The greatest wealth a mother can give to her children is not sacrifice everywhere or meticulous care, but optimism and open-mindedness, and living out the way in her heart.
Author | Summer
After watching the popular CCTV drama "My Altay" in one sitting, a unique mother image took deep root in my heart.
is different from the previous mothers who were dedicated, demanding and controlling. Zhang Fengxia played by Ma Yili allowed me to see the most enviable way of life of a mother, and also showed me the most comfortable way of life for her children. Favorable mother-child relationship.
She looks rough and plain, but on the inside she is as heroic and magnanimous as a knight.
She has experienced ups and downs, but she possesses extensive and vigorous vitality.
She is smart and mellow, but relaxed and tolerant in dealing with others.
She appears to be an unreliable mother, but in fact she gives her daughter the best love and the best education.
Having such a mother is the greatest luck in a child's life.
Keep your expectations for your children at the level of blessing
There is a plot in the drama that makes many netizens envious.
Zhang Fengxia's daughter Li Wenxiu was fired from her job in Urumqi, and she felt very frustrated.
After she successfully helped her mother collect debts, she asked her mother suspiciously:
"Look, although I am clumsy, I am still a useful person, right?"
Her mother did not directly praise her as "useful", but calmly said Said:
"What does it mean to be useful? I gave birth to you to serve others?
Look at the trees and grass on this grassland. Some people eat it and others use it, so it is called useful. If no one uses it, it is useless. It’s nice to stay on the grassland like this, so free.”
After hearing her mother’s words, Li Wenxiu’s previous frustration disappeared. She smiled with relief, and her eyes became bright again.
There is a saying:
"There is no parent in the world who does not want their children to live well."
But some parents like to use their own standards and expectations to measure whether their children are living well:
Whether they have been admitted to a prestigious school or whether they have been promoted. Salary increase, have you found a husband...
Few parents can tell their children so relaxedly:
Whether you are successful or ordinary, as long as you are peaceful and happy inside, you will be fine.
Boris Sidis was once called "the smartest man who ever lived."
His parents believed that the human brain, like muscles, could be cultivated and trained.
Therefore, in order to cultivate him into a genius, Kochi's mother did not hesitate to quit her job and stay at home, surrounding his entire childhood life with all kinds of geometry, geography, and foreign language knowledge.
html When he was 02 years old, he could read the "New York Times"; when html when he was 04 years old, he could read "Homer's Epic" in Greek; when html when he was 06 years old, he taught himself anatomy and Aristotle's logic; when html when he was 08 years old, he could read "Homer's Epic" in Greek. , he passed the MIT entrance test; at the age of 11, he officially entered Harvard University.He is known as a true "genius".
But what about the result?
He was turned into a prodigy by his mother and turned into a madman.
He did not enjoy the fun of childhood, did not have a friend, and did not know how to live freely. He often laughed weirdly for a long time, and was sent to the hospital as a mental patient. When
grew up, he did not follow his mother's expectations to become a popular person. Instead, he chose to hide from the public eye and live an ordinary life incognito.
He once said in his book that the unattainable envy of others is more like a "curse" to him, which restricts his freedom and deprives him of his basic happiness as a person.
I am reminded of what Professor Liu Yu of Tsinghua University said:
"What is the correct concept of education?
It is not about cultivating a small grass into a big tree.
It is about cultivating a small grass into a beautiful tree. Grass, a healthy grass. "
Indeed, instead of using your own anxiety and expectations to destroy your child's happiness and acceptance of yourself, it is better to let go of your anxiety and keep your expectations for your child at the level of blessing. superior.
If the child is outstanding, then the sky is high and the birds can fly. If the child is mediocre, then let him be the child.
Parents' full acceptance of their children is the most powerful force for children when they face the ups and downs of life.
Pass on the free and optimistic attitude towards life to your children
Ma Yili once said in an interview that there was a line in "My Altay" that particularly touched her:
"No matter how bumpy your life is, you must live it brightly."
This is the whole story The soul of the show is also the most admirable thing about Zhang Fengxia.
After her husband passed away, she lived a bumpy life alone in the grassland, but there was no trace of sadness on her face. Her enthusiasm and expectation for life remained undiminished, her tolerance and love for her daughter remained unabated, and her pursuit of self and happiness continued. Not reduced.
She often sits on the floor, eating melon seeds and teaching her Kazakh neighbors to speak Mandarin.
She opened a small shop, and people often gave her credit. She was neither angry nor demanding, and always believed in the beauty of human nature.
No matter what the temper of the mother-in-law who suffers from Alzheimer's disease is, she can always coax her mother-in-law with great skill:
The TV set at home is broken, and the mother-in-law insists on watching it, so he builds a square frame with stones to serve as a "television set" ", coaxing my mother-in-law to watch the agricultural channel.
Her mother-in-law got lost and had to go back to Shenyang, so she picked up a small flag and imitated the tour guide, and successfully coaxed her away.
The daughter blamed herself for losing her grandma. She said calmly:
"I often lose her. It would be nice to just pick her up again."
My daughter was sleeping on the bed and I called her loudly, but she remained calm. She said calmly:
"It's not like the sky is falling, but it can also affect my sleep."
She was defrauded by her sweetheart and took away the money for selling goods. She did not complain, accepted and bore the loss calmly, and paid for the black soap seller with her own money. The money was given to the locals.
Her free-spirited wit, tolerance and relaxation can always give people a feeling of comfort like a spring breeze, like drinking nectar. She will never fall into mental exhaustion, and will never use her negative energy to affect the people around her. child.
On the contrary, what she brought to her daughter was always healing, inner peace and open-mindedness.
Psychologist Chen Mo once talked about the case of a college student.
A boy who is 1.8 meters tall and handsome looks always depressed. Anyone who stays with him will feel depressed.
It wasn’t until teacher Chen Mo asked about his family situation that he learned that the boy’s parents had divorced since he was a child and he lived with his mother.
His mother regards him as her only emotional support and controls him tightly. She often vents her frustrations in life and the negative emotions accumulated in her life on him.
From the age of 2 to 20, he was tortured in this life of suppressing negative energy for 18 years, exhausting his innate psychological energy.
I have read this sentence:
"A child who lives in light will not be afraid of darkness even if he is surrounded by darkness one day, because the light in his heart will continuously provide him with energy and give him the ability to compete with it. "
A depressing family environment and a mother full of negative energy will suck the child's energy, destroy the child's inner self-confidence and enthusiasm, and let the child gradually wither in the endless darkness.
A family full of tolerance, trust, encouragement, fun, and positivity, and a mother who is always alive and enthusiastic, can fill the child's heart with sunshine, charge the child at all times, and store energy for the child.
Just as Mo Yan once said in "Mother":
"In our large family with a large population, the mother is the one who works the hardest and the one who suffers the most hunger, but the mother's optimism suddenly makes me Gaining a sense of security and expectations for the future.
This is a solemn promise made by a mother to her worried son. "
Passing on a free and optimistic attitude towards life is the greatest wealth left by parents to their children.
Carve freedom and independence into the hearts of children
Zhang Fengxia seems to be a not very competent mother in the play.
She never cared too much about her daughter's food, clothing, housing and transportation, nor did she keep her daughter by her side to accompany her.
Her daughter's career was not going well and she came back in embarrassment. She knew in her heart that her daughter was a coward outside, so she ignored her and let her daughter slowly find her own direction in life in the freedom of the grassland.
’s daughter loves writing, and she happily supports it.
She never interferes when her daughter falls in love.
She wanted to open the canteen to Summer Ranch, but her daughter disagreed and asked her if she was trying to escape by moving, which made her feel no sense of security at all.
She took a sip of wine and said to her daughter calmly:
"Run away from your mother. If you really don't want to live with me, just go back to the city. What kind of sense of security do you want me to take care of? Don't embarrass your mother."
She firmly practices her independent and free life principles, and at the same time gives her daughter enough freedom, forcing her to learn to be independent in life and develop her dreams in freedom.
Under her influence, her daughter's love for the grassland and life grew day by day, her dream of writing also flourished, and she successfully published her own book.
I remember the famous educator Suhomlinsky said:
"You can't always hold his hand and let him walk independently, so that he can be responsible for himself and form his own attitude towards life."
Mom can't worry A child cannot always live in his mother's arms throughout his life.
are independent of each other and help each other live their own lives. This is undoubtedly the best way for mother and son to get along.
The relationship between the mother Meng Mingwei, played by Xu Fan in " Fireworks ", and her daughter has always been "control and being controlled."
She does not trust her daughter and wants to control her daughter in big and small things:
insists on buying for her daughter The clothes I like;
forced my daughter to cut her bangs according to my own preferences;
My daughter is almost 30, but she always goes through her schoolbag, interferes in her love affairs, forces her daughter to go on a blind date, and goes to her daughter's company to help her on her own initiative Resign...
Her omnipresent worry and control kept her daughter living in a suffocating sense of self-doubt and denial, forcing her daughter to finally get angry and resolutely get back together with her scumbag ex-boyfriend, coldly drawing a clear line with her.
In the end, the mother’s strong desire to control not only restricted the child’s life, but also made her own life a mess.
Chizuru Ueno once said:
"If you want your daughter to be free, the mother herself must also live free."
Steve Jobs also said:
"There is only one core to parenting, which is to live well and be the guide for your children. "
Only when a mother frees herself from anxiety and worry, lives her life wholeheartedly, and becomes a role model for her children can she carve independence and freedom into her children's hearts, allowing them to chase after her and learn from themselves. Live your life well.
This is the most brilliant way of educating a mother.
Song Qingling once said:
"Children's characters and talents are ultimately most deeply influenced by their families, parents, and especially their mothers."
In this world, no one can influence children more profoundly than their mothers.
All the spiritual strength possessed by a mother is a guiding light for her child's growth.
The tolerance and relaxation, freedom and optimism, independence and freedom that mothers give their children are fertile ground for their growth and nourish their lives.
It is no exaggeration to say:
"A good mother is enough to achieve a full life for her children."
I hope that we can all become mothers like Zhang Fengxia who nourish our children throughout their lives.
If the child is outstanding, then the sky is high and the birds can fly. If the child is mediocre, then let him be the child.
Parents' full acceptance of their children is the most powerful force for children when they face the ups and downs of life.
Pass on the free and optimistic attitude towards life to your children
Ma Yili once said in an interview that there was a line in "My Altay" that particularly touched her:
"No matter how bumpy your life is, you must live it brightly."
This is the whole story The soul of the show is also the most admirable thing about Zhang Fengxia.
After her husband passed away, she lived a bumpy life alone in the grassland, but there was no trace of sadness on her face. Her enthusiasm and expectation for life remained undiminished, her tolerance and love for her daughter remained unabated, and her pursuit of self and happiness continued. Not reduced.
She often sits on the floor, eating melon seeds and teaching her Kazakh neighbors to speak Mandarin.
She opened a small shop, and people often gave her credit. She was neither angry nor demanding, and always believed in the beauty of human nature.
No matter what the temper of the mother-in-law who suffers from Alzheimer's disease is, she can always coax her mother-in-law with great skill:
The TV set at home is broken, and the mother-in-law insists on watching it, so he builds a square frame with stones to serve as a "television set" ", coaxing my mother-in-law to watch the agricultural channel.
Her mother-in-law got lost and had to go back to Shenyang, so she picked up a small flag and imitated the tour guide, and successfully coaxed her away.
The daughter blamed herself for losing her grandma. She said calmly:
"I often lose her. It would be nice to just pick her up again."
My daughter was sleeping on the bed and I called her loudly, but she remained calm. She said calmly:
"It's not like the sky is falling, but it can also affect my sleep."
She was defrauded by her sweetheart and took away the money for selling goods. She did not complain, accepted and bore the loss calmly, and paid for the black soap seller with her own money. The money was given to the locals.
Her free-spirited wit, tolerance and relaxation can always give people a feeling of comfort like a spring breeze, like drinking nectar. She will never fall into mental exhaustion, and will never use her negative energy to affect the people around her. child.
On the contrary, what she brought to her daughter was always healing, inner peace and open-mindedness.
Psychologist Chen Mo once talked about the case of a college student.
A boy who is 1.8 meters tall and handsome looks always depressed. Anyone who stays with him will feel depressed.
It wasn’t until teacher Chen Mo asked about his family situation that he learned that the boy’s parents had divorced since he was a child and he lived with his mother.
His mother regards him as her only emotional support and controls him tightly. She often vents her frustrations in life and the negative emotions accumulated in her life on him.
From the age of 2 to 20, he was tortured in this life of suppressing negative energy for 18 years, exhausting his innate psychological energy.
I have read this sentence:
"A child who lives in light will not be afraid of darkness even if he is surrounded by darkness one day, because the light in his heart will continuously provide him with energy and give him the ability to compete with it. "
A depressing family environment and a mother full of negative energy will suck the child's energy, destroy the child's inner self-confidence and enthusiasm, and let the child gradually wither in the endless darkness.
A family full of tolerance, trust, encouragement, fun, and positivity, and a mother who is always alive and enthusiastic, can fill the child's heart with sunshine, charge the child at all times, and store energy for the child.
Just as Mo Yan once said in "Mother":
"In our large family with a large population, the mother is the one who works the hardest and the one who suffers the most hunger, but the mother's optimism suddenly makes me Gaining a sense of security and expectations for the future.
This is a solemn promise made by a mother to her worried son. "
Passing on a free and optimistic attitude towards life is the greatest wealth left by parents to their children.
Carve freedom and independence into the hearts of children
Zhang Fengxia seems to be a not very competent mother in the play.
She never cared too much about her daughter's food, clothing, housing and transportation, nor did she keep her daughter by her side to accompany her.
Her daughter's career was not going well and she came back in embarrassment. She knew in her heart that her daughter was a coward outside, so she ignored her and let her daughter slowly find her own direction in life in the freedom of the grassland.
’s daughter loves writing, and she happily supports it.
She never interferes when her daughter falls in love.
She wanted to open the canteen to Summer Ranch, but her daughter disagreed and asked her if she was trying to escape by moving, which made her feel no sense of security at all.
She took a sip of wine and said to her daughter calmly:
"Run away from your mother. If you really don't want to live with me, just go back to the city. What kind of sense of security do you want me to take care of? Don't embarrass your mother."
She firmly practices her independent and free life principles, and at the same time gives her daughter enough freedom, forcing her to learn to be independent in life and develop her dreams in freedom.
Under her influence, her daughter's love for the grassland and life grew day by day, her dream of writing also flourished, and she successfully published her own book.
I remember the famous educator Suhomlinsky said:
"You can't always hold his hand and let him walk independently, so that he can be responsible for himself and form his own attitude towards life."
Mom can't worry A child cannot always live in his mother's arms throughout his life.
are independent of each other and help each other live their own lives. This is undoubtedly the best way for mother and son to get along.
The relationship between the mother Meng Mingwei, played by Xu Fan in " Fireworks ", and her daughter has always been "control and being controlled."
She does not trust her daughter and wants to control her daughter in big and small things:
insists on buying for her daughter The clothes I like;
forced my daughter to cut her bangs according to my own preferences;
My daughter is almost 30, but she always goes through her schoolbag, interferes in her love affairs, forces her daughter to go on a blind date, and goes to her daughter's company to help her on her own initiative Resign...
Her omnipresent worry and control kept her daughter living in a suffocating sense of self-doubt and denial, forcing her daughter to finally get angry and resolutely get back together with her scumbag ex-boyfriend, coldly drawing a clear line with her.
In the end, the mother’s strong desire to control not only restricted the child’s life, but also made her own life a mess.
Chizuru Ueno once said:
"If you want your daughter to be free, the mother herself must also live free."
Steve Jobs also said:
"There is only one core to parenting, which is to live well and be the guide for your children. "
Only when a mother frees herself from anxiety and worry, lives her life wholeheartedly, and becomes a role model for her children can she carve independence and freedom into her children's hearts, allowing them to chase after her and learn from themselves. Live your life well.
This is the most brilliant way of educating a mother.
Song Qingling once said:
"Children's characters and talents are ultimately most deeply influenced by their families, parents, and especially their mothers."
In this world, no one can influence children more profoundly than their mothers.
All the spiritual strength possessed by a mother is a guiding light for her child's growth.
The tolerance and relaxation, freedom and optimism, independence and freedom that mothers give their children are fertile ground for their growth and nourish their lives.
It is no exaggeration to say:
"A good mother is enough to achieve a full life for her children."
I hope that we can all become mothers like Zhang Fengxia who nourish our children throughout their lives.
