More terrifying than "囧Mom" is "Horror Mom Club"

People who see "囧Mom" empathize mostly because of the relationship between mother and child. And the root of many people's happiness or pain also comes from this.

Max said: "People are the sum of all social relations", and this sum, the largest proportion, the longest duration, the greatest impact, and even the parent-child relationship throughout the life.

has been a popular term in recent years: " native family ", what kind of family a person was born in, what his parents do, how his childhood is, etc., have become a footnote to this person's future behavior. The so-called "three years old look old, seven years old look old".

The core of the mother-child relationship in "囧Mom" is "control and escape from ", which is also the most common parent-child conflict problem in most families.

"I have traveled more than the salt you have ever eaten",

"I am for your good",

"I have arranged everything for you"... When

is in trouble, one sentence "I am your mother" , Mount Tai is crushed down, better than a thousand troops. There is a saying in

: " is not a reasonable place ", especially when communicating with parents, most people do not recognize, understand, or trust each other. A good relationship requires patience and compromise, while a bad relationship is control and escape. The less you listen, the more you want to hold on, the more you want to hold on, the more you want to escape.

In fact, "囧Mom" is just the standard version of "Control System" mom.

1. Standard version: Control your body

​​Is there any scene where Lu Xiaohua forces Xu Yiwan to eat a variety of "food" in "囧Mom" is particularly familiar and kind!

All kinds of grains, whole grains, and beans are ground into powdered water, and there are five colors (red, green, yellow, white and black) and five flavors (sweet, bitter and salty) corresponding to the five internal organs (heart, liver, spleen, lung and kidney).

All kinds of senior public accounts, health accounts, and words of various health care experts are regarded as standards. Buy back all kinds of health care products from time to time and eat it as a meal. According to the Twelve Classics, what should be done every hour has been stipulated and strictly followed.

Think about it if everyone goes to drain the water at the same hour, the scene, the pollution load rate, the water consumption, have you asked the toilet for your opinion?

As Xu Zheng said in "囧 Ma": "You live in your heart with a imaginary son. He should eat a few pieces of braised pork. The meat on his face is long horizontally or vertically. When will I have a baby? Drain at o’clock, you’ve set everything up, why do you persevere in transforming me?"

As the child grows up and travels far, the influence of parents on the child will become weaker and weaker, and some will not be seen for a long time. surface. There are many things children cannot tell their parents. They are afraid of not understanding, afraid of them being worried, afraid of being criticized, afraid of their interference, and even choosing to report the good and not the bad.

When you don’t know much about your child’s work, career, friends, personal life, etc., the only place where mothers can talk is food and clothing, and their most concern is health.

may be a little nagging, a little annoying, or even ridiculous, we will go back like Xu Yiwan, irritable, angry, annoyed, or even have a big fight, without a word, and hurt each other. Then, will you regret it? Looking at my mother's white hair and wrinkles, bent waist and inflexible legs and feet, after calming down, I will regret arguing with my mother.

In real life, there is no snow forest and bear in the movie. We are dependent on life and death, so we can alleviate our suspicions. Then try to compromise, try to understand, and try to trust in daily life. After all, in this world, everything is trivial except life and death.

2. Upgraded version: Control your life

​​The "standard version" mom only controls your stomach, the "upgraded version" mom wants to control your life, what school you go to, what profession you study, what friends you make, what career you choose , Even how the money is spent, you have to listen to her.

Do you still remember Su's mother in "Everything is Good"? She brought a lingering influence on the three brothers and sisters of Su Mingyu. Everything in the family is up to her, everyone is living according to her will.

are often because their real life is unsatisfactory, so they hope that their children can realize their life aspirations and have a better life, thereby also changing their own destiny. The root cause of

is "distrust". She doesn't trust the children's own abilities and their own choices. She feels that only her own arrangements are the best for her children.

She intervenes in all aspects of the child’s life, and she will say frankly: "I am all for your good, can I harm you?" The control and coercion behind this are sending another message: you can't. ! Without my guidance, you can't do anything!

The "upgraded version" of the "control" mother, generally lacks a sense of security inside, so she needs to do everything step by step and go on according to her own ideas.

She regards children as her own appendages and transforms them according to her own will. Children who are successfully transformed often form a pleasing personality, such as the cowardly and vain boss and the second child of "Ma Baonan" in "Everything is Good". The consequences of failure to reform are loss of control. For example, Su Mingyu broke contact with his family at the age of 18.

In this type, the child must make his heart stronger and minimize the negative impact of the mother’s "desire to control".

The most important change should be the mother herself. Learn to trust, learn to understand, and learn to let go. The child must take the road, must fall, let him take responsibility and consequences, and give him the opportunity to make mistakes and correct mistakes.

Zhang Ailing once said: On the road of life, there is a path that everyone must take, and that is a detour when they are young. Don't use control to ruin your child's chance of learning to "walk".

3. Hell Edition: Horror Mom Club

​​If the basic starting point of the first two editions of mothers is to love their children and hope their children are good, the starting point of the "Hell Edition" mothers is, and only, love yourself.

"Horror Mom Club" was told to me by a Taiwanese friend. It refers to the mother who controls the child with her own life. But the root of control is not loving children, but loving yourself. And her own mother is such a "horror" mother.

throughout her life, her mother controlled her husband and children, demanding that everything be under her own control, and everything should be done according to her own will. Once there is something unsatisfactory, it can range from hysteria and turbulence, to injury as a means, and even threaten their own lives, suicide becomes their killer.

This Taiwanese friend’s mother is very tender and gentle. You would never expect that her petite body will have so much energy.

Since my friend can remember, going to the hospital is a common thing. It's not because the family member is sick, but because the mother is...killing herself.

From trivial trivial matters to major life events such as home ownership and school choice, as long as her opinions are inconsistent with her, she will cry and hang herself three times, which is really "hanging"! From cutting her wrists, taking medicine, and jumping off buildings, her mother has become a "skilled worker", and my friend has also developed a good ability to bandage, call a car, and send to the hospital. When

became an adult, she was calm when she talked about these things with us, not happy or sad, but I was exhausted when I saw the flaws under the calmness.

This is not an isolated case. The Taiwanese singer Angela Chang has a similar mother. This powerful mother did not use suicide as a threat, but used the injury of Angela Chang as a bargaining chip. Zhang Shaohan transferred all the money she paid for the treatment of heart disease by her. When Zhang Shaohan suffered from depression, she actually slandered her daughter for taking drugs to the media. Angela Chang's younger brother really can't stand his parents treating his sister like this, and he was beaten up in the street by her mother.

Just as Angela Chang said: Some injuries cannot be healed. When you meet such "hell-level" parents, you can only make yourself stronger and stay far away.

Conclusion

Adler said: "Fortunate people are cured by childhood, unfortunatelyOf people heal their childhood all their lives. "

mother should be the warmest, most beautiful and most powerful word in life.

mother should not be control, transformation, coercion, pressure, but respect, acceptance, tolerance, and motivation.

Gibran in "Children" It says: Your children are not actually your children. They are the children that life desires for themselves. They come to this world with the help of you, but not because of you. They are by your side, but they do not belong to you. . What you can give them is your love, but not your ideas, because they have their own thoughts.

Because of my mother, I want to become a better self; because of me, I hope that my mother’s life will be more perfect.

(this A small program has been added at the office, please go to today’s headline client to view)