Lai Peixia, a Taiwanese, used to be an actor and host. Before the age of eight, she was raised by her mother alone. After her eldest daughter was born, she began to learn psychology and had contact with many psychologists.
It was the first time I knew that Lai Peixia was in a variety show, called me an orator.
When the host asked her, what are you going to tell us today?
She said, why is happiness so difficult. ? and asked the audience two questions.
- When a family is a policeman, a thief comes out, who is a traitor?
- When a family is all thieves, a policeman comes out, who is a traitor?
When everyone couldn't answer, she said, I will not talk about right or wrong here, only the impact of our family on us. In my twenty-five years of psychological counseling, the most frequently talked about is the influence of the original family, especially the influence of the values of the original family.
When your mother is full of sadness, do you dare to be happy? What are
values?
is a standard by which a person measures things.
probably dare not, the mother is not happy, the child really will not be happy.
Do adults still remember the shadow of being beaten and scolded by their parents with wooden sticks when they were young?
What was our mood back then, fear, fear, and cautiousness, for fear that we would be beaten and scolded if we did not do well.
Father is strict, mother is kind. When criticized by your father, you can look for your mother's embrace. What will happen to us if the mother’s arms are not secure?
When the mother also starts to blame the child, the child will feel isolated and helpless, start to wonder and begin to heartbreak. Traditional Chinese parents would say that I scold you because I love you, and I beat you because I love you.
They think you are wrong, and they think that beating you and scolding you means loving you. This starts from the value of parents measuring things.
Sometimes we don’t make unforgivable mistakes, but mothers are very angry. Why can adults be considerate of the adult world and can’t be considerate of children? Parents beat and scold their children not because the child made a big mistake, but because the child made it. After making a mistake, they were very angry and couldn't control their emotions.
cannot deny the love of parents for their children, but some behaviors are done in the name of love, doing harm.
So what will happen to this child, when she is wondering, when she is puzzled, she will think, Oh, it turns out that this is love, after a hard childhood, after a puberty of resentment, after full of wings, repays parents in the same way.
Imagine that children who were ridiculed by their parents in childhood can express their concern for their parents in the same way when they grow up.
Don’t you have a lot of money, don’t you have millions, why can’t you afford medicine?
Children who were explicitly forbidden by their parents to do things in their childhood use the same method to forbid their parents.
When I go to the square dance again, I will throw away your broken speaker. You have to sleep well at home with this leg. Are they happy like
? It seems that they have made an equivalent exchange.
If my child treats me like this in the future, what kind of heart will I haveLove?
If we treat our children now, they will treat us in the future. Some native families of
not only give us distorted values, but also give us an unhappy childhood.
It may be difficult to change these. Some people are looking for it for life, but parents must have the will to teach their babies in a different way than before, and give us the love and patience that our parents did not give us. Own children, and parents.
Then our children will definitely have a different year, no unhappiness or regrets, childhood is full of warmth and love, If our parents are "thief", I hope we can be a [police] .
likes Teacher Lai Peixia very much and hopes to pass on the love to more people. I am Rose, a mother walking on the road. Follow me and learn together @罗丝爱宝宝 The development of smart children Epidemic prevention and raising baby diary
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