Author: Founding Team·Fengzi
I watched a video recently and was deeply touched.
Shang Yibo from Xihua Zhuangyuanqiao Middle School in Zhoukou, Henan Province, achieved an excellent score of 714 points in this year's college entrance examination.
Faced with the interview, her mother said that Shang Yibo is not only good at studies, loves sports, but also very self-disciplined, which has made people worry-free since he was a child.
How are children like this raised?
’s mother’s answer was unexpected: they are free-range and have not been cultivated at all.
In the comment area, many parents were instantly mentally unbalanced:
“I originally wanted to learn how others work hard to lift, but I was defeated by Versailles!”
“How embarrassing! Why did my child not show up at all despite all my efforts? Motivated? "
"Are top academics born? Or should education be based on Buddhism? "
Yes, why do parents of top academics say they don't care about their children, but their children are excellent and motivated?
For this reason, I specifically checked the education of many parents of high-scoring academics in recent years, and found that:
Their "failure to cultivate" does not mean that they just let their children develop on their own.
Instead, focus on yourself, shine your own light, and illuminate the children by the way.
The essence of education is not to teach through words and deeds, but to teach through words and deeds. When you do it, you don’t need to explain it in words at all, your children can see it.
Education is not simply educating children, but more about the self-growth of parents.
The biggest failure in education:
Parents do not grow up, but work hard on their children
once read a joke.
When the child failed in the exam, the mother angrily called the child a stupid bird. The child was very unconvinced and responded directly:
"There are three kinds of stupid birds in the world. One is the first to fly, the other is too tired to fly, and the third is the most annoying. If it can't fly by itself, it will just sit in the nest. Egg, if you want the next generation to fly hard, you are the third type. "
is just a joke, but it exposes a common problem in many parents' education:
While hoping for success, one gives up on oneself.
gives children a demanding life, but at the same time has no requirements for their own growth.
Just like a best friend of mine, when she first became a mother, she devoted herself to her children, gave up her hobbies, and stayed away from her circle of friends:
The basic necessities of life revolve around her children, and all her thoughts are devoted to them. In terms of her children's studies, she gets up early to accompany them to study, play chess and roller skating, supervise their studies, and tutor their homework...
Because she devotes all her energy to her children, her requirements and expectations for her son are getting higher and higher.
Whenever her son’s score is lower than 98 points, she can’t help but yell and force her son to take two more sets of papers.
Once she finds out that her son is playful and lazy, she will deduct his entertainment time so that he will not dare to do it again.
Under her constant pressure, her son did achieve very good results, but he never developed the habit of self-discipline. Until he was in fourth grade, he had to keep an eye on her every time he did homework so that he could study seriously.
It’s okay to be tired, but what’s chilling is that her son not only turns a blind eye to her efforts, but also dislikes her in every possible way.
Once, she just said a few words to her son, but his son actually replied:
"You are so bad, how dare you talk about me?" The son couldn't bear it anymore and said everything in his heart at once:
"Isn't it? Dad goes to work and I study. You stay at home every day. You don't have to do anything but force me to do my homework.
and you talk about other people's families every day. Hello kid, why don’t you say good things about other people’s mothers? Lin Qing’s mother can make money, Xiao Qi’s mother can drive, and Li Si’s mother can cook a lot of delicious food.
You don’t know anything, and you still feel tired every day, so you still have the nerve to say it. It’s for me!”
These words were like a basin of cold water, pouring cold water on my best friend’s heart, and also made her completely wake up:
She was tired because she had abandoned herself; her son was disobedient because she had nothing to do. Convince the children.
As Qian Zhiliang, a doctor of education, said: A large number of parents cannot educate their children well because they have done many things for their children, but never done anything for themselves.
Without the guidance of parents’ actions, no matter how good the education methods and techniques are, they will be ineffective.
Who the parents are is more important than what they do to their children
After realizing her mistake, my best friend later returned to the workplace.
Because she has not worked for too long, her best friend works hard every day in order to make achievements and regain her own value. I go early and come back late, and I often take my work home, checking information, comparing data, and writing plans.
She once thought that if her son escaped from her control, he would entertain himself unscrupulously, play games, and not do his homework.
But unexpectedly, his son not only did not indulge blindly, but began to study consciously.
It turned out that her son saw that she no longer lay on the sofa and scrolled through her mobile phone whenever she had free time, but was still reading until 11 o'clock in the night, supplementing her professional knowledge, so he was deeply affected and studied hard.
According to my son’s words: “You have worked so hard, I can’t be compared with you.”
So you see, education is not a requirement, but an influence.
When parents themselves are in a positive state of loving learning and enjoying self-growth, they don’t need to explain too much to their children, and the children will see it.
Because imitation has always been their nature.
Children have a panoramic view of their parents’ behaviors and attitudes, and they are the best at forming their own cognition and thinking.
They will learn from "You live out yourself", "I also have to live out myself" and "How should I live out myself".
A US Department of Education tracking study on the academic progress of more than 20,000 children also found:
What kind of people parents are, their own characteristics have a far more important impact on children than "what they do for their children."
And this is the most critical factor affecting children's performance.
Lei Dongdong, principal of Shanghai Guanghua Cambridge, is a mother and an educator.
Over the years, she has been focusing mainly on her work and hobbies. When she continues to cultivate herself, her daughter also learns from her and continues to work hard to grow.
After her daughter graduated from the third grade of junior high school, she went to the UK to study alone, and was finally admitted to Oxford University.
My daughter said: "When I was growing up, my mother didn't give me much time, but she set an adequate example."
There is also best-selling author Wang Xiao. After becoming a mother, she did not stop her growth. , she publishes books and starts businesses, and is very busy every day. In my free time, I read and exercise.
Her daughter is influenced by her and loves learning and challenges. When talking about the dream of growing up, the first reaction is:
"Be like my mother."
As Yang Lan said:
The most important thing when being a parent is to let your children see that you are a person who fully enjoys life, especially As a mother, you should first live a very fulfilling and happy life and let your children know:
Such a life can be achieved.
In this way, there is no need to supervise, urge, or spur the children behind their backs. The children will follow the light on their own.
The most advanced family education:
The more progressive the parents are, the better their children will be
The linguist Xu Shen of the Eastern Han Dynasty, in his "Shuowen Jiezi" "", once explained the word "education" like this:
"Giving, the result will be achieved", "nurturing, raising children to do good things".
The so-called education is to follow the example, parents set an example, and the children imitate.
Therefore, as a parent, instead of having high demands on your children, it is better to work harder on yourself. If the parents do a good job, the children will naturally be good.
. Practice good habits
I once saw a video where a girl was recommended to Sun Yat-sen University, Shanghai University of Finance and Economics and Beijing Foreign Studies University in her senior year of high school.
When talking about her learning experience, she said that it was all the result of the example of her parents.
In her memory, her parents have always been people who loved reading. When they got home every night, they would sit at the table, pick up books, and read carefully.
In addition, my parents are also sports experts. They exercise every day and often run marathons.
In this process, her parents never asked or ordered her to do this, but she naturally developed the habit of loving reading and exercising.
An educator once said: "Family is a school of habits, and parents are teachers of habits."
It is difficult to develop good habits, but if parents can set an example and practice themselves well, their children can learn good habits under the influence.
. Control desires
Bai Yansong once said: "Parents who play mahjong cannot be taught. A motivated child. "
If parents always binge-watch dramas, play games, and watch short videos, don't blame their children for being addicted to mobile phones;
If parents always drink, play cards, and play mahjong, don't blame their children for always thinking about being lazy and having fun.
I want my children to be self-disciplined. To make progress, parents must first control their own desires.
Just like Wu Yishu’s father, he turns off his mobile phone after 4:30 every day and concentrates on spending time with his children.
There is also a Zhejiang father who has given up television and mobile phones since his daughter entered kindergarten.
Every day, as long as his daughter is studying, he will read or work quietly.
Now, his daughter completes her homework after school every day, and she never needs parental supervision.
So, parents "take care of it" "Self-discipline" is more effective than controlling children 100 times.
When parents are self-disciplined, children can learn self-discipline under the influence of their parents' strict self-discipline.
. Have your own pursuits
I read an interview and a mother still said Her son in kindergarten signed up for 5 training classes.
The reporter asked her why she enrolled her children in so many classes.
She said: This is pretty much what our parents have done in their lives. The competition in society is so fierce now that the more children learn, the better. , he will be more promising in the future, we can count on him in the future!
was so sad after reading it.
If the parents are messing around, why should the children fight?
The best education is: the more progressive the parents are, the better the children will be.
As a parent, if you actively work hard, constantly pursue self-growth, and live out your self-worth, your education will be convincing.
Children can mobilize their inner positive energy and enthusiasm under your influence.
Finally, I would like to share with you a "Kimchi effect":
The same vegetables will taste completely different after being soaked in different water for a period of time.
The behaviors, habits, thoughts, and attitudes of parents in the family are like this jar of "pickle water", which will influence and shape the children in a subtle way.
When raising children, educate yourself first.
When your life makes your children proud, then your children’s future will also make you proud.
So as parents, no matter what age you are, please cultivate yourself persistently and strive to become a better version of yourself.
Every time you grow and progress, it will become the driving force for your children to move forward, leading them to constantly surpass themselves and write their own wonderful chapters.
would like to encourage all parents.
