Middle age is a watershed in life.
In the first half of our lives, everyone was a high-spirited and handsome young man.
Later, some people gained belly fat, lost hair, had more desires, and looked greasy all over.
But some people can withstand the temptation, restrain their desires, and live like a clear stream.
For example, Chen Daoming, after middle age, he has always been retreating from the four major desires in life: "wine, sex, wealth".
He said: "Material and spiritual release is easy, but control is difficult. The highest artistic conception of life is control, not release."
The highest state of a person in middle age is to be self-restrained and not indulge in alcohol, sex and wealth.
01
has a kind of self-discipline: do not indulge yourself at the wine table.
Writer Ge Shisan said that the trick to find greasy middle-aged men at various dinner parties is to refer to the following standard features:
Beer belly, sagging breasts, high hairline, and shiny face.
After three rounds of drinking, they talked about national affairs, or told dirty jokes with excitement.
For people with high status, they hold wine glasses with smiling faces and say flattering words;
For people who are not as good as them, they use their drunkenness to make sarcastic remarks, and finally say, "You drank too much, so don't be offended." "
After the show, some people vomited on the roadside, some fell asleep at the table, and some drunkenly shouted "One more game, buddy"...
The middle-aged man became greasy, starting from letting himself lose his temper at the wine table. .
At the wine party, they regard vulgarity as maturity and desire as conversation material; when they are in high spirits after drinking, their words are incoherent and their words and deeds are incoherent.
Chen Daoming has always hated this phenomenon.
He once said in an interview:
"I feel very tortured as soon as I get to the wine table, especially when a person is drunk and tells you one sentence four or five times and hands you a business card eight times. You will feel a kind of anger, very angry, very annoyed. "
Therefore, when he was at his most popular, he was basically in a semi-retired state, not going to parties or drinking.
In his spare time, he returned to his study and wandered in the world of words. When he got tired of reading, he would copy words and play the piano to calm his mind.
When people reach middle age, they have a kind of self-discipline that means not to indulge themselves in drinking parties.
does not expose one's greasiness by puffing away smoke, and does not look for an illusory sense of existence in the wine pond and meat forest.
Rejecting the hustle and bustle, returning to tranquility, rejecting luxury, and returning to nature is the best practice for middle-aged people.
02
There is a kind of precept: do not let yourself go in front of temptation.
The ancients said that food and sex are also related to sex.
There is nothing wrong with liking beautiful people and loving beautiful things.
Once a person becomes greedy due to lust, his normal needs will become a bone scraper, hurting others and himself.
My classmate Lao Wu is in his forties, has outstanding abilities, and serves as a senior executive in a company.
His wife is a college teacher, and they have a son and a daughter.
Lao Wu's life can be said to be the envy of others, but he does not spare any blessings.
He was tired of the boring marriage and cheated on a young and beautiful subordinate.
After the Dong Chuang incident, he didn't know how to restrain himself at all. Instead, he changed from occasionally staying out at night to simply staying and flying with his new love.
Someone advised him: You are just a temporary novelty, and returning to the family is the right way.
But Lao Wu was so fascinated by the mistress that he couldn't listen at all.
Not long after the incident, someone reported that Lao Wu was immoral in his private life, and he was suspended from his job; his parents became seriously ill and cut off contact with him; his wife could not bear it anymore and took Lao Wu to court.
A good family is gone, a good future is ruined.
Only then did Lao Wu regret his mistake.
There is a proverb in the West: A person's greatest enemy is his own lust.
Because it is human nature to indulge desires, rejecting temptation is a kind of discipline
Chen Daoming and his wife Du Xian have been in love for more than 40 years. In the entertainment industry, Chen Daoming has always maintained zero scandals.
He never lingers in the colorful world outside, and is more willing to stay with his wife.
Sometimes, the couple sits under the window, one embroidering grass and the other sewing a leather bag. There is no sound of falling leaves outside the window, and the time inside the house is quiet.
Life was originally boring.
But truly mature people will not pursue temporary freshness, but have the ability to bring poetry out of ordinary days.
After middle age, there is a kind of discipline called not to let yourself go in the face of temptation.
Learning to control desires and knowing how to keep a safe family is the greatest awakening for middle-aged people.
03
There is a kind of wisdom: do not overdraw yourself in the face of desire.
"Book of Rites" says: Pride cannot last, and desire cannot be indulged.
Everyone has desire.
But the attitude towards desire can distinguish the level of a person's personality.
In the movie "The Richest Man in Xihong City", Wang Duoyu is a decadent and poor middle-aged uncle.
He was originally a goalkeeper on the football team, but was fired because of his poor skills.
Unemployed, in order to make a living, he worked as a human sushi chef, worked as a nude model, and even played in women's football.
But no matter how hard and poor he was, he always stuck to his inner principles.
Someone asked him to play match-fixing and paid 200,000 for 3 goals. He struggled for a long time and never nodded.
He said: People can have no money, but they cannot have no bottom line.
Looking back at how many people in life have abandoned their conscience and dignity, driven by their inner greed, and become slaves to money step by step.
When people reach middle age, they will often face this kind of swing:
You can get promoted by joining the team, should you go or not? You can get benefits by pretending to be flattering, should you do it or not?
In the face of interests, the quality of a person can best be tested.
As a first-line actor, Chen Daoming earns a high salary, but he rarely films, does not open Weibo, does not live broadcast, and does not bring goods.
There was once a TV series that invited Chen Daoming to star in a large sum of money.
After he stayed up all night to read the script, he said to the director: Your script is illogical.
The director in turn advised him: Everyone is filming this way, and the audience also likes to watch it, so there is no need to worry about the ratings.
After hearing this, Chen Daoming was very angry and refused the invitation directly.
"Cai Gen Tan" says: The world is rich and prosperous, those who are not close to it are clean, and those who are close to it but not stained are especially clean.
Money and wealth are dazzling. It is innocent not to get close to them, but it is more noble to be in them and not be polluted by them.
When a person reaches middle age, he must have the courage to say "yes" and the backbone to say "no".
Only by not being coerced by desires and adhering to the bottom line of life can you be worthy of love and fearless.
04
There is a kind of sobriety: don’t lose yourself in fame and fortune.
Mr. Lin Yutang once poignantly summarized "the ten most tacky things in society".
One of them is: if you have ten coins in your waist, your clothes will make a noise.
When people reach middle age, they have accumulated some wealth and have a certain status.
People with low moral character will become more and more ambitious and like to be aloof and provide guidance.
They talk about making money and getting rich, how much money they make from a certain house, and how many times their stocks have doubled.
Either they brag about their experiences and think that their achievements are due to their abilities.
However, arrogance comes from superficiality, and low-keyness comes from knowledge.
When a person has seen mountains beyond mountains and seen people outside, he can lower himself and learn to be humble.
After Chen Daoming became famous overnight at the age of 33, he began to be arrogant and arrogant.
But while filming "Fortress Besieged", he made friends with Qian Zhongshu.
Qian’s hometown does not have a video recorder or TV set, and the only electrical appliance is a pot for cooking medicine.
A famous scholar lived in a simple house and enjoyed himself all day long in the company of books.
Chen Daoming was ashamed when he saw it: "In front of culture and knowledge, I feel that my fame is nothing."
From then on, he no longer thought highly of himself or was complacent.
In his spare time, he reads, observes life, and calms down to polish his acting skills.
To the juniors in the circle, he never pretends to be someone who has come before him, but learns from them humbly.
Luo Xiang said: Human nature is proud and arrogant, but a truly resilient person must have a humble attitude.
After middle age, there is a kind of sobriety, which is not to lose yourself in fame and fortune.
Always be in awe and remain humble at all times, so that you can move forward steadily.
▽
After entering middle age, people have three realms of living:
The first realm: alive.
The second realm: living decently.
The third realm: living clearly.
Chen Daoming is undoubtedly the last one.
In this complicated and confusing world, like Chen Daoming, there is a calmness that "cannot be blown by the eight winds, sitting alone on the purple platform", and a sobriety that "knows the world and makes accidents, and is far away from the rivers and lakes".
Work seriously, be a clean person, stay away from temptation, and thank you for your reputation.
Only then can we break out of the hustle and bustle of the world and find the perfection and peace of life.
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