about love than anything else" , this sentence seems a bit absolute, but it is about There is nothing wrong with being cautious about things that are happy for a lifetime, at least you should not have an attitude of success.

In real life, because some people have encountered similar injuries, unfortunate experiences (lost love, betrayal or divorce, etc.) and urging under objective circumstances (parents urged marriage, older age) and other factors, it is easy to miss the right The attitude that marriage and love should have, thereby reducing the happiness index obtained in marriage and love.

Wang Leehom has a lyric saying: "Talk about love and hate, you can't scribble" . The scribble here can also be understood as Shakespeare's saying: "Scribbled marriage is less happy." The scribble in can cause "scrawl". There are many, in addition to factors such as irrationality and blindness, attitude will also be a factor that cannot be ignored.

At the same time, on the topic of how to better obtain happiness in marriage and love, one thing is unquestionable: High-quality marriage and love are easier to obtain happiness , and the prerequisite for achieving this state is Don't give up the "high demands" on marriage and love for other reasons, especially when it comes to choices.

Of course, the following points need to be paid attention to for "high demand":

• "high demand" refers to failure, not the pursuit of "perfection." The basis of
• "high demand" is based on actual conditions. The key to "high requirements" is to choose the "right" person.
• "High demand" means to be responsible to oneself, to the family, and to others.

"She may be half of this illness voluntary; maybe she subconsciously refuses to go back, intentionally prolonged... It's easy to say, go back and be a new person... a new life... She is not what she used to be now The thinking is simple." This is the description of Ge Weilong in "The First Incense", after encountering the "ambiguity" between Qiao Qi and Sui'er, and becoming anxious. At that time, she had just accepted Qiao Qi's idea of ​​not getting married but giving happiness. .

In Ge Weilong's attitude towards love, how can the person (Qiao Qi) choose "reliable"? Therefore, in "The First Incense", Ge Weilong just persuades herself to accept Qiao Qi, and meets Qiao Qi and Sui'er that night. It is a tragedy, accident and inevitable. Maybe I didn’t meet that night, and similar things would happen in the future, but under Zhang Ailing’s arrangement, the "incidental inevitability" was fully embodied in a tragic way in the work. At the same time, it was also to express the attitude towards love to a certain extent. Criticism of "just". How does

Ge Weilong choose at this time?

Normally, at this time, no matter how "willing" Ge Weilong is for love, no matter how yearning for life in Hong Kong, she should choose to leave here at this moment, at least she should give up Qiao Qi, but in fact she did not do so. When

first happened, she also thought about giving up everything in front of her and going back to her hometown to be a "new" herself. However, this decision was delayed until she was stranded due to a sudden illness. The onset of this illness may reflect her inner hesitation. At this time,

pinned all her future happiness on the matter of marrying, that is, she recognized the way to obtain happiness as: needs others (marriage) to give , and in order to achieve this goal, she later chose To continue will be Qiao Qi. Knowing that what Qiao Qi needs most is "material and money", he sacrificed his "principles" to make money, and finally entered into marriage with Qiao Qi.

Does Qiao Qi love her?

is not difficult to answer this question. You can get the answer from the dialogue between Qiao Qi and Mrs. Liang before marriage:

"The purpose of your asking for money was to play. You didn’t have a good time. What do you want for the money? Of course, after seven. In eight years, Weilong’s income must have been greatly reduced. When she can no longer earn money to support her family, you can get a divorce. Under British law, divorce is quite difficult, and the only legal reason is adultery. You have to catch it. Evidence that the other party committed rape is not easy."

This is Mrs. Liang's words to persuade Qiao Qi, from which we can intuitively feel that Qiao Qi has never loved Ge Weilong, and that Ge Weilong actually knows this.

At the end of the work, Qiao Qi said to Ge Weilong that one day you will regret that you have sacrificed so much for me. Ge Weilong replied to him:

"I love you, what is your business? It's on you."

Many people feel that this is Ge Weilong's humble love for Qiao Qi, or the humble love. But perhaps, the inner meaning is more than that.

At the end of "The First Incense", Zhang Ailing described a "little prostitute" who had no choice but to make a living choice, but Ge Weilong said to Qiao Qi: "She is no different from them" , maybe even if there is a difference, It's just that "they have no alternative, I am voluntary" .

From this point of view, in fact, the so-called "humble" is not necessarily a description of the love between Ge Weilong and Qiao Qi, but more like an evaluation of Ge Weilong's pursuit of happiness. She exchanged "happiness" with "sacrifice", and the whole process revealed Full of humbleness, and the "happiness" obtained in this state will really be happy? Perhaps the possibility of getting "tragedy" is greater. Isn't Ge Weilong the best example?

There are several ways to pursue happiness, and there are countless roads to happiness. Whether life is a comedy or a tragedy in the end, perhaps it is all between the thoughts when facing choices, temptations and trials.

Qingxin Junyue, headline original author, senior mental health instructor, well-known emotional blogger. Warm you with words, me.