Picture source: Phoenix.com Buddhism Photography: Yan Xiuyong
Marital violence is not new. In Chinese history, ancient novels have described similar problems.
The reasons for marital violence are that one of the spouses has an affair, some have different personalities and concepts, some have different physical needs, some are for property, some are for children...There are many factors, usually one of them Other problems arose, which became more and more intense. The above-mentioned incoordination problems may occur, which may not be related to age, but may have something to do with everyone's life background.
From the perspective of cause and effect, everyone has had gratitude and grievances between people for many years in the past. Without gratitude and grievance, it is not easy to be a husband and wife together. There are not many couples who only have gratitude but no complaints.
Ordinary people have troubles, and they will torture themselves, each other and their families. They did not expect to torture people, but because they are psychologically contradictory or physically troubled, they will vent to people around them or hurt them intentionally or unintentionally when they encounter adjustment problems. This has been the case in the past immeasurable lives. Only in this life will they be married again and become a husband and wife. While repaying each other's gratitude and paying off debts, they are hurting each other and raising debts. The so-called "owed" means that the grievances between each other are unclear.
After recognizing this truth, we should work hard in the direction of "enemies should be settled and not settled", and we should not always prevaricate with "not friends who do not get together" and continue to torment each other. Then, if the enemy keeps on doing it, he will still be the enemy in the next life. It is so miserable for each other, and it is always unclear.
If the husband and wife feel inappropriate to each other and cannot be considerate, tolerant, and respect each other, then they must reflect. Don't be like the water on the mountain, always flowing into the river valley or the ocean, flowing further and further, and deepening the discord between husband and wife. You should be vigilant in time and look back. Since
is a husband and wife, we need to see insights in our daily life, and we must start from a small place to reflect. Don’t always care about and quarrel with each other for trivial matters, otherwise it will get worse and worse, and it may eventually become a violent incident. .
When a man and a woman get married, it may be at the head of the parents, introduced by a friend, or freely in love; once married, it is necessary to plan to "live together for a lifetime". If it turns out that there is really no way to live together again, then it might be better to separate instead of fighting, arguing, and being enemies. However, marriage must not be regarded as a trifle, and divorce must not be considered lightly. Even if
is separated, we will still be friends who respect each other, and don't have to be enemies forever. Some people still love and hate and hurt each other after breaking up. For example, the husband and his wife have already divorced, and when the wife has another boyfriend, the husband cannot bear it and finds opportunities to use violence on that man or ex-wife. There are also wives who cannot forgive their separated husbands for misbehaving. When the husband and other women have a closer relationship, the wives overthrow the jealous jar and ask the teacher for everything. This is a pitiful and regrettable thing.
As a person, we should think twice before doing anything, and don't go blindly, otherwise, a mistake will become an eternal hatred. Swearing is an inappropriate behavior, and hitting or killing is even more inappropriate. Those who have to bear criminal responsibility and those who have to bear causal responsibility are terrible things. Some people think, "If I kill him, I can breathe out. It doesn't matter if I kill him." But, is it worth it? It is not worthwhile to die at least two of you and him at a time, and the whole family is ruined by your impulse, and it also brings disasters to related people in the society.
From the perspective of Buddhism, if I use violence to deal with you in this life, or if you use violence to deal with me, in the next life, I will still meet each other, harm each other, repay each other injustice, and always scold, beat, and kill. Come and kill, it's really incredible. The root cause of marital violence is the cycle of cause and effect in the three generations. Only by timely braking and opening the knot can we completely prevent marital violence between husband and wife.
This article is excerpted from "Warning" by Master Sheng Yan
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