Cui Cui:
"Husband is the boyfriend who went home together." This is a sentence I saw recently that was touched.
What is it like to have a boyfriend? (Are you about to forget?)
should be the time when you are still willing to spend time with each other;
is the best choice when you are walking on the road and suddenly want to talk to someone;
is to see all beautiful things Will think of it, the mood that I want to share.
Seeing that Chen Yu still has such a life and actively wants to share her experience with others, it is a bit happy.
The day after tomorrow, Chinese Mother's Day, we will all be there, see you then.
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"I recommended the book "Don't Get Married Before 30" a few years ago to my good girlfriends. My original intention was that this book is very good and it is worth reading, but that girlfriend has been there since then I didn't pay much attention to me."
A few days ago, I asked in the group if anyone knew Chen Yu and if anyone had read her book. I didn't expect to receive this feedback from user Xiaoling. She was very aggrieved: "Because my friend is not married yet, I want to comfort her. Now I don't dare to give books to others easily."
I am also very surprised. If I were Xiaoling's friend, I would like to thank her for borrowing The support and warmth given to me by the book donation.
Chen Yu is the former deputy mayor of Los Angeles. He used to do headhunters for Fortune 500 companies to recruit top talents; now he is a best-selling author and also offers paid knowledge courses.
But her attitude towards love is one of the reasons I like her.
She said that she spent 20 years looking for her soul mate and still felt like she was in love after 10 years of marriage. Moreover, she has always believed that there is always loyal love.
It is easy to slap your face with such words, but after talking with Chen Yu, I think the person who got the slapped face may be me.
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Chen Yu's most well-known career history should be a former deputy mayor of Los Angeles. Before entering politics, her life plan was to be a star in the real estate industry. But fate took her to the "highest career peak" soon. 31 years old, a Chinese single woman, actually became the deputy mayor of Los Angeles.
is surrounded by people every day, and there are tens of thousands of civil servants under her; many things related to the entire Los Angeles city are waiting for her to make decisions; flashes are often aimed at her... Such power and focus are what most people desire but cannot reach . But Chen Yu stood there not long after he walked away in his career. After the end of the 4-year term of
, she was confused. For a whole year, she said that she would force herself to get out of bed every morning, look in the mirror, and ask herself: "If I am not the deputy mayor of Los Angeles, who am I?" The star's dream looks too small at this time, far from worth dreaming. But what dream is more powerful than this political circle? When
was 50 years old, looking back at the 35-year-old year, Chen Yucai said that now I can honestly say "I am very depressed." That year was suffering in endless pain.
came down from a height, Chen Yu was silent for two years, until someone invited her to join the world's top headhunting company.
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Headhunting company's experience is to help the world's top companies find talents, but in her work for several years, she has summarized a set of methods for hunting soulmates.
Later, she summed up her experience as a headhunter in a multinational company, and used a set of methods for interviewing outstanding talents to find her own partner:
First, clearly describe the candidates’ standards and have highly consistent values ;
Second, establish a candidate database, 100 dates may be able to screen out that person; keep a secret list of 3 candidates for a long time, which can also be used as a reference for comparison;
third, negotiate and conduct a life partnership plan. Before getting married, we must have a realistic discussion, how toHow to make money, how to spend it, and how to divide labor if you have children.
seems to be a very "extraordinary" method, but she herself finds her current husband through this method.
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After 10 years of marriage, Chen Yu said that he still believes in love that is always loyal.
Every moment she is with her husband Dave, she can "feel the heart singing". "It took 20 years to hunt for my soul mate. After ten years of marriage, I just want to be with him!" Dave is the Mr. Right that Chen Yu met at the age of 37.
But before that, she was also a girl who started dating at the age of 18. Seeing a man you like will instantly turn into a weak little woman, trying to take care of him without boundaries, do what he likes, and think about what he likes. But then she found out that not only could she not get a good man, but even those who could have become Mr. Right would be scared away by these excessive care.
She realized that in love, how learns to understand herself, help each other, and achieve a balance between the two is very important to maintaining the relationship.
From my husband Dave’s "Tucao" to Chen Yu, maybe we can better understand how interesting two people get along:
"I am a person who loves watching football games, but Joy (Chen Yu) knows nothing about sports games, she It is definitely the 2% of all Americans who know the least about all kinds of ball games. In this regard, I have no hope for her;
she can’t cook, she can’t at all, probably the most powerful is with ice cream machines Make ice cream for your child, but you only need to put milk, sugar and eggs in it;
She is an idiot in doing housework. Once she went to the apartment to fix things, her toolbox had only a hammer and no nails, but she did not. I think these two things need to be put together to use." A wife like
sounds useless? But Dave supported Chen Yu very firmly, to pursue his career and become a dreamer.
When Chen Yu chose to suspend work and write books full-time, Dave also struggled because it was related to the reduction of family income and the two people had to redistribute their energy to take care of the children. In the face of these pressures, Dave finally chose to take it, and even helped Chen Yu rent a small office near her home, allowing her to concentrate on writing, while spending more time taking care of and accompanying her two daughters.
Many people who do not know her will sigh: That is Chen Yu, lucky to find such a good husband!
But how can marriage be maintained only by good luck? Chen Yu and Dave are still planning the weekly or even daily time together until now: who takes care of the children, who does the housework, who does the work when... In fact, this is not difficult. Under the premise of the same values and direction, everything is Can be arranged smoothly.
The two people are still their best friends, enjoying the time together, joking with each other, sharing new things, "We still have sex! This is too important for marriage!" Chen Yu replied without shy. .
" The biggest problem for Chinese women is that after getting married and having children, they no longer grow up , but their husbands and children will continue to grow. You don't need much imagination to know what will happen to this marriage." Chen Yu repeated. Quan emphasized to these women who are in marital difficulties: It is very important to keep learning and progress every day.
"Everyone needs a sense of security, but the real lasting sense of security can only come from your heart; independence is the prerequisite for intimacy. Don't just wait for your good man to appear, don't forget that you are a good woman. Marriage You can’t make you complete. It’s yourself that makes you complete. Love is very profound, but marriage is not. ”
When returning to China to promote new books, Chen Yu will receive many girls who confide in her life’s difficulties: "Joy, do you know? I don’t like my husband very much, but because of my age/parental pressure, I got married and gave birth to a child like this.”
ChenYu was very surprised. Of course, his life without boundaries is beyond his control. "It is impossible for us to control what others say and do, but you accept pressure from others. This is your choice, and you will lose your strength."
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Chen Yu's Weibo except for those In addition to the women's declaration, there are also a lot of parent-child time. Her daughter not only adopts caterpillars, but also swings for the family hens. During spring break, she will also take her daughter to San Francisco on a 4-day city tour.
may be due to the differences in education between China and the United States, and Chen Yu also has a different concept of children's education.
She believes that parents play more of the role of “coaching”: “We don’t need to tell the child that you have to do that. We just need to guide and let her make her own choices. Be yourself and let them see In my eyes, just follow along."
said that it is now popular to divide children's education into three parts: academic development, emotional intelligence development and social development. The academic development part of
can be more entrusted to the school to complete; and the part of emotional intelligence development and social development, mothers should act as children’s coaches and provide guidance.
She told a story about her daughter being bullied to explain what the "coach" should do. The daughter of
was "controlled" by another child in the summer camp. Every lunch time, the child asked her daughter to go to another place to move artwork, which caused her to eat at noon. The daughter of
went home and complained to her of the kid’s evil deeds, and wanted her mother to help solve them, "Mom, can you call her mother? Tell her not to do this to me again." Chen Yu said, this is very common. When the child doesn’t know what to do, he will go home and ask his parents for help. But she did not directly follow the child's request, but regarded this as an opportunity to guide the child to solve it by herself.
First affirm the child's current emotions: "Mom knows you must be depressed right now, right?" This step is very important. It is necessary to use emotional resonance and empathy to help the child express her feelings.
The second is to believe that she can solve the problem by herself. Of course, she can also give her some suggestions: "We can think of some solutions together. You can tell her that you will help her get it but wait until the meal is finished; or if you need it now, let She went to get it herself. Didn’t she?” The daughter knew at this time, “So you can say that.” After
thought of a way, the mother and daughter pretended to be the scene at the time and practiced this dialogue several times.
The next day, Chen Yu deliberately asked her daughter, "Have you eaten?" She said "Yes" today, "because I told her that my mother said that it can be like this." When the child asks for help like this, the mother can treat the uncomfortable moments that these children have to face as an opportunity to guide the child to speak out, defend his rights, and learn to make independent decisions.
Regarding self and boundaries, it is a small lesson given to Chen Yu by the 7-year-old daughter. The daughter of
once went home and told her that at school, the teacher taught the children to practice mindfulness to understand their boundaries and manage their emotions.
"Imagine myself as a frog, surrounded by a huge bubble. I can do anything in this bubble, angry, sad, angry, daze, but no one else can touch this bubble, and no one can come in. When I’m happy, I can burst this bubble and jump out by myself.”
Chen Yu said that she was very surprised. Now children have begun to learn emotion management and self-boundary awareness that no adult can learn.
Chinese women are still bound by huge traditional concepts. There are more and more single people, divorce rate is getting higher and higher, marriage has become a source of great insecurity among women.
But women have long been able to live independently, we are worth pursuing a more important role than our wife and mother, that is ourselves.
I asked Chen Yu, where did the contagious hearty laugh come from? As usual, she laughed crisply: "That probablyIt's California Sunshine. "
May 25
mother day activities held in China in Momself
Chen Yu will make a keynote speech
welcome you to
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Written by: vegetable soup
layout: Zin
with map: Chen Yu microblogging
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